big love during these crazy times

 Well, its been a bit. 

So much has happened and it almost feels like the world just has this crazy energy flowing, everyone defensive and sensitive to all the world issues happening around us, feeling a sense of helplessness and somewhat antagonistic to our fellow humans. 

All this to say, I have almost lost any sense of clear direction on what to write about. Just when I think something is interesting and worth noting on here, more things come up and I feel like I cannot focus too much on a topic and I just need to move on. 

Two life events have happened recently in my closer friend sphere. 

A dear friend of mine lost her husband, her best friend, suddenly from a massive heart attack. 

A week later another close friend just gave birth to her first child, who I practically think is my child too because of all the life stuff we have been through and all the talks we have shared on things we two can only understand. 

Life and Death. 

What matters is the time we spend in between, who we spend it with and how deep our connections are. 

I have been blessed to have been a part of their Journeys in these instances... sometimes I think things like these should put life itself into a better perspective - regardless of all the chaos of politics and plandemic and evil forces happening around us at this time. 

I have called both of these friends Blessed. 

What does Blessed mean exactly? Maybe lucky? Favored? fortunate? If we are talking more of a spiritual religious level, having something amazing and worth cherishing and loving that we all would be so "fortunate" to also have, a gift?

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With my friend who has lost her husband, I am sure she may want to tell me to F off if I were to say she is blessed at this moment. But the question running in my mind throughout the week was - is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? The extreme emotions of being in love so deeply and finding someone to call your best friend, someone to ground you in ways that just balances you, the level of understanding and the level of "us against the world", a partnership/team with a bond no one else has to understand - the intensity of finding that, which is rare, in contrast to also experiencing the loss of something that great, the pain and devastation to the point of wondering how to continue on without them, my heart aches for her. 

I thought that my answer to that question would be it is better to have loved and lost... because what is life without those emotions than possibly a calm, mundane existence, with joys and heart aches as well to say the least, but never quite getting to those extreme intense feelings. 

Of course those are just my thoughts. She was blessed to find her match - I have been there through her other relationships and during his funeral I said a little prayer, thanking him for taking care of her and being there for her for all this time, though short. He was a blessing to her. I joked with her often how he could even put up with her ha. He must have been a great guy, because I know the struggles she has been through as well, he was her rock, her grounding, her solace. 

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To my friend that just gave birth. Ive been there through our early stages, both late late bloomers and have always discussed our hopes and dreams. She's been there through my struggles and has not judged me in difficult times and during my ultimate failures. We learned so much about ourselves and have literally been the blind leading the blind in many cases. Shes taken heed to my advice as well and has found that person to start her new life journey with and has been blessed with the little one we talked Oh so often about, even before the idea of him was even possible. Even to think of whats to come and whats ahead for this little one in this big new world and to see his support systems as well, the maturity and life experiences that have shaped her leading all to this, is just amazing. He is so welcomed and so loved even before he was born. I am so happy for her and I am sure to cry when I finally get to see him. 

Such joy and heart ache at the same time for these friends of mine. How important life is and how we live it. How blessed they are to have experienced such big love. 

  Here is an oldie....