The lull after Christmas....

Bees wax tea candle, mis-matched bone china tea cup and saucer, and my licorice spice tea.  Looks pretty and feels cozy to me. 

Merry Christmas!

... A bit belated.

Storing up fresh rosemary and thyme...

... Does this mean I'll be cooking more this year?

Perhaps.

If you don't look at the other ziplock bag of frozen herbs I stored a year ago that I haven't used yet.

But hey, these prepped herbs are pretty to photograph right? 

Mom made a delicious barley stuffing for the pork roast we had on Christmas Eve... Can't wait to make it and post the recipe soon.

Just today....

Today it seems like I'm just starting to see  that I can be a pretty great catch.

Hoping that if ever there would be one that I would like, that he could see that too :) 

A River runs through it.

Which is it :

A) a 1992 movie directed by Robert Redford.

B) my bladder every time I drink a glass of water. 

But I need to drink more water....

Overdosed

.... On chocolate mini gluten free brownies.

For the second day in a row. 

I bought it myself.

Ugh. 

When are the lovely Christmas treats from patients coming? 

Have to stock up my cabinet again.

Or maybe they are on to me.

I've been bad this year :( 

Scones!

Its either hit or miss with these chunks of sweet dough.

I've never been so excited to try out a new recipe for scones.

If this ain't a hit then I'm done. 

I'll just buy or have some at high tea from now on. 

Stay tuned... Or not. Whatever.

Eeeeeee !

(Yes, I do need a life.) 

I'm offended that you're offended that they are offended.

It seems that there is an ever growing culture and way of thought that people are either becoming too liberal for the sake of not wanting to offend people. So much so that it's getting pretty re-donk-u-lus!!!

Ridiculous.

It's getting out of hand people. 

Stop it.

Just say it like it is. 

Everyone should grow some balls. 

Gez. 

Screw you, weather man. Screw you!

Really? 

Less than 12 hrs ago you said 0% possibility of precipitation, 0% POP.

Zero

Nada

Dry as a bone 

Now, just before I was to enjoy my bike ride back home, the ground is soaking wet and it is still raining.

What job in the world do we always - always excuse for being wrong.

Dead wrong.

And no.... It's 'ok' for them.

It affects our lives but no 'it's ok for them to be wrong in their profession '.

And they do it often.

I mean, if a surgeon was wrong and amputated the wrong leg or heck even amputed when not required.... He would have hell to pay!

But no weather man, it's ok for you to be wrong, just wake up, lick your finger, out it in the air, and guess... In fact, we have to be surprised when they get it right. 

All this to say that I'm annoyed.

I don't bike in the rain.

I love biking.

Visibility for cars is harder in the rain when the sun goes down.

I don't want to muck up my bike.

I don't want that wet 'skunk' line of rain and dirt up my back and butt.

So now I have to leave my baby (my bike) over night, outside by my work, cold and alone wondering why I abandoned him :(

I hope he still will be there tomorrow.

One Direction - Night Changes

Yes, I know I know.... a teeny-bopper song.
I'll admit, I Love it.
Just paid attention to the vid today. How so sweet. Normally I cant stand the sap stuff. But....that look you get when you go on a date with a guy that knows how to treat you right and is adoring.... awww... just being sappy on this Tues morning.

Add this to the list of "makes me happy!"

That time is season again ....

Panettone season !!!!

This thing is bigger than my head. Feel like biting into this thing like I'm biting into a large apple. No sectioning it off or cutting a piece. Just one whole nom nom fest! 

The Brave One

Watched this on Netflix last night.

Jodi Foster is always bad ass. Amazing actress. I'd like to be bad ass like her.

It's not really a poetic movie but here are some quotes I like:

Her neighbor : "there are many different ways to die, the hard part is how to go on living."

Erica: "There is no going back, to that other person, that other place. This thing, this stranger, she is." 

Sooo.... On that note, can't wait to go home on this chilly windy cloudy day and put on some Sarah macglauhlin (her songs were all over this movie), clean my place and get ready for the little ones visiting this weekend! 

Good morning !

Yet another day of SUNSHINE on a November day!

Luuurve eeet!!

Was thinking yesterday, if only I could bottle up this sunshine ( especially the morning and evening sunshine, that yellow and orange glow) to keep and open up on the many grey, cold, overcast days of winter...that would be perfect. I could boldly face winter, instead of being subject to its temperamental ways. 

When..

When Your Ottawa hotel room is much bigger than your entire condo suite.

Ok ok I said it that way. 

I've always been so annoyed by those "when..." Statements that go no where or have No explanation at the end. Those hanging statements that say enough already. They could've sufficed as a statement without the dramatic "when... " in front of it.
Apparently, It's the thing now. 

Just tried it out. 

Anyhow, my Ottawa hotel room is much larger than my condo. Sit in kitchen table AND dining room with dining table?? Too much space! Feel so free ! 

... That's what I meant to say.

Quotes everywhere

So I'm also instagramming a lot lately.

I'm seeing all these quotes that say a similar thing ....

"Going through tough times, to get to a better place.... Yada yada yada"

I get it.

I do believe things happen for a reason.

I do believe people are in our lives or out of our lives for a reason.

I get it.

But seriously, wtf am I supposed to learn while I'm in it already.

Fine I'll just wait and wait for that answer and months or years from now I'll go "ahhh that's why I went through that shit hole... Wow now I All better in this better place"

Well, hunkydory. That's great ... For some  unknown time in the future!

What about now??? How long will this take?? How much more do I need to go through ?? 

Gaaaaah! So freakin impatient ! 

Why must lessons be so effin hard? 

It's better in a wine glass

Back to work a few days already and I'm lucky that it's not too bad .... Though -ugh... Find myself chugging through the day...

Today is a good evening to drink ginger ale out of wine glasses and cook some frozen pizza. 

Man I'm posting a lot latey.... Whatever gets me through this....

Ladybugs and sunny warm fall day!

Its so beautiful out, it's so hard to stay in.

“How are you ever going to be happy if you keep wallowing?  Listen, when I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass.  when I woke up, they were crawling all over me.”  - Under the Tuscan Sun.

Elvis lunch

Serves me right for not preping lunch the night before.

Today I have an Elvis lunch:

Banana, peanut butter and toast (Melba).

Let's see how well I survive the day....

Peak freans... That good.

Was fishing through my over stuffed handbag today for my lip balm.

... Broken half piece of cranberry citrus peak frean cookie just floating around in that mess.

Yes, I still ate it. Dirt and all.

It's that good.

Don't judge me.

Practical Magic

...starring Aiden Quinn 💗💗 

<3 

There's a certain order of things for a reason

Was all ready to go to bed but I decided to take out the trash. 

You know, before it stinks up my tiny condo by the next morning.

No pants .... Throw some on.

T shirt no bra... Throw on a cardigan.

Good to go right?? 

But When I took out the garbage from its container I decided to rinse out the plastic bin (cause that started to stink too). 

Went to the bathroom to rinse it out in the tub.

Passed the mirror ---whoa ! Thank goodness ... I would've walked around with zit cream all over my face like some pubescent high school kid for all my neigbours to see.

Thank you plastic bin for stinking enough for me to clean you first before taking out the trash.

Exciting stuff people, exciting stuff. 

Summary

Had a big cry and talk with a friend. 

It doesn't seem so bad when you can summarize it into a few sentences:

Love can make you do crazy things.

Or to be more specific:

The wrong love can make you do bad crazy things. Things you will never want to go through again. Ever. 

Fall bike ride

It was turning out to be a sunny day. Perfect day to finally stop resisting Fall.

Not a fan lately if the rusty colour changes ... Reminds me of rust or tarnish. I understand it's some people's thing. Not me.

But when the sky is a near perfect clear blue and the sun shines right in the early evening.... That's the time that rust really lights up and becomes beautiful. Only if you catch it at that perfect time.

Ride up the don valley trail I thought I saw the perfect deep red the other day... The leaves must have fallen already because all I saw were yellows and oranges. 

Maybe next time Red. Maybe next time.

Some day I will be better enough to truely believe this:

Toronto Evergreen Brickworks.

Wear a scarf

... Around your neck while you sleep.

To sweat out a cold. It works.

I wish I can sweat out feeling shitty about myself too. And all the bad feelings. 

Glory of Love

By Peter Cetera.

When: Grade 5-6? 

Movie: Karate kid.

My love: Ralph Macchio (sp?)😘 so cute, my original knight in shining armor ! Such a gentleman, and protective and strong and kind. 

Place: In a tiny movie theatre with friends at the local mall, Devin and Anthony from my class tossing popcorn at us from a few rows back.

Thank you Songza for bringing me back to my innocent hope and young unbroken heart 💗

This chapter of the book...

"Sorry, it's going to hurt because you loved him. There's no getting around that." -JM

Guess I've been avoiding that part. It catches up though. No hiding from it. 

It's like going to the Dentist to get a tooth pulled out. Except there is no anesthetic. And it doesn't last a few minutes. It's slow, lingers, and lasts months...hopefully not years. And after all that, there is no guarantee that another tooth will grow back in. And it's your front tooth. And you need it to bite into apples. And you love apples. And your tooth kinda symbolizes your heart. 

In other words, welcome to the chapter in your life called: you're F'ed up. 

The old version of me...

He told me a couple times before "I saw the old version Of you"... During his commute on the TTC. Some older Asian lady who looked like me. 

If I were to somehow meet the older version of me, I guess I would have many questions for her, I would like to learn from her and learn about her/me at that age. 

But most of all, I hope to learn that she is happy. So very happy with her life and who she has become. 

It hurts.

Life, the experiences, the events, the people... Are given to you for a limited time. They are given for you to enjoy, to learn from, to love. They are never yours to keep. When you find love, love so hard that it is worth it, that it is worth more than the hurt. 💗

Quote time

Was talking to a friend today about relationships and shit like that. That lead to talking about the affect our parents had on us.. Whether good or bad.

Back in the day kids were basically seen not really heard. 

Some parents have kids for selfish reasons.

It's taken me a long time to decide whether I want to have kids or not (maybe a bit too late to decide anymore ). 

I wanted to make sure it was for good reasons not selfish ones. 

I see so many kids in unfortunate situations, who have parents what are kids themselves, who fight often or who just take out their own life stresses on their kids, some were unwanted accidents and treated that way, some were had to "mend" an already broken marriage. 

Often I would hear "oh that baby is soooooo cute I want to have one... Or I can't wait to get one".

I'd always think .. "Well you do realize that they aren't a toy. That's a human being you are bringing into this world"

A few years ago I decided I did want to have kids if I was ever blessed with the opportunity. I won't get into the whole reason but I was happy that it wasn't a selfish one. 

I'm thankful for my family and how I was raised and the opportunities I was lucky to have been given. There is enough love there that I wanted to have a kid to give them all that I was blessed with. To make a wonderful human being and to bring more love into this world becUse we all know this world needs more good people in it. Sad that I may not have that opportunity... There maybe other kinds of opportunities to do so. 

My friend Janet said tonight " that's what parents are supposed to do, teach you to love yourself and to love others"

Unfortunately that isn't always the case

Jossipedia...

Sometimes, I like to make up words.
Hopefully, for all my Grammar police friends, they understand that I would not use this in formal conversation.

Word of the Day:

SICKATATING.

Sick-a-tating. The over all state of feeling sick to my stomach. Especially in regards to a situation or something that I see. My reaction of not just nausea but accompanied by a gag reflex. This can be stimulated by the event or the situation or the object seen at the present or can also can be stimulated by thinking about the past object, situation or event. It can lead others to look at me and say that Im in a state of SICKATATION.

Funny... Not really...

This is really sweet. 

Was thinking though, this wonderful guy that comes around to save me from my aching heart... Would he of had to break another gals in order to save mine?

Free!

So I googled 'free wood' today haha... Just to see what came up... I'm looking for wood scraps to make a frame for a black board I want to hang in my kitchen.

This lead me to Craig's list. 

Which lead me to a free antique great looking dining table! For free! 

If only I needed one. 

And if only I knew two large strong guys with a vehicle to transport it.

I forwarded this to ppl I know that may be in need of this great table. I hope one of them gets it!

So I continued browsing through all the free stuff in Craig's list. I've never come across this section before! 

Two things to note:

1) free breast pump .... That's sooooo gross. Why would you want a used pump for your baby? Let alone use that thing on yourself if it had been already in contact with some strangers tatas and fluids.

2) free personal lubricant.... Wtf? If you can't buy your own you have other issues to deal with. 

I'm in love... Again....

Last time I said I was in love was with Green Pan. Within a few weeks that fizzled as Green Pan did not follow through with its promises. Bastard!

Now my new love. 

Vasanti tinted lip balm!

Oh so yummy!  

Just a hint of colour and great moisture without being goopy like gloss.

It has olive oil and mango extract .... Love the smell of it and it almost tastes oh so sweet! If I could kiss my own lips I would! Haha

We will see how it holds in the next few weeks as my skin is super sensitive and breaks out...

So though I'm in love... This time I'm a bit more cautious.

But I'm in love !

More hand made refurbished stuff

Greek salad dressing

http://www.food.com/recipe/greek-salad-dressing-57642

R.I.P Johnathan, every gal's childhood crush.

What he said....

So just some sayings I've heard that have stuck or that I've learned from:

Dad

" you think education is expensive, think about the cost of the mistakes you can make without it" .... Sorta paraphrased from what we've heard elsewhere .

AngeloR

"You know what I like about you... You never complain" .... Total sarcasm 

ScottB

"You either shit or get off the potty"

... From his grandpa. In regards to just doing it instead of being half assed about something. No speculating or worrying of what may happen. Just do it and deal with it. 

Cassava cake

2 packs frozen cassava defrosted

1 can coconut milk 

3/4 cup brown sugar

1 tbsp melted butter

2 eggs

1/2 can condensed milk 

Top:

1/2 can condensed milk

3/4 cup coconut milk 

1/2 cup brown sugar

Coconut

2 tbsp corn starch 10 min 

350 45 min

In light of the nice weather ....

Well more in contrast ... I have a beef. 

And this is not a place I wanted to state my beefs .. It was more a place to just note down random stuff, light and airy.

But it seems I haven't been posting much lately. Been going through a few things but it's under control so far and looking at my life over all, I still consider myself blessed and lucky in so many ways. I love my family and my friends very much!

My beef is more of what I notice happening around me. I look at it as a silent societal disease... Which seems to be growing into an epidemic. I should not be surprised. 

However, it's likened to being on a street car and seeing someone do the most awful, crazy, disgusting thing (whatever it may be) and feeling like you are the only one awake enough to notice it. The other passengers are just going with the flow, minding their own business, ignoring it, in fear ( of offending or hurting anyone's feelings or addressing it or fear of being hurt or fear of their own well being )or too self absorbed to give a damn.

Terms are being thrown about these days  here and there... Yet I wonder if the mass of society even cares or notices or can even see beyond the present to realize it's affect on the future. 

Terms like : 

First world problems

Entitlement 

Politically incorrect 

There are a few things out there that are being put into place with the false idea of "helping people". Whether it's a Neighbour or friend or stranger or our kids or parents or anyone.... In need. 

The lesson in helping people that keeps ringing louder in my head, which needs to be deeply accounted for before "helping" anyone is this old saying:

"You give a man a fish, you feed him for the day. You teach a man to fish, you feed him for life."

Simple. And I'm sure we all heard it at some point in our livs before. But forgotten or not understood by many. 

ooooooo love!

Such a heart breaking though lovely story.

I used to write about love and all that jazz but since I dont really have one in my life I stopped and just made this blog to be something light.

However, I need to write about this Patient of mine.

Him and his wife would always come together to their appointments with me.
She had a slight disability in walking and a very sensitive foot.
He would always help her and make sure she was ok. He would help her up on the chair and take her shoes and socks off and put them back on. One time he was busy making their next appointment at the desk and I realized that she had no problem putting her shoes and socks on herself.

To be frank, but in a respectful way, I found her to be quite the complainer at first. It was frustrating trying to help her but she felt very sensitive, and I actually doubted the actual sensitivity she was feeling. Almost a "poor me" sort of attitude... but not extreme.

But as the years went by, they grew on me. Sweet couple and I really liked talking about their home country (Italy) since I love that place so much.

Last year, at the end of summer, she passed away suddenly.

The look on his face the next appointment he had solo was heart breaking.

Not only was he sad and devestated as expected, he seemed lost.
He spent almost his whole life taking care of his wife. He said that they were always together since they got married.
Only one time he was away for work in their home country for several months, which was hard on his wife since she is naturally a very nervous lady. She told him never to leave her again for that long. He often said that he asked his wife if she was scared or nervous and she always answered, "as long as you are beside me, I feel safe."


Today he told me about how they met.
It wasnt arranged like he said often happened back then in his time.

He was 16 at the time. It was in a town he was just stopping by to visit with a friend. They were in a store to have an item of clothing made. She walked by the door. And he immediately commented to his friend that she looked like a nice girl.

Two years later he visited the same store and she was there again, that time he tried to talk to her and called to her, but she quickly went away, suspicious as to what he wanted.

After a year of living in another town he went back to look for her..... and so the courtship began.
He wanted to talk to her and go out with her but she kept saying she was too busy. Until she told him that she was looking for a place to have her money exchanged.
He obliged and she let him change it for her.
Today he told me in hindsight people have told her, how dangerous and risky it was to give a total stranger money to exchange. But my patient said but he knew her, she said "I did that cause I trust you, and I knew, the first time I saw you that I loved you."

wow.

Life is short, Love hard where there is love to be had.

Happy new year!

Love hard, when there's love to be had. 

http://youtu.be/RB6-_dwANi0