This is a great article by the National Post. 

Its a shame that only some are willing to read this. 

Why should you care about WE "charity" exploitation?

Because exploitation in any form, is a form of abuse.

So sickening. I pass by the properties owned by these brothers in Toronto. 

Its an argument of : The means to an end vs the end despite the means. 

 

So if I say I will be helping the poor and I step outside and find a homeless person I want to help, post their pic all over my social media and ask for donations, then raise hundreds of dollars but give the homeless person 10$ and pocket the rest so that I support my full income, is that being charitable or me exploiting others for my own gain?

People argue - oh you are just doing damage for political reasons to a charity that helps people and the people they help will suffer. Again, exploitation and wanting you to feel YOU are the guilty party blocking "good" from happening. 

Its sad so many donators were dupped and others refuse to accept they were and others, are afraid that they may have been involved in this, especially if they accepted large amounts of "thank you " presents from these guys. 

In the bigger picture - this happens all the time in every arena. 

A workplace asking their employees to "give up" some of their raise to increase the "raise" of their colleagues who have harder life experiences and are paid less then they are worth by the employer. As if to say its not the responsibility of the employer to pay them well but their colleagues and other employees. 

They like to think they are a modern Robbin Hood however, they take for themselves mostly. 

Yet no one is saying much, and anyone who is investigating them is deemed as the person who is uncharitable. 

Wow. 

I sometimes wish people would actually care about these things as they say they do. 

stress and kiddos

Very uncomfortable and stressful time right now. 

I just called my nephew though, to see how he is doing in UNI. 

Gah that helps. 

And also hung out w/ my bfs little one on the weekend. 

That helped a lot, it almost makes me cry just thinking about it.

Its amazing how you can just look at the innocence of that time in kids lives and know how much less stress there is with whats going on with them and almost see life in a glimps through their eyes. It takes you away from the nastiness and coldness of the stress one is experiencing at the moment. 

Ruin is a gift. I have to remember this. 

Maybe my life hasn't been so chaotic. It's just the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. - Liz Gilbert

A man called Ove.

Finally finished this book with my bf today. 

I couldn't read the last page. Was too vaklempt.

I am not much of a reader but I would reco this one.

Here's a quote I like from it :

"Loving someone is like moving into a house." Sonja used to say. "Art first you fall in loce with all the new things, amazed every morning that all this belongs to you, as if fearing that someone would suddenly come rushing in through the door to explain that a terrible mistake had been made, you weren't actually supposed to live in a wonderful place like this. Then over the years the walls become weathered, the wood splinters here and there, and you start to love that house not so much because of all its perfection, but rather for all its imperfections. You get to know all the  nooks and crannies. How to avoid getting the key caught in the lock when its cold outside. Which of the floorboards flex slightly when one steps on them or exactly how to open the wardrobe doors without them creaking. These are the little Secrets that make it Your home. "

Been thinking of a couple things this weekend. 

One is "Do what brings you Joy" A friend reminded me of this - though it is said so often its like a cliche. But half the time we are on autopilot and we just do things because we are keeping up with living, surviving, or we don't stop to think to realize if something is bringing us joy, is neutral or does the opposite. Funny coincidence when the next day I saw this quote on Instagram "People who say 'go big or go home' seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, its literally my only goal".

The next is just a reminder, how do I want to be remembered when I am gone? What impact have I made on others? Who are the people I know who I admire so much that I am so very thankful they are in my life and that they bring Joy to my life even if its a minor way. How do they make me feel? What do they inspire in me because of their presence? (I really should not allow those that do the opposite, to occupy much space or importance in my life). 

Smiley emoticon callosity

It's been some kinda next level stress lately. 

Thankful for little graces. 

I had a nice laugh with a patient last week.

I normally don't go into details about my work. 

But she had a callus that looked like it had a happy face under it! I showed her and we had a big laugh about it. She gave me permission to post it. I did on our FB page and a colleague said it was time for vacation! Haha

Union Math

Update on Union Strikes:

If you are striking for a 1% or even 3 % raise, and you strike for a month - that is 1 month of lost income. 

Say, after the month you finally get this raise. 

That means you lost ~8% of income striking for a 1%-3% raise for lets say, the next 3 yrs. 

Conclusion: you at the most will really break even like you never had a raise to begin with or you come out with a loss. 

Ever question where that Loss goes to.....? Union and Employer. Who really benefits?

Ta-da. 

OH wait - if you are in a Union, you cannot ask for more than a 1% raise.

Love the skin you are in

Today I did a home visit appointment for a senior patient. 

I ended up meeting a PSW that was helping the same patient at the time that I arrived. We had a chance to small talk and help each other out (the patient was kind of grumpy about her situation and taking it out on us). The PSW lady asked if I was Filipino and I said I was. Herself, being Filipino, said "OH I didn't think you were Filipino, you don't look it. " I responded to her by saying that it was interesting because that is not the first time that a Filipino person told me this. A few moments later she said again "Oh so you are Filipino, you really do not look like it, you are pretty. You look Chinese " 

I really did not know how to take that. Did she mean that Filipinos are ugly in comparison to other Asians? She was basically insulting all Filipinos. Including herself. Did she mean that as a compliment? 

Not long after this same day, I saw this same PSW lady at the other home visit appointment residence I was at. 

By this time she was ending her shift and was talking to an elderly lady waiting outside and myself at the same time. She commented on how the elderly lady was enjoying the sunshine and the elderly lady said she was tanning. The elderly lady said she was "tanning her pale skin". The PSW said "oh your skin is so nice, the colour is nice, nicer than mine, which is darker and so not so nice." The elderly white lady did not agree and said that the PSW's skin is nice and tanned and admired her arm which was being shown to her in comparison. The Filipino PSW reiterated that the elderly lady's skin is nicer since it is whiter and she turned to look at me and said that my skin tone is nicer too because it is lighter than hers, and this is why she is now wearing a long sleeve sweater in the 26Celcius weather so she will not get darker. She said that her skin was ugly and she was too dark. I said something to the fact that her skin was not bad at all and that nothing is wrong with her skin. She went on about her day. 

I really did not know what to say. I felt I should have said more. 

This reminded me of a time last year where I read an Instagram post by a Filipino jewelry company who posted about how it is somehow ingrained in Filipino culture to think this way. I agree with that statement, I have heard it growing up, from distant friends of the family or relatives. I grew up thinking this way especially during highschool - the 90s which I think was the epitome of the pale-skin-red-lips-Brenda-Walsh days - something I would compare to the Twighlight vampire-like movies of not so long ago. The Filipino Jewelry company's post went on to say that this idea came from the Colonialism that the Philippines experienced for many years under the Spanish rule...... 

That's where I had to partly, yet strongly, disagree. 

Yes, Spain ruled over the Philippines for hundreds of years, and maybe this is where some of those ideas came from. But this same idea exists in other parts of Asia, who did not experience "Colonialism" - Japan, Korea, North Korea, Thailand...... yet these cultures also think that lighter is better! Just look at how pale the accepted look is now, look at all the Korean Beauty product line models. How many skin-lightening products are from Asia? So no, you cannot say the sole cause of this idea of "lighter being better" is from Colonialism. All this to say I am pretty tired of this latest trend to blame everything in life on Colonialism. In fact, one of the theories to why this idea has spread about was not colonialism but due to the the class systems. No matter what country you are from. In the class system, the workers were differentiated as being poorer and of lower class than the rich, who did not work in the fields and do hard labour. Obviously if you are working in the fields all day you would be more tanned than sitting comfortably at home being waited on. I feel that this makes more sense and can be applicable to any country, no matter what colour that race is. But unfortunately this way of thinking is not in line with the current narrative.  In fact, to bring it up can cause a shut down and tune out from some who want to force their own agendas, regardless of my own personal experiences. MY lived experience, which is trumped by the current narrative. 

Anyhow, going  back to this PSW. I felt sorry she was carrying around this self-hate, which was possibly put on herself from generations and generations of FILIPINO people. I should have told her that OUR skin is beautiful. The idea of blaming this idea on Colonialism today bothers me. Why? It's NOT coming from Colonialism, it is coming from those ignorant filipino aunties and uncles and distant  'friends of the family' who continue, to this day, spread this idea of self hate. Those Tsismis or Chismosa relatives and elder Filipinos that we all know of who have so much self-despise, all they can do is talk about everyone around them in a negative manner, to make themselves feel some sense of false superiority, to gain that attention they seek. Ask anyone who is Filipino if they know of someone in their culture who is like this. AAAAAAnd having friends who are Armenian, Sri-Lankan, Korean, Chinese, Indian, Italian......... its basically in Every. Single. culture out there. 

And why does blaming this idea on Colonialism today bother me? Because it takes the responsibility off of those that are spreading these ideas now, today... all the people we know within each culture that continue this self-hate idea, the aunties, the uncles, the old "family friends", the Chismosas, the negative Nancys, the gossipers....Instead of them just realizing "hey, I'm an asshole", they blame their actions on something else, someone else. These days it's acceptable to hate all White people, especially if you are a man. So how do they look to solve this self-hate? Hate others - does not make any sense. They are the ones responsible for this today, not "Colonialism". 

So please, before you speak of Colonialism in 2021, look deep into yourself first. Be responsible for you. Love the skin you are in so you can spread this feeling to others. Stop spreading hate.

I was booking a patient's appointment for tomorrow, but needed more info on an upcoming meeting first. 

I told him that I will give him a call today as soon as I know about my meeting....

He said:

 "No problem, just leave a message on my machine, I'm very good at taking directions... I'm married you know. " 

ha

Yours to Discover

 

Oooo Ontario, did not know you looked like this!

Katherine Cove

Bathtub Island

This year and a half we have been discovering more that Ontario has to offer. 

This was pretty cool..... And pretty.

State of the Union

 Here is how I see Unions work. 

They collude with Management to both benefit and play this game with the employees, sort of like a vanishing cat and mouse game. 

Apparently according to Bill-127, this restricts any compensation increase to only 1% per year (per year I think). 

So say if you are public funded and the provincial government gives you enough compensation funding to amount to OVER this 1% ... then you aren't allowed that. They could not even answer my question as to what happens with the rest. They measly said "oh we give it back" - What. What world are they living where you volunteer to give back government funds that you were alotted?

So Unions are known best for what? ... STRIKING. 

When they make you strike, you do not get paid. So say if you strike long enough to lose 1% or more of your salary.... they end up coming to an agreement (that they pre- calculated with management I am assuming) and in the end after the strike ..... management ends up giving you your 1%. And if you are lucky you break even.

Who wins in the end? = Union , Management 

Who loses = the employee and whom ever they are responsible for because they will not get treated- when you are in health care. 

The only thing is..... This is not the education system (where unions are known to strike a lot). where no one dies, no one loses a limb, no one overdoses if they don't go to school. 

These Unions and possibly management who are not in the front lines - care more about the $ than they do about patients, because they are NOT healthcare providers. So people will overdose, people will commit suicide, people will get an amputation, get a heart attack, have a fatal asthma attack - whatever is the case. 

There is my summary of UNIONS. Pass it on if you know anyone contemplating joining one. 

You Should have asked...

 .... The Art of Powerful Conversation. 

This is the title of a book that a local... I don't know how to describe him..... coach? motivator? networker?

... a local guy called Stuart Knight wrote. 

I really do not know much about him. 

I think some companies hire him to motivate them to do stuff, I think. 

Anyways about 6 years ago or more I volunteered to help out with Future Possibilities for Kids. Or FPK for short. I believe this program started in the USA in NY for inner city kids, it's goal was to motivate them to be socially aware and active in their community. Open their eyes to volunteering and helping others.

But from this FPK program, they invited all the volunteers to a talk by Stuart Knight. At first I thought it was a bit cheesy, then I thought what kinda kool aid was he drinking.... but then slowly I thought the concept he was presenting was interesting. 

His idea of networking came from the thought that the art of meaningful conversation was disappearing. 

In networking or in social settings or work settings or even in some family settings, people tend to just talk for the sake of small talk, to be polite, to gently get to know people but not really know people. But what if we were to just dive right in and dig deeper? He did this, in his networking events in a setting where that was expected. No one judged you for those deep conversations or the uncomfortable questions... because that was the intro to this setting. At first it seemed weird and fake and awkward. But after a while it seemed very interesting, I got to know others, learned to tolerate other opinions if I did not agree, found support from those with similar mind sets, learned people's many personalities, learned a bit about their values, learned about myself, learned to listen, learned to converse a bit better, I learned who I liked more than others and who I would rather not talk too long to, found deeper conversations with some,  I learned to notice who was listening to what I said vs. who was focused more on what they wanted to say. I learned that interesting questions kept people engaged, than the usual conversation starters. And even one question could lead the whole conversation into a totally different tangent. Even if some conversations were duds the evening would always be fun if not interesting. I would always have more to talk about with my girlfriend who joined me in this. 

Anyhow, I believe this networking group fizzled out after he had a kid. No more events were planned and I think he has taken a different route but same concept. 

I was thinking about this book and network group the other day. Especially in a time like now where conversations are censored. Or even self censored because the environment has become very divisive and polarized and especially during the pandemic, a lot of people are on edge. I also feel .... looking back at one of my other posts about the attempted cancellation of Meghan Murphy in Toronto.... that this has been brewing for a long time at least a good 6 yrs. Where the terms totalitarianism, fascism and marxism have somehow resurfaced and have become something tangible and somewhat acceptable rather than just a term to describe something that happened a long time ago or in other distant parts of the world in non democratic countries.  

Open conversations have become too painful somehow. Only a certain kind of conversation is accepted. And often times heads nod, not because of a full understanding and critical thought behind it, but because its is a nod that yes that is the proper accepted idea at the moment, don't question it. A simple act of asking a question verbally has become a physical attack of the essence of a person, even if it is to clarify or to request explanation or to fact check. The mere suggestion that there may be another way of looking at something or approaching a situation - immediately brands the person as antagonistic, the polar opposite of the idea at hand and vilifies them into a potential murderer or simply just evil itself. Do not question but become submissive in action and thought is what is being forced upon us. Social media is a beast in itself. People used to talk about cyber bullying.  Jane bullied Cindy in a chat room or on Facebook but no one is talking about how Media bullying has become the norm. A question I had about vaccine roll out safety suddenly had Facebook label me as fake news and an antivaxxer - meanwhile, I already had my first vaccine shot at the time and I work in healthcare. 

 You have white people telling immigrants and minorities what their experiences are and should be and telling minorities that they all must fall into the forever repressed category. Negating any successes and achievements they have made, but not just looking back at the past to learn, but instead to dwell and accuse and remain there at the same time erase it? You have non immigrants telling people who are in fact immigrants themselves that they are racist. You have people that are non white vilifying and treating others that are white differently solely because of the colour of their skin and justifying it by saying well this happened to me or others like me in the past so its ok for me to treat you this way too, because of the colour of your skin. You have groups of people saying you must not treat us differently but then expect to be treated differently favorably only. You have Transgendered people being ostracized and accused of being Transphobic if they do not agree that transgendered people who identify as women should not be allowed to compete against other women in the Olympics due to their born male genetics.  You have irradiation of words and of history rather than people learning from it, and yet we do not learn from it and then they are shocked as to why the behavior still exists, this is why they keep talking about how the English language changes and "evolves" all the time yet it seems, attitudes have not. It is sad how real issues of the world have become so politicized that the person themselves is forgotten. The individual person and their true life experience. 

When BLM movement exploded last year after the tragedy of how George Forman passed, I walked through a sitting protest stopping traffic at College and Bay one afternoon and noticed the crowds were somewhat multicultural but predominantly white and asian and maybe only about 10% were black. As I crossed the street I was walking the same direction as two black men and a black lady passed us and said to them "oh now they care" with a chuckle and eye roll. Interesting when the group you say you are supporting were not even told of this protest/ event. Its like having a party for someone but they are the only ones you did not invite? This is why I choose to ask those who I know who are a part of any group at hand what their personal experience is. What their view is? How do they feel about what is happening? What do they agree with, disagree with?  Because that is the only way to the truth, no assumption, no putting words into someones mouth, no groupings, no political agenda, no different or general take on history, only their truth. Tell me your story, instead of the story media and political groups paint for us. There are no underlying motives in an individual's personal truth. 

I miss those open conversation network nights by Stuart Knight, I wonder how they would play out today.....

Anyhow, I will leave a couple videos here and here albeit, they are political. 

patient joke

 Normally this patient comes in and has a bunch of new jokes to tell. Usually I give a "har har" for the effort lol. He knows they usually are cheesy anyways. 

This time he was telling me what actually happened to him. 

He was in line, wearing a mask ready to get his Covid vaccine shot. 

An anti-vaxxer stops and said to him:

"Why are you wearing a mask and getting a vaccine shot? Don't you trust your own immune system?"

He said back:

"Yes I do. But I also know someone with an STI, if you want to meet them I can hook you up. You don't even have to wear a condom. Since you trust your immune system that much."

 "There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt."

John Adams 1826

Canada Emergency Response Benefit.

Food for thought: 

My patient came in today and usually we have a nice convo about life and things that are happening at the moment. My patient is lucky enough to keep working during this pandemic. 

She just told me that her co-worker, who has also been working throughout the pandemic, is collecting CERB ever since the pandemic has started. So he is collecting CERB and a pay cheque. 

Same with her daughter, who has always been on government assistance, and has never worked ever before the pandemic. She is collecting CERB and government assistance. 

I used to resent the people that seemed to "take advantage" of situations/sytems.... But I have come to realize, it is the shitty systems that are created that make this mess. 

If you think this is not going to affect you directly in the near future, think again. Pay attention to the little things, why is the cost of produce going up when grocery stores have never been shut down, why is the price of alcohol going up when the LCBO has never been closed. And then there is gas...and our new carbon tax which actually does nothing for the environment. Would it really hurt to audit a system and be accountable for it?  

If the system is broken, throwing more money into it will not fix this mess. 

....

Taylor Swift - Wildest Dreams

When the song that you avoided because it tormented you with bad memories...... becomes one of the songs you seek to listen to and enjoy, to bring you into a happy, optimistic, upbeat, Freeing mood !! You realize Time really did it's job! Oh how we doubt you when we are in the thick of things... but what they say about you is true.

Yeah!

Tate McRae - you broke me first (Official Video)

Emo moods. 

Hard lessons on Narcissistic personality profile. 

Learning Loving self kindness. 

A lifetime ago. 

I like this song!

Reasons do not equal Excuse

The reason behind an action can explain it, bring more understanding to the why. Why did you do that. Why did you treat that person that way. 

But it should not be equivalent to an Excuse. 

You are not excused for your shitty behavior. 

You should still be accountable. 

Even if it means simply saying a real, honest, sorry. 

Sorry I treated you like shit when I felt bad about myself, or stressed for my day, or worried about my health, or was caught up in some other disagreement with someone else and it bothered / agitated me, or that I have not been dealing with my mental health issues too well.

None of those Reasons make it ok for you to be excused for treating someone like shit. 

Grammar Police

This song is cute. I liked it when it came out a few months ago. 

"You said forever, now I drive alone past your street.." Catchy and emo. 

But I mentioned this before and it still bugs me.... and I never thought I would be a grammar police, but once you see it then you cant unsee or unhear it!

"I never felt this way for No one...." = I felt this way for everyone !!! 

Its a double negative! UGH 

She could have said I never felt this way for anyone, meaning not just anyone (.. but you - assumed)

I'm surprised this bothers me. I never thought I would consider myself a grammar police since my grammar really sucks. 

And since we are on the topic:

There is a difference between the following....

Then and Than

They're and Their and There

Your and You're ---- this one is huge for me!! When I was dating if they texted the wrong one of these, I must say I had my judgements  

sometimes the brink of my insanity can be appeased with just looking forward to going home and getting dolled up..... just to lounge around my place in a dress eating home made soup and toasted home made bread and watching tv.

Dogs be fancy, people be..... not...?

Many are feeling defeated and exhausted at yet another lock down. 

I cannot even emphasize how much Justin SUCKS ass. I mean, can people now realize how the "peoples most woke boyfriend" (as the Financial Post wrote) really does not help Canada at all? We all know he is a door knob and nothing educated comes out of his mouth.... but the fact that our neighbours down south had the most stressful year last year, polarizing elections, riots, protests, a change in presidents, incapacitated by covid infections and have a population 8 times as large as Canada's and they still... Still have managed to get vaccines distributed to almost half their population and we have about only 10 % of ours vaccinated.. What did Justin do all year last year? I feel like he is one of those pretty boys in class who like to be liked by all his class mates that tries to hard to be popular but in the end FAILS every course he takes ... only thing is he is taking us down with him. So yea... the most political I have been on this post ever but I have had enough around trying to be politically correct. 

If you look on the medical side of things - things are getting bad, hospitals are full and converting wards into negative pressure rooms. 

If you look at small businesses, they feel defeated and targeted because the numbers have not been going up because of them.... and their whole livelihoods are demolished with no support. If you look at the rest of us, our mental health has been thrown out the door. 

So switching to something more light hearted......I was looking up the new rules to this new STay-at-home order. 

Dog grooming is allowed, yet hairdressers are closed. 

LOL. 

Sooooo theres going to be a lot of fancy pretty dogs with disheveled owners walking around Toronto ....

btw.... Golfing is OK! So is tennis! I'm encouraging patients to get out and walk! Springtime and sunshine is sooo welcome right now.

If I can only just hurry up and heal my frozen shoulder! 

mass responses

 Just because there is a mass all- staff email does not mean your response needs to be mass and to all-staff as well. 

We don't need 15 emails knowing that you said congrats to someone or 10 emails confirming that you signed whatever petition - just congratulate that person in a private email or sign the petition instead of letting us all know you signed it. 

I bet more than 50% of emails are just unnecessary. Imagine if it was a paper letter, how may e-trees would we have wasted?

false my A$$

 I'll just put this link here. 

The most scientific assessment and clear explanation of vaccines that I heard about in a while. 

Interesting how much shit is on FB but it labels this as false information stating that this video says that "vaccines do not work" and sending me an article on how vaccines work. Implying I am an anti-vaxxer when I just got my first dose of Pfizer a couple weeks ago?!

The video did not say vaccines do not work! 

This video only puts valid questions in light in the quest to figure out whats happening with the virus, it does not say whether or not vaccines work, nor it is an anti-vaxxer video. 

If anyone has any common sense and background in science they could understand this. 

I'm pretty pissed that FB is blocking this information without even investigating what it is saying. 

HERE IS THE LINK

The facts: 

- the vaccines that are out are prophylactic meaning they do not KILL  the Coronavirus. They are used so we will not get too sick from getting the virus. 

- once vaccinated, YOU can still get infected with the virus. You can still spread it to others. Repeat it does not kill the virus. 

- we may all need to take this anyways since that is whats happening and we are afraid our loved ones will get very sick and pass away. 

- we may need to keep taking booster vaccines to keep up with the mutations of this virus and the present one may not work on future mutations 

- the question in the video is not whether vaccines work. Its about if this is the right one. Masking symptoms is a huge part of why big Pharma continues - while society stays very sick. Need to find the cause. I cannot understand why anyone that wants to understand more about how this virus works to see what can finally kill it would want to deem this as false information. 

Differences

Things I come to believe.

Whether a person is rich or poor does not determine if they do or do not suffer from mental health issues. 

Whether a person is born into a poor family or a rich family does not mean we know them or " their' kind"

We think we may know, but we cannot judge a person based on if they are poor or rich, and believe our judgments to be FACT. 

Just because a person is white, does not mean that it is OK to judge them, similar to how people have judged people who are black (and other POC or other cultures). Unity does not judge, it is open to all, it does not divide. Unity does not mean erase differences but to be willing to understand them. No one will know your experience except yourself. Even if you came from the same family. Nothing wrong with celebrating a group, something wrong with putting another group down.

Its easy to say we should hear all sides but its hard to hear when you have strong opinions that you want to be heard. 

Its ok to be ok with opposing opinions. It's the other ideas/ perceptions or assumptions that you make about someone that makes it difficult. Those ideas/perceptions/assumptions are not always true.

In certain instances when it is just an opinion and there is NO real threat to anyone, it is better to be kind, than to be right. (Fucken Celery is just celery, why fight over proving its nutritional benefit??! to the point you shut the other person down or make them feel like shit or have them walk out of the room or sink away defeated and feeling unheard or even unvalued, or brew anger and agitation, and even dislike. It's. just. celery. ) 

I enjoy hearing an individual's personal story, lived experience, rather than listening to a group narrative.

I put more value in an individual's responsibility to themselves and those around them, than asking others to be responsible for someone else.

In sociology class 101 at U of T, they talked about the social influence of a group. It is not always beneficial. I forgot the term used but the study includes a dynamic that if there is an individual in distress or in need of help, the likelihood of you helping that person decreases with the amount of people around you. The idea is that you end up just waiting for or expecting someone else to dare to help and it takes longer for the person to get help. Maybe the term is : Deindividuation. I think. 

I'd like to meet with you about having a meeting with you....

 Wow, senior management needs to have a meeting with management to discuss how they can have a meeting with us, so we can meet. 

yay. 

Education

Conversing with someone who believes that the purpose of School is to just pass (and get through it) and trying to explain the value of learning and understanding and the value it brings to a person is like beating a dead horse. 

It seems that no one ever gets the Fishing phrase:

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. 

Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. 

Yet time and time again society seems to focus on giving out fishes. Sooner or later it will only be a few people actually knowing how to fish while the rest just sit and wait for fish like a baby waits to be nursed, and then cries out of distress because it is not being fed. The idea going around is that, well what if he doesnt know how to learn to fish, what if he is depressed, what if this or that or another excuse as to why he cannot learn. I mean in rare circumstances is someone physically and mentally disabled that they cannot learn this. But society is treating everyone like they are too physically and mentally disabled to simply care for themselves. It is always someone elses problem. If you dare ask someone to assert themselves or even try to even find out their true potential - you are deemed too privileged! They assume handicapped and disadvantaged first than daring to allow a person to strive. 

The question in this case was if it were ok if a A+ student were to "charitably" give some of their bonus points to the student with the lowest marks. The worst part of this analogy is that even if you were to do this - you arent even "feeding a man for a day". You are literally giving them nothing. They get to say they pass but do not qualify to pass at all. Is this incentive for them to learn more even? Failure should not be looked at as something bad. But a starting place to learn again and learn well and do better than before. 

It's pretty much exhausting. As I said dead horse. 

My mistake in engaging. 

Specialist apt during Covid

Here is how my specialist appointment went last Thursday. 

The referral was made in November 2020 and the appointment was booked in February 2021. 

3 Months wait. 

The appointment is a phone call appointment since its Covid. 

So not even a physical exam. 

The day of the appointment it was booked for 3:15pm

By 4 pm I called the office to inquire about the phone call appointment I never received. 

They said they alot a 3 hour window for the phone call. (!!?!) 

I waited until 7 pm and still did not have a phone call. 

I left a message with their office and also with my family doctor. Inquired about another appointment and if I would need to wait another 3 months for this phone call. 

I got a phone call the next day from the receptionist to tell me that the doctor had an emergency surgery she had to do and could not get to her call and that her rescheduled apt time for me is on Monday when I work. I had to call back to tell them that the time was not good and to schedule during my lunch time. But again they have a 3 hour phone window for that - So I have my own pts booked then. 

What a gong show. I was so livid about this whole ordeal and thought that this would not happen if it was an in person appointment. If this was not a government funded Health care system you would not see this much disregard for appointments and for patients. No where do I see this much disregard for health care booked appointments than in funded physician positions. If you have a physio appointment or a dental appointment or a podiatric appointment there is respect both ways for the times of the practitioner and the patient. And if any "emergency surgery" ever pops up, you will get a phone call to explain the change in appointment, rather than you left with no explanation why you waited 4 hours for nothing at the end of the day. 

What bothers me most is that I have to keep my cool about this because its difficult to rebook or see another specialist and the fact that this specialist is most likely the one doing the surgery. 

I get it, its covid times and things are all messed up. But really to think that there would have been more efficiency if I had an in person booked appointment rather than a phone call is beyond me. You would think that it saves time. 

Vaccine

I appreciate that many people are hesitant with the new vaccine. 

This is what a friend who has already gotten hers told me when I inquired about her decision to get it. 

For many reasons, there is the fact that it is a new type of vaccine method that is linked to your mRNA and that it had to be "rushed" out due to the urgency of the pandemic we are in. 

Regardless this is what I find interesting:

Most of the ads and support toward getting the vaccine centre toward that this is the way to prevent the spread so we can go back to normal. 

I do not think we will go to a normal for a long time. Of course it would just simply become a new normal. 

Getting the vaccine only protects the person getting it. It does not protect others from getting it from you, even though you may not get sick from it, you would be able to still spread it. 

Thus, we should still continue going on with the same precautions as we are doing right now and as if we did not even get the vaccine, if we did. 

The idea of Herd immunity does not really apply if those that had the vaccine shot can still spread it. The idea that if 9 out of 10 people in the room get the vaccine, this does not prevent the 1 person that did not get the vaccine immune to getting it because the people around them got the vaccine. It can still spread to that one person. 

Anyways, even with the vaccine, we will not be going back to the old normal. This may even already be our new normal. 

Check on those that are alone and isolated. Check on your loved ones. Really listen to them. Sometimes it is hard to tell they are having a rough time with this. 

Not Simply Said

Im audio listening to a book called Simply Said. 

I definitely need this. 

I have not finished the book yet, or at least have not finished taking notes on it. 

Many a time I have had to struggle to describe things. More so, things that I feel since my mind seems to be disconnected at times from my feelings and even from the words that come out of my mouth. Especially if it is a topic I am uncomfortable talking about or if it is a topic intertwined with all the thoughts I have judging myself in my head. 

In University I had a friend in my Physiology Lab class. Eventually, maybe because of the attentiveness he had toward me, his kindness or his obvious efforts to make me laugh at every class, I started crushing on him. I remember the time I handed my Lab assignment to my T.A at the last minute. Relieved I started my way out of the building, as I walked down the hall I saw two figures approaching me, walking hand in hand. He was on his way to hand in his lab as well, with his GF. I remember telling my gf at the time how I thought "why are all the good guys taken?" 

I continued to be his friend and although I admired him, the idea of him being a potential date faded into the background...Until a few hours before our final Physiology exam after our final class. I was eating lunch on my own in the lounge area at the lower front of the (then) Sigmond Samuel Library at U of T. Somehow, Simeon found me sitting there having my lunch and joined me for a bit. All year this never ever happened, nor did I even remember seeing him in that library at all. I finished up my lunch and made my way to some of the study desks in the library in front of the main windows. Strangely enough he asked if he could join me. It was there where he told me he wasn't dating anyone and hadn't been for the last 4 months. I believe he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. Which was a strange question in itself, it seemed huge compared to just a date. I could not answer him except to let him know that he really distracted me right before our exam. After our exam we met up again and I reiterated that I thought I did not do well in it and he was partly to blame. 

From that question, the gears in my head started going into overdrive. Girlfriend? that is a big step! We were just friends. Not even flirting stages yet, why not just a date? Does that mean I am I supposed to be replacing the girl he was just dating before? This was his second girlfriend in all of his 21 yrs of age and I had not even had one boyfriend at that point. Gosh I was soooo embarrassed to tell him how inexperienced I was to qualify for "girlfriend" at that point. I do not think I had even been on a date-date yet at that time (yea - as I have said before, I'm a late bloomer). Maybe his opinion of me would change if he knew? Maybe he would think I am a loser. Maybe he would see the real me instead of the laughing-at-his-jokes-playing-it-cool-when-I-saw-him Joss. Maybe he would see a non-confident, vulnerable Joss - ewww, No!  Maybe he would realize how awkward I was and that I was crushing on him way before I saw him with his ex-gf. What if I mess it up? I didn't know what to do as a girlfriend, what does the job entail? Did I even have time to study the Job description without revealing that I was clueless.  Man I wish I had gone on more dates or had a bf before he asked me so at least I would be all : "cool, cool, girlfriend? I know the drill, sure, I'll sign up. No big deal, no freak out. Cause you know, I've done that before, I know what to do." Maybe I can say somehow we could take it slow? Maybe somehow I could say we can just go on dates first instead of me filling in some assumed bigger shoes of his not so long ago ex-girlfriend? How do I tell him this but not tell him that I'm embarrassingly inexperienced?

So once he walked me to the subway stairs for me to head home, I blurted out something like:

 "Yea, you know what you asked me earlier? Sure we can go on dates, you know, see other people as well, right?" 

The sad thing about the whole thing was, on the subway ride home, I have never been so elated in my life until that point, I sat there thinking how amazing life was that one can experience such happiness that we could not even conceive of. I remember thinking that every single thing that went down during this situation was amazing. He got what I meant I'm sure of it, I mean I thought it all out right so whatever came out of my mouth must be encompassing all that I was thinking and feeling and when I see him again we will start planning our first date!! I pictured him as my boyfriend. 

Excited to see him again, the next day my hello! was greeted with a short, court, dismissive, mumble of acknowledgement. I was left hanging, sort of like how it feels when someone walks away when you are talking mid sentence, as if you were never talking in the first place. I was left standing there alone dumbfounded and wondered why would he act like that? What happened from wonderful yesterday until now? Did someone say something bad about me to him? And as the dawn's misty fog fades to reveal the swampy marsh.... I realized It was me, I had hurt his feelings. He took what I felt as a green light to be a bright neon RED stop sign with police tape blockading it saying I do not like you at all, buzz off, keep off lawn lol. How could I have gotten that all sooooooo wrong? If ever there was a broken-telephone, this was so opposite from what I felt. 

I wanted to tell him what I meant and fix it and that I liked him back and that I pictured him as my bf, but that would mean explaining all that vulnerable stuff at the same time there was a risk of him not believing me.

How strange it is how the pathway from our thoughts to our minds to our words can be so complicated. So simply said, communication is key... apparently I am not quite there yet. 

 

Thomas Sowell

In HS I was interested in Science and Arts. 

But the notion to pursue Arts was squashed early on when in Art class I got the same grade as Ryan, who, in my opinion, was only okay in class. Throughout the semester he would consult me on everything he was working on... getting ideas and making sure if what he created was ok, asking for my suggestions. I thought, ok ... but can't he just leave me alone and work on stuff himself, like I did and just be confident in what he made as long as he actually liked it himself? I realized how subjective Art felt to me after that. And to put out something I personally liked and created and to be judged on it based on someone else's preference did not make sense to me. Plus the idea back then that your work will be worth more after you die seemed pretty morbid. 

In HS I was never interested in Business nor Politics. Business I could see where that could lead but politics? I thought that would only lead to a person being a politician and my opinion of them back then were that they were very self serving and a bunch of liars. So, no thanks. 

Only until I finished my professional education and started working full time in the workforce, government funded at that, did I start to question so many things, so many systems. Things just did not make sense to me. Input and outcome. What was the purpose of the input? In theory it sounded great but the outcome which I saw first hand was not the result. Frustrated and mind boggled for years I just continued on until I started talking to a couple colleagues of mine. One in private practice and one in the public sector. Their answers had the same theme. MONEY. 

And just like that, as much as I resisted politics and I noticed it was slowly insidiously imbedding itself into my life since being in the work force, I realized I stepped right into it and was knee deep. Well that's shitty. 

Anyhow, this reminded me of that a bit, Thomas being on one path until he worked in a certain place and saw from the inside how systems work, or ...dont work. 

This is a long episode but very interesting. 

Knock knock

Who is there?

NO ONE!!! 

During this time of Pandemic WFH, do you ever wonder what people even do when they work from home???

I swear that even if you are lucky to get a live person on the other end of your phone call that they are just waking up, still having gunk stuck in their eyes and don't even know what the fuck day it is!

David Bowie predicted in 1999 the impact of the Internet in BBC

Interesting interview excerpt from David Bowie in 1999... this is trending around the instagram world at the moment. 

Which made me wonder ... 

When did texting first start ? (1992)

When did FB start? (2004)

When did Myspace (for those who remember this) start? (2003)

When was the first computer invented? (1943)

When did Apple begin? (1976)

Microsoft? (1975)

Google? (1998)

Twitter? (2006) 

When did people start trolling ? (1980s haha .....that came from this article)

 

I'm not on Twitter. Thank goodness. But, I do find it interesting to look up accounts just to see the "Tweet & Replies" section. I wonder if this says a lot about someone? Some people are really angry! I wonder how it would look like if someone were to just filter out my social media comments to things... Hopefully I am not that angry as well. I looked up an account recently and it was simply "you're an idiot" "get lost" "you're stupid" "You're a son of a Bitch". "grow the fuck up" "you're a piece of shit". Wow. How easily detached we can be when we anonymously hide behind a neutral account.

I will admit I get "triggered" by some of the nonsense I see on social media. I often write my response then delete it. I should not be surprised by how polarized our society is right now. It is easy to say we are strong enough to be immune to it, but what we really are saying is that I can't deal with stupid people. Which is interesting to think that those that we may think are simply stupid, actually feel the same about us as well. 

I spent way too long talking with a patient last Friday about this. She is a lady in her 80s who is left wondering why on earth a friend of hers who she has known for years, who she thought was a good friend and someone close to her, who had the same values as her, a friend she holds dear, how can this friend support something soooooo opposite from her. She believed her friend to be kind and thoughtful but she was struggling what this opposite view point meant. Can she really BE that evil? It's like she doesn't know her anymore. She was contemplating stopping this friendship. Which made her very sad. She also did not want to hear the WHY? Why her friend felt she needed to support this opposite view. 

I asked why she did not want to hear the WHY? She said she was afraid. Afraid of hearing more evil things or more afraid that her friend may convince her to change her mind and she would become evil as well. I think she meant to say she was afraid that hearing the why of the opposite view would shake her very belief in her own values and what she feels is true. 

I am realizing lately that this fear of going deeper and asking the why of the opposite view - the fear that we will also fall into the abyss of being lost, this fear of the opposite position - is what is keeping and growing this polarization. Maybe I am being overly dramatic but I agree with the idea that this can lead to an all out civil war, and chaos. Its not easy to hear out the other side. Its not easy to not get emotional (especially me haha). And I agree, its just easier to press MUTE on their Instagram or FB or BLOCK. 

Ideally speaking though....

I tried to tell my patient that there is a reason her friend is her close friend for many years. There is a connection. And if she is strong in her belief yet she loves her friend, she can maybe dare to listen to her friend's Why. This will not change her views that she holds, but it will bring her closer to understanding her friend, instead of writing her off as an evil anomaly, and it could possibly make her friend more open to hearing her Why as well. I feel like usually people want the same things in the end. A greater good. That people need to meet people in the middle. Have that communication, break down the misunderstandings, dive into the hurts and the fears. Only then this divide will become narrower. I mean, whats the worst that can happen if you truely try to understand the other person? I guess it would be to find out that they are actually the evil devil we already believe them to be and have this be confirmed - so since we are already there, assuming the opposite is simply evil, we shouldnt fear that conclusion anyways. But think about what can be gained by understanding the other's whys?  

I said this to her because I see it around me. Lets just forget about society and strangers on the internet.  But look at families, and close friends (like my patient has), so much divide is already happening among people who do love each other. And there is not only two extreme sides like social media and politics like to paint it out to be. United we stand, divided .... we fall. 

 

Why You Hate Changing Your Mind | 25 Cognitive Biases

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New Year!

Happy New Year. 

Lets hope we are more prepared for this year, not like last year. And I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas, connecting with those you love however it may look like. 

Strange how the world is so different now. 

I was thinking the other day of how the world is so different not just because of the pandemic, but also because those we have lost are not with us anymore. How dimmer it is for me, yet realizing that the light that remains is actually much brighter than I realized because I look at it in a different way now. 

I realized in the last few months that even though we are all trying to keep healthy and covid-free, this whole pandemic is taking away from our health in other ways, so don't forget to keep everything healthy. 

 Anyhoots ... this was funny (the first video)... and and yet sadly true. Similar to my thoughts on when people state "I can't wait for this covid to be all over." Its not like a light switch you turn off after it is on... 

(btw the last video of this is so true also haha, why do people in movies always eat runny, melting ice cream? haha how many takes did they do that the ice cream is already melting?)

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