Love the skin you are in

Today I did a home visit appointment for a senior patient. 

I ended up meeting a PSW that was helping the same patient at the time that I arrived. We had a chance to small talk and help each other out (the patient was kind of grumpy about her situation and taking it out on us). The PSW lady asked if I was Filipino and I said I was. Herself, being Filipino, said "OH I didn't think you were Filipino, you don't look it. " I responded to her by saying that it was interesting because that is not the first time that a Filipino person told me this. A few moments later she said again "Oh so you are Filipino, you really do not look like it, you are pretty. You look Chinese " 

I really did not know how to take that. Did she mean that Filipinos are ugly in comparison to other Asians? She was basically insulting all Filipinos. Including herself. Did she mean that as a compliment? 

Not long after this same day, I saw this same PSW lady at the other home visit appointment residence I was at. 

By this time she was ending her shift and was talking to an elderly lady waiting outside and myself at the same time. She commented on how the elderly lady was enjoying the sunshine and the elderly lady said she was tanning. The elderly lady said she was "tanning her pale skin". The PSW said "oh your skin is so nice, the colour is nice, nicer than mine, which is darker and so not so nice." The elderly white lady did not agree and said that the PSW's skin is nice and tanned and admired her arm which was being shown to her in comparison. The Filipino PSW reiterated that the elderly lady's skin is nicer since it is whiter and she turned to look at me and said that my skin tone is nicer too because it is lighter than hers, and this is why she is now wearing a long sleeve sweater in the 26Celcius weather so she will not get darker. She said that her skin was ugly and she was too dark. I said something to the fact that her skin was not bad at all and that nothing is wrong with her skin. She went on about her day. 

I really did not know what to say. I felt I should have said more. 

This reminded me of a time last year where I read an Instagram post by a Filipino jewelry company who posted about how it is somehow ingrained in Filipino culture to think this way. I agree with that statement, I have heard it growing up, from distant friends of the family or relatives. I grew up thinking this way especially during highschool - the 90s which I think was the epitome of the pale-skin-red-lips-Brenda-Walsh days - something I would compare to the Twighlight vampire-like movies of not so long ago. The Filipino Jewelry company's post went on to say that this idea came from the Colonialism that the Philippines experienced for many years under the Spanish rule...... 

That's where I had to partly, yet strongly, disagree. 

Yes, Spain ruled over the Philippines for hundreds of years, and maybe this is where some of those ideas came from. But this same idea exists in other parts of Asia, who did not experience "Colonialism" - Japan, Korea, North Korea, Thailand...... yet these cultures also think that lighter is better! Just look at how pale the accepted look is now, look at all the Korean Beauty product line models. How many skin-lightening products are from Asia? So no, you cannot say the sole cause of this idea of "lighter being better" is from Colonialism. All this to say I am pretty tired of this latest trend to blame everything in life on Colonialism. In fact, one of the theories to why this idea has spread about was not colonialism but due to the the class systems. No matter what country you are from. In the class system, the workers were differentiated as being poorer and of lower class than the rich, who did not work in the fields and do hard labour. Obviously if you are working in the fields all day you would be more tanned than sitting comfortably at home being waited on. I feel that this makes more sense and can be applicable to any country, no matter what colour that race is. But unfortunately this way of thinking is not in line with the current narrative.  In fact, to bring it up can cause a shut down and tune out from some who want to force their own agendas, regardless of my own personal experiences. MY lived experience, which is trumped by the current narrative. 

Anyhow, going  back to this PSW. I felt sorry she was carrying around this self-hate, which was possibly put on herself from generations and generations of FILIPINO people. I should have told her that OUR skin is beautiful. The idea of blaming this idea on Colonialism today bothers me. Why? It's NOT coming from Colonialism, it is coming from those ignorant filipino aunties and uncles and distant  'friends of the family' who continue, to this day, spread this idea of self hate. Those Tsismis or Chismosa relatives and elder Filipinos that we all know of who have so much self-despise, all they can do is talk about everyone around them in a negative manner, to make themselves feel some sense of false superiority, to gain that attention they seek. Ask anyone who is Filipino if they know of someone in their culture who is like this. AAAAAAnd having friends who are Armenian, Sri-Lankan, Korean, Chinese, Indian, Italian......... its basically in Every. Single. culture out there. 

And why does blaming this idea on Colonialism today bother me? Because it takes the responsibility off of those that are spreading these ideas now, today... all the people we know within each culture that continue this self-hate idea, the aunties, the uncles, the old "family friends", the Chismosas, the negative Nancys, the gossipers....Instead of them just realizing "hey, I'm an asshole", they blame their actions on something else, someone else. These days it's acceptable to hate all White people, especially if you are a man. So how do they look to solve this self-hate? Hate others - does not make any sense. They are the ones responsible for this today, not "Colonialism". 

So please, before you speak of Colonialism in 2021, look deep into yourself first. Be responsible for you. Love the skin you are in so you can spread this feeling to others. Stop spreading hate.