WFH

For a while now I wondered what Working from Home would look like for me. Especially since I see patients, there really is no 'work from home' technically with what I do, unless I take patients to my house.

I partially envied people I know that were able to do this.
Only because I thought of it as a nice break from the routine and getting to work in a chill environment and not having to commute, not that I have a long commute.
I say only partially envy because I wondered how they could even get up in the morning and motivate themselves when they work from home. I felt I had no self discipline to even get up on time or focus and not taking a billion food and maybe tv or internet breaks as well.

Now with what is going on in the world more than ever we are all faced, if we can, to work from home.
I've had vacay when this all started but I'm back in clinic getting things done!
I finished a whole list of how working from home looks like for my coworker and I and ..... I am excited!

In fact, it helps to ease the anxiety, frustration and agitation of the question "how long will we have to do and live like this?!" to thinking "wow! I have more time to do all the other things that I could not finish because I was seeing all these patients a day, but now I can focus! And I hope to have all our projects done when this is over..... in fact, I think .... I hope I have enough time to get all this done!"

Well I am excited at the prospect of things coming together for my department. It is funny how a lot of people are forced to change their perspective on things due to the catastrophic pandemic, but we can still find a way to see that the future still kinda looks bright!

I hope everyone is safe at home. I also figured that if anyone were to be back at work its best it should be me. I do not have anyone to pass on infection if I get it. Hopefully we will all get through this stronger and more blessed.

new normal.....

I left my place to go grocery shopping today at 11 am.

Took me a bit to prep, clothing without too many layers, ski scarf , minimal side pouch for cash and a cheque (to deposit), light washable coat, card holder with minimal cards, hand sanitizer spray, nitrile gloves, mask , hair in a bun, phone in ziplock (hey, it still works through the plastic!).

Arrived at the grocery store to see a separated line up out the door! Should I turn back?
Actually it was pretty good. This organic store was systematic in making sure people kept separated. It was the best grocery shopping event I went to since this all started. I wasn't freaked out and anxious about those around me and I could find everything I wanted.... except Kohlrabi (?!) which is my mom's new fav for salads.

Dropped these off at the door of my folks place.

Then set out to deposit moola. Apparently cash can be deposited via atm but not cheques?! Another separated line up. Yes.... I may move to just get the bank app, I do not like having too much personal information in my phone but these times may force me to do it.

Then to Home Depot for my furnace/hvac filter. And a hepa filter possibly for the face masks I have been sewing since some hospitals are asking for them... (crazy how unprotected front line is).

Then my own grocery shopping.

Then stop at concierge to pick up my package.

Then home by 4:00 pm.

Stripped off everything at the door and placed clothes in the wash.

Then washed all my groceries.

Then showered.

Then looking at the pile of plastic bags from the groceries in one corner on the floor.... what do I do with them? Washing all these Covid plastic bags really will take forever for them to dry, if at all. Or if in doubt throw it out? Or do I just quarantine these bags for 14 days and monitor their symptoms?

After all this washing and sanitizing I looked down at my manicure. Ugh. (not gel)

Already Peeling and cracking and chipping off.

I decided to make another manicure appointment at my usual place:

Me: So what time do you have available for a manicure?

Also me: Maybe tomorrow after 12? Today was just too exhausting and I have yet to wash all my floors.

Self confidence part 3.?

I like mentioning this topic because we all struggle with it to some degree and I have noticed how this has changed for me throughout the years.

The wonderful podcast from The Life Coach School outlines it clearly, not going to link it here since I have mentioned it many times.

More than ever, I realize that self confidence comes from within. Apart from what is happening around you. True self confidence comes from not comparing yourself to others but in knowing how you want to be and striving for it, knowing what you like to do and being able to do it, no matter what external judgments are made by others. People get this from many things, doing things they enjoy, different ways of feeling better about themselves, setting personal goals, our desires of what we want and do not want in our lives.

Anyhow, random sort of.


This.....click here


And this....

We are in this together...

Have you ever been in a line up that was not moving?
You can see everyone around you and how they cope with this.
Ahh so you have?
Well then I bet you recognize that one person in the lineup that always manages to let out a big
*SIGH*
in their huffy puffy breath.
Because they are frustrated and getting angry of course.
...
Just like the rest of us..... in the same. freakin. non-moving. line up.

They manage to do this, however, every couple of minutes.
Interrupting my own struggle with my zen.
And this annoyance spreads throughout the line up.
A once quiet internal dealing and patience testing line up is broken every couple minutes by this large big ass ...

*SIGH* huff huff


*SIGH*


*SIGH*


*SI..... *


DUDE!!! STFU!!!
Muther F**ER  !!!
You are not making this any easier on the rest of the line up!
Pull your big-kid pants on and learn to STFU!!!
Cause this line-up is not only about YOU!

........

Yes so these times are tough and I know its not easy to self isolate/quarantine/ or stay in lockdown. It's ok to be overwhelmed and to express this, and to break down a bit at the thought of it all, I have thats for sure.
But I also try to focus on the positive - wow - social media! Thank goodness! And more time to reflect. Time to do all those hobbies (indoor) that we did not have time to do before. To do our taxes, to start home exercising, to cook, to connect virtually with people, to connect more with family, friends, to check up on everyone, pray for those that are putting their own lives at risk for us. Find ways to help others, help others cope. Its a time to forget the conflicts and to realize what is more important.
So the cliche that is going around right now is that "we are all in this together". It is said so often that is has been overlooked as a cliche. But really, if we look very closely at this, we really are all in this together.
So yes, check up on each other or reach out to those close when we feel depressed or overwhelmed.

But huffing and puffing about the situation which is just the new normal right now to randoms and for all to hear and see, without doing something about it - does not help others around you who are trying to cope along with everyone else.....

I greeted and called my first patient to come into the clinic this morning.
She is 88 yrs old and has a strong European accent.

While she got settled into the treatment chair, I realized I misplaced the autoclave identification tape I had the day before.

She sat in the chair a few minutes in silence,
while I was searching my desk, the side counter, the cupboards, my desk again, the window sill, the treatment cart, the side counter again, the cupboards again....

"Are you looking for me?" She finally asked from the large treatment chair in the middle of the room.

hahaha !

Love yourself

"Love yourself" - it is said so often its become a cliche.

I stumbled upon this video of this lady on instagram. 

I thought it was so cute and I just got what she said....

Surround yourself by all that is good.

There is internal list I have been carrying of people that bring good energy into my life, people I admire, where you just feel great, even for that instant of meeting them or spending time with them...

but wow,

- how nice it would be to look at and be with your new best friend, every single day!

Elementary school friend

Her name was Stephanie. She was a friend from elementary school, I think I met her in grade 4 to be exact. She was new to my elementary school when I was new as well. She was fun and positive. She was friends with a lot of people.
She was the youngest of 3. She had an older brother and sister.
In high school she was in band and had a bunch of different groups of friends she hung out with.
And sadly after grade 10 she had to move away to the wonderful sunny California state.

We wrote letters back then via postal mail.

How nice it is to get a hard copy kinda mail, in handwriting and cute stationary ... we just had to be patient with it.

Of course I missed her and would often ask when she was coming to visit (I think her older brother and sister stayed in Canada).

She would also talk often about visiting as well.

It so happened that when she visited a few times she never had the chance to meet with me. Yet I would hear in high school of her meeting with a few of her other friends when she was in town.

I felt hurt and started to get annoyed and mad, to the point that one Christmas I saw her at Mass, not being told that she was even in town. And I said to myself with great confirmation after seeing a glimpse of her "Whatever, I don't care anymore. I wish I never ever see her again!" 

A few days later, a mutual friend of ours called in shock and crying "Joss, Stephanie has died!"
I too was in shock, I thought it could not be true! So horrible! I immediately felt sad at the same time remorse for what I said so strongly a few days before.

Also in that instant I felt that any bit of hurt, anger, annoyance that I had towards her before was gone. I realized then how much it did not mean a thing. How many annoyances, hurts, grievances of this world are simply so trivial?
Especially with those you love, loved, and care about.

We carry on these hurts, without communication, and we carry them as if they are true, the story we made of it we feel is true, we carry on the hurt as if to someday tell them and show them or teach them or even to simply just be a victim of them. We use it to justify our distance, or our anger, we use it to justify how we are more righteous and they are to blame, they are in the wrong, they are the ones causing us this pain, they are the ones doing it to us, maybe they will see and realize their wrong, maybe they will be taught a lesson --- so many things we carry with this.

Yet, when it comes to death or passing of anyone on this earth, that is it.
There is nothing after.
No changing anything, no teaching them a lesson, no showing them their wrong, no proving we are right.
However, there also is no showing them you love them or care about them, no laughter again, no connection, no re connection, no enjoying their company, no reconciliation, no sharing of good and bad news, now growth together, no exploring more about that person, no great conversations, no supportive talks.
No telling them that you hurt me, and it hurt because I care about you being in my life.
No telling them You mattered to me, that is why I felt this from you: hurt or pain or love or joy.
It is all gone.
Time is up.
That is all you had to show and express it all with them.
What you gave them is all you are leaving them with and vice versa.

I realized all that I thought about, and all that mattered after her passing, was the parts of our friendship that touched me, the laughter we shared, the reason why we were friends in the first place is all that mattered.

Somehow I think this holds true for many that pass. What we think about is the good. What we miss is the good. The bad, was in fact, very unimportant.
 
When we are in this world and all alive, how hard is it to remove ourselves of this hurt from others that we carry around us with so much pride? And how easy it is for this to not carry so much power over us when there is a death, a passing of someone we love? It shouldn't take the passing of someone to realize this.

How will your pride react when a person in your life passes?

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