The Social Dilemma | Official Trailer | Netflix

My Own heart

Here's the thing, this is my experience whether anyone believes it or not, and its silly to have to prove or justify.

I love visiting Italy. Why? I went there when I was in university really thinking nothing of it (there was a conference I was attending). I had a rough time getting there solo, met up with my group just in time to sit in the Convent's (where we were rooming) dining hall across from strangers and I took one bite of their rigatoni pasta bolongnese. Just like when you are so busy, stressed and absent minded to whats around you and you suddenly realize where you are.

POW! Love at first bite. I mean I had pasta before but not like that....

I vowed to somehow come back. 

Ever since I have been fascinated by the food, the beautiful country, mostly the coastal cities. 

I have been back 3 times. But the last time, I did not get to throw my usual coins into the Trevi fountain because it was under construction. Hope that is a myth because I would like to go back, even just to show others how wonderful I think it is. 

When I talked of it before to family or friends there would occasionally be some comment about - Oh and the Italian men... oh la la.... TBH I did not really see the ooo la la's there. Maybe a couple? But not like all the hype you hear about or see in movies. 

You know not many years ago I went there to recuperate. I was going through a really difficult time in my life where I could not concentrate on work, and I just had to get away from it all. I wished at the time, forever. I was sad, almost depressed, well actually depressed. I spent my nights and some parts of the day crying my self out, writing in my journal and thinking how much of the world I did not deserve to ever have. Why did I go to this particular place in Italy - well in my past travels, this was the one place where I just felt worry free for the first time since I was a kid, so amazed at the beauty and relaxed so much that I (non sun worshiper and avid  sun avoider) fell blissfully asleep on the beach. (that is not normal for me). The sound of the waves and the sun on my legs and the ocean air, not a care in the world, I thought for a moment - wow I have arrived and tried to soak up that moment ...... that is why I went back there when life got tough.

It saddens me to have people think that when a woman travels, one of her soul reasons is to meet a guy or be swept off her feet. But if a man travels and has a place he likes to frequent - no one says oh he is going there to be swept off his feet! As if this is what completes a woman or that is her purpose in life or that she needs to be taken care of.

I liken it to questions I get regarding photos of flowers on my Instagram or on FB that I post. Who is it from? Who gave you those? --- Um, these were from Me.... and those flowers were from Myself.... and this, I gave this to myself... Why ? Because I love how flowers brighten up my place, my mood, my spirit, how they make me feel, because they are pretty and prettier when they are fresh. You know, I have bought more flowers for myself than I was given flowers?!?! Whaaaaattt, hold up... shocking huh? Like women are just waiting for life to happen to them or for them to be saved or taken care of. Sure it would be nice or I wouldn't reject flowers from someone else, but idea is that I do not depend on someone else to give me flowers.

Why does it have to do with someone else other than myself? Why is it strange for people to hear - I do this or I like this because I like it.  Why is it that hard to think that women like to do things for themselves like there must be another half that must be in the picture, or that our sole purpose is that we do things to find that someone else, that she must be seeking, or that must be why this or that is in her life - the end goal of a man or a partner or something like that. 

Because I have been single for most of my life I have been very sensitive to those nuances from others. It has felt very insulting and has added undue pressure and had made me question myself. And to say otherwise than what they assume, there must be something wrong. I've been on the outside looking in for most of my life. I have seen it from my perspective. There are people who view it from their perspective, maybe they have been living as a partner for someone else more often than they have been independent and on their own. Maybe they do not understand what it means to be independent and to face being happy in your own company, own experiences, own achievements. 

Anyhow, that is my judgement from looking at them, just as they may have from looking at me.

No one likes to be told who they are. No one likes having assumptions about them as facts. We all seek to be seen for who we are, no one likes to be called fake. Maybe there are many out there that are, so when there is something real they question it, doubt it in some weird self destructive way. 

Anyhow this instant in time I was so happy. Happy with me and happy where I was. And no, this instant in time, I was not seeking anything else, because as little as it may seem this was my goal for 16 years before, and ..................I had finally arrived. 

redefining what we so easily vilify

There was a quote that was posted by one of the accounts I follow on Instagram.

It went like this:

"The Planet doesn't need more "successful" people. 
The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers
& lovers of all kinds"

awwww... right?

Well I looked at it and something did not sit right with me.

"Successful"

With no mention of course, just an assumption of what this means. I would also think that because its in quotes it means "a particular idea of what is successful".

But it still did not sit right with me.

With words having more meaning and being more important these days, I did not appreciate the callousness of how this person used the word successful. With the only explanation being the "" quotations.

Not a big deal to someone who just reads it and doesn't think much about it.
Yeah, I get it, I know what they mean. But that is not enough, Especially now.

When ideas of Marxism, Fascism, Capitalism, Communism etc etc are resurfacing more than ever, this quote is more of a passive ignorant use of the word than encompassing precise, clever thought. Easily absorbed and people will think, yea I got it, I got what it meant.

But when common sense is not so common, not all people are going to get what it means and they will take it literally. Not everyone, but I'd assume if asked to define what they think the word "successful" means you will see the answers will vary a lot.

On the same note is this quote saying to those who can misinterpret this as : to be a peacemaker or healer etc is .... unsuccessful ?

What do they mean by "successful"? Not defining it can lead to vilifying the word, successful, itself.
Which would also tend to push that the ideal result is that its better to be ...unsuccessful.Are we aiming for low ambition, sedentary effort?

Well, my point is, I am pretty tired of words becoming vilified or somehow becoming wrong or evil or bad. When it comes down to it the origin of the word itself is really a positive description, a positive outcome. (a good result, a happy outcome)

Specifically by "successful" do they mean having a career/job and what kind of career? or finishing school or earning a living? Do they mean it is buying a house or having a car? It can be assumed to mean so much. And if this is the case, do they mean these persons with this success cannot be healers, peacemakers or lovers ?

Why all this fuss over this word and quote?

So I came up with an analogy, not a very great one and somewhat horrific but I think it makes sense:

Its like a knife that is used to cut tomatoes, a terrible person uses it to stab someone else.... a solution would be lets get rid of the knife! Yet the terrible person is still there and not dealt with and then maybe uses some other object to harm someone else. Similar solution, hey lets get rid of that object because now it has become harmful!
The easy and less effective way of dealing with this situation is to just get rid of everything around that person that they can use as a weapon. Yet the harder, more effective way of dealing with this situation is to deal with this person to begin with, why are they doing this, where have their intentions originated from etc, figure out why and how to change his intention. That takes some diving deep, and a lot of times ppl would rather do the former and try to ignore the bigger issue.
What this also does is the former affects more people than you think.... hey... now there is no knife to cut tomatoes and maybe now they have to be forced to use a spoon to cut a tomato or fork, now there is no bat to play baseball so they are forced to just play catch, now others who used them the way they were meant to be used will feel that it is taken away from them, their lives are altered and restricted because someone else used it in a bad way (even if it was just one person among many), this leads to resentment. And lets not forget the people that are still being physically hurt by this person who is still around and not dealt with, that problem does not go away. Everyone suffers. So lets stop vilifying words but correcting the meaning behind it. Redefine the use again to mean what it was meant for, something positive.
Stop throwing away babies out with the bathwater.

Lets redefine things to make them better, redefine the use, the meanings, the intentions, the beliefs, behind it. Instead of throwing away things that bad people have used wrongly. It is the use of the word by the person and the intentions and thoughts of that person that need to be changed, not the word itself. Why.... because if you do not fix the meaning associated with something or the intention of the person, you will just keep changing whatever word becomes associated with those intentions. You change the word, an new word will be used in the wrong way or used to mean something negative. The result is the problem will never go away, people will still be hurt, innocent people around will be affected, but the one person that needs to be dealt with and the intentions behind them will not be addressed.

Who is to say that our idea of success will not include the peacemakers, the healers, restorers, the storytellers and lovers of all kinds? Wouldn't be amazing if those are definitions of success too, words associated together in harmony with it? Sounds pretty successful to me!

sad.

Today I found out that my cousin's FB and Instagram page were deleted.

She recently passed. 

Realizing this made me feel so sad!!

I felt like wow, how easily it seems social media can erase a person. 

I'm sad because a lot of great memories were shared and linked to her page. 

And I miss her a lot, I can still almost hear her still, sense her presence. 

And I do not want to forget how she looked and the time we spent together or even just her life in general. 

I talked to a friend of mine today about it. She thought the opposite. That she would like the same if she passes, for her social media to be erased. She felt it would cause pain to her family. 

I guess people all grieve differently. 

Today I visited my folks. I started to look at old hard copy albums 2008, 2016 (ones made from digital & online pics). My sis-in-law's mother was in one of these albums. She also recently passed. My mom said she cannot bear to look at it because she said it will make her cry and it is too painful. 

I guess for the past how many years people no longer make picture albums and mostly have a pile of never ending digital photos either scattered on their phone or in a cloud. Those albums for the public to see are now just in "social media". There is a sense of impersonal distance with that term. This now common way of sharing memories and experiences. 

I miss the old albums. The hard copy of these memories. Something a bit more tangible. 

Not to live in the past but to look back fondly on it. 

I guess it is there to also be reminded to cherish the moment right now, almost capturing the essence of the time and place and feeling, and to remember it and keep it close, photograph or not. 

How to disagree with someone....

welp...  this is certainly hard to do. I know first hand.

https://thelifecoachschool.com/podcast/319/

I like this lady though.

I wonder how family members/ friends feel right now by sitting in their anger toward each other because of their judgement about them due to their different beliefs? Do they really feel they hate that person? If they do, how does this hate feel?

I know I hate feeling hate, even if I do feel it. But it doesn't feel good, just this heavy upset, saddness and anxiety sitting on my chest to carry around...

Yea... this is certainly hard to do. I'll see if its possible.... seems a better option than feeling crappy though.

Just came across this quote today:

"Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all."
- Aristotle (384-322BC)

I like it.

Choose Peace over power.

https://www.wikihow.com/Live-in-Peace



Just putting this here.
(the part about forced coercion and resentment is very interesting)

(***disclosure, I am talking about differences in views, not when active violence is happening in the moment)

Gez louise.

A few times this week in my observations of others I felt...."Whooa, hold up! What are you doing?! Why would you do that?"

It seems like its a volatile time around me with me seeing people passionately disagree with in-laws , coworkers, friends, companions,  family and even strangers.

Conversation and communication is good. No communication can lead to chaos. But its not always easy. Not even easy to express your own opinions clearly let alone listen to other peoples opinions sometimes.

What I notice is that most of the time people choose power over peace.

They feel there is a wrong, and will aim to fix it, no matter the fatalities along the way.

As much as you want to correct it right this instant, and just right the wrong now or throw the baby out with the bath water, as much as you want to correct a wrong, is how much sometimes strongly the other is convinced that you are the wrong that needs correcting.

Even how detrimental the views are and the consequences - when it comes down to that moment - its an opinion. Just an opinion *** (see disclosure) . Not to belittle it or invalidate it. Everyone has their own experiences to back up this opinion they hold so dear.
But its just that. And because we all are different, we are bound to have different opinions.
But if the whole exchange begins to brew resentment, anger, hurt, bitterness, violence and forever damaged relationships.... why? Why try to convince or force the other to accept yours? If they are not forcing you to change how to live your life, how you think, how you treat others in the end, right in front of you, why not choose peace? Why stir it up forcefully and damage the peace and relationship, instead of just having them see things for themselves, learn for themselves, be open to listening which is a two way street....

If they post something on FB that bothers you and you assume the worst in that person. Why say anything when you know their minds will not change if you say something? Even just delete or block it out. If the way they live their life in their home does not affect how you live your life at home, why force your opinion in their home?

Less vaguely for example, I do not agree I need to cover up my head as a woman or my face to be looked at as a respectable woman. But if I go into their home/ country and this is their form of respect in their country, I will do it. Because that is their home.
It is a minor inconvenience to me when I go there, but in the bigger picture, it keeps the peace and they appreciate it. They are not telling me what to do in my own home or how to live my life.
In the end, it shows them you value their relationship over forcing your differing opinions/values.