May was a very difficult month.
I think it is showing on me both physically and in my temperament.
My patience and tolerance to certain things has run thin. I'm constantly trying to regroup and deep breathe, but it is hard to practice mindfulness and catch myself when plonked in the middle of inhumanity. (and stupidity and selfishness).
My frustration and shock at other peoples actions, makes me want to act inhumane as well, to lose my temper, to scream, to curse, to be short with others, to scold, to be reckless, to want justice by more terrible means, to say f* it to all! That's the danger of this all.
I was thinking today during my short drive to work this morning that "Times like these, it brings out the good in people and also the bad" The extremes.
I guess knowing this and seeing it around me, I should choose which side of those extremes I want to be on.
To be honest it can feel really difficult to choose sometimes. Its hard to be an empath and notice the callousness and selfishness in others, its hard to be in a profession that is out there to help people when there are so many people out there who just care about themselves. I have no words for the acts of violence I see, or for the heartlessness I have heard from people's mouths.
And for the Stupid people out there, I wish it was as simple as to just sit back and let Darwin's survival of the fittest work its course.... But you know what? The stupidity of others affects everyone. And Survival of the fittest does not eliminate stupidity, without taking out the innocent.
So much is happening these days. From personal losses of loved ones to murders and to protests of basically people that think its ok to murder the vulnerable and call it their "rights". Then there are those that are so self absorbed they are immune to even acknowledge or respect the life of someone who passed.
"Look for the helpers." I have heard, in times of chaos, sadness or trouble or catastrophes.
Yet I see selfies and bystanders who do nothing.
I see posts of long explanations of "its not about you" and this is why you should wear a mask. And though I agree, I think ..............but to "them" it IS and will always be about them, not others, that is the key reason for a lot of the madness. It is simply all about themselves. We all know you cannot fix stupid. And yet here we are, wasting our explanations and pleads. Never before have I realized that "helping others" can put me and my loved ones at risk, and some of the others I try to help really do not give a crap about me or my loved ones.
Twightlight zone much?
This month really sucked.
I have hope for everything and everyone. But I feel we are living in the extremes at the moment. And its easy to get sucked into the chaos and madness with my anger for the injustices and heartlessness.
A few weeks ago I had a talk with one of my cousins. She is an elementary school teacher here in T.O. She was prepping her students for Confirmation.
She talked about the 7 Deadly sins/ vices. I think many religions and philosophers have their own version, I think even Mahatma Gandhi has his own.
But for now the Christian version or Catholic version is what she reminded about.
Here is a list and the counteracting virtues.
Pride Humility
Envy Admiration
Anger Forgiveness,
Sloth Zeal, Diligence
Greed Generosity
Gluttony Temperance
Lust Chastity
I found it so interesting to look at any situation and distinguish what was the main vice involved. We talked more about pride and how it can be the root of all breakdowns in relationships.
If anything, the chaos of this pandemic and the craziness of this month has confirmed and help define what it means to be human....and separates those that are truly humane... apart from those that are of the surface, or only of themselves.
Ahhh, in this moment of mindfulness after my venting and with the terribleness of this month I still have seen the huge hearts of many and I am truly grateful. Like the life raft that keeps me afloat in this sea, I have a clearer vision of who I like to surround myself by.
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May the generous lights of this world, Tita HHD and EBR, rest in His Love.
Friday, 29 May 2020
Thursday, 14 May 2020
make it grow!
When I was living with my folks, my mom had about 100 orchids she looked after. She is pretty good with plants and seems to have a green thumb. Not like myself.
We had a basement that had a large shelf with grow lights, an upstairs bathroom with a skylight and a sun room off the kitchen filled with all of them.
She was very attentive and had a watering schedule and was checking for those weird white fuzzy bugs that they would sometimes get.
I remember sitting in the kitchen for breakfast as my mom would come downstairs, pass me at the kitchen table, go straight to her plants and greet them "oh good morning my babies!"
I'd sit there half jokingly "oh hellooooo , good morning to you too mom!?"
"oh yea hi, good morning."
har har.
Well like plants, people need attention to grow, relationships that you care about need attention to grow.
Mind you yea, there are times where she couldnt care for them when she was on vacation, so I tried my best to keep them alive while she was gone.
It IS work, and good thing she loved orchids. You can't just buy them have them bloom then throw them away. They are not dead. They are still alive. Just because the flowers fall away does not mean there will not be any that grow back ... though I hear with orchids its very hard. So you don't have to kill something that's still alive and doesn't have the pretty flowers... unless you are superficial like that... or just buy cut flowers for a vase instead.
So yes eventually, those that did not get the attention and care just simply died.
During this time of quarantine, when we cannot get to our regular routines and meetings and gatherings and we have to social distance, I find a few observations.... some of us are working out and getting in shape more than before because we have the time, others, are cooking and eating more or maybe the same as they did but not as much exercise so they are gaining weight. Some are eager to connect through different means and in some ways are getting closer than before, and others are the opposite. Some are finding time for the hobbies they did not have time for before and are becoming their own experts at it. Others are finding time to get things in order that they did not have time for before. Anyways, whatever we care about we put our attention to, and whatever we put our attention to will grow, and whatever we dont will not.
We had a basement that had a large shelf with grow lights, an upstairs bathroom with a skylight and a sun room off the kitchen filled with all of them.
She was very attentive and had a watering schedule and was checking for those weird white fuzzy bugs that they would sometimes get.
I remember sitting in the kitchen for breakfast as my mom would come downstairs, pass me at the kitchen table, go straight to her plants and greet them "oh good morning my babies!"
I'd sit there half jokingly "oh hellooooo , good morning to you too mom!?"
"oh yea hi, good morning."
har har.
Well like plants, people need attention to grow, relationships that you care about need attention to grow.
Mind you yea, there are times where she couldnt care for them when she was on vacation, so I tried my best to keep them alive while she was gone.
It IS work, and good thing she loved orchids. You can't just buy them have them bloom then throw them away. They are not dead. They are still alive. Just because the flowers fall away does not mean there will not be any that grow back ... though I hear with orchids its very hard. So you don't have to kill something that's still alive and doesn't have the pretty flowers... unless you are superficial like that... or just buy cut flowers for a vase instead.
So yes eventually, those that did not get the attention and care just simply died.
During this time of quarantine, when we cannot get to our regular routines and meetings and gatherings and we have to social distance, I find a few observations.... some of us are working out and getting in shape more than before because we have the time, others, are cooking and eating more or maybe the same as they did but not as much exercise so they are gaining weight. Some are eager to connect through different means and in some ways are getting closer than before, and others are the opposite. Some are finding time for the hobbies they did not have time for before and are becoming their own experts at it. Others are finding time to get things in order that they did not have time for before. Anyways, whatever we care about we put our attention to, and whatever we put our attention to will grow, and whatever we dont will not.
Friday, 1 May 2020
Same storm
From my perspective, I truely utterly hate this. The distance from loved ones and those that are dear to me and my family, those vulnerable people that are having a difficult time right now.
This shit ass fucken virus is taking alot from us. I feel for those at risk in the front lines and those that are physically vulnerable.
To those that say it is all B.S I would like to punch them in the face. Anyways. I have to keep a better perspective.
A colleague posted this in respects to opening up clinics vs closing clinics argument. I guess it says the same for everything that is going on right now.
WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT ...
I heard that we are all in the same boat, but it's not like that. We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat. Your ship could be shipwrecked and mine might not be. Or vice versa.
I heard that we are all in the same boat, but it's not like that. We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat. Your ship could be shipwrecked and mine might not be. Or vice versa.
For some, quarantine is optimal. A moment of reflection, of re-connection, easy in flip flops, with a cocktail or coffee. For others, this is a desperate financial & family crisis.
For some that live alone they're facing endless loneliness. While for others it is peace, rest & time with their mother, father, sons & daughters.
With some getting an increase in unemployment, or CERB, some are bringing in more money to their households than they were when they were working. Others are working many more hours for less money due to pay cuts or loss in sales.
Some families of 4 have received several thousands of dollars while other families of 4 saw $0.
Some were concerned about getting a certain candy for Easter while others were concerned if there would be enough bread, milk and eggs for the weekend.
Some want to go back to work because they don't qualify for unemployment or other wage replacement funds and are running out of money. Others are angry and want to lynch those who break the quarantine- even if following physical distancing rules.
Some are home spending 2-3 hours/day helping their child with online schooling while others are spending 2-3 hours/day to educate their children on top of a 10-12 hour workday.
Some have experienced the near death of the virus, some have already lost someone from it and some are not sure if their loved ones are going to make it. Others don't believe this is a big deal.
Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2020. Others say the worst is yet to come.
So, friends, we are not in the same boat. We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.
Each of us will emerge, in our own way, from this storm. It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance. Not just looking, actually seeing.
We are all on different ships during this storm experiencing a very different journey.
Realize that and be kind to each other. Appreciate that others may not be getting through this as well as you may be.
Unknown author
SHARE THIS POST IF YOU WANT. IT'S A GOOD REMINDER ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.
Stay well, stay strong, stay kind.
Monday, 13 April 2020
Happy Easter Monday
So strange.
Yet wow, a lot of time to contemplate this situation and hopefully look at the over all picture of things.
I happened to watch the Live stream of the Good Friday Mass at St. Peters of the Passion of Christ mass.
It was on in the background while I was sewing.
This Homily stood out to me. It connected to our present state and had a good attempt at explaining the meaning behind it all.
Click on the transcript here, it is long but I do like it! I think many can relate to at least some of it and hopefully be a bit comforted.
"While he was painting frescoes in St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, the artist James Thornhill became so excited at a certain point about his fresco that he stepped back to see it better and was unaware he was about to fall over the edge of the scaffolding. A horrified assistant understood that crying out to him would have only hastened the disaster. Without thinking twice, he dipped a brush in paint and hurled it at the middle of the fresco. The master, appalled, sprang forward. His work was damaged, but he was saved."
Another thing that was Beautiful yesterday was Andrea Boccelli's Easter Concert for Hope.
It may not be everyone's thing but skip to minute 19:25 and on.....
Just seeing the drone shots of many big Italian cities ...then all the shots of the cities around the world.
This has really brought the world to a halt. Watching this part brought me to tears once again (as I do occasionally when I succumb to feeling overwhelmed by this) at the thought of the whole world stopping for this, together, and imagining how it would have sounded in Milan if they broadcast this concert loud into the empty streets.
-------------------
On another beautiful note:
Saturday I had the privilege once again to visit Positano, Italy!
(Btw my parents are from Philippines, but I feel like my soul is Italian! But even though my savory taste buds are Italian, my sweet taste buds are French).
I did a walking tour of Positano and it was amazing! Practically retracing my exact steps, I could feel the fresh sea air, the beaming sun on my skin, and it didn't kill my legs this time!
I did this all while folding laundry of course.
2011
2015
So lucky to have travelled here, twice. And I'm pretty thankful for all the places I have had the chance to experience. It was fun revisiting places I have been and sharing this with the bf. We revisited Costa Rica, and he took me to Spain, and I took him to Guatemala. ha !
Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter and is keeping safe and Healthy!
Yet wow, a lot of time to contemplate this situation and hopefully look at the over all picture of things.
I happened to watch the Live stream of the Good Friday Mass at St. Peters of the Passion of Christ mass.
It was on in the background while I was sewing.
This Homily stood out to me. It connected to our present state and had a good attempt at explaining the meaning behind it all.
Click on the transcript here, it is long but I do like it! I think many can relate to at least some of it and hopefully be a bit comforted.
"While he was painting frescoes in St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, the artist James Thornhill became so excited at a certain point about his fresco that he stepped back to see it better and was unaware he was about to fall over the edge of the scaffolding. A horrified assistant understood that crying out to him would have only hastened the disaster. Without thinking twice, he dipped a brush in paint and hurled it at the middle of the fresco. The master, appalled, sprang forward. His work was damaged, but he was saved."
Another thing that was Beautiful yesterday was Andrea Boccelli's Easter Concert for Hope.
It may not be everyone's thing but skip to minute 19:25 and on.....
Just seeing the drone shots of many big Italian cities ...then all the shots of the cities around the world.
This has really brought the world to a halt. Watching this part brought me to tears once again (as I do occasionally when I succumb to feeling overwhelmed by this) at the thought of the whole world stopping for this, together, and imagining how it would have sounded in Milan if they broadcast this concert loud into the empty streets.
-------------------
On another beautiful note:
Saturday I had the privilege once again to visit Positano, Italy!
(Btw my parents are from Philippines, but I feel like my soul is Italian! But even though my savory taste buds are Italian, my sweet taste buds are French).
I did a walking tour of Positano and it was amazing! Practically retracing my exact steps, I could feel the fresh sea air, the beaming sun on my skin, and it didn't kill my legs this time!
I did this all while folding laundry of course.
2011
2015
So lucky to have travelled here, twice. And I'm pretty thankful for all the places I have had the chance to experience. It was fun revisiting places I have been and sharing this with the bf. We revisited Costa Rica, and he took me to Spain, and I took him to Guatemala. ha !
Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter and is keeping safe and Healthy!
Tuesday, 7 April 2020
WFH
For a while now I wondered what Working from Home would look like for me. Especially since I see patients, there really is no 'work from home' technically with what I do, unless I take patients to my house.
I partially envied people I know that were able to do this.
Only because I thought of it as a nice break from the routine and getting to work in a chill environment and not having to commute, not that I have a long commute.
I say only partially envy because I wondered how they could even get up in the morning and motivate themselves when they work from home. I felt I had no self discipline to even get up on time or focus and not taking a billion food and maybe tv or internet breaks as well.
Now with what is going on in the world more than ever we are all faced, if we can, to work from home.
I've had vacay when this all started but I'm back in clinic getting things done!
I finished a whole list of how working from home looks like for my coworker and I and ..... I am excited!
In fact, it helps to ease the anxiety, frustration and agitation of the question "how long will we have to do and live like this?!" to thinking "wow! I have more time to do all the other things that I could not finish because I was seeing all these patients a day, but now I can focus! And I hope to have all our projects done when this is over..... in fact, I think .... I hope I have enough time to get all this done!"
Well I am excited at the prospect of things coming together for my department. It is funny how a lot of people are forced to change their perspective on things due to the catastrophic pandemic, but we can still find a way to see that the future still kinda looks bright!
I hope everyone is safe at home. I also figured that if anyone were to be back at work its best it should be me. I do not have anyone to pass on infection if I get it. Hopefully we will all get through this stronger and more blessed.
I partially envied people I know that were able to do this.
Only because I thought of it as a nice break from the routine and getting to work in a chill environment and not having to commute, not that I have a long commute.
I say only partially envy because I wondered how they could even get up in the morning and motivate themselves when they work from home. I felt I had no self discipline to even get up on time or focus and not taking a billion food and maybe tv or internet breaks as well.
Now with what is going on in the world more than ever we are all faced, if we can, to work from home.
I've had vacay when this all started but I'm back in clinic getting things done!
I finished a whole list of how working from home looks like for my coworker and I and ..... I am excited!
In fact, it helps to ease the anxiety, frustration and agitation of the question "how long will we have to do and live like this?!" to thinking "wow! I have more time to do all the other things that I could not finish because I was seeing all these patients a day, but now I can focus! And I hope to have all our projects done when this is over..... in fact, I think .... I hope I have enough time to get all this done!"
Well I am excited at the prospect of things coming together for my department. It is funny how a lot of people are forced to change their perspective on things due to the catastrophic pandemic, but we can still find a way to see that the future still kinda looks bright!
I hope everyone is safe at home. I also figured that if anyone were to be back at work its best it should be me. I do not have anyone to pass on infection if I get it. Hopefully we will all get through this stronger and more blessed.
Tuesday, 31 March 2020
new normal.....
I left my place to go grocery shopping today at 11 am.
Took me a bit to prep, clothing without too many layers, ski scarf , minimal side pouch for cash and a cheque (to deposit), light washable coat, card holder with minimal cards, hand sanitizer spray, nitrile gloves, mask , hair in a bun, phone in ziplock (hey, it still works through the plastic!).
Arrived at the grocery store to see a separated line up out the door! Should I turn back?
Actually it was pretty good. This organic store was systematic in making sure people kept separated. It was the best grocery shopping event I went to since this all started. I wasn't freaked out and anxious about those around me and I could find everything I wanted.... except Kohlrabi (?!) which is my mom's new fav for salads.
Dropped these off at the door of my folks place.
Then set out to deposit moola. Apparently cash can be deposited via atm but not cheques?! Another separated line up. Yes.... I may move to just get the bank app, I do not like having too much personal information in my phone but these times may force me to do it.
Then to Home Depot for my furnace/hvac filter. And a hepa filter possibly for the face masks I have been sewing since some hospitals are asking for them... (crazy how unprotected front line is).
Then my own grocery shopping.
Then stop at concierge to pick up my package.
Then home by 4:00 pm.
Stripped off everything at the door and placed clothes in the wash.
Then washed all my groceries.
Then showered.
Then looking at the pile of plastic bags from the groceries in one corner on the floor.... what do I do with them? Washing all these Covid plastic bags really will take forever for them to dry, if at all. Or if in doubt throw it out? Or do I just quarantine these bags for 14 days and monitor their symptoms?
After all this washing and sanitizing I looked down at my manicure. Ugh. (not gel)
Already Peeling and cracking and chipping off.
I decided to make another manicure appointment at my usual place:
Me: So what time do you have available for a manicure?
Also me: Maybe tomorrow after 12? Today was just too exhausting and I have yet to wash all my floors.
Took me a bit to prep, clothing without too many layers, ski scarf , minimal side pouch for cash and a cheque (to deposit), light washable coat, card holder with minimal cards, hand sanitizer spray, nitrile gloves, mask , hair in a bun, phone in ziplock (hey, it still works through the plastic!).
Arrived at the grocery store to see a separated line up out the door! Should I turn back?
Actually it was pretty good. This organic store was systematic in making sure people kept separated. It was the best grocery shopping event I went to since this all started. I wasn't freaked out and anxious about those around me and I could find everything I wanted.... except Kohlrabi (?!) which is my mom's new fav for salads.
Dropped these off at the door of my folks place.
Then set out to deposit moola. Apparently cash can be deposited via atm but not cheques?! Another separated line up. Yes.... I may move to just get the bank app, I do not like having too much personal information in my phone but these times may force me to do it.
Then to Home Depot for my furnace/hvac filter. And a hepa filter possibly for the face masks I have been sewing since some hospitals are asking for them... (crazy how unprotected front line is).
Then my own grocery shopping.
Then stop at concierge to pick up my package.
Then home by 4:00 pm.
Stripped off everything at the door and placed clothes in the wash.
Then washed all my groceries.
Then showered.
Then looking at the pile of plastic bags from the groceries in one corner on the floor.... what do I do with them? Washing all these Covid plastic bags really will take forever for them to dry, if at all. Or if in doubt throw it out? Or do I just quarantine these bags for 14 days and monitor their symptoms?
After all this washing and sanitizing I looked down at my manicure. Ugh. (not gel)
Already Peeling and cracking and chipping off.
I decided to make another manicure appointment at my usual place:
Me: So what time do you have available for a manicure?
Also me: Maybe tomorrow after 12? Today was just too exhausting and I have yet to wash all my floors.
Sunday, 29 March 2020
Self confidence part 3.?
I like mentioning this topic because we all struggle with it to some degree and I have noticed how this has changed for me throughout the years.
The wonderful podcast from The Life Coach School outlines it clearly, not going to link it here since I have mentioned it many times.
More than ever, I realize that self confidence comes from within. Apart from what is happening around you. True self confidence comes from not comparing yourself to others but in knowing how you want to be and striving for it, knowing what you like to do and being able to do it, no matter what external judgments are made by others. People get this from many things, doing things they enjoy, different ways of feeling better about themselves, setting personal goals, our desires of what we want and do not want in our lives.
Anyhow, random sort of.
This.....click here
And this....
The wonderful podcast from The Life Coach School outlines it clearly, not going to link it here since I have mentioned it many times.
More than ever, I realize that self confidence comes from within. Apart from what is happening around you. True self confidence comes from not comparing yourself to others but in knowing how you want to be and striving for it, knowing what you like to do and being able to do it, no matter what external judgments are made by others. People get this from many things, doing things they enjoy, different ways of feeling better about themselves, setting personal goals, our desires of what we want and do not want in our lives.
Anyhow, random sort of.
This.....click here
And this....
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