May was a very difficult month.
I think it is showing on me both physically and in my temperament.
My patience and tolerance to certain things has run thin. I'm constantly trying to regroup and deep breathe, but it is hard to practice mindfulness and catch myself when plonked in the middle of inhumanity. (and stupidity and selfishness).
My frustration and shock at other peoples actions, makes me want to act inhumane as well, to lose my temper, to scream, to curse, to be short with others, to scold, to be reckless, to want justice by more terrible means, to say f* it to all! That's the danger of this all.
I was thinking today during my short drive to work this morning that "Times like these, it brings out the good in people and also the bad" The extremes.
I guess knowing this and seeing it around me, I should choose which side of those extremes I want to be on.
To be honest it can feel really difficult to choose sometimes. Its hard to be an empath and notice the callousness and selfishness in others, its hard to be in a profession that is out there to help people when there are so many people out there who just care about themselves. I have no words for the acts of violence I see, or for the heartlessness I have heard from people's mouths.
And for the Stupid people out there, I wish it was as simple as to just sit back and let Darwin's survival of the fittest work its course.... But you know what? The stupidity of others affects everyone. And Survival of the fittest does not eliminate stupidity, without taking out the innocent.
So much is happening these days. From personal losses of loved ones to murders and to protests of basically people that think its ok to murder the vulnerable and call it their "rights". Then there are those that are so self absorbed they are immune to even acknowledge or respect the life of someone who passed.
"Look for the helpers." I have heard, in times of chaos, sadness or trouble or catastrophes.
Yet I see selfies and bystanders who do nothing.
I see posts of long explanations of "its not about you" and this is why you should wear a mask. And though I agree, I think ..............but to "them" it IS and will always be about them, not others, that is the key reason for a lot of the madness. It is simply all about themselves. We all know you cannot fix stupid. And yet here we are, wasting our explanations and pleads. Never before have I realized that "helping others" can put me and my loved ones at risk, and some of the others I try to help really do not give a crap about me or my loved ones.
Twightlight zone much?
This month really sucked.
I have hope for everything and everyone. But I feel we are living in the extremes at the moment. And its easy to get sucked into the chaos and madness with my anger for the injustices and heartlessness.
A few weeks ago I had a talk with one of my cousins. She is an elementary school teacher here in T.O. She was prepping her students for Confirmation.
She talked about the 7 Deadly sins/ vices. I think many religions and philosophers have their own version, I think even Mahatma Gandhi has his own.
But for now the Christian version or Catholic version is what she reminded about.
Here is a list and the counteracting virtues.
Pride Humility
Envy Admiration
Anger Forgiveness,
Sloth Zeal, Diligence
Greed Generosity
Gluttony Temperance
Lust Chastity
I found it so interesting to look at any situation and distinguish what was the main vice involved. We talked more about pride and how it can be the root of all breakdowns in relationships.
If anything, the chaos of this pandemic and the craziness of this month has confirmed and help define what it means to be human....and separates those that are truly humane... apart from those that are of the surface, or only of themselves.
Ahhh, in this moment of mindfulness after my venting and with the terribleness of this month I still have seen the huge hearts of many and I am truly grateful. Like the life raft that keeps me afloat in this sea, I have a clearer vision of who I like to surround myself by.
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May the generous lights of this world, Tita HHD and EBR, rest in His Love.
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