Pudding

So for the past holiday weekend, I bought supplies for a last minute, though ever tasty, trifle I wanted to make for the family.
When I found out that there were enough desserts, I did not end up making it.
So hence, lots of berries in the fridge.

Tonight I had the clever idea of mixing a bit of it together for a home made desert.
I always liked the taste of home made raspberry, yogurt ice-cream.
However, from my stocked up supplies, I only had vanilla pudding.

Blended it all together anyways:

• fresh raspberries
• vanilla pudding
• lemon juice

Turned out pretty yummy!
I even decided to pour it into Popsicle trays and pop it in the freezer.

Voila!
Raspberry Pudding Pops!!
Wow, I impressed myself!
But only for an instant....
Until I reflected on the words Pudding pops.....

The words Pudding Pops seem to be forever tainted somehow...
Boo you _ _ _ _ _, boo you...
  

I was offended....

Funny, but so true...

Jimjilbang

I wish that Seoul ZimZilbang would be more like the ones in Korea, many ways they can improve.

Although, yet again, that was awkwardly nice .... at least I got to shed myself of all the dead skin cells and feel super clean and light... heading into the New Year!

Oh darn, belated again...
Lots to be thankful for!
Merry Christmas!!

Scorpio in me is like .....

back off! git yer own sammich!



"....when you got something this good....."

XXL

I've brought the same, untouched container of blueberries to work every day this week.

I guess it is just to make myself feel better....
.... as I have opted to continually stuff my face with all the Christmas chocolates and treats patients have been giving me so far....

Thats all I have to say.

r-e-s-p-e-c-t

According to Merriam-Webster:

Definition of respect

1. 1:  a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation <remarks having respect to an earlier plan>
2. 2:  an act of giving particular attention :  consideration
3. 3a :  high or special regard :  esteemb :  the quality or state of being esteemedc plural :  expressions of high or special regard or deference <paid our respects>
4. 4:  particular, detail <a good plan in some respects>

in respect of

1. chiefly British :  with respect to :  concerning

in respect to

1. :  with respect to :  concerning

with respect to

1. :  with reference to :  in relation to

I find this interesting since the word respect seems to be used a lot. Especially since it is very important when dealing with others whether close or strangers even.

According to these definitions when dealing with others or other view points etc (#2 and #3), it entails some sort of "admiration" or esteem toward the other or even like it says, consideration, careful thought, reflection, or thoughtfulness.

But many times I've seen it used to dismiss this thoughfulness or falsely suggest consideration or reflection, and has no ounce of admiration or esteemed position of the others or view points. 

This is often said as "I respect that/this/you, BUT...."  So, I usually end up hearing after this BUT is:  ".... I dont really."

I think the "thoughtfulness" is not to say you have to agree or that you have thought about it and will now explain why your opinion or view is different or why you disagree. The thoughfulness, I feel is actually being thoughtful towards the other persons feelings about it.  

I guess you can respect something and not agree with it, and I see this more as agreeing that you disagree with something without trying to change the other persons view toward your own, without continuing to try to make them see how wrong they are that their view or opinion is bad, AND especially realizing that your intent from then on is not to make them feel BAD because you dont agree. That is the thoughtfulness, consideration, respect. 

I guess too, because I know I'm not perfect, and I have to be aware of using this word respect. It is so easy to say you respect something just to appease someone but not often easy to say it sincerely. 

Most of the time, the other party sees right through this eventually. 

Anyhow, not sure I explained this all how I wanted to. Just a reminder to myself when I use this word. 

On a lighter note: 

you free?

Ok I get it now.
When someone asks if you are free sometime,
its better to do the reasoning out of the days you arent free in your head,
and then actually say the days you are fee.
Instead of only answering with the days you arent free.

Ha I should be more conscious of this too.

Another retro-ish Christmas song

sing a long to this !

Edit
no wait - there is this ....

Snow!!

Well good morning there Mr. Snow.

It's been a while, kinda missed you a bit last year.
I almost forgot how it was to shovel heaps and piles of you from the driveway.
And that thick blanket you put over my car when it's out all night. Not so fond of the slippery ways you make the roads that remind me I have only all season tires and no all wheel drive.
Gots me a shoveling workout this morning.

But it's really nice to hear the silence you make when you come by.  Like sound is insulated all around the neighborhood.
And in fact you make it a bit warmer as well. Especially when it's just light fluffy you, without your friends Mr. Wind and Mr. Freezing rain.
This morning, you are perfect and you make me want to ski, toboggan, snow shoe, or maybe even finally try cross country!

So welcome back Mr. Snow ! You look mighty fine this morning! If only Miss Sunshine was here to light you up.

..... Oh, btw, you'll only be staying here till after Christmas right? Or just two months only is ok too :)

Christmassy....

So every Christmas season   November, it annoys me to see the jump on Christmas advertisements, decorations and the bombardment of Christmas songs on a couple of the radio stations I listen to. I would prefer to start to listen to these songs just a week before the day and on the day itself - thats it, not  two months ahead.

Its a bit much. I've felt that by the time Christmas is here, that I would already be so sick of it all. I feel it lessens the Christmas season when they over do it. Plus that is not what the season is about right? I've also unfollowed posts from fb friends that have daily count downs to the day because that just makes me anxious.

However, for some strange reason, this year I found myself drawn to listening to Christmassy music so early - in fact - end of November beginning of December.
And I sing along too (In the solitude of my own car and home of course - no one else needs to hear me sing).

So the other day, one of my favorite songs came on the radio. It always makes me feel Christmassy and also reminds me of my childhood, you know, when Christmas was much more exciting, it normally always brings that warm and fuzzy feeling of the season......

Until now. Until I paid closer attention to the words that I was singing along to.
I remember back then people made a little stink about this song but I ignored it and just thought it was from people who just want to complain about anything. Right? Because it sounds so pretty and it was made for a good cause, right?
Its Do they Know its Christmas by Band Aid - circa 1984.
I can no longer look at this song and feel the warm fuzzies and I will not belt out "Well, tonight thank God its them, instead of you!"  (wtf?!)
Yet radio stations go on playing it every year and remakes are happening by Glee and all the like.... (wtf?!)
They seriously should reword this song.

So on to another retro Christmassy song....
This one I was also drawn to and enjoyed singing.
Last Christmas by Wham! 

Anyhoots - I will continue with my private sing a longs to Christmassy songs - Dont think I will get sick of them this time. Actually, it makes me Happy!!

The blanket of sleep

I hate waking up realizing that the feelings of doubt, confusion, loss, are still there, and in fact, they were not a terrible dream. It is still there because nothing was explained, no reason given. It makes you want to go back into the comfort of ignorant sleep to get away from it all.

---
edit
Honest communication is so freakin important yet so tremendously difficult to master.....
But I guess, when it works and things get resolved, such a weight can be lifted off.

Docta Joss

I'm not a doctor by any means.

But I have a patient that likes to call me that.
Even when I corrected her many times - "Oh, I'm not a doctor, just call me by my first name."
So she does.
Except she said, she still always prefers to say "docta" informally in front of my first name.
So its her thing now.
She is a sweet elderly lady and one of the patients that makes me feel happy just to see her come in.

Another thing about her,
a few years ago, she gave me the most perfect Christmas gift, and I still have it and use it in and around the office to this day.
And every once in a while, I am reminded of how thankful I am to her.

Its a 100 ml bottle of "Fruits of the Sun" Room spray by Fruits and Passion.
And thats all I will say about that.

hugs

I love me a great hug.
Especially the bear hug ones that contain you when you are all mushy or falling apart.

But I dont just hug anyone.
Maybe its a personal space kinda thing.
Call me a hug snob but I'm selective.
Especially when it comes to strangers that think they "know" you.

BUT I'm all up for giving free smiles. That you can have. And I like the good, honest, genuine, I want to pass on happiness to you smile. (no point in making fake smiles- cause then you may as well frown).

Cho ko latte

say that in a spanish accent.... how wonderful.



Anyhoots, I'm craving chocolate like no bodys bizness!

Even despite the Christmas chocolate treats from patients.

Nothing seems to be cutting it.

I'm also feeling grumpy.

Don't cut me off! Don't you not listen to what I have to say! Don't dismiss the topic!



I must be......

..... low in magnesium .... apparently.

A mint-ay week so far.....

Maybe mint is a theme this season.....

Had some mint tea for brunch in the west end over the weekend.

Yesterday, a patient gave me a Mint Aero bar.

Today, another patient gave me Lindt Intense mint chocolate....

Heading to the dentist tomorrow.... I bet there will be some Mint involved in the treatment....

The more you whine....

The less people want to hear it.

I wish people would sttttaaaaaaaahhhhp whining because they did not win.
So much effort is going into further division of a family/country and discreditation of a system so meticulously engineered and implemented and promoted and founded on, just because they did not win.

It was not a close call, people. You lost by a lot.

Why not learn or listen to the real why instead of ignorantly assuming that the world itself is going to end and this is the beginning of damnation for all mankind and that all who dont agree with your view must be uneducated, racist, sexist, white or whatever evil you, yourself, painted the opposition to be. Do you honestly have that little faith in your own country?

Why not put more focus into unity and learning from your loss and self reflection and growth instead, and uniting in the fact that you honestly all want the best for your country instead of throwing a tantrum and focusing on the evil you make the opposing view to be.

One of the most strongest, powerful, influential, non suppressed, richest countries and all you can focus on is division.

Grow up, get over your loss and unite to move forward instead of reacting out of spite and embarrassment.

Supermoon.... again?!?

So just saw an announcement of a "cold supermoon" coming in December......

Is it just me, or is this like the 5th freakin supermoon they are talking about this year??

If you call it a supermoon again and again......
..... is it really that super?

Cray cray Dance

Its been a while since I last broke out in the Elaine dance  (or was it the spartan cheerleader SNL dance) with my younger bro in the kitchen while my mom was cooking and had no idea what was happening to us.

Tried it again a few years later while cooking in my own kitchen with my niece and nephew. They stopped dancing immediately and asked me what I was doing. They looked very concerned.

Ah.... only a few kindered spirits would understand....

GO AWAY

lol


Just when you think something has past, you question yourself that maybe you were just ignoring it.
Sometimes I wonder, what is the purpose in engaging in conversation when you know the path leads no where or the no where of the same old horrific cycle of abuse. You know that there is nothing you need or want from that person anymore, the damage has been done. And all that matters in the world right now is yourself, getting better and healing. Would engaging in conversation again lead to healing or draw you back into an illusion of wanting things to be fixed and better, to what you idealized you wanted. The art of self preservation is a tricky one. An olive branch extended may not really be an olive branch especially if you accepted it before many times and know the end result. How deep do I need to go to realize what the lesson is that I need to learn from this all. How do I know I learnt the lesson.
The pattern is evident - the same cycle. The season of fall/winter, the probable fact that whatever was in play was now lost and there is no one for that person, so you are the go to, the one "that will always be there", to use, to pass time to take their loneliness away for a moment. You have hoped before that they would see your goodness, that your compassion will make them a better person, your understanding and your forgiveness. Yet it never does.
In fact you gave it away so much to a person that uses it and throws it away, that in the end you no longer had all those for yourself. There was nothing you gave to yourself. You left no compassion, no forgiveness, no understanding for yourself. You left yourself loathing your own being, feeling unworthy of anything good. Every time you accepted that olive branch, this was the result, worsening with every repeat.

*closes eyes* 'panettone, panettone, panettone.....

If I think it,
it will come.....


Because the Holiday treats from patients have already begun!


or


Ima jus git' one myself! nomy nom.

noy'ing

I've maybe said this before, but the "people you may know" feature of FB annoys the crappolla out of me!!!

How much more INTRUSIVE can you get?

As if we all don't have enough "friends" on our facebooks.

We all did it in the beginning already - adding all these people from our past or people that we have not seen for over two decades and never had any contact since, or heck maybe hardly even talked to them at all in highschool anyways. We added them just cause we knew them or of them, not because we were really friend-friends. At one point it just became all about the quantity of friends you had vs the actual connections you made personally with these "friends".

We did that already FB, we deleted some and kept some, I'm pretty fine with it already, why must you suggest more?

And even if I may know that person, why should I "friend" every single encounter I've ever had in my lifetime?

I get it, when it comes to family or extended family or close friends or really cool people I want to keep in touch with and such. In that case I can find them myself and friend them or they give me their info and thats how we connect.

But...

The HVAC guy from two years ago when I had an issue with the AC in my condo.
The cupcake maker I ordered those nut free cupcakes from once a year ago.
I really don't need these people to be included in my personal happenings or my semi private life.
I really don't.
But if I had a small chat with a total stranger on my trip that I wasn't really interested in - must I follow the rest of their lives too?
Or if a patient of mine made an appointment to my clinic and I saw them once, shall they see my trips and family outings in pictures as well?
Or the doctor I rent space from, should I see how his family life is and creep into his southern vacations?
Or that cool kid I did volunteer work with 3 years ago - should I be following the updates of her by friending her mother?
Do I really need to know my cousin's coworkers or friend's highschool friend or great aunt? Do I really need to know the link to why I may know someone in common with a total stranger?

Why ON earth should you even suggest these people at all FB?

I think what annoys me the most is how FB finds them. How FB links you to these folk and exposes the opportunity to poke into their lives and vice versa.
It sparks uneccessary curiosity into a strangers private life, it also sparks exposure of ones own personal life into the world. And if you fall for this and you look, this can lead to accidentally pressing friend request or accidentally messenger calling them. I've done it and know many who have as well, and have gotten requests from similar.

So much so, there seems to be less personal control over this (despite FB's claims that you do have control over this) other than just simply restricting what we ourselves put onto FB, even though we may want to show/ share only specific others personal info about our lives - we have to be always aware that strangers can somehow have access to this too. I would like to think that I have control over my social exposure and encounters, sharing what I want with some and not others, but on FB I really don't.

Its like trying to have a conversation with a friend in an intimate cafe, and knowing that the person beside you may be listening to your every word. Sure, you "have control" over this - It almost makes you want to just sit in silence with your friend or write notes from across the table. Though in that case FB would still be the person looking over your shoulder to read those notes.

You are annoying me FB, yet again. This like-hate relationship is getting to me.

If it aint broke...

........ dont fix it, right?

Well what if its broke as hell, fix it right?

No.... apparently, the answer, so often now a days, is "don't fix it" and just gimme more money because I will say I will fix it and I will simply either paint the rocket more red and call it a day or wash it for you, so it can appear fixed, but the answer is still, don't fix it.

Me: Great Idea huh?

'Blind': YES!

Me: Elected.



(And no, I'm actually not talking about our southern neighbour's situation, this is more closer to home)

catching up!

Well, what a wonderful time away. Was so stressed before I went, but wow, was amazed.
Travelling with the folks makes me appreciate them more, the time I have with them and even the history of it all that brought me to where I am today. Pretty darned thankful.
Its also very hard to see the changes in my folks, the older I get and the older they get. Time is a gift I have to keep reminding myself about. And calmness is something I need to keep learning about.

Anyhoots - boy, as people may think - the world has changed quite a bit from when I last posted. Sooo many thoughts are running through my mind about it all.

.... Welp, just edited my whole post to leave my last line at that hahaha.
Self censorship can be quite frustrating especially since I have SO MUCH to say about things that are happening around me lately - in the news and in this city and such. Maybe I will come back to it bit by bit, or let the urge to post pass, or simply make another blog to vent about world and community issues. Gah - since when did I start caring about all this stuff?! Haha - Oh since I earned my way and became a tax payer I guess...... Adulting. Its not all fun and games man.

vocal Fry

Today I was talking to my doctor's office's nurse.

She had that irritating vocal Fry sounding voice that I cannot stand on an average day.
And today is not an average day for me so its that much more worse.
Dont get me wrong - this is not an innate accent or innate sound that she was born with.
Its that annoying millenial cliquey sounding tone that a lot of celebs and now, the average youngin seems to have. It makes them sound "ditsy" or not intelligent or worse even - that they just dont give a F* !
A response to what you say in this Fry sounding voice portrays a person that is condescending, careless, clueless, has a false sense of self righteousness and full sense of self absorption.
I liken it to the "valley girl" talk of years ago, except they were just deemed clueless.

And even if this is just my assumption based on the simple tone of a persons voice, it doesnt help that I called last week regarding the same matter and was told that "for sure" I would get a response back as soon as possible - and then there was no response.There, assumption supported. Today I went to the doctor to have everything checked, only to have related physical reactions pop up about an hour after my apt had finished. So in my worry I call the office back... only to be yet again directed to the same nurse with the same Vocal Fry.

I'm not sure what to make of this anymore. As I have heard before, Social Fry is practically a social disease! Stop it! Just talk NORMAL. ugh. Now I guess I'll have to wait for my freakin phone call back....

Tasty sweet!

Patient gave me some Halloween candy today. Awesome.

It's all fun and games

Until someone loses a finger!

Cookies started off fun to make, until I lost my whole evening! 

If I see one more freakin finger, I swear I'll ....

Grapefruit

....can last almost forever!

I think I'm on to something.

Yum

The day is nigh....

The mixed feeling day is coming....

I should try to enjoy it and the present time, as I always look back and say I should've. 

I just won't think about it. 

In other thoughts, this is a bad one I'm guilty of......sometimes I secretly pause and hope people in dt T.O can't parallel park and give up, just so I can take that spot. Sorry! 

Ran errands all afternoon, more yet to do!

Look up, soak up the sun today!

I duno about y'all but the people who actually post about being some sort of martyr for the sake of helping people and getting hurt in return, maybe arent really helping people to help the actual people they claim to be helping (too many helps there).
When they cry martyrdom from the tops of the streets - then its most likely they helped people more for the praise and adulation to begin with.....
Help the person without expecting anything back in return....you get nothing back, who cares? You helped someone. gez. get over it.
JMHO.


My rant.....Counteracted by how wonderful the sun is today - illuminating the leaves with still partly greens all about.  Can't help but look up when I was out and out the window all day when I am in....

Bike ride snaps..

This year I finally caught some nice reds along the path before they fall away. I like the Reds so much more than the rust. 

I missed the glorious sun though, twas overcast by the time I got off work and took my bike out. 

And I snapped some pretty graffiti along the way...

Oh baby...

I've decided:

PC's strained baby food is not an adult snack I prefer. Sorry. 

I'm sure it's healthy, no sugar added, organic and no BPA (?!) and a good go to for a quick snack.

But, while I was eating it I pictured babies eating it too (I'm visual) - the whole toothless mush-mush they do with it partially making it into their mouths and on to their lips and cheeks. I've seen it, I've experienced it. 

It made me feel like I should also be eating it that way... Mush-mush messy style.

And other thoughts ran through my head, like when babies regurg that stuff back up cause they are full, or they regurg that stuff back up only to take it back in, in attempt to try again, because they are unsure of how this whole new method of eating works. 

It made me also feel like I should be regurg'in this way too. 

Mush- mush, messy, regurgitate, repeat. 

Then for a few seconds it made me feel like I was eating baby regurgitated food!!!

Ahhhhhhh!

I tried not to think while I finished it. It tasted ok. Just the texture and my thoughts and the squeeze container. 

It seems pretty good for babies, and maybe a good healthy adult snack (thanks for the suggestion ;) - I did finish it - didn't waste) and handy. Just not my thing. Maybe its good to spread on a cracker or toast or as cupcake stuffing....

That Rusty colour season again...

The crisp air that shakes you a bit in the morning, the feel of your blood searching for warmth, that smell of the earth contracting and, of course, the rustiness that takes over the green....

This time of year makes me sad - only since I've started to cozy up to summer, the feeling of its loss just surrounds me. 

It's strange though how it also tends to come with memories - just the smell of the cool crisp air or how the sun shines through the orange and red leaves. And these memories, despite my sadness with the loss of summer, are good ones. AND even despite last year's most horrible fall ( likened to the Queens quote of Annus horribilis), I find it strange how these memories are of good times. 

 

Hopefully part of that healing process crap ppl talk about. Well, I guess I'm starting to be thankful of those fleeting moments in time, despite the outcome, and simply am thankful for that. More thankful for how far I've come. 

This doesn't really relate, and it's kinda sad, but still nice. It was my late (Steph.T) friend's fav poem: 

Nothing Gold can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to Hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost 1874-1963

Happy belated Thanks giving ! 

Roasted red pepper soup

Was pretty tasty even with the cumin... I'd probably use a tsp less o the cumin but over all yum. Never had red pepper soup before.

Oh and replaced tortilla with chicharron from Bernard's. 

Recipe from here http://cookieandkate.com/2014/roasted-red-pepper-tortilla-soup/

Accountability

Word of the day.

Business dictionary definition:

"The obligation of an individual or organization to account for its activities, accept responsibility for them, and to disclose the results in a transparent manner. It also includes the responsibility for money or other entrusted property."

Simple cause and effect people. It's pretty basic, and yet so foreign to those that look at money as their right to have, not something that is earned. 

I cannot imagine being hungry. I am Truely very thankful for that. I even get quite grumpy if I miss lunch - hangry as they call it. So when someone asks me for food I'm definitely up to help. A few weeks ago when I decided to help a man get some dinner, when I was ordering his food he said "you know to be honest I just really need the money to get to ...(wherever)". Funny, he just told me that he was really hungry and needed money for food.... 

If I'm hungry I would munch on the plain croutons left over in their pouch from yesterday's lunch. I wasn't giving him that. I was getting this man whatever he wanted at this sandwich joint. Snack and drink along with it. 

It makes me so sad (and yes mad) when people are dishonest in their intentions and take advantage of well meaning intentions. Yet this is the case in North America. I really don't get how to help people sometimes. There is a fine line between helping and enabling here. 

Unfortunately, because of instances like these, it has made me more weary of what is given out. You cannot throw something into the air and hope the wind places it where it is intended to go.... 

Just feeling fed up today. 

At least tomorrow is a new day ! (seriously, this blog was meant to be full of light hearted posts.... ugh)

11 herbs and spices

Apparently the secret is out. I doubt it since this batch has an extra spice and it turned out much better. Yumm and thank you to the expert chicken fryer ! I'm hoping that maybe one day they will say fried chicken is good for you....

Oh and something fabulous to add to my Jossipedia files:

"aggressive B.O" - something about this sounds so funny to me.... I got that from the article below. 

Something else to read on this here. 

CC is for cookie....

Yes-men

How do you know if you are surrounded by Yes-Men?

You know, the people that are around you because they just want to tell you what they think you want to hear, so they can be in your good books.

Imagine this, or maybe you don't have to imagine because you know someone like this already....

There is this absolutely flawless, gorgeous person, to look at them is to wonder "wow, god created such a creature?!", absolute eye candy. And this person has a hobby that they really enjoy. 

But... tbh.... they aren't really that great at it. That's ok, as long as they enjoy it right? Right. 

But, they are told that they are amazing at it or that they do that hobby so well or that they are talented. Praises, high fives, pats on the back, congrats, awards, ogles, and temples of worship all around for them and their hobby.  

But they really aren't that great.... in fact, they could definitely use some work. But they are told this because, gosh darn it, they are super duper pretty to look at. 

How terrible for them, because how can they improve their hobby or skill, how can they strive to be better? 

Anyhow, I appreciate realism and have a repulsion for the superficial and the yes-men..... so I guess I should be glad I'm just average in appearance, .... gives me a real chance to be amazing! bahahaha!

know it

ugh condo issues. know your rights people. know it...!


----------------------------


Oh and another random thing, when you are added as a "contributor" to something on FB (even without your permission), you cannot remove yourself from this position and thus you get notified every time someone likes or comments on that post. every. freakin. time. er' time. all da time.

Long road

Every once in a while the few treacherous hikes I did in Costa Rica come back to haunt me.

That feeling of your legs becoming as heavy as bricks
and your mouth so parched
that heaving breath you take in
the burning in your chest
as you feel you cannot go any further
that your legs would give out from under you
that they will just simply stop, maybe even fall off
you feel like passing out
you look down only at the path in front of you
step after step
so repetitive as you lean your hand on each leg to push yourself up to go further
if you stop now you know you will not be able to get up
you get to the peak of one flight of steps to see another flight and another
you turn a corner in hopes that it will be the end, the summit, the final stop
yet its just more steps that seem to go on forever
you feel like you have hiked for a long time yet you have not gotten that far
as if you were walking up a downward escalator.
When will you see the end, where you can finally rest and feel you have accomplished a feat.
Where the trees will part and the canopy will open
where you can take an unstrained breath of relief in
where all your muscles in your body can relax
where you can be free to go on with the rest of your life...

Sometimes the road ahead seems to be getting longer. The difficult steps ahead do not seem to ever cease.

Do I exercise patience and continue to treck on,
Or do I stop and get out of this place all together?

Or, do I just try to be in the present and take it all in, enjoying the good and the bad of the journey itself.....in hopes it will be all worth it in the end... or at least worth the journey...

#RelationshipReconnect

Saw this on FB today. What can I say, I'm a sap.

"4 minutes is too long".... Though sometimes not enough.

Time goes by so quick, hard to accept my folks are getting older.

Foodie or groupie

I write and read reviews... Every once in a blue moon depending on my mood.

From anything on tripadvisor, Yelp, Amazon, Airbnb .... Anything that the ol' googs can bring up....

As of a long time ago, it came to my attention that a lot of folks are making a chunka'change writing these reviews or at least getting some perks for them. And as of lately, sometimes the reviews themselves are false filler-uppers. You know, they fill in the gap from a bad review to make it a good review to up the rating. Falsely. 

Yes, this is annoying because I cannot simply take the 4.5/5 stars at face value.... I then have to seek out the extreme bad and good reviews and really listen to see whether these are fake or planted or not. So freakin time consuming. In the end whats the point of the review if this is happening?

Soooo with Instagram consuming a chunk out of my day and food reviews being a part of it, it's sad to see that there are a lot of "foodies" out there that are becoming false filler-uppers.

I can tell because I read their comments on the pretty food they so artistically photographed - all good, all the time, er' time, all day, all night, er'night - all good, everything is good. How more neutral can you get? Well, actually it would be more neutral to say everything is ok instead of good, but then, average neutral reviews do not keep the perks from coming in do they? They also advertize these perks. They get invited to all the food events and whatever food they wish for, a company is there to give the freebie...
Honesty is overrated I guess. 

"to compare, is to despair"

It ain't just an apple vs. oranges thing...

This is an interesting and true topic. To remind me' self.

to include or not to include...that is the question....

So I've been wondering about things for a while now, and now wondering if I can even articulate what I am trying to convey....Here goes.

Lets start with definitions:

Inclusive - I would assume this encompasses ALL, includes everyone, no one feels left out.... right? Includes the extremes at both ends and everything in between.

versus.....

Exclusive - meaning only for a privileged few, distinguishing those that are included apart from those that are excluded. Some, not all, and for certain reasons that define their differences.

Right?

Now... lets get into a more touchier topic. Exclusivity can pertain to anything from race, culture, gender, ability, education, age, wealth, religion..... right? And when that happens in negative ways we call the ones that are excluded a minority. Because this exclusivity has either a definite or assumed privilege that the others do not.

Now lets make up a story....

Suppose there is a room full of 30 people. 20 of which are dressed in purple. 10 dressed in blue, 5 dressed in red, 5 dressed in yellow. The Purple people like to play dodgeball every day at a certain time. While the Blue have a dance they like to do every day at a certain time, the Red like to sit and read all day and the Yellow like to sing. Sometimes each colour joins in what the other colours are doing, sometimes they dont. Because of the numbers or because of what the majority Purples do, others feel like their activity is not getting enough attention or to the extreme, sometimes they feel or even are made fun of because of their activity - its not as popular and the majority are not familiar with it. Some even feel like they "have to" play dodgeball because everyone else is doing it too, and they feel left out if they don't. Or some even feel the opposite, when they do join in dodgeball they feel they are being treated differently or unfairly since that is not what their colour usually does.

How can you make this situation more Inclusive?

Does this mean to make things more homogenous? Eliminate all the colours and make everyone wear grey?
How about tell people to stop playing dodgeball?
How about telling everyone they must read all day instead?
How about assuming people who feel like wearing purple or feel like playing dodgeball, that because they do that, it means they do not support people who wear yellow? Or that they automatically do not support dancing? Make it an "opposites" connotation.
How about telling the purples to not wear purple and to not play dodgeball and making them feel bad if they do, because they were the majority? And allowing the others to continue on with what they were doing and wearing?
How about saying this is a all colour all activity neutral safe environment, shining a spotlight on bringing the attention more toward what individuals are wearing  or what their activity is  - when there were no signs saying Purples only or No singing allowed.

Or .... maybe .... how about trying to educate people on the differences and to be more welcoming and respectful of these differences but also allow people to do what they enjoy and to wear what they enjoy? Focusing more on the individual and welcoming and respecting who they are as a whole and not defining them by their clothing colour or their activity preference - because there is more to the person than just those. All this without changing people's present expression of individuality and identity? It's the actions of people and how people treat others based on differences that makes things become "exclusive", its not the actual colours of what people are wearing, nor is it the activity they do.


Or maybe......

Who knows.

But you see, I'm struggling with those definitions. They seem pretty clear on paper. However when you try to implement them, it feels like to be "inclusive" is actually eliminating/excluding or reducing something else or to amplify the differences or to rid us of the majority. So in essence, that is not being inclusive at all.

There. My meek attempt at explaining something more deeper than just clothing colour or activity. I still don't think I conveyed my point clearly enough.... ugh.

Aria

Well I guess I'll post a pic here instead.

Mushroom ravioli.

Quite yummy!! 

I luuuurve pasta! 

This was more al'dente than I expected, but still yum.

But to my surprise - who would have thought that I would really like the beef carpaccio ?!?! Wow.

I still say it was cooked and not raw haha.

Ok lets do this Soba

Not bad. Gingery beef. Gotta tenderize the beef more ...

soba dis, soba dat....

Sooooo been wondering lately what to cook.
Well, more meaning that I should know how to cook better or at least more dishes than burgers and pasta.....

I have a pack of soba noodles I have yet to use. I remember buying them because they are supposively much healthier than regular pasta - egg and regular wheat based.

(The Korean sweet potato noodle is another good one --- ahhh Chap che.... have still to master that one, I digress)

I was looking up receipes with soba today and decided to remind myself of the health benefits :

"contains manganese (collagen and and for cartilage and bone) and is gluten free" "protective against heart disease, rich in phytonutrients"
"protien, fibre, iron, thiamine" "Less calories, more fibre and protien than regular pasta" 

"becareful of glycemic load, especially if you are diabetic"

Anyhoots, what I found interesting was:

"eating soba is recommended for people who have trouble satisfying their appetite, tending to over eat.." 

hahaha

So if you are going to over eat, Eat Soba! 

September

Welp, Today is September already, obvioiusly.
And that is all I have to say about that.......

Precarious

Well this is an actual word.... Not one for my Jossepedia Files.

Did you know that this word has its origins from the Latin word prex or prec - and they go on to say even 'prayer'.

Hmmm so many thoughts right there.

To feel you are in such an uncertain, unstable situation is an awful feelin to say the least.... 

Beatles something in the way she moves

Not sure why but this song has been in my head for a few days.

Mocking jay?

Some people mock or belittle your pain,

Until they have a taste of it themselves...

Must remember to be more empathetic.

Bad day for you lady...

To the lady that works at Fabricland who, in her flip accent said she wasnt flip and continued to give my ma 'tude and that look :

anong ng yari sa mukha mo?

Hope it was just a bad day for her, not a bad life.

My mom reminded me of something while telling me what the Sisters taught her in nursing school:

Imagine how those people who are sick in the hospital feel, the last thing you want to do is make them more sick just by looking at them with a miserable face.
What a wonderful gift you give to others when you simply smile.

Gotta do more of that.

W.H Auden

Stumbled upon this quote out of context a long while back...


...
For the error bred in the bone 
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have, 
Not universal love
But to be loved alone. 
...

 

Hey Jude - Katy Perry (full version)

I seem to like this version from her Doc, even better than her performance...

"CARN"

Not sure what accent that would be. But I love me some peaches n cream corn!

Well that was a treat from my work's food market BBQ. 

Sangria?

Is it ok to make my make-shift Sangria with over week old opened wine?? 

Make-shift because it's made from what I have laying around my place: red wine, San pellogrino aranciata, peaches and pineapple. Tastes yum! Hope my belly survives. 

"Don't play with your food"....

As we all probably heard as kids.

Gotta do something with these before they go bad.

I love hearts :) 

Muggy

I love that it's summer!

I used to shy away from the sun.

Though I still get a bit of sun stroke and sun rashes, I think I'm much better at getting some happy and some vitamin D from that big ol' firey ball in the sky!

BUT Oooo

One thing I don't like, is when the sunshine has some mugginess ....

The amount of P- yews I can smell from everything and everyone. 

Summer

I think I've switched my fav season to summer. Been a happy one so far. Whoever would have thought I'd ever feel this much sunshine again. Just simply appreciative. 

Whaza happening to me?! Sheesh.

What really sucks with some reasons as to why physical ailments come up is that, sometimes it's hard to even know you are stressed when you are stressed or even if your immune system is down.

Apparently, I'm feeling perfectly fine. 

Puzzle pieces

The challenge of putting together puzzle peices is only satisfying when you like the  final picture it creates.... Some are best not attempted at all...  :( 

Was looking online for dresses....

Dear Aritzia,

I did not know that the slouching look was a thing now. I'll opt out of that, for my posture's sake.

Thanks,

Joss

Knock knock

Picture this.

You are sitting in a one stall washroom doin yer biz'ness and since it's a one stall washroom you locked the door.

You hear a person approach your washroom.

They attempt to turn the knob.

Click click click.

Yep, cause you locked it right ? Since you're using it right? Hence, someone (you) is using the washroom. Occupado!

But then after the click click click of the knob turn, you hear knock knock!

What is the purpose of this knock? Isn't the universal sign of "occupied" a locked bathroom door? 

Is it to check if someone is actually in the washroom? Because sometimes washrooms just lock on their own with no one inside? Is it to check if I'm awake and haven't fallen asleep on the toilet?

Is it to coherce me to stop mid-biz'ness and finish up cause their biz'ness is more important than mine? Is it to rush my #1s and #2s ? Is it to tell me someone is waiting .... Still meaning to hurry my ass up? Or is it to let them in while I'm doing my biz'ness so that they can wash their hands since obviously I'm not using the sink yet? Do they want to hear me say "almost done" (pooping or peeing or both or washing my hands after pooping or peeing or both..obviously)

All this to say : I find this knock knock kinda annoying. It somehow begs a response. Forcing me to engage in conversation whilst doing something private.
I'm temped to say something equally annoying back....

knock knock
Me: "Who is it? ....Come in! ......... I'm just pooping"

I bet they would try to turn the knob again as an automatic response to "come in.."

Holiday shopping

One big fear I have when shopping for clothes is that I would get stuck in an item of clothing, twisted in some awkward, ridiculous position, in an embarrassing state of partial nakedness, and I pass out because of lack of oxygen, since the clothing is wound tightly around me, and I am found this way on the floor of the change room because I was too ashamed of asking the staff to help me out....

Yesterday's holiday off shopping spree reminded me of this fear. I came close to this... Very close. 

I still bought that dress. The things we do for fashion.

I found this article my sis - in - law sent me to be a nice read....

pinch

Sometimes I pinch myself
Not because I seek to feel pain
But to make sure I am awake and to know that this is real
not a dream...

Was talking to a Patient today, her husband passed away late last year.
she was talking about how she is getting better about it these days.

"but you never are really prepared for it."

He was sick and suffering for quite some time and she was his primary care giver.
She refused to put him in a home even though her health was not too great as well, so it was a struggle to take care of him.

"If you go that extra mile, you can look back and not have any regrets"

Due to his ailing health she was trying to prepare herself for it, but it was still a shock when he passed.

"Sometimes, I still find myself making a cup of tea and turning around wanting to ask if he wants one too."

I can not imagine ever losing someone that I love and connect with that much.

She went on to say -

"Not just a husband, but you lose your best friend. Someone you can be yourself with, it doesnt matter if you are crying or mad or angry or in a bad mood, it doesnt matter how you look, or even someone you can be silly with and just dance around with. We knew each other so well, you know everything there is to know about that person. Everything you could possibly know about that person and they know that about you too."

Such heart ache, and yet so blessed at the same time.

Lemon cookie

gluten free AND chewy AND tastes good?! That's a first for me. Best I had so far. I love lemon sweets! 

favorite irish lady

haha
so fun.

I have this 87 yr old elderly Irish lady that comes to the clinic every few weeks and lately it has always been a ball of laughs!
I wouldnt call her a little old quiet "sweet" lady... but more of an energetic, fun, animated lady.

Even just little comments she makes, in her Irish accent, like today "you writing on your head are ya?" as I tried to put a pen through my hair bun on my head to keep it from unravelling.

Or when I commented on her change of season shoewear from closed shoes to sandals she said "yes thats right, I'm wearing less and less, next time you see me, I will be in my bikini!" she said with a little shake of her hips.

Or when she made a few grunts of pain from the removal of a corn she said "Its like Im having a baby! .... You are delivering my baby, did you get it out?"

Today after leaving she said that it always makes her day to come in to see me, which is so awesome, cause I was thinking the same about her too.
If I'm going to make it to her age one day.... what do the kids say today? Just even her outlook and disposition in life .... #goals.

Smiles all around.

Today I was walking toward my car after finishing up at my work place downtown, heading toward another work place.
I passed this young fellow in his dress shirt and pants and smart glasses. He was reading something on his phone while walking. Smiling ear to ear. Ever so happy.
I love seeing this.
It often makes me wonder, what was it that they read or who was it they were getting that message from that made them smile so much?
It wasnt a "I just read a hilarious joke"- kinda happy. It was more like a "Gosh I just love hearing from this person"- happy.
Yep. I love that kinda happy.

Impatient

My Impatiens plant, Marjory, looks like cooked spinach now.

Mom's place, while I was away, did not help. I think it was the new fancy pot she was in... no drain hole.

Marjory is on life support now....to put a pic of her on here would be cruel.

I put her on the window sill and got rid of the fancy pot.... We will see....

I scream for....!

Darn it!
So, I had a lovely day in Prince Edward County.
Not exactly what I expected, as I think there maybe more hype about the area than there should be, but a lovely place none the less - Plus, I did not get to see everything there so I definitely missed a bit (It is a large place).
I was attempting to write a review on Yelp when other reviews for things in the area popped up....
in particular a home made icecream shop!!!!
WA THA!?? How could I have missed this?! (Well actually, I know how, I was just more excited to go with the company than researching the area ...)

Anyhow, Its called SLICKERS.... and although it only has 22 reviews, I cant help kicking myself when I read stuff like "the best icecream I ever had in my life!!"

This so makes me curious! I feel like trying every single home made icecream place around.

Now, the only place on my top list is in Nova Scotia called DEE DEE's, so to have something closer would be amazing....

As I read the reviews I made myself feel better for missing out on this gem by commenting on the reviews .... in my mind that is....(not actually commenting on the site):

"The best icecream I ever had in my life!!"

To which I say:

"In your life? Well it cant really be that great if you are probably only 12 yrs old"

haha - here's to trying to cram in a bunch of lovely life experiences into whatever years I may have on this earth!

Eee-ya! (Oia)

This world can be such a beautiful place. 

Though sometimes, it's not the destination that can make it beautiful...

Things that make you go "humph.."

When being a gentleman comes first, before ones own convenience or the cost  of gas or the distance between your homes....

I don't like the latest trend of hanging " "when.." statements and I usually try to complete them. But this one kinda left me hanging myself... Especially since I've heard the latter more often than I should have. 

happy saturday.
... it will be a good day.
filled with hope that one day things will work out perfectly fine.
that a person who survived what you are going through now, is finally, today, truely happy it seems.
and that one day you will be there too!
today - I can feel it.
hope to be inspired that maybe it will be all worth it in the end.
Sending out best wishes and love!

Spinach apple salad

A friend made this, so yum... Recording it here.

http://www.kraftcanada.com/recipes/apple-spinach-salad-88415

Leaving the office at the seniors building, I accidentally drop my keys,

Which then fall on a sticky bug trap,

So I reach to pick up my keys,

Trap comes along with it,

I pull off trap,

And see a bunch of dead bugs in there!

Eeek! I hate bugs! 

I pulled it off so fast and jumped back I didn't even stop to see what kind of bugs were stuck in it.

Excitement for my day.

I feel gross now. Need a shower.

Donde esta el bano?

On the topic of All Gender Washrooms

I am not quite sure why the all gender part is necessary.

I mean Washroom is washroom, bathroom is bathroom. Toilet is Toilet
...is it not?

Sure some places separate them: Mens washroom and Womens washroom.
Some do not - they have a sign of a little stick man and stick lady.
The universal sign without words.
They can even have a toilet picture.
That still makes sense.

But to write All gender? In English of course. Thats not a universal sign.

I understand being inclusive to all, but a simple picture of a toilet will do.

All gender, to me emphasizes Political correctness. Because I guess I should be thinking about Political correctness while I take my #1 and #2 right ? right? I should be sitting there thinking about it.

I understand the political correctness is done specifically for the LGBT group. Who may or may not be feeling excluded when they are using the facilities? If so, and if this makes them feel more accepted then it is great. Personally, I've been in places where there are neutral bathrooms or even when there are separate mens and womens bathrooms and there are line ups ---- if I have to go, I have to go, no matter what it is labelled - the only offense I would feel is if it was filthy. I'm just pretty grateful there was a place to go (I've had to in the bushes when hiking and was swarmed by mosquitos - not fun) (but thats just me).

However, I do not think that a simple picture of a toilet will exclude them. In fact, it only is politically correct for the LGBT group that speak and read english. So if you are trying to be inclusive of all, that is definately excluding the non-english reading LGBT groups.

Ahhhh this is all so complicated.

When really it shouldnt be.

So to all this, I would say, if you are going to the extent put all gender on a bathroom sign, then make it all gender.....
I'd like to see a bidet, a urinal AND a toilet  (and sink) up in there!
Cause if there is just a toilet (and sink), then isn't it simply just a washroom/ bathroom?

Aquaholic

This is Marjory.

In the week that I've known her, I'm beginning to realize that she is an

Aquaholic.

If she doesn't get her daily fix, she is not herself, she begins to shrivel and it becomes quite obvious to everyone. 

As she requires daily attention, I need to devise a plan for when I'm away.... 

(Casa a la mom's - Plant and Flower Rehab Centre). 

smiley eyes

add this term to Jossipedia.

Eyes that smile just on their own. Without the need of an actual smile by the lips or expressions with the eyebrows. To test for it: just focus on the eyes, you can even hold your hand to block over the nose and mouth, so not to be distracted, and the eyes alone will look like the person is smiling at you. OR even just have the person go into Resting Neutral Face, and their eyes will still appear to be smiling.

One step forward two steps back

Good gawd.

How many more must I murder?

I was so excited to finally see this:

Many patient weeks of trying to propagate Big Bubba's leaves.....

See the tiny growth!! I thought I may have finally broken my killer reputation.

So lately I've been taking more leaves off the long stem of Big Bubba.

Today, as I pulled a leaf off, this happened:

Yep. Single handedly DECAPITAED him!!!!

Wtf? 

I'm beginning to believe not only do I NOT have a green thumb, but these thumbs maybe even be RED instead..... You know, for MURDER.

Rest assured I hope these many body parts of Big Bubba will act like they say succulent parts will act and continue to propagate. 

I planted his head in another pot.

Ok. There. It's done. Darn it.

One part of forgiving yourself
is allowing yourself the chance to experience happiness...
- d.c

Whole universe

Is it possible to talk to someone so much that you get to a point where you talked about absolutely everything in the whole universe and you have nothing left to say and thus, are forced to resort to sitting in silence? 

Easy Peasy

"Thats what makes life interesting"
"life is never boring"
"it is the journey not the destination"
"its the experiences that shape you"
"the curves in the road prepare you for where you are meant to be"
"it is never a straight path"
"if it wasnt for that, then I would be a different person"
"the difficulties made me a better person"
"nothing worth having comes easy"

I get it.
But to all that I say.....

YADA YADA YADA

for once I would like a break,

for there to be a perfectly smoothe straight line from point A to B.

Falling.

Scary feeling huh.
That feeling of lack of control, maybe uncertainty or the certainty of pending injury.
And it happens often instantly, without warning.

In other circumstances, it is scary because, when you realize you are falling that is the instant you give up some confidence, and become overwhelmingly vulnerable.... because you are actually giving that person the option of breaking your heart.

friend zone and falling ....

Gals view on the friend zone.
I think guys seem to worry about this more than gals.
I can see why. But I think I figured it out on my end.
There are all these things that tell guys how to not fall in that zone or prevent it.
I believe you cant prevent it.
If that is where you belong, you will eventually go there.
Sorry.
Sounds like a helpless situation?
No.
This also means, if you aren't meant for the friend zone, you will never end up there either.
Once in the zone you cant prevent it you cant turn back and you cant change their mind.
But if you are headed toward more than a friend, then you cant change that either.
Anyhow.......


Falling.
When you find yourself falling for someone, sometimes I think you just cant prevent that.
Kinda scary especially if you are with someone else.
But still scary because the instant you notice  you are, you suddenly feel less confidant, more vulnerable. You are almost saying you are giving them the  option of actually breaking your heart.

A strange thing, this thing called Happiness...

For an instant, I recognized it again. 

"Last I checked... broken crayons, still make colour"
-T.Shelton

Buff

Me: Ugh they are building a condo in front of me. There goes my privacy. 

K: Welcome to my world

Me: No more walking around in the buff anymore :(
Me: lol jk
Me: gross you all out this morning

K: No one needs to see that

Me: lol

K: Not even the birds.

Ahahahaha!

Chasing Butterflies

What keeps me alive and kills me at the same time.



(reference image: http://samzsketchbook.blogspot.ca/2010_02_01_archive.html)

Ouchies!

Burpies.

Thats not my usual-ate-too-much-carbs-and-dairy-tummy-upset- burpies.

Man, at this age, thats killer. Especially for someone who likes fun activities to stay fit like: blading in the sunshine with my tunes, skating with my girly skates, biking in my dress imagining I'm in France with a basket of flowers or baguettes (no basket just imaginary) , skiing with all my gear to stay toasty warm taking in the beauty of the slopes, prancing around in squash trying to strategize every corner of the court..... instead of just straight up killer work outs that make you want to barf up your Pesto pasta dinner.

But... this time its kinda fun when it is mixed with anger ahaha!!! These guys are great, they scare the crap out of me and I'm sure I look like a deer in the headlights, and no one wants to partner up with tiny ol' me, and I'm not even sure I can be good at it.... but tonight was a good night.

Hope my body will take this..... maybe I should go back to Moksha Yoga to balance this craziness out. Ohmmm...

Dang it.

I'd like to scream.

Instead, I'll eat this 200g bag of Smart food

Like Cookie Monster eats cookies.

trtgsgsg

That profile lasted less than 24 hrs. I'll try again later.

Caffe con leche

Ah that sounds so pretty.

I'm not a coffee person, maybe more of a tea person (as this is named after my fav tea). If I do have coffee, I like it like my Hagen daas coffee ice cream... Sweet, not bitter.

The only coffee I really liked was surprisingly in Costa Rica. Not because I got to say caffe con leche after ordering my heuvos fritas all the time, but because it was rich, not bitter, not watered down. I didn't even have to use much sugar. And they give you hot milk to out into it, not the frothy airy stuff they have here to make all those useless (though cool) designs to decorate it with.

Haven't found the same anywhere else so far.

Plus, I don't even reap the benefits of coffee anyways...I used to munch on coffee beans in attempt to help with my all-nighters during university, but I still fell asleep. (Either that, or homework just puts me to sleep).  And my teeth are still nice and white. So all in all, it's a good thing I'm not addicted to coffee.

But that may all change...today I tried this:

Straight from Kona, the big beautiful island in Hawaii. Apparently known for their coffee I've been told. This also has the wonderful flavor of vanilla and macadamia nuts. Pretty nice ! And the best part - not bitter of course! 

Ok... Well it was actually bought from Winners...(said the lady who brought it to my folks place).

But still, it's yummy!!!

So I'm Posting it here to remind myself.

Frank.

Picture Kate Winslet in Titanic, on that make shift raft wood waking up realizing her love is a heavy block of ice and also an anchor so she says all raspy and whispery :

 "Jack .... Jaaack..... I'll never let go Jack." 

And then she lets go.

That's how I talk to Frank sometimes.

He's an aloe plant. 

Yes, I name my plants.

That's the least I could do before I kill them.

I got him from my folks place to give to a friend. Re-potted him and watered him.

Then he started to get all wilty. So I figured I'd water him more. Nope that made him worse. So I googled that.

Ohhhh rotting root. Ok so cut that out, add new cactus soil so he should be all clean and dandy right? Nope. It's been 3 weeks.

This is his present state:

Centre leaves are good but the rest are brown and dry and wilty.

I finally had to give my friend the news.

Despite my efforts.....

Frank is dying. 

(Oh and that's Shorty in the back ground, she's not doing to hot either, darn it.)