Funny how life has a way of letting you know that it ain't so perfecto!
Nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same, change is inevitable, every thing grows older, things wear down, all we can do is give it our best shot....
Things also go by so quickly, it is practically telling us every day to savor every moment of the present, and that it can be OH so beautiful and wonderful and bright and...... to simply not take it for granted.
Sunday, 30 April 2017
Wednesday, 26 April 2017
bereft
Well can't add this word to my Jossipedia files because it actually exists. I haven't really heard of it before.
Talked to a patient today who is in her early 70s.
For the few times she has been in to see me, I would describe her as a very independant, socially proactive woman. Maybe even a feminist.
She explained that at the age of 30 she decided to have her tubes tied.
Not surprising, because she explained how she had a horrible family life, "horrible mother", and had no desire at all to have kids and pass that down to another generation. She jokingly said, I saved a few kids from going to therapy that way. Looking back she has never regretted that decision and she had not ever changed her mind about not having kids.
Interestingly though, she said after the procedure was done, she was surprised at herself, because she suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of loss. She describes it as Bereft. She was not expecting that at all. Even though it was her decision to have her tubes tied, she felt that she lost something so fundamental to being a woman. A capacity that the female body has to carry and produce a child, she felt less of a woman in a sense, that a very important part of her was missing. She said she wished that someone would have warned her: Oh btw, you may need a therapist after this procedure.
I wondered aloud and said to her, I wonder why then it could not have been the other way around... your husband at the time could have had a vasectomy. Why is birth control most often than not in the woman's hands or most often than not - why must our bodies be affected by this. Why not the men? Birth control affects our hormones, having tubes tied affects our hormones. The only other thing that men have to do is simply wear a condom. But that in it self makes most men throw their hands up in the air claiming "allergy to latex!" or "I don't like how it feels!" Meanwhile, we get our womanhood removed, we interfere with the nature of our hormones, we get copper metal pieces tied up into our uterus, or we deal with the 9 plus months of pregnancy, the physical changes and taxes of postpartum depression, of the physical aftermath of stretchmarks, body changes and the labour itself.
I am not a mother myself. But this story of this lady saddens me. I feel it could be looked at as "girl power" or woman's choice. But it is not. It is not when it affects us negatively. Physically and emotionally negatively. We may see it as feminism to do this to stand up against the norm and take "control" of our bodies. But I don't feel it is that way. It is the woman who is being altered to have this "convenience". I guess I am not a feminist.
Her answer was simply because the woman has more at stake. It is our bodies that change, it is us that carries the child, the men can choose to stay or not to stay, but either way they do not have that obvious physical responsibility or burden (whichever way you look at it), and you cannot trust them to take on this responsibility. But still I questioned this - why not? Why don't they? And isn't it then, by us changing our bodies for this convenience of not having an unwanted child, isn't it then enabling the idea that the man has not much at stake in this situation and therefore their less responsibility is more pronounced? This idea of "feminism" to me, feels like it is just semantics - just a twist on the same inequality. Oh and when I talk of equality, I do not talk about women trying to be like men etc. I talk about the equal respect we have for both sexes. That is equality. Celebrating and respecting the nature in which we are made - woman being a woman and all the wonderful things that go with it, and men being true gentlemen.
I agree with this lady that the ability and capacity to bear a child is a profound essence of being a woman, so is the decision to have or not have one. But I do not believe that this decision should happen at a cost to this woman's health - mental and physical, nor should it be at a cost to a life that has already begun. I do not see feminism in that.
Talked to a patient today who is in her early 70s.
For the few times she has been in to see me, I would describe her as a very independant, socially proactive woman. Maybe even a feminist.
She explained that at the age of 30 she decided to have her tubes tied.
Not surprising, because she explained how she had a horrible family life, "horrible mother", and had no desire at all to have kids and pass that down to another generation. She jokingly said, I saved a few kids from going to therapy that way. Looking back she has never regretted that decision and she had not ever changed her mind about not having kids.
Interestingly though, she said after the procedure was done, she was surprised at herself, because she suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of loss. She describes it as Bereft. She was not expecting that at all. Even though it was her decision to have her tubes tied, she felt that she lost something so fundamental to being a woman. A capacity that the female body has to carry and produce a child, she felt less of a woman in a sense, that a very important part of her was missing. She said she wished that someone would have warned her: Oh btw, you may need a therapist after this procedure.
I wondered aloud and said to her, I wonder why then it could not have been the other way around... your husband at the time could have had a vasectomy. Why is birth control most often than not in the woman's hands or most often than not - why must our bodies be affected by this. Why not the men? Birth control affects our hormones, having tubes tied affects our hormones. The only other thing that men have to do is simply wear a condom. But that in it self makes most men throw their hands up in the air claiming "allergy to latex!" or "I don't like how it feels!" Meanwhile, we get our womanhood removed, we interfere with the nature of our hormones, we get copper metal pieces tied up into our uterus, or we deal with the 9 plus months of pregnancy, the physical changes and taxes of postpartum depression, of the physical aftermath of stretchmarks, body changes and the labour itself.
I am not a mother myself. But this story of this lady saddens me. I feel it could be looked at as "girl power" or woman's choice. But it is not. It is not when it affects us negatively. Physically and emotionally negatively. We may see it as feminism to do this to stand up against the norm and take "control" of our bodies. But I don't feel it is that way. It is the woman who is being altered to have this "convenience". I guess I am not a feminist.
Her answer was simply because the woman has more at stake. It is our bodies that change, it is us that carries the child, the men can choose to stay or not to stay, but either way they do not have that obvious physical responsibility or burden (whichever way you look at it), and you cannot trust them to take on this responsibility. But still I questioned this - why not? Why don't they? And isn't it then, by us changing our bodies for this convenience of not having an unwanted child, isn't it then enabling the idea that the man has not much at stake in this situation and therefore their less responsibility is more pronounced? This idea of "feminism" to me, feels like it is just semantics - just a twist on the same inequality. Oh and when I talk of equality, I do not talk about women trying to be like men etc. I talk about the equal respect we have for both sexes. That is equality. Celebrating and respecting the nature in which we are made - woman being a woman and all the wonderful things that go with it, and men being true gentlemen.
I agree with this lady that the ability and capacity to bear a child is a profound essence of being a woman, so is the decision to have or not have one. But I do not believe that this decision should happen at a cost to this woman's health - mental and physical, nor should it be at a cost to a life that has already begun. I do not see feminism in that.
Saturday, 22 April 2017
in and out
Sometimes I wonder if whats happening on the inside can show on the outside.
If I am supposed to look different somehow now, old or useless or broken. That youthful glow people tend to have and then lose. Does it happen over night or over a long period of time.
People used to tell me that I looked much younger than I am. It used to frustrate me. I had glasses to see far. Yet I would still wear them to work, even though I only needed them to drive.
I wanted to look older. Maybe taken more seriously. Wanted people to listen, not dismiss me.
Around my first year of working in the real world, a pt said to me that I looked like I was 16. I was 24. She told me how she was the same. When she was younger, everyone thought she was much younger than she looked. But she said "oh but it catches up to you, and it does quickly. One day you look younger and the next day you wake up and you look your age." Eek sounded abrupt and harsh. I was more aware of this because of her, so much that I did not feel too concerned about looking older as much...Tried to enjoy it.
So I guess I cannot say I was not warned.
I secretly dreaded that day where I would wake up and youth was not there anymore. So I wonder, if people can see it in your face...
I'm much older than that 24 yr old me...
I am not sure if I am taken any more seriously though....
If I am supposed to look different somehow now, old or useless or broken. That youthful glow people tend to have and then lose. Does it happen over night or over a long period of time.
People used to tell me that I looked much younger than I am. It used to frustrate me. I had glasses to see far. Yet I would still wear them to work, even though I only needed them to drive.
I wanted to look older. Maybe taken more seriously. Wanted people to listen, not dismiss me.
Around my first year of working in the real world, a pt said to me that I looked like I was 16. I was 24. She told me how she was the same. When she was younger, everyone thought she was much younger than she looked. But she said "oh but it catches up to you, and it does quickly. One day you look younger and the next day you wake up and you look your age." Eek sounded abrupt and harsh. I was more aware of this because of her, so much that I did not feel too concerned about looking older as much...Tried to enjoy it.
So I guess I cannot say I was not warned.
I secretly dreaded that day where I would wake up and youth was not there anymore. So I wonder, if people can see it in your face...
I'm much older than that 24 yr old me...
I am not sure if I am taken any more seriously though....
Monday, 17 April 2017
Happy Easter!
My nephew on Easter Sunday:
"Did you know that Kinder Surprises are illegal in the States?
Yea.... they ban Kinder Eggs but they don't ban guns."
Canadians are such rebels!
Tuesday, 11 April 2017
ew
When you lend someone a pen, then get it back, and it smells like musty, stinky clothes...
(and to finish this When sentence)...
it just makes me hurl a little in my mouth and makes me that more possessive about my pens. Either that or just simply keep it, I don't want it back.
Random info for the day.... carry on...
(and to finish this When sentence)...
it just makes me hurl a little in my mouth and makes me that more possessive about my pens. Either that or just simply keep it, I don't want it back.
Random info for the day.... carry on...
Monday, 10 April 2017
Pourquoi? ....
Parce que.....
This is Ontario, if its going to be like that now huh....
I spent some extra time in the lentil and juice section at No Frills after work today.
I was looking for chickpeas and also cranberry juice. When I realized why I was taking a few more minutes, I took another few minutes just turning all the jugs and cans around to the English side, because it was literally all of them.....I see what was happening there, seemed suspicious to me.
This is Ontario, if its going to be like that now huh....
I spent some extra time in the lentil and juice section at No Frills after work today.
I was looking for chickpeas and also cranberry juice. When I realized why I was taking a few more minutes, I took another few minutes just turning all the jugs and cans around to the English side, because it was literally all of them.....I see what was happening there, seemed suspicious to me.
Sunday, 9 April 2017
Icecreammmm.... minus the cream...
I need to record this here. Great find, not by me, of some yummy sorbetto gelato or icecream.
What I love about this is that it tastes great, fresh, and not overly sugary and a hint of creaminess .... without the dairy! AND its gluten free. AND it is vegan - meaning no eggs.
There is a cost to it though at around 9-10$
Found at some health food grocery, dry good like store in Kensington Market.
Friday, 7 April 2017
taking advantage of generosity
is actually the same thing as abusing it.
True story:
There was a friend I knew from highschool and we kept in touch for just a couple years after university. I knew she finished Teachers College and had difficulty finding a job. She wasn't renting, but living at her folks place, but even then I knew she had some difficulty with other expenses.
We went out for Bubble tea one day and chatted for quite some time. She was also having issues with her personal life, so I thought it would help to get her out and let her vent.
We were about to leave and the bill came. I told her - "don't worry D, this is on me"
She was not expecting it, however, she sat back down and said, while the waiter was standing in front of us with the bill in his hands, "OH..... well in that case, I will order another Bubble tea...."
What.
(I am not sure about you, but only those of you who noticed what I just noticed, are my kind of people.)
So we sat back down, I took my coat off and we continued to chat about her venting issues.....
Maybe it is that some people are so engulfed in their issues it somehow becomes selfish. I guess they can be excused to a certain extent because life is just that much harder than yours, but at a certain point, they simply are just selfish. And selfish people actually take from others to fill their own lack instead of working on it themselves to help themselves. And they almost always fail to notice the generosity of others or fail to simply notice any courtesy to others around them.
Saying all this, I would not call myself a bitch or selfish or heartless or careless toward her problems. But the saying - when you give an inch they take a mile or something like that.... is what I feel in this case.
Adulting fail
More often times than not, we have seen "adults" act like children.
Just because you reach a certain age does not define you as mature or responsible. I get it, everyone makes mistakes at some point, I've been there.
But whats frightening is when very powerful adults act like children at the sake of innocent lives.
In these cases, there is no "rising above" the other or "winning side" when all involved make it to be one mass playground of immature brats and bullies with disgusting egos and pride.
Keep safe, always use every day to show those you love how much you love them, and love deeply not half assed.
Just because you reach a certain age does not define you as mature or responsible. I get it, everyone makes mistakes at some point, I've been there.
But whats frightening is when very powerful adults act like children at the sake of innocent lives.
In these cases, there is no "rising above" the other or "winning side" when all involved make it to be one mass playground of immature brats and bullies with disgusting egos and pride.
Keep safe, always use every day to show those you love how much you love them, and love deeply not half assed.
Tuesday, 4 April 2017
yes... it is delicious
/
This was an exciting find from Whole Foods the other day.
I've tried gluten free and egg free bread from McEwans for a whopping 9$ that fell apart in my hands which made it even difficult to toast, and once toasted tasted quite plasticy.
So when the guy behind the check out at Whole Foods said "oh this is good bread", I thought ya ya sure.
But he was right! And the label is correct too! And 2 $ less.
Now I have something to go with my morning avocado....
Their website is here.
This made me wonder - Imagine it tasted like crap but its name is Delicious? And it reminded me of high school class mates, one was named Precious and another Dulce (which means sweet in spanish). Were they really that precious or sweet? They had to live up to that! Proper naming of things is important. Or else people just feel jipped. Just thinking aloud...
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