Chaotic heart breaking month.

May was a very difficult month.
I think it is showing on me both physically and in my temperament.

My patience and tolerance to certain things has run thin. I'm constantly trying to regroup and deep breathe, but it is hard to practice mindfulness and catch myself when plonked in the middle of inhumanity. (and stupidity and selfishness).
My frustration and shock at other peoples actions, makes me want to act inhumane as well, to lose my temper, to scream, to curse, to be short with others, to scold, to be reckless, to want justice by more terrible means, to say f* it to all! That's the danger of this all.

I was thinking today during my short drive to work this morning that "Times like these, it brings out the good in people and also the bad" The extremes.
I guess knowing this and seeing it around me, I should choose which side of those extremes I want to be on.

To be honest it can feel really difficult to choose sometimes. Its hard to be an empath and notice the callousness and selfishness in others, its hard to be in a profession that is out there to help people when there are so many people out there who just care about themselves. I have no words for the acts of violence I see, or for the heartlessness I have heard from people's mouths.

And for the Stupid people out there, I wish it was as simple as to just sit back and let Darwin's survival of the fittest work its course.... But you know what? The stupidity of others affects everyone. And Survival of the fittest does not eliminate stupidity, without taking out the innocent.

So much is happening these days. From personal losses of loved ones to murders and to protests of basically people that think its ok to murder the vulnerable and call it their "rights". Then there are those that are so self absorbed they are immune to even acknowledge or respect the life of someone who passed.

"Look for the helpers." I have heard, in times of chaos, sadness or trouble or catastrophes.
Yet I see selfies and bystanders who do nothing.

I see posts of long explanations of "its not about you" and this is why you should wear a mask. And though I agree, I think ..............but to "them" it IS and will always be about them, not others, that is the key reason for a lot of the madness. It is simply all about themselves. We all know you cannot fix stupid. And yet here we are, wasting our explanations and pleads.  Never before have I realized that "helping others" can put me and my loved ones at risk, and some of the others I try to help really do not give a crap about me or my loved ones.

Twightlight zone much?

This month really sucked.

I have hope for everything and everyone. But I feel we are living in the extremes at the moment. And its easy to get sucked into the chaos and madness with my anger for the injustices and heartlessness.


A few weeks ago I had a talk with one of my cousins. She is an elementary school teacher here in T.O. She was prepping her students for Confirmation.
She talked about the 7 Deadly sins/ vices. I think many religions and philosophers have their own version, I think even Mahatma Gandhi has his own.
But for now the Christian version or Catholic version is what she reminded about.
Here is a list and the counteracting virtues.

Pride             Humility
Envy             Admiration
Anger           Forgiveness,
Sloth             Zeal, Diligence
Greed           Generosity
Gluttony       Temperance
Lust              Chastity

I found it so interesting to look at any situation and distinguish what was the main vice involved. We talked more about pride and how it can be the root of all breakdowns in relationships.

If anything, the chaos of this pandemic and the craziness of this month has confirmed and help define what it means to be human....and separates those that are truly humane... apart from those that are of the surface, or only of themselves.

Ahhh, in this moment of mindfulness after my venting and with the terribleness of this month I still have seen the huge hearts of many and I am truly grateful. Like the life raft that keeps me afloat in this sea, I have a clearer vision of who I like to surround myself by.


----------------------------------


May the generous lights of this world, Tita HHD and EBR, rest in His Love.

make it grow!

When I was living with my folks, my mom had about 100 orchids she looked after. She is pretty good with plants and seems to have a green thumb. Not like myself.
We had a basement that had a large shelf with grow lights, an upstairs bathroom with a skylight and a sun room off the kitchen filled with all of them.
She was very attentive and had a watering schedule and was checking for those weird white fuzzy bugs that they would sometimes get.

I remember sitting in the kitchen for breakfast as my mom would come downstairs, pass me at the kitchen table, go straight to her plants and greet them "oh good morning my babies!"

I'd sit there half jokingly "oh hellooooo , good morning to you too mom!?"

"oh yea hi, good morning."

har har.

Well like plants, people need attention to grow, relationships that you care about need attention to grow.

Mind you yea, there are times where she couldnt care for them when she was on vacation, so I tried my best to keep them alive while she was gone.
It IS work, and good thing she loved orchids. You can't just buy them have them bloom then throw them away. They are not dead. They are still alive. Just because the flowers fall away does not mean there will not be any that grow back ... though I hear with orchids its very hard. So you don't have to kill something that's still alive and doesn't have the pretty flowers... unless you are superficial like that... or just buy cut flowers for a vase instead.

So yes eventually, those that did not get the attention and care just simply died.

During this time of quarantine, when we cannot get to our regular routines and meetings and gatherings and we have to social distance, I find a few observations.... some of us are working out and getting in shape more than before because we have the time, others, are cooking and eating more or maybe the same as they did but not as much exercise so they are gaining weight. Some are eager to connect through different means and in some ways are getting closer than before, and others are the opposite. Some are finding time for the hobbies they did not have time for before and are becoming their own experts at it. Others are finding time to get things in order that they did not have time for before. Anyways, whatever we care about we put our attention to, and whatever we put our attention to will grow, and whatever we dont will not.

Same storm

From my perspective, I truely utterly hate this. The distance from loved ones and those that are dear to me and my family, those vulnerable people that are having a difficult time right now.
This shit ass fucken virus is taking alot from us. I feel for those at risk in the front lines and those that are physically vulnerable.
To those that say it is all B.S I would like to punch them in the face. Anyways. I have to keep a better perspective.

A colleague posted this in respects to opening up clinics vs closing clinics argument. I guess it says the same for everything that is going on right now.

WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT ...
I heard that we are all in the same boat, but it's not like that. We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat. Your ship could be shipwrecked and mine might not be. Or vice versa.

For some, quarantine is optimal. A moment of reflection, of re-connection, easy in flip flops, with a cocktail or coffee. For others, this is a desperate financial & family crisis.

For some that live alone they're facing endless loneliness. While for others it is peace, rest & time with their mother, father, sons & daughters.

With some getting an increase in unemployment, or CERB, some are bringing in more money to their households than they were when they were working. Others are working many more hours for less money due to pay cuts or loss in sales.

Some families of 4 have received several thousands of dollars while other families of 4 saw $0.

Some were concerned about getting a certain candy for Easter while others were concerned if there would be enough bread, milk and eggs for the weekend.

Some want to go back to work because they don't qualify for unemployment or other wage replacement funds and are running out of money. Others are angry and want to lynch those who break the quarantine- even if following physical distancing rules.

Some are home spending 2-3 hours/day helping their child with online schooling while others are spending 2-3 hours/day to educate their children on top of a 10-12 hour workday.

Some have experienced the near death of the virus, some have already lost someone from it and some are not sure if their loved ones are going to make it. Others don't believe this is a big deal.

Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2020. Others say the worst is yet to come.

So, friends, we are not in the same boat. We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.

Each of us will emerge, in our own way, from this storm. It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance. Not just looking, actually seeing.

We are all on different ships during this storm experiencing a very different journey.

Realize that and be kind to each other. Appreciate that others may not be getting through this as well as you may be.

Unknown author

SHARE THIS POST IF YOU WANT. IT'S A GOOD REMINDER ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.

Stay well, stay strong, stay kind.