another quote

". . .if we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin."
-- Ivan Turgenev

yawn!

Dude! Seriously. I just finished doing a talk to a small seniors group and  2 out of the 7 were falling asleep. I was standing about 7 ft away from them and I made sure my voice was intonative and projected enough. I had powerpoint and pictures and handouts and props, I drew diagrams even, I asked them questions.................. (*insert the sound of crickets chirping here*).

Man, I gotta do something different next time!

I knew I shoulda handed out candy.... dang it.

negatorious

meaning: negative to the max and known for it, a history of negativity, notoriously negative lol

One thing that has reverberated throughout the past 2 years is the basic idea of "cleaning house".

As Oprah mentioned in the videos posted previously, some people that surround you are life suckers.

Literally suck the life out of you. And, unfortunately, its usually people that have "horrible lives"

Some can handle their own shit. Some people are more self aware of what is their shit and the shit other
people cause. They can own their shit. Take responsibility for it.

But others, the life suckers, blame everyone and everything for their misery.

And if you hang around long enough, even to support them to try to help them, they end up dumping their own shit on to you.

Some things in life are out of ppls hands, not under their control. Yet some things are controlable. Yet people dont realize this. And the world just seems to happen TO them.

Im tired of walking on eggshells. Im tired of lending out a hand and having it slapped with a yard stick. Because after a while, going back to this is not helping a fellow man, its self abuse. Abuse of who it is I want to become.

Anyhoots, this blog was not meant to be deep. So just focus on the new word. Negatorious.
Sounds like a dinosaur lol.

Oh the things you find on POF

"A noble man compares and estimates himself by an idea which is higher than himself; and a mean man, by one lower than himself. The one produces aspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a vulgar man aspires." - Marcus Aurelius

ah ha

Oh Oprah - when crappy energy surrounds me - I have found your lessons ! ha
Ah Ha!

On a side note.... for lunch I ate one half of a whole large pizza. All by myself. Gone. Done. All in ma belly... I really dont know what else to say to that.

Idle minds

Idle thoughts can weigh you down.
I NEED BACK GROUND MUSIC IN THE OFFICE!!!
ITS SO DARNED QUIET!
NEED MUSIC - ASAP!
seriously gonna consider singing to these poor patients, doesnt help that I sound tone deaf.....

Cant sleep!!!!!!!

Maybe I should allow myself one sad day a month - to give into fully the feelings that I keep pushing away...

Or maybe.... just maybe I should learn to never drink anymore coffee!! Caffiene is NOT my friend!
Especially with all the stuff going on right now outside of my personal life and the stuff not happening in my personal life.
DAmmit! Stupid Coffee! and Stupid man! Get out of my HEAD!!!!!!!

AAAAANNNNDD........Another one bites the dust....

How fitting this was sung by Queen.
Lets make it x2.
Gotta do something about that this coming year.....

Oprah Life lessons!

Stumbled upon this show on the OWN channel today. Love it!

Take Responsibility for your life:

Having a dream for yourself.

"be responsible for the energy you bring ..."
Likewise, be responsible for the energy you surround yourself by, if others are not responsible for the energy they bring to you.

The Serenity prayer.

"the energy you are putting out into the world is the energy that is coming back to you"

"...While I am waiting on something to happen, that something is waiting for me.... thus I am responsible for the energy I put out there and the power I give to other people around me...."

Christmas discovery

Im not one to jump into the Christmas season too soon... I really dont like listening to Christmas music one month or more before the day. I prefer to listen to it one week before. It can be over done, which decreases the beauty of it all, espeically with these adverts for consumerism.
Anyhoots, had some dinner at the oyster house in the distillery yesterday - never realized how pretty it is there during the winter!!! I must visit again during THIS time.

Oh so nervous and scared at the same time... cant sleep!

Things have been moving pretty fast with everything in my life right now - well mostly the big things. So one thought I had:

Never lose sight of what it is you want and where it is you want to be. No matter the debris along the path, that distracts you and beats you down so much you feel you cannot go on, that tempts you and diverts you off track with the most delicious magnetic temptations. Hope is such a tortuous word and yet a glorious word at the same time. Im repeating time and again... despite how I feel.... I thank You for all You have given me ... but mainly I do not want to hate You. In essence I do not want to hate You for all the things I have asked You and feel I did not get.

clean up yourself

... you know when you fall into shit and wiggle around in it for a while, you got to pick yourself up and clean yourself up..... because at that point, no one is willing to do that for you....smellly belly!

Timmy Ho's!!

Treat from a patient this morning. Ahhhh so needed this! Seemed to be a busy week and it is just getting more busier. Now if only this treat can get rid of my red eyes! Gots me an event  to go to tonight ... I get to wear a dress .... whoooo hoooo!!! (can you tell I hardly get to do that?)

My average 1st date convo.....

Dude and I talking in front of my parked car at the end of the date:

dude: hey, so whats that on your back seat? (peeking in through the window at the car ice scraper)
me: oh you know.... a shovel, mask, and gloves....
me and dude at the same time: .........the usual 1st date things.

Awwwww.... we finish each others sentences!

??

So not sure if I should post this. Its more of my wacky over thinking of things.
One of my first dates this weekend conversation included:

Pastic surgery
Fake boobs
Asian Drivers
Various accents
How lulu lemons make asses look amazing
quickest first dates
Shopping at Holts (not from me)
Mortgages
Mortgage Brokers
Banks
Bicuriousness
Racist Stereotypes
Religion and Pentecostals talking tongues
Politics
Socialism
Conservatism
Occupy protestors
Those close to us that have passed away
Tragic and horrific deaths
(mind you these convos included eating messy wings on the first date)
Zit talk with one even taking out a pocket sized clearasil treatment gel
Shovel, gloves and masks in the back seat of the car being usual 1st date stuff to bring (my car)
Asianophilia or Yellow fever
Weird friendships with ppl of the opposite sex who we would never date
and an awkward moment when he just realized Im only 1 yr younger than him... instead of 8 yrs younger.

Hummmmm, I think he is a keeper ;)

Yoga XXX

Seems like forever since I have been to Moksha Yoga. I can say I do like it :)
I was thinking of it long before, then a friend introduced it to me and mentioned that he wanted to try it with me.
That never happened. But it did push me into going to it. In some weird way I would like to say thank you to him but cant :(
Oh wells....

So my class Sunday morning was good. Challenging of course because Im so freakin unfit! But I like it because I can somewhat quiet my busy mind.
.... except this particular class...

Blonde chick beside be somehow was confused and thought that "Ujjay" breathing (loud breathing) is actually moans instead, like an "uuughha" at the end of each breath.... you know, like sex sounds...really?! Must you go on and on like that in the class?! Get a private room for that lady!

Ah I must re-learn that Moksha Yoga is not all about the yoga as it is knowing where to place yourself in the class... not by the noisy, the smelly, or the wobbly, or the creepy, or the smelly (said that twice because I needed to)... only until then can I find my zen haha :-P

Nervous....

1st dates are nerve weaking and sometimes what goes on in your mind is more important than what is actually said, because it affects everything... no matter how many MILLIONS of first dates you had....
Every gal should listen to this before a first date :-)

amor et desiderium - By Lladro

My favorite figurine. Some ppl would say it is inappropriate. I think it is pretty :)

Funny!.....

But looking further into this, it is quite.disheartening :(

tsaa - ahhhhh :)

Finally, another High Tea review.

Went to Tsaa Tea Shop and I must say I do like it! I always should remember that when I go to high tea I should have a light light lunch or light brunch that day. Coming from my nephews Bday party I was already kinda full.

Definately a lot of food. Even enough for 3 people instead of 2. I had to take some leftovers home. It was a 3 tiered arrangement and you need to call 24 hours in advance so they can prepare everything in advance. Strangely, they ask for a credit card number to hold the spot incase you just dont show up ... as a customer I thought it strange because no other high tea place has ever asked that, but I can definately understand as the owners it must be frustrating for them to prepare things and have the customers not even show up.
The staff are very very friendly, and it looks like it is run by a family. Modern yet cozy decor, free wifi and they dont kick you out if you want to sit and chat for a long while. Good seating places, typical tables, window seating and fireplace seating as well. Small so no loud convos unless you want everyone else to hear.

The selection of teas is amazing! Loose leaf teas with many flavors that you are welcome to take a wiff of to help in your selection. If anyone likes places like Davids teas or those stands for Teaopia this is the place to go....except they provide High tea and various other yummy snacks ... heck even a breakfast and lunch menu! Even those fancy pancy high tea places like King Edward or Windsor arms serve prebagged tea. You know, those ones you can get in a box in your local Grocery store. Well I guess, the Fairmount hotels prebag their own specialty teas... thats alright. This is important to me just as much as the snacks are for high tea. I love that they have a great focus on good teas.

The bottom tier is filled with your typical "english" sandwiches. They are good - though if you have a peanut allergy you MUST let them know, because there were a couple items that did have nuts and peanuts in it. I guess the "english" sandwiches will satisfy the typical English High tea goers and they were tasty - especially the salmon one.... but overall, I find the english sandwiches a bit boring, but they suffice and are filling. Salty tarts or even more savory hors d'oeuvres on crackers is what I usually prefer to english sandwiches.
2nd tier was filled with 2 large scones each of sweet and savory. I must say the scones were nice and warm and moist inside. Pretty good. (still not as good as my friend JPs but still great)
My friend and I were each given a tiny dish of butter and jam. I felt that we didnt need one of these each, it would have sufficed to just have a pair of these for the both of us. Maybe even a 3rd tiny dish of cream would have been nice - which Ive seen in some high tea places (but who am I to talk, I shouldnt be telling them what to serve ;) ).
Last tier was the sweets level. And my they were sweet. We had a very rich chocolate mouse with even gold flecks on top! Yum. There were also the typical macaroons - my these ones were so packed with flavor! Not too dry on the outside and wonderfully nice and gooey goodness inside! I wonder even if they make them themselves instead of ordering it in. One disappointment would be the Matcha squares. Very cute to look at and colourful but it would have been nice if the bottom "crust" of coconut was a bit more crunchy or firm than the top soft mushy matcha topping. Maybe Im just not used to it. But I didnt like the texture of it. Usually when I think of "squares" I think of a soft flavor on top of a firm crust to hold it all together.
And the highlight of it all was the mango mouse/ cake dessert! OH MY! So refreshing and so fruity and flavorful mango! Im pretty picky when it comes to flavorful versus just sugary. And this was definately ALL flavor!

So my over all rating would be a 4.5/ 5.  Worth a re-visit and also a great place to replace the typical coffee date places.

Summer Peach tea (black tea) and Chocolate Hazelnut Roobios tea

note: They dont seem to advertize their 21$/pp high tea, but I think they really should!

I can't help it....

....If YOU feel this way about ME.   What can I say... Im simply just unforgettable like that  !



bwahahaha!!!! If I think it....
Anyhow, nice song, cheesy vid.

Rain, rain, DONT go away!

What can make a gal happy on grey, cold rainy days???
Dem boots, dats what! Uh huh!

Finally, Chicken Adobo that tastes like Chicken Adobo

After a few attempts in the previous years I finally got it to taste .... ok.
There were salty-soysauce-drenched-dry-chicken and super-acidic-vinegary dishes.
I have to admit some of the past failures are when I tried to tell my mother to put the recipe in writing. You see... she doesnt do that - its all in her head and she never measures anything. She tells me that I have to just be there and watch her cook. (ie make ME estimate roughly how much of each ingredient as she throws it in the pot).  One previous failure was due even to a book - a filipino cook book. Sheesh. Oh those attempts have almost scarred me, with me wanting to throw away all the food and denounce my culture. This time, I swore I was gonna break down in tears if it didnt work.

So in my attempt tonight I roughly used the recipe from here.

So voila! A pic right from the pot.
Bay leaves baby, Bay leaves!

GET it OUT!!!! UGH!!!!

No nutcracker at work and dont want to risk breaking my teeth on this.
So little, yet so frustrating.
Get it out! I want it!

Ho hum....

I realized that when Im at work, I tend to want to constantly be eating food. Munching away at a bag of cookies or chocolate or whatever that a patient has given me. I can finish a whole box of cookies in one sitting !
Yea, gross huh.
So today I brought a bag of mini carrots and Pistachio nuts. It was all going well and the bags are almost finished...until I happened to look down at one of my split pistachio nuts. It broke in half and I just finished eating the first half - I happened to look down at the other half and saw some weird larve shell of some kinda bug that was trapped or growing in the nut!!!
Sooooo want to gag. If you ever look at those pistachio nuts they look nasty. Half dried and flakey crusties after you remove the hard shell. And its greenish and brownish. And the only ones you can eat are the ones that are half open. You know - for bugs to crawl into.

My fav are cashews. Though Im eating these just cause I heard they are good for you. The taste is growing on me, they are yum (minus the bugs).

But what Im really craving is this kinda Pistachio!

Gelato! I think Im addicted to this.....

Tee Hee

Oh how Im giddy!
Look what I got today.
I. Love. Getting. Flowers.
Love it!
Did I tell you how much I love getting flowers?!
From anyone, really.
I think its because I have rarely gotten flowers from any admirors when I was younger.... so now, anyone and everyone can gimme them and I love it. My mom, my friends, my patients.
I think I have only gotten one rose for valentines day from an admiror once. Ever. In my whole life time. And I aint a spring chicken.

My favorite are "champagne" roses. They are white - but kinda peachy white.
I was asked that recently, actually about a year ago, by someone, but nothing ever came of it haha. Its like - then dont ask me what my favorite flower is sheesh!

Anyways these flowers are bbbbeeeeauuuutiifffuuuuulllll! :)
White with red edges! How do they make that? Who cares! They are pretty. And today, they are mine! And Im happy :-D

I'd love to say they are from one of my mmmmaaaaannny admirors. But they arent. And there arent many haha. None that I know of actually. But Im sure there are tonnes out there, they just havent met me yet ;)

Anyhow, hopefully without sounding anti-climactic, they are from a long time patient of mine. "for you, just cause I like you." Crazy huh?! For no reason at all what so ever.
Who does that?! She is awesome.
These make me happy.
Im easy like that :P

Thank You!

Raspberry swirl cheesecake cupcake, with Splenda (for the diabetics the family) - From my sister in laws mom

Molten Lava Cake with Peanut free Vanilla ice cream - From my sister in law

Red Velvet (chocolate) cheesecake - From my sister in law

(Picture missing... maybe because I was so full I didnt have any more energy to simply take a pic)
Pumpkin pie - From my friend JP

There you have it. Our Thanksgiving desserts!
Feeling a little guilty - its more like gluttony than thanks - but I am thankful for sure!
Feeling a little guilty too because I didnt really make much for Thanksgiving dinner this time - just the salad and cooked the potatoes (yawn).

This year is a weird year. There have been many things that have been going on in my friends lives and people that I know. I entered this year with a strange feeling of being worried for others. Weird huh.

Anyways I would like to take this opportunity to be thankful for many of the things in my life. Especially family and friends and their health and hopefully their happiness. Sometimes I wish certain things in life can stay exactly how they are in this moment. I realize I worry so much about alot more things... gotta work on that. But for now, just thankfulness and knowing despite all my worry, things are not all as bad as they seem.

I beg your pardon?

Oh Kon Kan, why did I never listen to your lyrics until tonight?
Amen!
Guess Im going through music therapy or something.
Ah to mark this day - new day when I start ova yet again. Bring it!

Side note : I have no idea how "Woody" from Toy Story got to sing with them in the 80s.....

Oh to Shake shake shake away this Mulligan..

I like this song. The official video, not so much. So Im posting this corny wordy one....

...According to many sources, and my origional source, Dr. Oz..... this is apparently good for PMS. Taken from day 14 to 28. Just saying....

Anyhoots.....I was thinking about some song I posted on my fb once that made me feel good....you know, something that doesnt make me afraid of the H word.... Hope.
Gotta remember it is a Beautiful world.



And love can be really nice. I been there once, quite a few years ago...





Some people enter your life and make you want to be a better person... and for that I will always be thankful.

And now that this post has officially OD-ed on youtube vids, I leave it at this rare thought:
Well, maybe it will happen again...

EAT it!

So recently I came back from my dream trip to Italy. Ive wanted to go back here for about 14 yrs. For the sights but mainly because of the food!!!!
I was blown away the first time I went - maybe because I wasnt expecting much... Pasta is pasta right? .... Not that time! I was like what is this??!? Can I take it home with me?
(Yea I get pretty friendly fast when I fall in love with food . har har)

So maybe this time around I had higher expectations.... Maybe it was that old age saying - "absence makes the heart grow fonder" ... and we begin to imagine that things were really much better than they actually were..... (I can extrapolate more about this but Im sticking to the topic of food...)

Our first dinner in Italy was in Venice. We didnt look into any guide books for this - we were just hungry and assumed all food in Italy was the bomb.
So we went into here:

And I ordered this:

And it tasted like this:

Not that I ever ate cardboard boxes, but you get the idea. Oh and throw in some huge chunks of salt and maybe some sardine fishbones that go crunch in your mouth.

It was supposed to be Pesto pasta. I couldnt finish it - because half way through the meal, not only did it taste bad, but my imagination started to run as to what on earth was the crunchy stuff.
We were in shock. We didnt say much only because we arent Italian and they were and Italians are supposed to know their pasta right?! Who were we to critisize? I think they knew it tasted like crap - cause they never came around to asking us how it was, they kept giving us the sketchy eye look and gave us a free glass of wine in the end.

So we were definately apprehensive for every meal we ate after that - consulting guidebooks for even the quickest lunch. Luckily it got better the more south we went. Maybe tops in Sorrento. But I was always in search of that pasta I had 14 yrs ago. Even when I was full up to the tip of my head with pasta pasta pasta - I even had hope with my last dinner in Italy in Rome. Even ordering the simple Bolognese pasta. AcK! It tasted like egg noodles.
WTF?
So I left Italy gastronomically unsatisfied and oddly enough my search continues at home. I dont know why I hope so much. That someday I will find what I once had. Maybe I never really had it in the first place. Maybe after all these years it really only existed in my head. Ughh... what was I talkin about again?.... Oh yea - food ha.
Anyhow, this is all running through my head as I sit here during work on my break searching though Yelp.ca for Italian Restos and reading the reviews and salivating over the pictures. I cant believe Im still looking for that delicious pasta.
IM SO HUNGRY!

A little time for Vanity.....

I have this patient. I find her personality extremely difficult. One day she is nice, next day, if she had a bad one she takes it out on me and everyone around her and blames us for her misery.

Ive learned to deal with it and come to some kind of compatible repore with her. I no longer try to "break through" to her because it is pointless.

She was complaining to me yesterday about all her life and health ailments. They are valid,  and I could understand her frustration.
She said something that kinda made me chuckle - given the type of personality she has.

"you and my dentist are the only health professionals that are doing what they are supposed to do for me"

I am so glad that my work is pretty straight forward. I totally feel for her and yet for her primary health practitioner.... her attitude makes it so difficult to distinguish real concerns over hypercondriac concerns, yet, it turns out that what she has been complaining of for a while was something quite valid.

Anyhow, I felt good that I was helping her as much as I could and told her the limits I had in helping her as well.
Phew! I totally ducked out of that attack!

X-continued....

Was searching all over for this yesterday...

This kid is ADORABLE!! love it!

• and yet another inspirational one :-) here...
• and another cause I like the words to this oldie song and the different way it was sung

Oh and randomly.... just cause I feel that day is coming OH so soon, and Im excited, and Im goin to dance just like this, so Im just goin to slip this in here... oh so very randomly .... :-)

X factor

I hardly ever watch t.v. Lately though, my ass is getting used to becoming a couch potato.... you know, between signing up for swim lessons and going back to yoga, and looking into golf lessons again and catching up on all the books on my shelf that are only half - read, (or just bought with the ideal of becoming well rounded by osmosis......)
Who are we kidding, Im in my many procrastinating moods once again.

I stumbled upon watching The X Factor tonight.
I like it! (the good auditions only of course and the stories behind them....I just cringe at the bad auditions and feel bad that their delusional dreams are crushed in front of everyone)

Ok so skip to the line that brought about this post :

"I dont wanta die with this music inside me....." - Stacey.

Too lazy to post more behind these meaningful words, but I needed to hear something like that today.
Read more if you wish here.

Davids Tea

I  like teas... prefer it to coffee. I like the different flavors you can get - My favs were Creme Carmel roobois, Licorice spice, and Tropical Green tea.

Ive tried some High tea places as well. How delightful (I sound so English).

Recently went into David's with a friend..... She introduced me to Creme Brule Roobios! I bought some and have yet to try.

Interestingly enough we chatted with the lady at Davids and I found a flavor that suites me more better:

Something funky, something Deep

Started this blog after some life changes. I was excited! Now Im in a funk.
Gotta get inspired, gotta get back to me.
Mental note: Dont ever think that you can accept a situation that you know truely isnt you....even for temporary fun, or even in hopes that things will change in your favor (they wont), or in hopes to save something that once was there, or even if you believe in the good of someone who is short-changing you,  cause you end up losing a part of you.
Gotta find it.
Gotta make a new Bucket list!
Not to sound too cliche, but every day is a new day!

The Alchemist - Paolo Cohelo :

"The boy didn't know what a person's "destiny" was. It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny. (p22) - "

"I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living now. (p88/89)"

"People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. (p136)"

"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."

Bumper Sticker

Saw this bumper sticker in a store quite a few years ago.... was soooo tempted to buy it.... but decided not to since neighbours and coworkers may feel its not appropriate, or may think differently of me:

Getting ansy....

alot on my mind.
Gonna try to briefly divert away from my busy thoughts, just enough to post another borrowed  poster-from-my-sislaw's-pinterest page:

haha!

Here is another quote post from my sister in law's pinterest page. Somehow I still dont want to sign up to it and have them have all my info from facebook. So I borrow it and place it here. Maybe one day I will join...this is hilarious!

Craaaaaazzzie lady!

Lets just say my work day seemed like it would never end! Thursdays always feel like that. I dont even think I went to the bathroom the whole day. Just stayed in my room... Oh, except to grab a pizza down the street for lunch.
I could not WAIT to get home! So I was driving late today. Picked up a few things after work to make for the road trip tomorrow.
My street is a pretty quiet street, though there are still a few cars that go by every now and then. I have to make 2 quick lefts to get on to my street.... well.... ahem .... I was a little heavy-footed and made it one whole round left. Not drastically, totally still alert and not careless. But I rounded the corners. And there were a bunch of women walking on the street (we have no sidewalks). They were actually crossing the street on a diagonal in ahead of me.

And.... (dont worry I did see them)..... one of the ladies, mouths the words WIDELY " heyy slllooooowww down", wide-eyed as she crosses the street with BIG hand motions as if she is pressing her hands on the brakes....
I slow .... of course, as I pass them .... only to stare at them... blank look.... and they stare at me ....  expressions on our faces....
Well, maybe even confused expressions....
Them: with the expression wide-eyed "whoa crazy lady, sup wit choo?! ...huh .... hey wait a second....."  
And Me: with the expression between saying "ok ladies dont worry I see ya, sheesh" and "ummmm, hey....hi? neighbour?...."
Yikes.
They were my neighbours from directly across the street. You know, the ones I see come out of their house and I wave and they wave and we both smile and ask how are you and all that friendly neighbourly stuff. Ive known them for years.

So I get home and hurry up and do what I need to do: Pack, make some food, put stuff away. I finally get to the bathroom, ready to take a shower and what do I see in the mirror looking back at me?

 
No. Not Courtney. But RACOON EYES! Or eyes that look like I have been punched a couple times!
What the??!
Then I remember, this was the first day in years that I decided to wear liquid eyeliner instead of powder eyeliner.

Great. It seems not only did I try to run over my friendly neighbours after all these years.... It seems I walked around all day seeing patients, doing grocery as if I was in some kinda brawl fight the day before and never cleaned myself up. Craazzzie!

I make awesome impressions.

RED velvet

my first. red velvet. yum! Apparently its either vanilla or chocolate cake w red dye. It used to come from mixing buttermilk with coca. I honestly prefer without the dye. But yum non the less! ... side note: discovered ted.com from my older bro. 1st lecture I saw asked the "why" before the "how" and before the "what". great. Now Ima sell myself!

Dont you wanna Stay?

I hate sappy songs, sappy movies, hate romantic comedies, romantic movies.
Ack , barf, gouge my eyes out with a fork.
And country music... (other than Johnny Reid)....whats up with all the whiney, love songs, of longing and broken heartedness (ya thats a word. brokenheartedness)
Its gross, makes me want to vomit and pull out all my hair.
Ya, like romance is really like that huh?
Ne Yo even said it . (Love him. But his lips scare me.)
Lovey crappatolla all made up from dreamyland which is on the planet dreamyworld with fairies and crap.... that is what I say!
Sickening.
What? Shut up. Im not bitter.
Its disgusting.
sickos....

Anyways. I like this song. Whatever.

Fringey

So this weekend was filled with a few fringe fest plays.
I think they are kinda neat! (who says neat anymore?! I do!).

Small off beat plays, in tiny theatres in downtown T.O. Only 10$. Some make ya think, some are simply entertaining. Was introduced to it a while ago by a friend whose ex was doing a one-woman-play at the fringe  in '08. Strange but fun to watch. This year I saw a couple plays about relationships - Swoon!, about online dating - Love, Virtually. And a fringe kids one with my neice and nephew - Mr. Brightside.

Till next year!

One piece of chocolate cake

Kinda miss his company and talking to him already...

Ahhhhnyways......not really related but: This song by Johnny Reid is upbeat! Johnny is like my substitute for chocolate cake.... Oh the Ibarra chocolate cake at Milestones!

Borrowed....

... from my sister in laws Pinnerest page:

And this next one..... "in a while crocodile" - heard that first from my childhood friend Amy, when I was 5? Just before taking a road trip with my family all the way to Jasper Alberta. I still answer this way, when people say "See you later alligator"  :-)

Which one was it again?

Me: So great, looks like the treatment at the dermatologist is working. The lesion is finally getting smaller and healing

Patient: yes, yes, She was using the medication, you know, the one in the can?

Me: Yes, we dont have that medication here, that is why I referred you there. We used all the medication that we could here and none of them worked. We dont have that medication here.

Patient: Yes, its that one that goes Psshhhh Pshhhhh, it has a spray?

Me: Right, and we dont have that spray here

Patient: Its in a can.

Me: I know, we dont have it here

Patient: Its about ummm.... that big (points to a bottle on the counter behind me)

Me: Oh yea, (as I glance at it) we dont have that one here

Patient: Its ummmm..... blue, yes its a blue can like the one there (points again to the bottle)

Me: YES, I know. And.... that ..... is ..... why .... I referred you to the dermatologist. We ....dont.... have ..... that .... medication.... here.

Patient: Oh I see.

The Calm

I hear that in the centre of a tornado there is nothing but calmness. Things are still. Pshhhhh! Wonder who the heck found that out?!?!
Anyhow. I imagine its a false sense of calm obviously. Things around you flying around, being wiped around, thrown, destroyed. I imagine its hard to get a handle of the bigger picture around you. You may think you are ok but you dont feel it. Many things can hint at it - sense of anxiety, uneasiness, unhappiness.

Sometimes there are people in my life who are like pillars. They ground me. I know they bring a sense of real calm to me.  Make things clear again. When I feel everything is out of control and I lose my sense of self.
A dear friend does this for me today and  then he also tells me of his hero who he met today :Alvin Law. Apparently he was born with no hands yet can do anything. Married, a motivational speaker, can play awesome drums (my friend loves the drums).
I told him of mine. Not really my hero. But amazing non the less. I found her blog from someone elses. I saw links to earlier posts. She is gorgeous. Pretty creative, positive, picture perfect family, kind person..... so I decided to see the updated posts of the present time. I was shocked. Apparently she has survived a near fatal plane crash that has burned more than 80% of her body. And yet.... she carries on even more so! I cannot believe her strength.
Here is her blog.

Complacent

(The Free dictionary)
com·pla·cent (km-plsnt)

adj.

1. Contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned: He had become complacent after years of success.

2. Eager to please; complaisant.

Not sure if I am using the right word... I feel like there is another one to describe it.....

So not to be all Buddha and all-knowing and crap... cause I am full aware of how much I have yet to learn....

But today, I was just thinking how easy it is to become pretty complacent with my life.

I mean, Im so thankful for what I have today.

But, when it comes to other things that havent happened, I start to think... meh... I can do without this or that. And things that I would have felt that I'm NOT ok with, become blurred as I second guess myself and think that maybe Im just nit-picking, impatient or just plainly on a simple ghost hunt. So I convince myself that I AM ok with it.

Heres the thing....when I do this often enough.... somehow something ends up happening that kicks me in the pants... a wake up call - hopefully not something tragic or devestating.... but enough to make me wake up and realize.... DUDE, just accept it, you are NOT ok with it, now get back on track!

Also, I guess everything in life is in constant motion or changing (hopefully improving) and I guess complacency can be looked at also as something more stagnant. And usually things that are stagnant are dead/ lifeless.
Hummmm?
Head hurts.
I think I will put on a dress, go out into the sun and look at the blue sky now....ahhhhh

Anyways, yada yada yada. Complacency. Not a good thing.

XS

Variety people. Variety. We come in all shapes and sizes and heights.....
Im swimming in these "extra small" scrubs. These are apparently the smallest.
This is even with the hems folded and the waist area rolled ....
It feels like when I used to roll the top of my highschool kilt up to make it shorter (then roll it down when I got home)...except it was never as short as the kids have it now.....

Sugar Beach

(borrowed this pic from yelp by daniel s)
I am a worry wart. I gotta work on that.
Its already July and Im thinking that the summer is going to fly right by without doing/ seeing the things I want to see.
I have to add this to the list.
Sugar Beach.
Im not one to lay out in the sun and bake... but check out this pic.... so nice to just be by the water, in the warm summer sun, under some shade of course. I'll have to check it out. T.O should really do more so people can enjoy the waterfront... its enough that they covered it all up with the condo wall.
Its nice to be by the water while in the big city...some how it briefly takes you away from all the hussle and bussle. I like the contrast.
The only thing with this man made beach is that you cannot dip your feet into the lake water to cool off. ....Unless you have really long legs or if you dont mind falling off the railing edge.

Summa dis and Summa dat....

Those who've known me for years, know that I usually HIDE from the sun. Maybe it stemms back to the old 90's fashion of pale skin and red lips, pale always being better...even if you look less healthy ugh.
Or maybe its from the very bad sunburn I got at Canada's Wonderland in grade school, standing on the bridge watching that log ride come down and drench the heck out of you.... that is when I learned that sun and water make for a horrible burn! Maybe it comes from the fact that I dont like being uneven ie...tan lines. (solution nakkie beach! yet to try haha). Maybe it also comes from the fact that I do suffer from sunstroke - it has happened a few times... I really cannot sit in the sun for too long or else I feel nauseous and extremely exhausted.
Regardless .... I do like summer :) I've grown to slowly come out into the sunshine.
And dis is what I like:

• Smooothe sailing on the DVP going home.... the kids are off school and its like half the population on the road has disappeared! AHHHHH love it!
• The smell of BBQ and eating bbq.... though Im not much of a red meat eater.....
• Justified Ice cream trips! (yea, icecream is good all year round)
• I go to work in the day time - ie. the sun is out when I wake
• I go home in the day time - ie. the sun is out when I drive home
• Wearing dresses! (though I really dont have that many... shopping time!)
• Biking
• Blading by the beach
• Sitting outside to have dinner on the patio/ backyard.....(as long as I'm under the shade)
• Warm summer nights
• Swimming outdoors viewing the stars on warm summer nights (did that only once)
• Staying out late on warm summer nights
• Justified Ice Cap from Timmys (yes, also good all year round)
• Food fests all round the city
• No traffic on the hwys..... wait.... said that already...... but I reallllllly love this!

Ah there are more Im sure.......looking forward to the rest of this summer...... hope it stays with us for a long time this year!

A time less complicated.......

Ahh. Maybe its odd but sometimes I like to go back to places I've been years ago that remind me of innocent times. Especially when things in life right now feel overwhelming and complicated and when dreams that I had as a child did not come true...its kinda nice to go back to a time when I was filled with so much hope and less disappointments.

This swing, I believe is the same one, in exactly the same spot, 30 somewhat years ago. Its by the house that I was born in...well not actually born IN, but the one my parents took me home to after I was born in the hospital. I was here until age 6.
I could not believe it was still here. Down the ways further behind the school yard is the more updated jungle gym. Meh..kids these days are spoiled :-p

How simple things were then. I did not realize how my old neighbourhood smelt so floral... but it did.... as the same floral sents brought me back as I toured my old block. I remember the raspberries in the backyard that the neighbour would steal. Odd how I just noticed some more raspberry bushes poking out of someone elses backyard down the road...  I remember having a branch that I tied fishing wire to and a rock at the end of the wire and sat at the curb after a big rain and "fished" for leaves in the puddle along the same curb. There is a giagntic tree taking up most of that area now.
I remember my babysitter Tia Maria who used to make liptons-cup-a-soup and she added more of her own noodles to it. And how I craved her italian cookies she made, so much so that I could not wait for them to cool off on top of the stove after she took them out of the oven. I remember eating a couple of them trying not to burn my hands and mouth as if she wouldnt notice. I remember being in LOVE with Hercules (the handsome dark haired muscular man in the cartoon) and how I dreamt that he would rescue ME instead of that dainty blonde chick and the sidekick kid with the horse body. I remember how I would compete to watch this cartoon with my babysitters son Tony who was much older than us "Tony baloney the big fat poney"  I would call out with my bro when we were safely in our own backyard.  I remember having a neighbourhood and classmate friend, an indian boy named Philip. That was only until my older brother teased me about having a "boyfriend" and I immediately refused to go to his bday party and any other play date at his house.... maybe that is where my demise with relationships with men started ..... hummmmm. Hahaha.
Oh how simple it was then. How I wish it would be as simple now. I guess when it is right then the simplier and easier it will seem.....

Rotting alive...

Ok. I tried. When I started this blog it was meant to be light and airy and just kinda about the everyday mundane things, to highlight something nice about my day or thoughts.
Who was I kidding. My thoughts arent like that everyday.

My day started off by looking up some images of skin diseases online, this was because yesterday this patient came in with these odd lesions on his lower leg... I could have sworn I saw a pic of that somewhere in some text book....
Anyhow, then my mind drifted.... as I walked past the waiting room I didnt look up and went straight to my room .... I recognized an odour coming from the waiting room. It was my patient's husband. I didnt even have to look up and I knew it was him.
He is a nice man but his feet REEK. I mean its like rotting garbage (as opposed to non rotting which isnt too bad, but garbage in itself is bad.This was rotting garbage).
My mind drifted some more....
His breath stinks too. He can kill a skunk with that breath. Its like dont explain anything just write it down or mail a letter.

So this is what I came up with - in my odd thoughts of the day:
If we didnt maintain ourselves as human beings - brush our teeth, bathe, clean our feet, clean our underarms, wash our hair, wipe our asses, clean our genitals, wash our clothes etc etc... if we were to just live.... eat, poop, pee, breathe, and live our daily lives without basic hygiene............we would indeed reek. But animals in the wilderness just live - dont they? They have minimal cleaning habits but they just continue on with their lives eating , pooping , peeing, and they dont reek right?
Well as far as I know,they dont reek, cause I havent exactly smelt a bear or hugged a lion or anything like that  before. But still.... are we human beings meant to just stink like rotten garbage?
Weird.
Ok back to the light stuff on my next post. promise

Veggie pasta salad

One time this Italian patient of mine brought me lunch. It was left over from the pasta salad she made for her church gathering.
I thought - aww how sweet!
Until I tasted it........
It was AMAZING!
I  have never tasted pasta salad that tasted this yummy before. I mean... it was filled with alot of veggies... who could make that taste so good?! But she did!

So every time she came in after that I have been hinting about how amazing it was, and she continues to talk about all the different kinds of foods she likes to make or the foods that she makes that her kids like etc....

Finally the other day I kinda got the ingredients for this pasta salad. Seems to be no big deal so Im sure there is something she may have left out... or maybe she just has that extra touch when it comes to making delicious dishes.

Here is the mix:

• red pepper
• carrots
• celery
• green beans
• peas
• zucchini (she seems to like a lot of this)
• a grated pickle
• either italian golden dressing or your own mix of olive oil, vinegar, lemon, garlic, parsley, oregano (dont remember if there was basil)

Ta da!
Now I just have to make time to test it out.

These apples are making me H_ _ _ _ Y

Hungry. Not Horney haha
So Plagued wtih massive cystic painful breakouts again... I tried everything. Now Im on the 3 Day apple diet kick..
Its day 0.5
I hope I dont pass out. I got alot of stuff to do and apts to go to in the next few days. Its gona be busy.
My tea is helping... I think its the cinnamon in it. My licorice spice tea.

Anyhow, of course, now all I can think of is food.

Coupon site reminded me of this... which I heard about a few years ago and have never tried...
So Im leaving the link here - just to remind me:

beard papa's

Crazy!

Stumbled upon this today in my search for things to do in the T-dot.
http://www.edgewalkcntower.ca/

Walking on the outer edge of the C.N Tower!

Crazy!

Not crazy to do - I think I would be up for it :-)
But 175$ ?!?! Now that is crazy.

Geez make it accessable to the public people! haha

Scones

My lovely patient brought these to me today! How nice it is to be treated every now and then!

I must say though, my friend makes the best homemade scones you will ever try!
So I have been alittle bit spoiled by having tasted her scones. I never really liked those bland bricks before until now.
These ones - if I were to compare - do not compare. They seemed like tastey soft orange cranberry cookies. But Im still thankful for some treats! These days I cannot stop eating!

Planning for Abundance

So a few years back many may remember the "almighty" Oprah introducing to the world the book "The Secret".
So much hype so I read it.
Who are we kidding... I hate reading.... so I got the video.
Kinda spacey but the concepts were intriguing!
Bascially, how we truely think about things is what we bring into our lives. Even if we say we "want" something in our lives yet we deep down truely believe we will never attain it - then we will always be struggling to attain it.
So it is a simple matter of changing our beliefs and thoughts that we put into the world (yea - actually not so easy).
But the thing about this book despite causing such a frenzy - is that - it never told you how to change that thinking that we already have so that we can start attracting the things we really want into our lives.

Anyhow, from there, for a bit I was testing it out and learning a bit of the concepts. Even talking to a good friend that had read more practical books on the concept with actual ' how to' methods. Apparently this "new " idea has been around for a long time and was a secret to only those that were actually successful in life.....

I thought about this today  because I stumbled upon one of the links on my "favorites" list on my work pc : Abundance Journal link.I forgot about this link.
I'm not sure if the author is someone formally educated in this matter or simply someones personal journal.....
Anyhoot, since Im in one of my many crazy "planning" modes - I should revisit this topic  --- here I go again! :-)

My cousin's wedding

Its funny (not really) what anxiety and nervousness can do to you. Cloud your train of thought I guess.
And mixed in with  a bit of alot of  alcohol to numb this anxiety or nervousness - thats just a recipe for a big ol' mess.
Guess this is yet another lesson in not judging others.... and also a lesson in being more self aware and facing my own fears. yada yada yada.
This all leads me to my 2nd most embarrassing moment of all time.
Wow... this year is filled with these apparently. So I am not looking forward to #3 (since they say most things come in 3's)
Its a darn shame that this "2nd most embarrassing moment of all time" had to come along with and in front of family and  "the best set-up" I have ever had. Great guy, too bad I messed it up. And as much as I long to explain "that is not really me, I'm never like that" (which, to those who know me, know that this is true) - It ends up looking like those creepy guys who always say "no you can trust me, Im a great guy" when in reality those words instantly alert the red flags and seem to mean the exact opposite. Its best I dont talk of it anymore and lay low for a while (which is weird, cause I thought I have always layed low in any group situation).
So to my cousins and family and especially extended family and their friends, I am sorry. I hope if anything they had a good laugh and focused more on the happy couple of course.

Happy Easter!

So this year's Easter Lunch went well. Though it would have been nicer if my younger bro from Ottawa came down for a visit.
Anyways, Yummy food !
I really should learn how to cook - cook well.
I know my basic stuff... but I really should learn how to cook the food of my culture. Philipino food.
I can make lumpia. Thats pretty easy and you can basically make up what you want inside it anyways.
But I tried the staple - 2 times.... Adobo. 2 times a fail. Everyone says its easy but ... apparently thats not in my vocab.
So my Aunt made some Polabok. That is her staple.... Auntie's Polabok... though it was a bit different this year with pancit noodles.... not so sure I like it that way... but still tasty.
Mom made the turkey this year - usually its my sister in laws specialty. I made it a couple times before too but I dont think it was as good as my sister in laws .... and man I find it stressful - 5 hours of worrying if its going to suck up the last bit of saliva coating the guests' taste buds if it is too dry or if it will make them vomit till they keel over if it is undercooked. (Yea Im so dramatic about turkey).
This year I just made some grilled veggies (my new thing since the pasta night a week ago) - btw grilled zucchini is the best side for a tomato pasta dish! yummy!
And I made my throw-togther-messy-looking-but - good - tasting Truffle.

Enjoy!

Fruit Truffle:

• Vanilla Pound Cake
• Strawberries and Blueberries (or any other combo of fresh fruit you like)
• Lemon Juice and Orange Juice (you can add a bit of liquor if you like)
• Whipped cream
• French Vanilla Pudding
• White chocolate - chopped up or in flakes
• Thin cut Almond slivers

Layer it all a few times in a lovely bowl and ta da! too easy.

C'est Wa?

You ever listen to the french translation of things and find that it is either longer or more expressive than what you heard in English?
You know, like those airline stewards who give you the safety regulations .... like they give those Frenchies the inside scoop on whats really happening and how to really save themselves! (and let the English fend for ourselves!)

I took my parents out to an Asian/ Chinese buffet lunch yesterday. It was a new place with alot of selection. The theme of the decor was an old pirate ship. Kinda dark.
Anyhoots... At the end of the meal my parents did not want the fortune cookies so I took all 3. And the oink that I am, I ate two of them and opened the 3rd just to read the fortune. 2 of the 3 where the exact same fortune in English....But what I found interesting is that the French part was totally different for both...
I thought arent those things just to translate the English to French ? I mean, it is both on ONE fortune from ONE cookie.... not give the French their own different fortune altogether!!!(really, if you are bilingual then you get two fortunes for one cookie - more benefits to those bilinguals! .... or so it seems)

I put them in my pocket and forgot about them... until I was doing online banking just now and one of them fell out with my wallet.... somehow I lost the other that had the same English fortune.
I decided to punch in the French terms into an English translation thingy online....

So this was all on one fortune slip:
English fortune : "you will always have good luck in your personal affairs"
French fortune : "A femme hargneuse, mari brutal" ...To woman hargneuse, brutal husband..... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! I know those online translation things dont get it right exactly but really??? That sounds crappy! Kinda makes me want to look up the other fortune that had the same english but different french wording... or maybe its good I lost it.... the french probably translates to more wishes of damnation! Effin scary man. Effin scary.

Salmon: Part I

 (not exactly the pic of tonight's dish- too bad I didnt take an actual pic of it)

So on the topic of food....
My mom makes the best fish dishes (especially salmon) EVER!
No fancy shpansy resto can compare! (not that I ever really ate at the fanciest shpanciest - but whatever).
I always find the salmon dishes I have elsewhere quite bland and dry no matter how it is cooked or garnished.

This was tonight's dish:

• Teryiaki sauce BBQ
• Thinly sliced ginger
• A dash of mayo
• Freshly squeezed lemon
• some soya sauce
• (she said salt and pepper to taste)
• Broil in oven for about 12 -15 min depending on size of salmon. No cover.

Voila!



(now mind you I must attempt this myself some day!)

Dreaming of Italy

I want to go back. Its been about 15 yrs since I visited Rome. The time I went I really wasnt expecting much, cause I was there for a student conference.
I remember sitting in the dining hall of the convent (ya, thats where they housed us) for a scheduled dinner with the rest of the visiting student groups. They served some kind of pasta with tomato sauce. I thought, no big deal.
But that one bite just transformed me forever! I love their pasta. Nothing like I have tasted anywhere here in north america. From then on, I was on a quest. To find the same kind of tasty pasta here.... or .... go back. In conclusion, I realize I must go back!

Anyhow, you can imagine my excitement when I was invited for a casual dinner at a friend-of-a-friend's house yesterday. Her friend was over from Italy and was making pasta from scratch!!!!
(Sorry to say I even resorted to trying to make my own home made pasta to replicate the taste a while back - big fail and a waste of 3 hours of my life)
So it was a fun night with a few of us helping to shape the little pasta pieces. Of course the flour we used was just usual north american flour, which her Italian guest found to be harder to mould and roll. She said Italy actually has a grainier and yellow-er type of flour and they also use 2 kinds to make the pasta. Its alot of work!
Thus, to say it still did not quite taste like Italian pasta I had 15 yrs ago - but it was the closest ever to it! I wish I could have took some home (didnt want to look like big Oink though). It was one of those times where your taste buds keep saying yes yet your full stomach has to say no.
Totally forgot the name of the pasta but it looks like the one in the middle bottom of this pic:
Delicioso!

Politically Correct.

Strange term. Isnt it politically INcorrect to talk about religion and politics in small conversation?
Anyhow, I have never really been interested in politics. But after the political debate last night - I"m sooo excited to VOTE! Bring it on!

well alot has happened since I last wrote. private stuff really. nothing that should  be written much of here. its hard to know what to say or how to help someone you care about when they go through a tramatic difficult time in their life.
"when someone passes we weep... not for the one who has passed, but more for ourselves, because we are the ones left behind"

Did I say "Die" ? I meant curl up into a ball and hide forever!!!

When anyone has ever asked me "what is your most embarrassing moment"? I never really had a good answer for them......
Until this weekend.
Has anyone ever really died of embarrassment???!! I want to know! Tell me if you have!! Well, maybe you cant if you actually died. But really? How do you get past this?
I guess this is what happens in life so that we are kept in check - you know, humbled. Prevented from thinking we are all that and a bag of cookies.
I guess also, when this happens in front of someone you think is a friend or a potential or more or even a stranger... it tests them too and your relationship with them.


anyhow.... blah blah blah...... Hiding is my best option right now :(

(thing is, when a turtle hides in its shell, we can still see it - ugh)

Wobbley

Ok. So tonight was my 3rd time at Moksha yoga. Getting better! Not as stinky as the first class. And, the non newbie teachers are really pretty good. At least the last two that I went to.
I like to stay one row away from the mirror. Not so close to my reflection but just enough to see myself and correct my position.
However, today we were doing this pose:

(dont know the name of it yet)
And the gal in the green tank in front of me, up against the mirror (right by my reflection) looked like this:

All wobbly, one foot down and up again, then down, then up again then down then up but holding some awkward pose. I felt for her. It is difficult to stay balanced! I had trouble too on many poses!!
But wow this was distracting!
And the sick person in me almost burst out laughing!
Im sick I know. I gotta work on that. Or go right up to the mirror so I only focus on myself.

Nipples of Vienna

Well, thats not exactly what these are. Im just referring to the fact they can look like titays haha. And also referring to a movie I saw on TV a few weeks ago about Mozart - Amadeus. Excellent old movie that I stumbled upon one night when I could not sleep. (think I saw parts of it before but never really paid any attention to it). Did not really appreciate his talent before this...... believe it or not, the movie has got me to start listening to classical radio during my communte to and from work.

Anyways, I have a sugar rush right now and am expecting to slump in my chair in a deep stupor after lunch. So maybe I can make the most of it and super clean this office and fill some casts that need to be made and polish my shoes and braid my hair before lunch ...  all right after I finish this post ! These stuffed jelly sugar cookies were given to me by a patient this morning to "have with a cup of coffee during your break". So thats what I made before I realized what she gave me was a sugar rush package. What What? Caffiene and Sugar ?! Ok, gotta run!