Dance like.....

I get you Elaine.

And Run like........

Phoebe

....I get it. And this year I'd like to do it.
Have to not forget to feed my soul and my spirit.

And btw, I missed saying:

Happy Birthday baby Jesus!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.
I did, those few moments with close ones.
In between though, I must admit, I got drawn into (and still am slightly) the chaos and stress, and lost a bit of that Christmas spirit.

I think it runs deeper than that though, gotta figure whats nagging me and fix it.
Yesterday I was looking back and found an excerpt from my private journal - a year ago, it went like this:
" Like I'm just ebbing on a raft and all I see is where the water horizon meets the sky. Whether I look left or right it looks all the same, and I don't even know which direction the raft is drifting to. No paddle even to at least try to move. Just don't rock the boat and you can continue like this forever as if it is all ok. It doesn't matter that the nostalgia of potential amazing adventures has left and there is no direction anymore."
This bothers me.

A year ahead of trying to be more aware of what is for me and what is not. And changes. Scares me a bit. (actually a lot)
But hopefully instead of the ostrich with its head in the sand, I'll try to face it to see how it is supposed to shape me, and allow it to.

luuuuuurve

love

ləv/

noun

noun: love; plural noun: loves

1. 1.

   an intense feeling of deep affection.

   
   

   "babies fill parents with intense feelings of love"

   
   

   synonyms:

   deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment;More

   antonyms:

   hatred

   • a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.

     
     

     "it was love at first sight"

     
     

     synonyms:

     become infatuated with, give/lose one's heart to; More

   • a personified figure of love, often represented as Cupid.

     noun: Love
   • a great interest and pleasure in something.

     
     

     "his love for football"

     
     

     synonyms:

     liking of/for, enjoyment of, appreciation of/for, taste for, delight for/in, relish of, passion for, zeal for, appetite for, zest for, enthusiasm for, keenness for, fondness for, soft spot for, weakness for, bent for, proclivity for, inclination for, disposition for, partiality for, predilection for, penchant for "her love for fashion"

   • affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one's behalf.

     synonyms:

     best wishes, regards, good wishes, greetings, kind/kindest regards "my mother sends her love"

   • a formula for ending an affectionate letter.

     
     

     "take care, lots of love, Judy"
2. 2.

   a person or thing that one loves.

   
   

   "she was the love of his life"

   
   

   synonyms:

   beloved, loved one, love of one's life, dear, dearest, dear one, darling, sweetheart, sweet, angel, honey; More

   • BRITISHinformal

     a friendly form of address.

     
     

     "it's all right, love"
   • BRITISHinformal

     used to express affectionate approval for someone.

     noun: a love

     
     

     "don't fret, there's a love"
3. 3.

   (in tennis, squash, and some other sports) a score of zero; nil.

   
   

   "love fifteen"

verb

verb: love; 3rd person present: loves; past tense: loved; past participle: loved; gerund or present participle: loving

1. 1.

   feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).

   
   

   "do you love me?"

   
   

   synonyms:

   care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, idolize, worship; More

   antonyms:

   hate

   • like very much; find pleasure in.

     
     

     "I'd love a cup of tea, thanks"

     
     

     synonyms:

     like very much, delight in, enjoy greatly, have a passion for, take great pleasure in, derive great pleasure from, relish, savor; More

     antonyms:

     hate

Well thats a long definition, wiki.
Still, I doubt it tells me much really.
I feel like everyone has some kind of idea of what they think love is, and it is shaped by their experiences and how their nature is, how they accept and take things in.
I will always blame romantic songs and movies and commercials for putting a false sense of what love is in my head.
And what if it is your nature to be a very emotional person? How can you distinguish what is love or what is infatuation?
And when I say I Love coffee Haagen daas icecream, it simply is not the same as when I say I love my mom and dad. And when I love my mom and dad, it is not the same as when I love a lover.
(haha "lover" reminds me of the Saturday night live skits).

I think that I have felt that "love" for a lover a couple times. But still, looking back I doubt if it was true. Something that creeps up on you and it seems out of your control. Deep feelings and genuine care for another person, a strong draw, like a magnet, despite trying to look away or ignore it or the usual convincing myself it is nothing, it sucks you in and before you know it, there you are, in the thick of it all.

Ed Sheeran - Perfect Symphony (with Andrea Bocelli)

.... Ah how music can just take you away, to feelings you've never felt, places you have never been, and to imagined situations you have never conceived of ... such a beautiful feelings it can create out of no where.



Good or bad thing? I am not sure yet. Same as I blamed all those stupid lovey dovey movies when I was younger into making me delusional about what is really out there...

Pinterest spilleth over......

I think I will post these quotes here than in Pinterest.......




Or if they can't, at least they will offer to help fix them and own up to their responsibility instead of inconveniencing others due to their broken commitment.





Interesting how there is a weird balance of sticking up for yourself or how you feel to prevent things that eat away at you, or "keeping the peace" for the sake of trying to be understanding and empathetic - even when the other is not the same toward you in a particular situation.

A few years back when I was working during university, I went out with a slightly older lady who was a coworker friend for icecream. I ordered, then she ordered second, then quickly insisted that she pay for me. Though it is minor I couldn't help but feel like saying, "Thank you, ok next time I will cover you."
She quickly said "what? Is this how it is? I owe you then you owe me, are we counting? You should not count, I paid for you cause I wanted to treat you, not because I expect anything back, there are no turns, that's how it should be. There shouldn't be any counting"
It kinda made me think about how true that is. Why do we do things for others? Hopefully not because it is for show, or because it is the thing we "should" do. This had somewhat been in the back of my mind since then. So I try not to count things in relationships.

But when someone accuses you of not doing enough for them and proceeds to count all the things they have done for you.... unfortunately the relationship just starts to become about just that, counting. If they accuse you of not being thoughtful or not spending enough time with them or give you a hard time for spending time with others - yet you do not do that to them, I feel they should keep themselves in check. What they expect from others they should instead do for others and what they do for others they should NOT expect from others. If that makes any sense.

yogurt - gluten free, dairy free, soy free but not YUMMY free!

So I like to record all the yum dairy free and gf and egg free stuff on this blog every now and then.

I must say I have tried some real horrible cheeses and mac and cheese and whatever else substitutes they create out there. And the usual substitute of SOY can still be quite inflammatory....

So the latest is by Daiya. Who makes a HORRIBLE soy cheese that I personally feel tastes like plastic.

However, they make a deeelish coconut Yogurt! Now, not like other coconut yogurts I have tasted, they only have the yogurt bacteria but may not have the Calcium added. So just a note if you are looking for the calcium part of yogurt this maybe missing.
But particularly their blueberry greek yogurt is something I would get again.

Try it!

So a Greek orthodox, a Shiite, a Sunni, a Christian and a Catholic walk into an Antique store.....

.... and so the jokes go!
And it was laughs, cries, dancing, cooking and eating all weekend long.
We were just missing one other friend, who would round off the variety as an Atheist. I've already given her the heads up on another gathering, she is a hoot!

A couple weeks ago I had a gals weekend cottage get together with my old classmates from 17 yrs ago. Sure some of us kept in touch with one another here and there, and we may have run into each other at conferences or workshops.

But this gathering was a surprising blast!

As one of my friends said, "it's just like we are back in school, getting together at Second Cup on Fridays after clinic, talking about school and teachers and life again".
I say, timing is everything and we were really glad those grind days were over and as much as we liked each others company back then, by the time we graduated we had enough and were ready to move on into the working & making money world, no need to keep in touch! I guess we had to have so much time off and life experiences before coming all together again and truly enjoying every moment.

I didn't think much of it when my bf said to have some deep conversations with them before the weekend started.

But that we did! We come from different backgrounds and as much as we work in the same profession, there is still a variety of private and public clinic environments, large and small clinics. Some came from strict families, broken families and loving ones. Some are married, divorced, dating, single, have children, can't have children and are childless. Some have homes, cottages, condos. Some believe in a God, a greater being, are strong in their faith, question it, doubt it and have rejected their faith and are just spiritual.

I can't really pinpoint any specific Ohm instances, but what we did enjoy the most was that we were free to say what was happening in our lives; with no big judgement; no implied suggestions on how to live life or what to believe; no measuring tapes; no competition of who has the most or is more successful; no envy of have and not haves, but more inspiration to what is possible; lots of encouragement; admiration for each other and where we all were in life, even if we aren't all exactly where we want to be; acceptance of our odd personalities/quirks/humor; maybe even got a better understanding of why each person is the way they are due to their obstacles in life; a lot of respect for each other and dare I say, love and thankfulness that we know each other.

It makes me wonder what is it that draws certain people together and others apart or not draw them together at all? Their values? Kindness? Generosity? Sense of Humor? Sense of fun? Sense of fairness? Sense of reason? Life values? Unsaid understanding of each other? What makes us enjoy someone's company and conversation? What makes one bring out the best or the good in another person? What is the connection?
If I can just pinpoint this specifically and narrow it down to a science, maybe even with all the differences in this wide world, we could be that much closer to peace.

Ohmmm. Amen.

diary free

I am still thinking about this cheesecake - nearly a month later!
Too bad it has nuts in it, for my niece and nephews sake. Because it is so good I just want to give this to everyone!
Recipe here .... I have yet to try making this ... when I have a spare 4 hrs to kill...
Thanks Doug McNish!

In other news, our Prime Minister cried today...

#saveChristmas #savethespiritofchristmas

Text from a friend, in our group thread yesterday:

D :
"So my work Xmas party is called 'non denominational holiday gathering' (eye roll emoji)
      And we're doing  a gift exchange. So here are a few things I saw that I can give as my gift" (angel emoji)

D:

 "and the best one...."

Another friend, K, (Hindu, if you need to ask) commented.

K :

"haha. Go for it. Yes it bothers me that it's not called Christmas. Christ was born on the day therefore its not Ramadan it's not Diwali its Christmas ugh. Annoying."

-------------------------------

A good 5 yrs ago or so, I had a patient wish me Merry Christmas and handed me a little present, as she always did each year around the same time. Mrs. S was about 85yrs old at that time. She is Jewish and  from South Africa. This particular year she told me that it is a shame what she has been noticing, how people are trying to get rid of the word Christmas from this day. She went on to say, that she is not sure who is being "offended" because if someone said Merry Christmas to her she would not be offended. She would simply say that she doesn't celebrate it but thank you, you too. 

-------------------------------

About 2 or 3 years ago another separate patient of mine wished me a Merry Christmas during his appointment. He was about 70 yrs old at that time and also Jewish. "It's terrible what they are doing to you guys" I asked what he meant. "You know, what they are trying to do to Christmas, to stop saying it and all. It's pretty bad. That you are not allowed to say it anymore." 

--------------------------------

So it  makes me wonder.... Who really is being offended, and what exactly is the offence that is being done to them? I've heard it all "politically correct" , "some people are offended because they used to be religious (particularly christian or catholic) and now they are not." "you are offending all the people that do not celebrate christmas" "people are feeling left out". "its not being inclusive". 

Lets stop for some simple reflection beyond what the status quo accepts without critical thinking. 

Political correctness. Questions to ponder. What is so political about a religious holiday or celebration? Or is it simply that they (politicians I assume?) are trying to make a religious holiday or celebration more political for their own benefit? And if so, how can we also make Hannukah, Diwali, and Ramadan more political too? Do religious celebrations have to be political? And what purpose would it benefit to eliminate the religious name from this celebration, what can they gain?

Used to be Christian or Catholic. Ok that is their own personal journey. No one is forcing them to celebrate Christmas. No one is forcing them to go to Mass. Why eliminate the name of it? Maybe they choose not to celebrate it at all. That's ok. Or maybe they want to still celebrate it (not the religious part of it) but want to participate in the unfortunate diversion from the meaning of Christmas - the consumerism aspect is what draws them to it. Then do so, call it what you like to yourself - holiday, gift giving gift getting, winter celebration - whatever you want to call it.... but do not force that on others, do not force others to get rid of it just because you did yourself. Heck if every vegan forced meat eaters to only eat like they did..... 

Offending all people. From the above examples it is obvious that Christmas is not offending those that do not celebrate it themselves. If I celebrate my birthday with my friends and family in a restaurant, shall I stop because it is offending all the other patrons in the restaurant who are not celebrating their birthday that day? And to top it off I give them a day off of work, is that offensive? In fact, for the most part, those that do have their own religious celebrations seem to respect other religious celebrations. That is what it comes down to, isn't it? Respect. Respect of other people's religions, even if it is not of your own belief. Though it is true that, in any religion or without a religion, no one  should tolerate disrespect of a human being. How is it that Christmas itself is disrespecting a fellow human being? 

People feeling left out. Actually, during this time (though unfortunate because it should be all the time) is when people start to give. To notice more people in need, more Christmas dinners, Christmas present and food drives being held for those who are hungry and those who are lonely. I have a couple who are patient's of mine who invite all those that they know who are possibly going to be alone during this time. They open their doors to those in need. Though it should be everyday that this is being done, what other times do people tend to do this (Thanksgiving, Easter...). In fact the stores are packed and parties galore around this time, so it seems to me that people want to be a part of this celebration. And what is great about it, is that they can, no one is policing them to say NO you cannot do this because you do not have the right religious denomination, no one is saying they are not allowed. Are they afraid to celebrate it because they feel that they are being forced to accept all the religious beliefs that go with it?

Inclusive. In a day and age as this time we call NOW, everyone is more aware of being culturally sensitive, diverse, open to other cultures, other religions, other practices. In Canada apparently we pride ourselves on our diversity and acceptance. Well how is it then when it appears to be intolerant of a specific religion, a specific "holiday". I have been to stores to buy my Christmas cards and it is becoming harder and harder to find cards that say Christmas. Why is it ok to eliminate this word for this special day and yet we do not eliminate other religious holiday words? You can be passive about it and say "who cares what you call it" but it actually means something to the people who celebrate it, and it simply does not seem fair. You do not have to be Christian or Catholic to celebrate Christmas or the spirit of Christmas, nor do you have to be a certain culture or nationality or skin colour to be Christian or Catholic.  But call the day like it is.

Christmas.

And everyone is welcome to celebrate the Spirit of Christmas. 

Inclusive

I think there are a lot of people who grow up not knowing the meaning of inclusive.
Even in simple conversation or in passing a familiar person in a hallway or in group settings or even when addressing strangers.
Maybe it is even worse in the ever growing selfie society we have. Pretty much paying attention mostly to ourselves than those around us. Whats mine is mine and not yours.

Just a thought for the day, and to be specific, this moment.

Anyhow carry on with your day!

Anyway.....

Well, another year has passed and for some strange reason I am thankful and humbled.
I really feel I don't deserve this much attention.

Yet I am filled with a bit of anxiety still. Another year brings a little reflection of where I am not and where I want to be, what I want to do, what it is I have done so far, where am I going, all wrapped into one anxiety ball. I've been hearing about living in the present, through all the de-stress meditation guidelines that have been floating around. Easier said than done I suppose. This year ahead will bring some changes too in the workplace. Hopefully they will only be pushes toward positive notes in the end, but I can't help but to feel sad....

I guess unfortunately with all this anxiety and maybe other things I have not yet reflected upon, it has resulted in .............. road rage ! haha but not really haha.
I've been a bit agitated, cursing other drivers, the traffic, weather and such all in the comfort of my "sound proof " car, and gesturing to other agitated drivers in the silent film / universal sign-language mode we are all familiar with....
It all makes me wonder, whats been bugging me lately?! Whats up with my temper? I chalk it down to the anxiety ball that I mentioned earlier or maybe the sad state of the world that I cannot change, yet it seems so strange given the fact that I am pretty darned thankful for a lot of things in my life....

Anyhow, it doesnt help that my agitation is being spread to others in this world. Hopefully I can keep myself in check.
Yesterday evening I came across this during mass:

Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

This vegan, dairy free stuff is .... yummy?!

Hard to believe huh.
I've been reading lately how dairy can be bad for you. It kinda makes sense. The only milk that we were meant to drink was from our mama's and it is supposed to be filled with stuff to make us grow strong and natural immune helping stuff .....
The milk from cows and other animals helps that baby animal grow... and lately has been pumped with antibiotics and growth hormones etc....
And those who are lactose intolerant or have some kinda intolerance to dairy well - we know the side effects of that....

So, I've been open to these non dairy but dairy like foods lately.
Except soy - only in moderation. It is an inflammatory food.

This is what I have found to be pretty good so far:

Loblaw's Earth Island: dairy free, soy free cheddar and mozzarella (btw, the Daiya products taste pretty gross, do not accidentally get that brand).
 
Doug McNish's Public Kitchen: I've only tried the butternut squash Mac and Cheese and the cashew lemon cheesecake. Wow! I'd eat these even if I was not dairy sensitive. I cannot wait to try more from here. All vegan, mostly gluten free.

Planta: Fancy dancy resto with some gluten free and vegan dishes - so creative and tasty!

Dear Diary...

I was supposed to be clearing up the clutter of my old room at my folks place this weekend and got distracted by reading some of my old journals/diaries (Yea I had many books ha). Kinda cute thoughts I guess. Did not realize that I seemed to talk about boys a lot. I've always thought I did not care too much about them. Though in my defence, my journal was used for only big feelings and thoughts so they just seem concentrated in one place, not reflective of my everyday life back then.

It was weird reading some things and remembering stuff. But what was weirder is my take on things now based on what I wrote then and looking at it from afar.

What I came up with is that some girls are just mean girls. Little things that I said in a "oh, humm it is interesting that they said that" to now "wow, they were just being little bitches".
I wouldn't consider myself the naive type back then by far, in fact thoughtful, sensitive and intuitive though quiet, but there are some things I either just let slide or I am thankful I was oblivious to back then.

Funny how when fb started you just add everyone you know, people from your past that you never really hung out with to begin with. Looking at the mean girls back then and how they are now, I wonder how much they grew out of that childish phase. I wonder what it is they are passing on to their kids. If their kids are just as self centred as they were growing up or if they found some piece of kindness and thoughtfulness that they somehow taught their kids to be. It would be good to know that goodness is being spread into society these days. 

banana chips

Growing up eating those thick sliced, caramel coated, sugary banana chips.... I got pretty sick of them pretty fast.

Thats why when my mom handed me these, just because they said "gluten free", I thought - meh, not again...

But! I must say they are pretty good, salty and not so banana-ey. A good substitute for potato chips. And it says on the package that Plantains are considered a fruit when ripe but a vegetable when not ripe due to their low sugar content.

Yet another good snack I will record on here.

Tumeric tea

When I first heard this, it sounded gross.
But the aches as I age have forced me to try anything.

So here goes this...

Its actually not that bad. And I did not even need any honey with my coffee-house-pre-sweetened coconut milk.

Hopefully I won't spill this tumeric tea on my white couch! (If I say it out loud it will not happen).
That Sh#t stains everything!

public speaking

I was asked if I would be interested in a Public speaking training course.
I did attend one quite a few years back because I know how extremely shy I am. Heck I even get anxious meeting a big group of people, though I know this is different.

I was trying to look up the course and found this article instead.

Here is a snippet:

In his essay “Writing and Speaking” Paul Graham noted something very important that is tangentially related to Berkun’s point, i.e., good writing is rooted in good thinking, while good speaking needn’t necessarily be. [1] A good speaker who is motivating and passionate can often convince people of silly things despite glaring logical inconsistencies, a good writer doesn’t have this luxury. Graham makes this point as follows: “As you decrease the intelligence of the audience, being a good speaker is increasingly a matter of being a good bullshitter.” There is undoubetdly some truth to that claim, I’m just not sure how much.

Such a coincidence that I was texting a friend about the latest political inadequacies surrounding our area at the moment. Question being how so many things can just simply not make any sense... Ah, now I see.

Hooked on Alone

Somehow I got hooked on watching Alone.
Currently behind - only on to season 3.

There was this spacey earthy chick - Callie North.
When we were first introduced to her, she skinny dipped into the lake.
How impractical!
Immediately I thought (as I rolled my eyes) - that she was so flakey, without any substance.
Well was I ever wrong!
A few episodes in she proved to be pretty great and to be honest, inspiring!

Her connection to nature, calm determination, patience and resilience in times of stress....
all qualities I wish to have. It got me questioning what gives us our individual innate disposition - the one we are born with. How much does nature vs. nurture influence us in the end? How much of it can we control.

Pretty cool show over all if you give it a chance, reflects a lot on humanity and survival and brings us back to the basic Hierarchy of needs.
Much appreciated in today's ever growing consumerism.

(and on cue, even before October 31, we will see them jingle bell adverts....wait for it.... ha)

Thems the rules

When a certain rule is changed to centre out or penalize a certain group unjustly, and it doesn't affect you negatively, but them negatively, though they have followed the rules....

To sit by and say - that is ok, because it does not affect me,
it is like saying:
Well I know my date was rude to the cab driver, or the waiter, but he is so sweet to me, so it is ok....

Cause you know one way or another, eventually it will be your turn to be on the receiving end of that rudeness or penalization.

something for nothing

It surprises me when a patient comes into the clinic wanting me to fix what is wrong but refuses to comply to the treatment if it involves a slight change in their lifestyle.

You are injured, REST the area - "NO! I cannot rest it, just fix it"
Its funny she did not even seem to be listening to my explanation of her injury and why she needs to rest it.

Our bodies are amazing in that they are made to heal itself, so long as you allow it to.
Your life style is already affected by this injury, yet you wish to take no down time to heal it, just want it fixed today and carry on with life as if you were never injured to begin with...

Maybe she wanted a bandaid medication to "fix" it?
She bought into this quick "fix" mentality
Maybe she is just frustrated with her own life and needs to express to me how hard up she is and how much this is holding her back from her busy life.
Maybe she is just impatient.

It surprises me how much people take health for granted, and are not willing to put in the effort or costs into staying healthy.

step 1

Don't they say that the first step to fixing a problem is to admit that there is a problem to begin with?
If you say, you can't say there is a problem because you will hurt their feelings or you are being judgmental, then you are not admitting there is a problem. And the person with a problem will not see that there is anything wrong and they will not strive to change or become better.
Ignoring it or allowing it to happen is not admitting there is a problem.
And if the problem is harming that person or others then it means there really is a problem.

SO I am not following the logic when they say do not say that there is a problem, do not judge, do not hurt people's feelings.
Its just the only way people can learn to be better though....

Defies logic.

show me how it works

I need this to be explained to me:

Oh you failed math, ok we will give you another chance.
And then you fail again, and again and again.
More chances and more chances to do the same thing.
But its ok to not study more or go back and see what you did wrong.
Because what is the point when you know there will be another free chance.
This can keep going on forever until you just get tired and never feel the need to pass anyways.
Why even strive to learn? What is the incentive. What is the motivation?

But I wonder if you knew you would not be given another chance.
That the consequence was failure and not passing. And that you need to pass to improve yourself.
To get to the next level of learning and to understand the world around you more and to get a job and to earn money and to .... everything else down the chain.
Would that be motivation? Incentive? The idea that failing is a bad thing and that succeeding is a good thing.

But if you are given chances and not taught what was the mistake or what was wrong. Not able to learn from failure. Not even to be told that failure was a bad thing, that it had consequences. That all our actions had consequences. Even told that failure was ok, it was ok to not learn to not strive to improve yourself, that there was no goal, just to be.

I am not sure what the whole point of it is all.

Someone please explain this system of complacency.

365 of beautiful

http://365grateful.com/

This is wonderfully beautiful.

A couple years ago I posted something that I was thankful for everyday for about 40 days.
I've been wanting to do that again, but this outdated blog medium has been making it difficult for me to instantaneously post right from my phone (hence only the online pics I have been posting).
Well, I should find a way...

Fall is a weird time. End of summer, impending winter. The sun still beaming warmly at the same time the crisp cool air rushes through. It seems to arrive and make it's presence too abruptly. Then theres that fall smell. Hard to describe it - that smell that tells you that everything outside, the ground, the trees, the grass, the air, and in the city - the concrete -  was chilly cold while you were sleeping at night, even though the day turns out to be much warmer. That feeling of school starting up again, which still makes me anxious. Then memories as of late come flooding in, of things that have happened in the past falls/autumns, whether it be romantic or hopeful or despair or loneliness. I read an article on nesting last week; the feeling singletons get in the fall of settling down to bear the winter ahead. And even though I may not be going through those now, its weird how those memories are strong during this season. Who knows, it can also all culminate to the fact I become another year older. Time seems to be zipping by and I'd just like to savor every moment. Maybe fall is here to remind me to slow down and reflect a little more.

Short of it...

My name is kinda long. Kinda.

Of course friends and family call me by my separate short nicknames, and each cannot use the other apparently... because it just feels weird (ie. you automatically get viewed as a cousin or brother or aunt if you call me by the family nickname.)

Anyhow, when someone that is in either camp calls me by my full name - it feels so formal.... like I am in trouble or a stranger or something....

Just a strange thought of the day... carry on...

Elections....

Here I was getting excited because I thought the next Mayoral elections for T.O would be this October!

Sad that I have to wait a year for this.

I'm pretty much ready to vote now.

Early ballots anyone?

My Chai

In my attempt to get rid myself of caffeine, yet have that special mid-day or morning drink every now and then I randomly tried a Chai Latte (with almond milk) at the coffee shop near my work.

OOH! it has become my new fav drink! Move over - my other fav drinks: homemade amaretto hot chocolate, licorice spice tea, bengel spice tea ....

Today I snooped and took at look at the Chai milk container.

I will share it here just to keep it on record. I am presently attempting to track down which grocery store sells this product, if it is even sold in one. 

So delicious! No preservatives. Though this is made with black tea (hence still with caffeine) they also have a Rooibos chai which I hope to find (caffeine free). 

AANND its a Canadian based company!
http://chaico.com/crafting/ 

A mushy poem (or rambling) for yer er-day

I like your face.
I would like to see it every day.
I like your eyes.
I would like to see them smile every day.
I like your hands.
I would like to hold them every day.
I like your lips.
These I wish to kiss every day.
I like your voice.
I would like to hear it every day... even if I may not listen too well.
I like your strong arms.
I would like to get lost in their embrace every day
I like your chest.
Here is where I would like to rest my head and hear your heart beat every day
I like your warmth.
I would like to be engulfed in it every day.
I like it all.
I never wish to tire of this nor take it for granted... every day.

more on coffee.. not so evil?

I have coffee stains on my fingers and on my scalp.
I hope this will not affect my sleep.
Enough said.

March 6, 2006

Excerpt from my personal blog... and oldie and a quote I mention every now and then...

To be Loved alone

Today I heard that the biggest diseases of our society is : Hunger and loneliness

My older brother said that once. It rings in my head every now and then.

Loneliness as one of the biggest sickness in our society. Until then I never even would have thought of loneliness as a "sickness" that people "suffer" from. But its very true.
Alot of people suffer from it.
I see it everyday at work, when I see seniors. It is a given when we grow older our friends die and our family becomes too busy (that is if we have a family).
But sometimes I think that if you are young and already lonely, how much more will you suffer from it as you age.
Isnt it odd how the overall population of the world is growing greater and cities are becoming over populated and yet despite this fact, it remains that loneliness is rampant everywhere.

Everyone, even the most reclusive, I believe, longs to be loved, longs to be heard, longs to be noticed by someone.
No matter how "independent" someone claims to be, we all have this longing inside us. I dont think that anyone can associate loneliness with anything happy.
And I'm not only talking about loneliness in the physical sense. One can be lonely in a crowded room, with friends and family, in a marriage, in a relationship.
We not only wish to be loved by people in general, we long to be loved by that ONE someone.

I read in a book once:

For the error bred in the bone 
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone. 
-Gift From The Sea - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Not so sure now if I would agree on those as being the biggest diseases/ sicknesses of society.
There are much more in my opinion.
But I would definitely put loneliness up in the top 10.
I think maybe it would be safe to say that it could be the root cause of other diseases or behaviors.

Cowspiracy

There's a saying somewhere about buying a cow vs. free milk...

I say, Milk is bad for you!

... and heck, so is the cow apparently....

Can't wait to watch the documentary cowspiracy....

but first gotta fill up on .... beef burgers, meatballs and steaks....

I did not say that...

When you look at your pinterest and find out that you also pinned other people's quotes below the pin... Nope not my words!
Edit that.

Evil Coffee

Though I do love coffee icecream, I'm not a big coffee drinker. I cannot stand that harsh bitter taste that most seem to have. I have been searching for that smooth coffee with deep flavor and no bite. Just like in Costa Rica. Recently went to a coffee resource place in Oakville and learned that I have been ordering it all wrong. Light coffee is actually more bitter than dark roasted.

Anyhoots, I am glad I am not addicted.

During a 10 day sleep info event on FMTv online I learned that coffee, the stimulant that it is, actually disrupts sleep even if you drink it in the morning and it affects your normal cortisol cycles throughout the day.....(just nerded out there).
So lately I have been avoiding it, as minimal as I used to have it.

Today I went against what I have learned and for a quick fix/ pick me up, something to fill my hungry breakfast-less stomach I just decided to get a no-foam latte.

BIG mistake.

The morning gong-show ensued:

Drip onto my desk.
I thought, oh maybe just some excess coffee that was on the outside of the cup before I put the lid on.
Drip on to my fingers. Strange.
Inspection of the lid does not result in finding any other openings.
As I drank my coffee through the sipping hole of the disposable coffee cup lid, I realized there was a leak somewhere.
Drip drip.....
Well after the 4th random drip, I make a mental note:.... I am wearing one of my fav white blouses.
So Joss, Do not get any on your.......... Gah ! dammit!
Two coffee stains on my white top.
One drop stain that seemed to be even dry already!
Quick, take it off, nearly pulling out my bobby pin, producing crazy hair lady.
Put on scrub top to prevent half naked lady from scrambling around the clinic.
Rush to the sink and rinse with water and soap.
Scrub scrub scrub.
More soap and scrubbing until it appears to be cleared.
Ok now I am left with my front blouse see through and soaking wet.
I need to dry it.
I wring it and patt it down with loads of paper towel.
This is not drying it fast enough.
And this is stretching and deforming my rayon blouse.
Hey, the ortho room has a heat gun!
I have been burned by this before so another mental note: I know to be super duper careful. Right, right?
Setting on low, the heat gun only blows out cold air.
So setting on high and keep it a good distance away from my blouse and keep it moving...
Almost dry, it is working!
Hey... whats that over there??....
My eyes get distracted for a millisecond and when I look at my blouse it has a burn mark on it!
UGH!
It looks like a brown smear mark.... (no other explanation there).
Rush back to the water in hopes that soap and water will clear things up.
Surprisingly it lightens the burn mark.
I need something more, this burn stain mark is worse than the coffee...
Hey hydrogen peroxide clears stains - bleaches them white.
So my morning is spent searching the clinical floor for hydrogen peroxide.

And as I sit here soaking my one of my favorite, now ruined, white blouses in peroxide, I cannot help but think....

That my mental notes this morning were pretty darn useless, and

how this ordeal is more proof of how evil evil evil coffee is, in soooo many ways.....

Stay away kids. Just say no to coffee.

Ruin

Life aint always peachy.

But it definitely does have some beautiful extraordinary moments.

I've come across a few people in my life who've seemed to have it hard. 

But over the years for certain particular peeps, enough time has past to make me see the whole picture.

The people that seem to constantly attract terrible things or terrible people in their lives and it seems to be the world is against them .... there appears to be one constant. Themselves. 

You can exit their life, then years and years pass, and when you see them again, nothing has changed, the same misery, the same woe-is-me, the same blame of others around them, the same victim role and it is never.... ever their own fault. 

It is pretty sad really, but amazingly it is quite freeing to not put up with it anymore. 

Friendship is a connection you have, the quality, not a tolerance, and definitely not defined by the quantity of time you have known them. You may have connected with them for an instant in time, but that does not mean you connect now or for all the years. Simply put, it ran it's course.

2010 was the most loneliest year for me, but out of that, I was pushed out of my shy comfort zone and out came amazing things and wonderful people, and has made me cherish and appreciate those that I have even more. 

I've never liked the cheese-ball movie and book : Eat, Pray Love. 

But this quote stands true to me:

"Ruin is a gift, Ruin is the way to transformation." - Elizabeth Gilbert.

Today there is a Solar Eclipse...

Apparently it happens every 99 yrs....

In light of the Solar eclipse and a band I never heard of until this weekend and one of my fav. oldie mushy songs....



I give you this:

quote of a quote of a quote....

This morning in my super short commute I heard the radio station talking about Obama's most liked Tweet, it is a beautiful quote:

"No one is born hating another person because of the colour of their skin or his background or religion...People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, For love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite." - Nelson Mandela 

And the station followed this up with this:

Man in the Mirror - MJ

(aaaand that just almost made me cry .... :) )

health

A reminder of the definition:

health

helTH/

noun

1. the state of being free from illness or injury.

   "he was restored to health"

   synonyms:

   well-being, healthiness, fitness, good condition, good shape, fine fettle;  strength, vigor, wellness "he was restored to health"

   • a person's mental or physical condition.

     "bad health forced him to retire"

     synonyms:

     physical state, physical shape, condition, constitution "bad health forced him to retire"

I am banging my head trying to understand certain concepts to health, health promotion, prevention, treatment etc. I think that this basic concept of what health means has been skewed to benefit others but fails to address the health of the individual themselves.
There are so many underlying aspects to health and causes of unhealthiness, that the quick fix seems to be a better more convenient route than to delve deep into the complexity of the root causes.

Anyhow, for me, it has come down to the question "Are you helping a person become more healthy, or are you enabling them the remain in a state of unhealthiness?" Band aid solutions do not address the cause, they just prolong the inevitable, or even make things worse in the long run.  

Seems pretty basic to me.

It is a losing battle to try to compete with a mind that assumes your intentions, and refuses to give you the benefit of the doubt. You have lost before you even started.

Summerland 2015 Musical: Opening again!

Well, this is an oldie, but a goodie!

For a few years now I have been checking out the Toronto Fringe.

Pretty cool way to see all these tiny theatres around the city and support the arts and talent in the area.

Some shows are a hit and there are some that are a miss as well. From established acting groups to amateurs, musicals to comedy to drama to simply strange.

It is fun and a cheap way to get some thrills around the city haha. I do recommend!



One show in particular "Summerland" I still keep talking about. I was totally blown away by it. The grandness of the production and how it kept my interest throughout. From the instant you got onto the grounds (which was a downtown highschool) you were experiencing the play - with actors as students all over the lawn in their cliques while you lined up to get your ticket, to the students doing selfies by their lockers on your way to the auditorium.



It was pretty cool and a few weeks later I saw an Ed Mirvish play "Once" which literally put me to sleep and actually put the lady beside me to sleep, so depressing and monotonous in comparison to this Fringe for only 12$. That tells you something!



Anyhow, Fringe is over for this year in T.O and I did see an entertaining array of skits "True North Mixtape" by the same company, though it was not as grand and did not have a particular storyline. They did play a song by "Summerland" which I was trying to find - but instead found this clip.

There is also Fringe Ottawa and Hamilton... I should reco this more...

To peanut butter, or not to peanut butter?

I was talking with my gfs lately about the ever growing idea in society of "MY RIGHTS".

My human rights to do whatever I want, to say whatever I want, to believe whatever I want, to protect my own interests beyond anyone else around me, because I have a right to protect my right because I am right and you're not right but only I can be right. Right?

Let's face it. This shit has gone over board. 

This trend is basically, surely but slowly, eliminating any ounce of personal responsibility that a person may have. 

Not only for their own actions, 

but how they treat and care for others around them. 

It is basically feeding into this ME and LOOK OUT FOR ME, selfish society. 

I'm going to take this time to talk about my personal beef. I do not like to beef on this supposedly light hearted, though non-vegan,  random info blog of mine, but today I will. 

It is a fact, for some reason (possibly the growing toxins we put in and on our foods and environment - just guessing), there is an increase in children who have allergies. 

This isnt even simple ragweed-sniffles-and-rashes-kind-of-allergies. 

This is anaphylactic - your precious child can freakin DIE kinda allergies. 

So because of this, in many schools they have been informing parents to not send their children to school with any peanut snacks or peanut butter. 

Of course, because peanuts apparently are some sort of desperate necessity for some children's culinary upbringing - this has some parents screaming about their child's RIGHTS. (see, another form of the "MY RIGHTs syndrome"). 

I've read comments from supposedly, liberal, open-minded, accepting-everyones-differences, modern, "educated" parents about how their kids should not SUFFER because of some other kid's allergies. 

Yes. That is right. Their kids are SUFFERING without peanut butter at school. (has nothing to do with at home btw). They are falling over, shaking at their desks and in the playground, starving in the corners of their classrooms, unable to learn, to laugh, to play, to move, to eat, because they are SUFFERING from this lack of peanut butter. 

This anaphylactic allergy is not a preference, btw. Its not a religious choice, it is not a  decision a kid comes to realize at a certain age and a choice they happened upon. They are born with it. And cannot change it. It is a proven physical health condition. A potential medical emergency. 

These kids of course are educated about their allergy, informed and learn to take precautions at an early age. This is their parents responsibility when the kids are young and learned by the kids themselves. They are full aware of it. 

But what happens when the kids are still learning? When they are so very young? What safety precautions are there when they are away from their parents and still so tiny?

This basically means, if your kid, in kindergarden, who is too small to understand anything yet, gets peanut butter on her hands and shares cookies or touches the table of her class mate that has this allergy, and that class mate happens to put this contamination in their mouths. The child can DIE. Even if they have an epi-pen and are technically mature in dexterity to administer it themselves or have the time and non closed up vocal cords to tell their teacher who administers the epi- pen. They can still have a chance of death. 

But no, no, lets mind the RIGHTS of those kids that need peanut butter at school. They are practically dying for the taste of it at school. Right?

So the answer to my question above: NOT TO. Jerk.