I stumbled upon this term today in some random article in Psychology today.
Are you teaching people to treat you badly?
I find it interesting because I have always heard the "Turn the other cheek" kinda story or the Bible's "give them the other cheek" or the idea that "kindness will overcome unkindness".
Which can really mix people up.
And it can perpetuate a shitty relationship that can in turn eat away at a person's self worth and confidence.
On the other hand, retaliating back against bad behavior can also escalate the bad behavior as well or it can stop it.
This goes along with the discussion my gfs and I had this weekend about meditation and yoga and being detached from the world to find what god means (a common theme in many religions).
One of my gfs refuted an idea that was presented in saying "well then if you let it go or forgive, you end up being just a doormat, how do you stop those people from treating you badly?"
And to mix more ideas into this theme, there is the idea of forgiveness.
Sometimes it is hard to forgive because one feels that to forgive is to excuse the bad behavior or to accept it as ok. Which I learned is apparently the wrong idea about forgiveness.
I have heard that Forgiveness of another person or situation is not for the other person who made the offense, it is something you do for yourself.
All very deep things to think about and all somehow related to each other.
The Law Effect states that Behavior varies as a function of it's consequences.
So if we apply the above strategies of turning the other cheek - if a person can act unkind to another and not be reprimanded and maybe even be treated more kind - they may not change at all and continue to think how they treat someone is ok.
If you look at it that way you can say "oh of course! who would be nicer to someone after they were treated meanly by that person, that is just silly"
BUT it happens.
A person acts up or snaps at another, the other person makes some reason in their head like - oh they must have had a bad day and then they treat them more sweeter to ease them from this bad day.
Or a kid throws a tantrum because they do not get what they want so the parent feels bad the kid is crying and upset so they hug them and console them after.
Anyways, it is interesting to try to decipher when a situation would be good for "turning the other cheek" or actually asserting against the bad behavior/unkindness.
Monday, 16 July 2018
Wednesday, 27 June 2018
Maxi dress....
So I like following extra Petite Jean because she is practically the same size as me - especially in height (I do not think I am as thin as her) - and because for the most part I like her style.
Though at the moment she is prego and soon due, she still suggests clothes that are versatile for being prego and not.
For a while now I have been looking for a maxi dress. Preferred floral print but I will take anything that fits right now. So I ordered online a dress she was wearing (though she had the cutest yellow - I love yellow, but it was sold out) during her Italy trip. I got the rust red instead.
It arrived today and I have been walking around my place for a good 30 minutes in this dress because it just about fits! (so unusual not to have to hem or alter it somehow)
I've decided that I like it!
But something was bugging me. I was not too sure about the colour and was thinking about it until something just popped into my head and now I cannot shake it.
Red , flowey, long dress........
Gah!
Just gimme a white bonnet and I may as well be one of those handmaids!
great. Now I cannot get rid of this image as I wear it. And what a coincidence that the show is filmed in T.O.
Ugh. Hope no one else thinks it when they see me....
Though at the moment she is prego and soon due, she still suggests clothes that are versatile for being prego and not.
For a while now I have been looking for a maxi dress. Preferred floral print but I will take anything that fits right now. So I ordered online a dress she was wearing (though she had the cutest yellow - I love yellow, but it was sold out) during her Italy trip. I got the rust red instead.
It arrived today and I have been walking around my place for a good 30 minutes in this dress because it just about fits! (so unusual not to have to hem or alter it somehow)
I've decided that I like it!
But something was bugging me. I was not too sure about the colour and was thinking about it until something just popped into my head and now I cannot shake it.
Red , flowey, long dress........
Gah!
Just gimme a white bonnet and I may as well be one of those handmaids!
great. Now I cannot get rid of this image as I wear it. And what a coincidence that the show is filmed in T.O.
Ugh. Hope no one else thinks it when they see me....
Wednesday, 20 June 2018
In France the other day...
President Macron's response to a teenager who called him 'Manu'
was to correct him and say he should call him Mr. President and he went on to tell the boy that before he starts a revolution he must learn to "do things the right way... first earn a diploma and learn how to put food on the table."
I find this amusing in many ways. One, because his statement rings true for me. But also because I am pretty sure the kid was just trying to be cool with the prez, but I also think that the prez is dealing with a lot of issues, and a feeling of disrespect is one of them, that he just felt he needed to set things straight and voice his built up opinion. Too bad for this innocent kid who had to be the example that the prez had to set straight in front of everyone. But of course I think the media is making it more dramatic than it was, and I doubt the boy was that humiliated. Though with all the idiocy of media hype, I am also pretty sure the kid possibly now is persuaded to think against the president, rather than listening to his realistic advice. C'est la vie!
BTW, has anyone noticed that the president's name is soooo similar to the delicious french treat Macaron? That to me is just awesome..yum!
was to correct him and say he should call him Mr. President and he went on to tell the boy that before he starts a revolution he must learn to "do things the right way... first earn a diploma and learn how to put food on the table."
I find this amusing in many ways. One, because his statement rings true for me. But also because I am pretty sure the kid was just trying to be cool with the prez, but I also think that the prez is dealing with a lot of issues, and a feeling of disrespect is one of them, that he just felt he needed to set things straight and voice his built up opinion. Too bad for this innocent kid who had to be the example that the prez had to set straight in front of everyone. But of course I think the media is making it more dramatic than it was, and I doubt the boy was that humiliated. Though with all the idiocy of media hype, I am also pretty sure the kid possibly now is persuaded to think against the president, rather than listening to his realistic advice. C'est la vie!
BTW, has anyone noticed that the president's name is soooo similar to the delicious french treat Macaron? That to me is just awesome..yum!
Thursday, 7 June 2018
Tuesday, 29 May 2018
Crazy D's Prebiotic Soda
Soda!
Pop soda is usually filled with sugar and unnecessary junk that makes it taste good and stimulates the body's natural addiction to sugar.
When I heard of this soda and tried it at the Buy Good Feel Good expo a few weeks back, I thought that it was great!
I do not know much about prebiotics, but I guess they are fibres that clean your gut to allow probiotics to flourish. And I heard about probiotics and good flora for gut and over all health.
In addition, this soda claims to have a natural sweetener, that does not increase the glycemic index too much.
Tasty and good for you?! Really?
Anyhow, maybe I can make this my go to indulgence every now and then when I crave pop or instead of my favorite Orange San Pellegrino pop.
Canadian too, check it out!
Pop soda is usually filled with sugar and unnecessary junk that makes it taste good and stimulates the body's natural addiction to sugar.
When I heard of this soda and tried it at the Buy Good Feel Good expo a few weeks back, I thought that it was great!
I do not know much about prebiotics, but I guess they are fibres that clean your gut to allow probiotics to flourish. And I heard about probiotics and good flora for gut and over all health.
In addition, this soda claims to have a natural sweetener, that does not increase the glycemic index too much.
Tasty and good for you?! Really?
Anyhow, maybe I can make this my go to indulgence every now and then when I crave pop or instead of my favorite Orange San Pellegrino pop.
Canadian too, check it out!
updates cont...
So second thought I wanted to post:
2.
There was a pretty interesting MUNK debate on Political correctness going too far.
What I found interesting is that I had such a strong opinion going in, but hearing the people debate and hearing both sides and trying to understand the message from each, my opinion was not swayed, but instead, it gave me a better understanding of the other side - other than just simply thinking they are nuts!
Another thing I noted was how wonderfully articulate and intelligent they all were - or at least seemed to be. Research and knowledge is key to back up arguments.
Anyhoot what stuck with me is this distinction:
The difference between equality of opportunity vs equality of outcome. (41:22 mark on the youtube vid )
There were more points I found interesting such as defining persons as a collective group rather than an individual and the focus on names (which can start off as benign then become offensive not because of the word itself but in the manner it starts to be used or ideas assumed behind it) and whether certain term distinctions are being inclusive, exclusive or just going too far.
This debate I found fascinating because I feel - most humankind is striving for the same goal - to live in peace and harmony (unless they feel threatened or they have a power ego), but the approaches are categorized as either left or right which seems to divide people even more. If we had more intellectual debates around these topics, especially at the tables of decision makers, then I feel that peace is reachable. But most of the time this is not discussed this way and who ever is in power decides without a full balance of all opinions.
2.
There was a pretty interesting MUNK debate on Political correctness going too far.
What I found interesting is that I had such a strong opinion going in, but hearing the people debate and hearing both sides and trying to understand the message from each, my opinion was not swayed, but instead, it gave me a better understanding of the other side - other than just simply thinking they are nuts!
Another thing I noted was how wonderfully articulate and intelligent they all were - or at least seemed to be. Research and knowledge is key to back up arguments.
Anyhoot what stuck with me is this distinction:
The difference between equality of opportunity vs equality of outcome. (41:22 mark on the youtube vid )
There were more points I found interesting such as defining persons as a collective group rather than an individual and the focus on names (which can start off as benign then become offensive not because of the word itself but in the manner it starts to be used or ideas assumed behind it) and whether certain term distinctions are being inclusive, exclusive or just going too far.
This debate I found fascinating because I feel - most humankind is striving for the same goal - to live in peace and harmony (unless they feel threatened or they have a power ego), but the approaches are categorized as either left or right which seems to divide people even more. If we had more intellectual debates around these topics, especially at the tables of decision makers, then I feel that peace is reachable. But most of the time this is not discussed this way and who ever is in power decides without a full balance of all opinions.
Updates
Well this medium is quite archaic. But I'm just too lazy to switch over to anything else.
Been wanting to post a couple thoughts but did not get the chance to. Lets get to it...
1. I hate politics. I've never really been interested in that stuff .... but I will admit, I was forced to get into it once I started working for a couple years. Working hard, then seeing a chunk of dough never quite get to you because thats the government's take.... the price of living in our wonderful country and province. Which is great. But yea, definitely pay more attention to where that part goes now.
One part of politics which I despise is the insincerity of it all. The elections are coming up and promises are being spewed, but it is a given that those are there just to get your vote. And the attacks on personality and the attacks on the competing parties. It gets nasty, when they should just focus on their platforms instead of smear campaigns. Once in, they can do whatever they want. And the diversions to appease the masses. Blind masses. Or "Sheeple" as my older bro says. Policies or decisions being made which seem to "aid" or what I call bandaid a problem, but in the end it benefits someone else, other than the intended.
I liken politicians to car sales men/women. The bottom line is their own commission.
I was thinking of this last week mostly because I experienced part of this political diversion last week and I could not stand it. Mind you when I say politics, it can stem to any level, even very close within your colleagues and working institutions.
I was the lead in a teleconference meeting with an association last week. We had less than 30 minutes to get our question out. We had briefed each other the day before and had about 3 questions to be asked in order. I believe the people with whom we met were expecting something from us. Because once I asked the first question, the answer I got back was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long winded. Bordering on stalling for time, filling in space, overpowering the conversation and a huge attempt at diverting the direction of the conversation into a huge arm tangent.
wtf.
What happened to simple concise answers? Just answer the question. gez.
The conversation ended up to be an hour long, with other important players leaving the conversation due to another meeting, and several interruptions on my part to get the conversation back on track so that we can get to our main question, and because of this parties on both sides bordered on a tone of antagonist and defensive.
joy.
As I said, I hate the insincerity of Politics.
Been wanting to post a couple thoughts but did not get the chance to. Lets get to it...
1. I hate politics. I've never really been interested in that stuff .... but I will admit, I was forced to get into it once I started working for a couple years. Working hard, then seeing a chunk of dough never quite get to you because thats the government's take.... the price of living in our wonderful country and province. Which is great. But yea, definitely pay more attention to where that part goes now.
One part of politics which I despise is the insincerity of it all. The elections are coming up and promises are being spewed, but it is a given that those are there just to get your vote. And the attacks on personality and the attacks on the competing parties. It gets nasty, when they should just focus on their platforms instead of smear campaigns. Once in, they can do whatever they want. And the diversions to appease the masses. Blind masses. Or "Sheeple" as my older bro says. Policies or decisions being made which seem to "aid" or what I call bandaid a problem, but in the end it benefits someone else, other than the intended.
I liken politicians to car sales men/women. The bottom line is their own commission.
I was thinking of this last week mostly because I experienced part of this political diversion last week and I could not stand it. Mind you when I say politics, it can stem to any level, even very close within your colleagues and working institutions.
I was the lead in a teleconference meeting with an association last week. We had less than 30 minutes to get our question out. We had briefed each other the day before and had about 3 questions to be asked in order. I believe the people with whom we met were expecting something from us. Because once I asked the first question, the answer I got back was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long winded. Bordering on stalling for time, filling in space, overpowering the conversation and a huge attempt at diverting the direction of the conversation into a huge arm tangent.
wtf.
What happened to simple concise answers? Just answer the question. gez.
The conversation ended up to be an hour long, with other important players leaving the conversation due to another meeting, and several interruptions on my part to get the conversation back on track so that we can get to our main question, and because of this parties on both sides bordered on a tone of antagonist and defensive.
joy.
As I said, I hate the insincerity of Politics.
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