Growing up, in my late elementary school years, I remember a particular Uncle and aunt who I thought were so funny!
So funny that, one time I was standing in their kitchen drinking a glass of water when my aunt, who sat in front of me holding her little one said something hilarious and I did not have time to drink. I ended up showering both her and my little baby cousin in her lap with my diluted saliva!
I thought they were a pretty cool couple.
Sometimes I even wished my folks were that cool and funny.
I thought that they had a fun relationship. I assumed it was filled with laughter and this must have bonded them. In comparison my folks who seemed pretty boring.
I remember a particular incident as they were leaving our house after a visit. They were at the foyer and my aunt made a comment, actually a few about my uncle that made me crack up.
She said something about his character, making fun of him, like he always does this or that. Eye roll. etc.
Hahaha !
--------
In my early 20s I remember visiting family in the states.
My cousin was married with kids.
Her husband is driving the car and we were heading back home after a day out and picking up some food along the way.
My cousin can be sarcastically funny. I find her a bit intimidating actually.
I remember her jokingly berating her husband about this or that - his driving or whatever it was at the time, for us to all hear, almost explaining to us, this is how he is. We had our laughs about it and he laughed a bit too, kinda giving up saying "ugh oh 'honey'" (honey in replacement of her name here, for discretion sake).
I thought they were a great fun couple - wow they can just say whatever to each other they are that comfortable and joke around. I remember also thinking he was so kind. He did everything for her.
---------------------
These instances of observation when I was young has led me to distinguish a key slight difference in the jokes or comments or perceived comrade-re/ affection I witnessed.
In fact, these jokes are made as put downs. Jokes or sarcastic comments that make everyone around laugh. And yes these are often made with an audience present.
There are jokes that bring to light a situation where we can all laugh and enjoy and it uplifts everyone around, not at the expense of another. There are other jokes that actually are slight jabs, demeaning, or disrespecting the other person for the sake of a cheap laugh.
"Making-fun" of someone is only fun for the person doing it and maybe spectators but not for the one being made fun of. People can look at the other person who felt hurt or slighly demeaned and say "oH you don't have a sense of humor! It was just a joke!" Or even, sometimes the person being made fun of does not really notice it at first. All they realize is that it was something they laughed at too but were made to feel uncomfortable, it was not uplifting and they do not feel closer to the person who made the joke.
I've learned that when people joke, there is a slight percentage of truth to it. Or at least truth in what the joker feels about it.
I find that kids do not notice these differences.Its just simply funny. And as we can see from above they never really learn that difference as they grow older, unless they are taught or have developed their empathetic awareness.
These jokes do not bring people together but make people compete. Separate. They breakdown a team or prevent one from forming. They drive a very fine divide and disconnect to the other person, and just like that Chinese water droplet torture method - It, as benign as it may seem, can reveal an underlying divide which simply gets fed more with these jokes. It can reveal an utter disregard or insensitivity to another person's feelings.
Well... unfortunately a couple years after each incident, the couples were no longer together.
No comments:
Post a Comment