2020

Whoa
2020.
Cray-zee.....

Christmas is always a busy time and its easy to forget the reason for the season.
I'm always thankful for family and friends and I feel that I just seem to take it for granted.
I'd like to find a way to get closer to those that fuel my soul and to connect to those with whom I meet.

The other day Google photos sent me a pic collage of 9 years ago (well just about 10 yrs).
End of December 2010 to beginning of January 2011.
I sent the pic to my gf......awwwwwwe.
It was our first trip we took together out of the country and it was in Costa Rica!
What a great friend, she still is today, except unfortunately we haven't been hanging out as much as we used to.

This made me reflect a bit on what was happening around that time with me, how I felt about myself, what I hoped for, things I have learned about myself, the places I have been to, the experiences I have had, and lessons I have learned along the way.
That year was just around the time of a huge transition in my life... where I realized how important it is to surround yourself by those that fuel your soul, who inspire you.
I realized that it was important than just filling your time and space with people who fill the gap. The lonely gap. It's not about what people think about you but more importantly it is how you think about yourself. I realized a person that had been in my life for years had become more of a weight than uplifting in my life. Despite the deep belly laughs and inside jokes that we used to share, our time had become filled with many issue transference and blame and simply, dissatisfaction about life in general and they needed an outlet for. I learned that I cannot take on that responsibility of fixing others or helping them if they cannot take responsibility for their life. I learned that is is ok to let go and not dwell on a time where we once connected and accept that we no longer did.

The moto I learned so deeply was:

"Ruin is a gift, it is a road to transformation."

I have to be willing to go through that ruin, or pain or place that I so would like to avoid, to find truer happiness, to find something real. 
Its been a transformation decade, and I'm sure it will continue to be.

Not sure why 2020 seems to be just a bigger deal than 2010. All I know is I cannot wait to surround myself more with those that I love!


sunset Costa Rica, Espadilla beach January 3, 2011