Boy George en Cuarentena canta 'Karma Chameleon' de Culture Club - Radio...

Wonderful version. Boy George is looking great and happy! 

Mirror Mirror on the Wall...

What if, what you thought about someone was exactly how they thought about you? 

Recently I needed a certain imaging test, requested by my doc for follow up. I've been going to this particular hospital for imaging because it is not overly crowded and the staff (except one older lady) have always been pretty patient and kind during my appointments, no matter how many people are waiting on them. 

I remember this one Ultrasound Tech that I recognized who went to my school about 20 yrs ago. In the evenings, after school I would work at the front desk of my school so I recognized many of the faces of staff and students. Now, during one appointment I had at this hospital, we somehow acknowledged that we went to the same school because we recognized each others faces. I never really hung out with her in school, nor were we friends or acquaintances. After the recognition we had some small talk about how life is going so far, where I am working, and if we have families of our own. Then she said something that took me by surprise: "I remember your face because I remember thinking that you are so pretty." 

haha... no, no she was not hitting on me. But she said it in some a matter of fact honest way. I said something like Ha, Oh really? I didn't think so but Thanks....

What was so surprising to me, is that I actually thought the same thing of her back then! I am not sure if I told her the same thing, which would make the situation a bit more awkward but I left thinking that it was such a compliment, especially when it comes from someone you are thinking the same thing about them as well! 

-----

I had this Scottish senior lady that had her appointments booked with me at work every 6-8 wks. And she was such a joy to have come in. Quick witted, fast talking and active and just real and honest. When she talked about what was going on with her she would always make a joke of things somehow. Even if she talked about things that bothered her she would make jokes about it. And these things would often be things that bothered me too so we had a fun conversation agreeing with each other and having a laugh over it. Ever since she made some joke about her corn being similar to having a baby, it would just always be laughs when she came for her appointment. One day as I was seeing her out the clinic door she mentioned to me "Oh I always enjoy coming here and talking to you, it is such a joy! I always leave feeling great and I look forward to seeing you!" I said without hesitation "And I enjoy whenever you come in to see me too, I feel the same way! So fun having a chat with you every time you are in!" 

-----

These instances and similar ones here and there make me wonder, what if , whatever you think about someone, they think exactly the same way about you? It's a wonderful feeling to have a unified connection with someone, especially if it is positive, no matter how minor it is. But imagine if the same goes for when you think a person is just ... shitty. Imagine they think the same about you. Easy to judge others and separate yourself from them by believing you are better. But this thought that crossed my mind makes me think twice about quick judgements and assumptions about others and at least makes me pause for a second to give someone the benefit of the doubt. And if I want people to think nicely of me, then it would help at least to try to think nicely of them. 

 

France and onion

 Good grief. 

I'm sitting at home working with a whole Tres Marie Pannetone right beside me. Longo's has started selling them early enough. And I sit here with no one to share it with.... my folks can't eat more sweet carbs, and neither can the bf, my nephew can't due to traces of nuts, and I cannot bring it to work to share since too many hands on a bread cake you need to hold and cut or tear apart is a no-no for these covidized times....

So my sugar filled mind thinks randomness:

I took a break to look at FB and was thinking of some of the comments on my professional group site, and reflected on how important it is to at least hear a person out and understand it... even if you don't agree. I guess its easier when the topic is not a passionate one. 

The thought of saying its ok to have a difference of opinion.....led me to focus on the term

Difference of opinion....

Then I tried to say it more fancy with a French accent (from France, not Quebec) with a sing-songy tone that stretches the words out..... 

"Dif- FRANCE of opin-IIEYON"

French accent with emphasis on the pronunciation of France and opinion like you are saying ONION.....

I think it adds that extra something that makes it seem more gentle and elegant when you disagree..... ha. 

Winter is coming .....

 I just remembered that I bought a pair of snowpants at the end of last winter season and never used them. 

I was bummed about not being able to wear my sun dresses anymore .... but now I am getting excited for winter!

Nightclub covid style

I sent my gfs a meme of a girl grocery shopping in a dress. 

I told them that we can meet up and dress up to go grocery shopping, it will be our outing. 

A gf of mine responded and agreed. 

I said, "I got my health centre ID, skip the line ups! Woo woo! Partay in the produce section!"

.... She thinks I am joking. I got some pretty comfy pumps I got in Cali last summer, they can't go to waste!

 

feeling much..

"People will forget what you said, 

people will forget what you did, 

But people will not forget how you made them feel. "

Maya Angelou

At a time when stress is high, and higher for those that have to go in to work... love and understanding is all that is needed, it is amazing to feel an unsaid understanding, love and acceptance of family, I hope I make them feel the same as well....

I've been handling it all pretty well at the moment, the whole acceptance thing is something I knew needed to be done early on, especially when hearing my patients say "I can't wait until this is over", like its just going to happen like a light switch. That's going to be hard when they realize it won't happen that way. 

But I do truly and utterly.... hate this. 

Things happen for a reason I guess. And many turn overs and realizations and eye openers and epiphanies - about life itself and people. Not easy. 

So much around that I will just drop this here  and this here.

And also this made me chuckle. 

Happy Thanksgiving..

 So  lets talk about Thanksgiving .....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanksgiving

- A national holiday celebrated on different dates, in different countries around the world. 

- A day giving thanks and sacrifice for the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year.

- Its roots are in religious and cultural traditions but has long been celebrated as a secular holiday. 

I remember even hearing of Korea's Harvest moon festival in October/ Nov - Chuseok. 

Isn't this wonderful? All around the world different cultures and nations celebrate what the land has given us? I feel like this should coincide with Earth day even. Thank you land and thank you planet!

I realize this is depicted in many countries very differently and I think it is evolving in different ways. 

Either way, like any gathering, I feel like we all tend to celebrate and give thanks for many things in our lives : friends, family and even the earth and what it gives us and whom we feel looks over us all. 

So much to be thankful for, even if this Thanksgiving is a bit more difficult than before. 

Sending out LOVE, hope you feel it!

I'm feeling worn out. And a bit Lost.  

Like so many things are coming at me at once from so many angles and at the same time I feel restricted in how much I used to connect with others and the rest of the world. 

For the most part I think I have been handling this pandemic alright. I'm pretty much an introvert and not one to get antsy in the quietness. There is always lots to do or even lots of welcome chill time. 

Nature is a beauty. And I am so thankful for all of it this summer.... what's that term... "Grounding". So nice and so needed. 

But I also get cold very easily. Like, literally, I have a heater on in my office throughout the year, except when the A/C breaks down at work when its 30C outside.  (I know, who even goes to work these days?! *raises hand*)  What do they say... cold hands, warm heart? ha ... Or so I hope. 

Anyhow, getting cold easily makes for a not so welcome fall and winter. Even though I really do enjoy those winter activities and the days that it snows so much that everything seems insulatingly silent, snow reflectively bright and the crunchiness of the snow beneath your boots..... 

But the cold is even more so not welcome this Pandemic winter....

During a staff meeting this week I caught the tail end of a conversation with our CEO about covid burn out. I heard it before but really didn't think much of it pertained to me. Until now, when he mentioned it. I guess it is good to name it. 

You can read about it here: that lil' bugger.

So if others are feeling it too, just know it is normal and recognize it. Just gotta get through it and continue to pick myself up. Sending out love to all in this world and universe! Even to those that don't want it or recognize it, and to the lil' shits that piss me off in this world every now and then... ha. Sending them love too. 

George Okeefe

 "I've already settled it for myself. 

So Flattery 

and Criticism go down the same drain, 

And I am quite free." 

dear Nephew....

I recently had a conversation with my sis in law about some HS drama that my nephew had experienced.  Well, not necessarily in his HS but with other kids of that age group.

I know I can be the over protective sister, friend, partner and aunt. I mean, can you drop kick a kid for bullying your nephew? No? Darn. I am pretty sure I drove my lil bro a bit insane when he was in HS being over protective. 

Anyhow I would say I am pretty proud so far of both my niece and nephew. My nephew is a pretty friendly kid, not afraid or shy to go up to people and can have a conversation with those his age and even adults just fine. If he doesn't like something I made he is not only self aware but he is aware of those around him saying "It's not for me auntie but thanks, its still good, not bad" instead of "yuck, I don't like it!" He is thoughtful and considerate of others feelings. 

Anyhow he befriended some person who was, lets just say, one of THOSE people that probably does not get much attention at home. And when he no longer was friends with them this person decided to harass those of his friends that he knows, since I guess kids just friend anyone who is a friend of someone they know. This has led to false accusations and even an expulsion of a friend of his from their school! 

As a female I have experienced and have heard all the obstacles we have been through. I have experienced it first hand and still do, especially when wanting to be heard, not taken advantage of and also to be taken seriously. I will always appreciate the Women's rights movements, especially early on when women were not even allowed to go to university, and thought of as their only place was as a homemaker. Though when I look at things now, the Women's rights have swung so far in the opposite direction, that instead of equality, they strive to be superior, in some instances where it would lead some women to believe that Misandry is OK. As if there is no room for both, to be equal and that there was only a competition to be better.

Well, it is NOT OK. Hatred of the opposite is not OK.

Just like Misogyny is not ok.  

That's the definition of Equality. 

My bf and I visited his friend's place not long ago with his daughter. His daughter was quick to play Roblox with his friend's son who I assume is about the same age. I hung out with the kids a bit to see their creations online. At one point the eldest son of my bf's friend said a matter of fact like "I heard in school that girls are better than Boys".  

Imagine how horrible it felt for girls long ago to feel that boys are better, now we are sending a message to boys that girls are better? How horrible it would feel for any kid to grow up thinking he is not good enough? How does this solve equality?! How does this nurture respect ?

I understand saying this to women because they have felt less in society for a long time, but to say that the other is less defeats equality and unity. I feel it is so important what we say to our kids and we need to pay close attention on how we say it. 

This put-down of the other sex appears unnoticed or unimportant because of the struggles women have gone through... but it is there. I grew up with an Ex aunt putting down her husband all the time for laughs. I saw the little girl across the street boss my lil bro around telling him what to do to the point he just wanted to avoid her. I saw the same in her mother to her husband across the street. I see this in guys regurgitating ridiculous statements like they were ' better aware of  or closer to the situation' by their new gfs when their relationship is newer and they have not even been around since the beginning to make such statements.  My lil bro used to call those relatives he saw or friends he knew who's gfs would boss them around to the point he had a name for it "Ander da saya" a filipino term. The meaning of this is the idea that a man that is bossed around by his female partner. It was laughs and jokes back then but the reality of it is like laughing at a woman being bossed around by her male partner or unable to make decisions for herself, or always having her husband talk for her. See the inequality there? Either way it is wrong. 

It saddens me to see this and hear this, in both older and younger men. 

To some extent there is a bit of this in any relationship - more like a check and balance of it - a play between the sides but you can tell when the partnership is still equal. Other times, it is obvious when it is not equal.... I feel like this would be evident in whether that person grows to become the best they can be because of the relationship or cowers in becoming who they are meant to be and ultimately ... merely just dependent on the other.

For all those who have a man in their lives that they care about, whether a father, brother, nephew, son, partner, for all those who fight for true genuine equality you need to see this. Its hard to watch the beginning, but if you care about the men in your lives, it takes you on this journey to think about everything. Great director, open non biased - in my opinion. The Red Pill 

genuine generosity or generously keeping score

During university I worked part time at a Residence. I met a few people there and often times we would go for coffee or snack after work. 

One particular time I went for icecream with Suzanne. She was a bit older than me and from the Phil. 

The way I was brought up was not to take advantage of people's hospitality. She covered my icecream when I was already ready to pay. 

This made me feel a bit bad or like I "owed" her next time. I even said "ok, I will cover it next time we go out". 

She looked at me and said "No, thats not how this goes, we don't keep track of these things, we are friends, if I covered it, it is because I wanted to, and do not expect anything back. There is no list of who owes who what or how many times someone has done anything for anyone. This is not a business transaction. Just accept it with a thank you and if you feel like covering it for me one day then go ahead, but only because you want to, not because you feel you owe me anything. " 

This stuck in my head and it made me think of how I looked at things. 

I agree with this and it made me feel somehow comforted in her kindness so much I thought that this is how I would like to look at things. 

It does leave a good feeling to just do things for others, or even to help out and not be motivated by keeping score. Whether there is a bunch of you or just you and another person, its good to just see it as a team relationship or family. You look out for one another and you care about one another. 

For the most part, I think I have gravitated toward those that have similar values as me. I still often find myself almost arguing with my friends about who is covering everything. How freeing and open it feels to have these kinds of relationships!

That being said.... I've had many friends and acquaintances through out my life to know that there are those few... who have left these weird uneasy impressions on me. I notice more when people do keep score and question their sincerity in their actions. I notice more when people take advantage of this generosity and never really offer the same or are not thankful.  

Like the time I went out with a gf from highschool and I knew she was struggling a bit to find work after university. We went out for Bubble tea and at the end of our long chat over tea we were ready to head home... I told her that I will cover this and not to worry as the bill was coming. She perked up and said - "Oh in that case, let me order another drink..." I was taken aback by this but complied... So we sat back down so she can have another drink. Awkward! 

Needless to say, people do exist that have different values from Suzanne and myself. It is so different that it leaves an impression on me, not a very nice feeling either, as if suddenly I feel I need to keep track so not to be taken advantage of again. I do remember those that are not thankful or that seem unconscious of the person they are talking to or interacting with. I do remember those that complain when you ask them a favor instead of just helping out, as a team/family member would. Or as a person that is part of a closer relationship would. 

I was taught to give the best pieces of food to your guests, not take the best pieces for yourself and give your guests the mediocre food.  I was taught to give up your bed or share your bed for the guests if they are staying over not let them sleep on the hard floor and not even the couch because it is white and you did not want to ruin it (yea a old hs friend did this to me in her new condo). I was taught to not act as a guest that is being catered to when you are visiting someones home, so offer to help out and actually help out and help with the dishes. I was taught not to be stingy with counting per head or limiting food pieces for guests you have for dinner. I was taught to always try to bring something as a gift or to share when visiting another persons home, not just BYOB that you hesitate to share and only for yourself which seems so foreign to me. I was taught to be thankful for a gift more than correcting or critical of it, even if you do not like it. The effort and thought is what matters most.  

I am thankful for what I was taught and what I have learned from others. I guess I am naive to be taken aback that there exists people who have been taught differently.

And the thing is, those friends you have similar values with, if they ask you for a favor you are there. No questions asked. Because you know they are not taking advantage of you or think less of you or disrespect you. But if you are asked a favor by those you know have different values, you hesitate because you knew how awkward you have felt before with them. If you want to be part of a closer relationship with anyone you act like it, and they feel it from you. If you demand to be part of a closer relationship and do not feel you are getting that from someone, there is often these differences in values as to why.

 

The Social Dilemma | Official Trailer | Netflix

My Own heart

Here's the thing, this is my experience whether anyone believes it or not, and its silly to have to prove or justify.

I love visiting Italy. Why? I went there when I was in university really thinking nothing of it (there was a conference I was attending). I had a rough time getting there solo, met up with my group just in time to sit in the Convent's (where we were rooming) dining hall across from strangers and I took one bite of their rigatoni pasta bolongnese. Just like when you are so busy, stressed and absent minded to whats around you and you suddenly realize where you are.

POW! Love at first bite. I mean I had pasta before but not like that....

I vowed to somehow come back. 

Ever since I have been fascinated by the food, the beautiful country, mostly the coastal cities. 

I have been back 3 times. But the last time, I did not get to throw my usual coins into the Trevi fountain because it was under construction. Hope that is a myth because I would like to go back, even just to show others how wonderful I think it is. 

When I talked of it before to family or friends there would occasionally be some comment about - Oh and the Italian men... oh la la.... TBH I did not really see the ooo la la's there. Maybe a couple? But not like all the hype you hear about or see in movies. 

You know not many years ago I went there to recuperate. I was going through a really difficult time in my life where I could not concentrate on work, and I just had to get away from it all. I wished at the time, forever. I was sad, almost depressed, well actually depressed. I spent my nights and some parts of the day crying my self out, writing in my journal and thinking how much of the world I did not deserve to ever have. Why did I go to this particular place in Italy - well in my past travels, this was the one place where I just felt worry free for the first time since I was a kid, so amazed at the beauty and relaxed so much that I (non sun worshiper and avid  sun avoider) fell blissfully asleep on the beach. (that is not normal for me). The sound of the waves and the sun on my legs and the ocean air, not a care in the world, I thought for a moment - wow I have arrived and tried to soak up that moment ...... that is why I went back there when life got tough.

It saddens me to have people think that when a woman travels, one of her soul reasons is to meet a guy or be swept off her feet. But if a man travels and has a place he likes to frequent - no one says oh he is going there to be swept off his feet! As if this is what completes a woman or that is her purpose in life or that she needs to be taken care of.

I liken it to questions I get regarding photos of flowers on my Instagram or on FB that I post. Who is it from? Who gave you those? --- Um, these were from Me.... and those flowers were from Myself.... and this, I gave this to myself... Why ? Because I love how flowers brighten up my place, my mood, my spirit, how they make me feel, because they are pretty and prettier when they are fresh. You know, I have bought more flowers for myself than I was given flowers?!?! Whaaaaattt, hold up... shocking huh? Like women are just waiting for life to happen to them or for them to be saved or taken care of. Sure it would be nice or I wouldn't reject flowers from someone else, but idea is that I do not depend on someone else to give me flowers.

Why does it have to do with someone else other than myself? Why is it strange for people to hear - I do this or I like this because I like it.  Why is it that hard to think that women like to do things for themselves like there must be another half that must be in the picture, or that our sole purpose is that we do things to find that someone else, that she must be seeking, or that must be why this or that is in her life - the end goal of a man or a partner or something like that. 

Because I have been single for most of my life I have been very sensitive to those nuances from others. It has felt very insulting and has added undue pressure and had made me question myself. And to say otherwise than what they assume, there must be something wrong. I've been on the outside looking in for most of my life. I have seen it from my perspective. There are people who view it from their perspective, maybe they have been living as a partner for someone else more often than they have been independent and on their own. Maybe they do not understand what it means to be independent and to face being happy in your own company, own experiences, own achievements. 

Anyhow, that is my judgement from looking at them, just as they may have from looking at me.

No one likes to be told who they are. No one likes having assumptions about them as facts. We all seek to be seen for who we are, no one likes to be called fake. Maybe there are many out there that are, so when there is something real they question it, doubt it in some weird self destructive way. 

Anyhow this instant in time I was so happy. Happy with me and happy where I was. And no, this instant in time, I was not seeking anything else, because as little as it may seem this was my goal for 16 years before, and ..................I had finally arrived. 

redefining what we so easily vilify

There was a quote that was posted by one of the accounts I follow on Instagram.

It went like this:

"The Planet doesn't need more "successful" people. 
The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers
& lovers of all kinds"

awwww... right?

Well I looked at it and something did not sit right with me.

"Successful"

With no mention of course, just an assumption of what this means. I would also think that because its in quotes it means "a particular idea of what is successful".

But it still did not sit right with me.

With words having more meaning and being more important these days, I did not appreciate the callousness of how this person used the word successful. With the only explanation being the "" quotations.

Not a big deal to someone who just reads it and doesn't think much about it.
Yeah, I get it, I know what they mean. But that is not enough, Especially now.

When ideas of Marxism, Fascism, Capitalism, Communism etc etc are resurfacing more than ever, this quote is more of a passive ignorant use of the word than encompassing precise, clever thought. Easily absorbed and people will think, yea I got it, I got what it meant.

But when common sense is not so common, not all people are going to get what it means and they will take it literally. Not everyone, but I'd assume if asked to define what they think the word "successful" means you will see the answers will vary a lot.

On the same note is this quote saying to those who can misinterpret this as : to be a peacemaker or healer etc is .... unsuccessful ?

What do they mean by "successful"? Not defining it can lead to vilifying the word, successful, itself.
Which would also tend to push that the ideal result is that its better to be ...unsuccessful.Are we aiming for low ambition, sedentary effort?

Well, my point is, I am pretty tired of words becoming vilified or somehow becoming wrong or evil or bad. When it comes down to it the origin of the word itself is really a positive description, a positive outcome. (a good result, a happy outcome)

Specifically by "successful" do they mean having a career/job and what kind of career? or finishing school or earning a living? Do they mean it is buying a house or having a car? It can be assumed to mean so much. And if this is the case, do they mean these persons with this success cannot be healers, peacemakers or lovers ?

Why all this fuss over this word and quote?

So I came up with an analogy, not a very great one and somewhat horrific but I think it makes sense:

Its like a knife that is used to cut tomatoes, a terrible person uses it to stab someone else.... a solution would be lets get rid of the knife! Yet the terrible person is still there and not dealt with and then maybe uses some other object to harm someone else. Similar solution, hey lets get rid of that object because now it has become harmful!
The easy and less effective way of dealing with this situation is to just get rid of everything around that person that they can use as a weapon. Yet the harder, more effective way of dealing with this situation is to deal with this person to begin with, why are they doing this, where have their intentions originated from etc, figure out why and how to change his intention. That takes some diving deep, and a lot of times ppl would rather do the former and try to ignore the bigger issue.
What this also does is the former affects more people than you think.... hey... now there is no knife to cut tomatoes and maybe now they have to be forced to use a spoon to cut a tomato or fork, now there is no bat to play baseball so they are forced to just play catch, now others who used them the way they were meant to be used will feel that it is taken away from them, their lives are altered and restricted because someone else used it in a bad way (even if it was just one person among many), this leads to resentment. And lets not forget the people that are still being physically hurt by this person who is still around and not dealt with, that problem does not go away. Everyone suffers. So lets stop vilifying words but correcting the meaning behind it. Redefine the use again to mean what it was meant for, something positive.
Stop throwing away babies out with the bathwater.

Lets redefine things to make them better, redefine the use, the meanings, the intentions, the beliefs, behind it. Instead of throwing away things that bad people have used wrongly. It is the use of the word by the person and the intentions and thoughts of that person that need to be changed, not the word itself. Why.... because if you do not fix the meaning associated with something or the intention of the person, you will just keep changing whatever word becomes associated with those intentions. You change the word, an new word will be used in the wrong way or used to mean something negative. The result is the problem will never go away, people will still be hurt, innocent people around will be affected, but the one person that needs to be dealt with and the intentions behind them will not be addressed.

Who is to say that our idea of success will not include the peacemakers, the healers, restorers, the storytellers and lovers of all kinds? Wouldn't be amazing if those are definitions of success too, words associated together in harmony with it? Sounds pretty successful to me!

sad.

Today I found out that my cousin's FB and Instagram page were deleted.

She recently passed. 

Realizing this made me feel so sad!!

I felt like wow, how easily it seems social media can erase a person. 

I'm sad because a lot of great memories were shared and linked to her page. 

And I miss her a lot, I can still almost hear her still, sense her presence. 

And I do not want to forget how she looked and the time we spent together or even just her life in general. 

I talked to a friend of mine today about it. She thought the opposite. That she would like the same if she passes, for her social media to be erased. She felt it would cause pain to her family. 

I guess people all grieve differently. 

Today I visited my folks. I started to look at old hard copy albums 2008, 2016 (ones made from digital & online pics). My sis-in-law's mother was in one of these albums. She also recently passed. My mom said she cannot bear to look at it because she said it will make her cry and it is too painful. 

I guess for the past how many years people no longer make picture albums and mostly have a pile of never ending digital photos either scattered on their phone or in a cloud. Those albums for the public to see are now just in "social media". There is a sense of impersonal distance with that term. This now common way of sharing memories and experiences. 

I miss the old albums. The hard copy of these memories. Something a bit more tangible. 

Not to live in the past but to look back fondly on it. 

I guess it is there to also be reminded to cherish the moment right now, almost capturing the essence of the time and place and feeling, and to remember it and keep it close, photograph or not. 

How to disagree with someone....

welp...  this is certainly hard to do. I know first hand.

https://thelifecoachschool.com/podcast/319/

I like this lady though.

I wonder how family members/ friends feel right now by sitting in their anger toward each other because of their judgement about them due to their different beliefs? Do they really feel they hate that person? If they do, how does this hate feel?

I know I hate feeling hate, even if I do feel it. But it doesn't feel good, just this heavy upset, saddness and anxiety sitting on my chest to carry around...

Yea... this is certainly hard to do. I'll see if its possible.... seems a better option than feeling crappy though.

Just came across this quote today:

"Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all."
- Aristotle (384-322BC)

I like it.

Choose Peace over power.

https://www.wikihow.com/Live-in-Peace



Just putting this here.
(the part about forced coercion and resentment is very interesting)

(***disclosure, I am talking about differences in views, not when active violence is happening in the moment)

Gez louise.

A few times this week in my observations of others I felt...."Whooa, hold up! What are you doing?! Why would you do that?"

It seems like its a volatile time around me with me seeing people passionately disagree with in-laws , coworkers, friends, companions,  family and even strangers.

Conversation and communication is good. No communication can lead to chaos. But its not always easy. Not even easy to express your own opinions clearly let alone listen to other peoples opinions sometimes.

What I notice is that most of the time people choose power over peace.

They feel there is a wrong, and will aim to fix it, no matter the fatalities along the way.

As much as you want to correct it right this instant, and just right the wrong now or throw the baby out with the bath water, as much as you want to correct a wrong, is how much sometimes strongly the other is convinced that you are the wrong that needs correcting.

Even how detrimental the views are and the consequences - when it comes down to that moment - its an opinion. Just an opinion *** (see disclosure) . Not to belittle it or invalidate it. Everyone has their own experiences to back up this opinion they hold so dear.
But its just that. And because we all are different, we are bound to have different opinions.
But if the whole exchange begins to brew resentment, anger, hurt, bitterness, violence and forever damaged relationships.... why? Why try to convince or force the other to accept yours? If they are not forcing you to change how to live your life, how you think, how you treat others in the end, right in front of you, why not choose peace? Why stir it up forcefully and damage the peace and relationship, instead of just having them see things for themselves, learn for themselves, be open to listening which is a two way street....

If they post something on FB that bothers you and you assume the worst in that person. Why say anything when you know their minds will not change if you say something? Even just delete or block it out. If the way they live their life in their home does not affect how you live your life at home, why force your opinion in their home?

Less vaguely for example, I do not agree I need to cover up my head as a woman or my face to be looked at as a respectable woman. But if I go into their home/ country and this is their form of respect in their country, I will do it. Because that is their home.
It is a minor inconvenience to me when I go there, but in the bigger picture, it keeps the peace and they appreciate it. They are not telling me what to do in my own home or how to live my life.
In the end, it shows them you value their relationship over forcing your differing opinions/values.

New Word Alert! (and another interesting DOC)

It has been a while since I added to my Jossipedia dictionary  (of my wonderfully creative made up words.)

I watched a really eye opening documentary last night.

I say eye opening because yes, going into it I was like wow this is Bull shit.

Seeing the misogynistic titles in the beginning I thought, why even continue watching this crap...

But by the end of it, the message was clear and in line with the wonderful documentary I saw the other night (see last post), King in the Wilderness.

You cannot defeat the enemy by becoming the enemy.

One form of injustice, does not make up for another injustice. Two wrongs do not make a right.... I can go on...

The bf has always brought up the "other point of view" in any of my statements, which can be kinda exhausting and I chalked it up sometimes to him just wanting to antagonize my view points.

But I hear him now.

I believe this holds true now ever more.... where media has a huge impact on how we view things, and then the huge social pressure that comes along with it.

You have to reallllllllllly learn to discern the minute yet strong messages out there and say - is it fair?
In learning how people respond to being hurt, there is not one correct way of doing so. We must be careful to not dismiss and invalidate the hurt they feel. But we know one response to being hurt can be more productive than the other. Especially in our ever polarized society.

At the moment I am on a binge of just empathizing, learning the experiences of other people. And I am not finished yet, nor may ever be, but my new word/ phrase has come about from this.

ready for it.......

Inclusivism Censorship

It's a phrase I guess. I'm just stepping back right now and admiring my creation of a new term hahaha.

wait...

Inclusivity Censorship.

Maybe that sounds better.

Kinda wordy.... well that's what I came up with.

This is what is happening. This term to me is negative. It further divides. And damages full respect and equality of human rights.

I feel that this is important to avoid for any movement. Even in line with the late Martin Luther King Jrs views on collaboration and Unifying everyone. Instead of dividing. His rejection of violence and rejection of the term Black Power. The outcome desired is equality, but the means to the way can instead increase division and cause more harm. When movements are not inclusive. Black Power is the opposite of White Power. But how does it unify people, humans? Isn't that what we want? (Please watch King in the Wilderness).

Anyhow the documentary is called The Red Pill (Different from the movement group called the red pill - eek)

The producer also has a Ted talk : Meeting the Enemy ....but I suggest just watching the movie before the ted talk.

It's sad when we can no longer hear each other out. Even within families. Us or them. Yes or no. With no one listening to the other side. Divisions growing and families and friends divided.
No one questioning if their stance is unifying. It's just become a competition of us and them.
To me, if you find yourself on one end of the polarized spectrum, you are not fighting for unity, you are fighting for your self.

Love via MLK jr

"You cannot defeat the enemy by becoming the enemy"

So key. One can miss it if they don't pay close attention.

"this one young lady came up to Dr. King, just spitting in his face, calling him all kinds of names. And he said You know, you are much too beautiful to be so mean. And when we came back through there, she came out through the crowd again and came up to him and said I'm sorry, I never should have been so rude."

Love.

Just watched King in the Wilderness 2018 .  A movie so worth watching.

Validation

Do not invalidate someone else's experience just because you have not experienced the same. Or even if you feel you have experienced similar, do not invalidate the pain that it has caused them, just because you handled it differently. Maybe you cannot fix it, but the willingness to try or even just to listen and allow them to be heard can make all the difference. Empathy and understanding.

I remember my Gr. 11 Algebra teacher, Mr. Manning. Every time after an exam he would hand out our papers, go over the answers and then have the rest of the class to talk about life.
He opened up the topic to us to choose or whatever was happening in the news at that time.

I liked these conversations a lot because we got to know each other on a different level. In Highschool you had your cliques and you had stereotypes and assumptions of the classmates due to these cliques.
Like "Oh he is just a dumb jock and does not think too much about anything else but sports" or "she is the quiet nerd and had nothing else to say about life issues other than talking about the books" or whatever else we assume because we do not know them personally.
Well these conversations often got us thinking about the bigger picture in society and allowed people to open up about the variety of opinions on a topic without being judged and allowed us to be heard.
Mind you some of the people in class thought it was waste of time, or a silly distraction, or they focused on why are we talking about Seinfeld again? There was always a bonus question about Seinfeld at the end of each exam paper.

One particular topic was that of racism.

 With all that was said among classmates on every different angle Mr Manning said this which somehow stuck in my head. I believe it was after a classmate said "yea I understand what they are going through, but.."

"No matter how anti-racist you feel you are or how much you try to understand and empathize with someone who is black, no matter how many good friends you have that are black or people you know that are black , even if we could somehow change the colour of our skin for a day or more and live in their shoes,  no matter how hard we try to understand or even say we understand.... we will never  ever understand how it feels like to be black. Or any other race which can be targeted for racism. You will never understand how to it is be be born black and grow up black. The best we can do is try to understand and be more conscious about it. But we can never say we fully understand what black people go through."

Listen so people can be heard.

Chaotic heart breaking month.

May was a very difficult month.
I think it is showing on me both physically and in my temperament.

My patience and tolerance to certain things has run thin. I'm constantly trying to regroup and deep breathe, but it is hard to practice mindfulness and catch myself when plonked in the middle of inhumanity. (and stupidity and selfishness).
My frustration and shock at other peoples actions, makes me want to act inhumane as well, to lose my temper, to scream, to curse, to be short with others, to scold, to be reckless, to want justice by more terrible means, to say f* it to all! That's the danger of this all.

I was thinking today during my short drive to work this morning that "Times like these, it brings out the good in people and also the bad" The extremes.
I guess knowing this and seeing it around me, I should choose which side of those extremes I want to be on.

To be honest it can feel really difficult to choose sometimes. Its hard to be an empath and notice the callousness and selfishness in others, its hard to be in a profession that is out there to help people when there are so many people out there who just care about themselves. I have no words for the acts of violence I see, or for the heartlessness I have heard from people's mouths.

And for the Stupid people out there, I wish it was as simple as to just sit back and let Darwin's survival of the fittest work its course.... But you know what? The stupidity of others affects everyone. And Survival of the fittest does not eliminate stupidity, without taking out the innocent.

So much is happening these days. From personal losses of loved ones to murders and to protests of basically people that think its ok to murder the vulnerable and call it their "rights". Then there are those that are so self absorbed they are immune to even acknowledge or respect the life of someone who passed.

"Look for the helpers." I have heard, in times of chaos, sadness or trouble or catastrophes.
Yet I see selfies and bystanders who do nothing.

I see posts of long explanations of "its not about you" and this is why you should wear a mask. And though I agree, I think ..............but to "them" it IS and will always be about them, not others, that is the key reason for a lot of the madness. It is simply all about themselves. We all know you cannot fix stupid. And yet here we are, wasting our explanations and pleads.  Never before have I realized that "helping others" can put me and my loved ones at risk, and some of the others I try to help really do not give a crap about me or my loved ones.

Twightlight zone much?

This month really sucked.

I have hope for everything and everyone. But I feel we are living in the extremes at the moment. And its easy to get sucked into the chaos and madness with my anger for the injustices and heartlessness.


A few weeks ago I had a talk with one of my cousins. She is an elementary school teacher here in T.O. She was prepping her students for Confirmation.
She talked about the 7 Deadly sins/ vices. I think many religions and philosophers have their own version, I think even Mahatma Gandhi has his own.
But for now the Christian version or Catholic version is what she reminded about.
Here is a list and the counteracting virtues.

Pride             Humility
Envy             Admiration
Anger           Forgiveness,
Sloth             Zeal, Diligence
Greed           Generosity
Gluttony       Temperance
Lust              Chastity

I found it so interesting to look at any situation and distinguish what was the main vice involved. We talked more about pride and how it can be the root of all breakdowns in relationships.

If anything, the chaos of this pandemic and the craziness of this month has confirmed and help define what it means to be human....and separates those that are truly humane... apart from those that are of the surface, or only of themselves.

Ahhh, in this moment of mindfulness after my venting and with the terribleness of this month I still have seen the huge hearts of many and I am truly grateful. Like the life raft that keeps me afloat in this sea, I have a clearer vision of who I like to surround myself by.


----------------------------------


May the generous lights of this world, Tita HHD and EBR, rest in His Love.

make it grow!

When I was living with my folks, my mom had about 100 orchids she looked after. She is pretty good with plants and seems to have a green thumb. Not like myself.
We had a basement that had a large shelf with grow lights, an upstairs bathroom with a skylight and a sun room off the kitchen filled with all of them.
She was very attentive and had a watering schedule and was checking for those weird white fuzzy bugs that they would sometimes get.

I remember sitting in the kitchen for breakfast as my mom would come downstairs, pass me at the kitchen table, go straight to her plants and greet them "oh good morning my babies!"

I'd sit there half jokingly "oh hellooooo , good morning to you too mom!?"

"oh yea hi, good morning."

har har.

Well like plants, people need attention to grow, relationships that you care about need attention to grow.

Mind you yea, there are times where she couldnt care for them when she was on vacation, so I tried my best to keep them alive while she was gone.
It IS work, and good thing she loved orchids. You can't just buy them have them bloom then throw them away. They are not dead. They are still alive. Just because the flowers fall away does not mean there will not be any that grow back ... though I hear with orchids its very hard. So you don't have to kill something that's still alive and doesn't have the pretty flowers... unless you are superficial like that... or just buy cut flowers for a vase instead.

So yes eventually, those that did not get the attention and care just simply died.

During this time of quarantine, when we cannot get to our regular routines and meetings and gatherings and we have to social distance, I find a few observations.... some of us are working out and getting in shape more than before because we have the time, others, are cooking and eating more or maybe the same as they did but not as much exercise so they are gaining weight. Some are eager to connect through different means and in some ways are getting closer than before, and others are the opposite. Some are finding time for the hobbies they did not have time for before and are becoming their own experts at it. Others are finding time to get things in order that they did not have time for before. Anyways, whatever we care about we put our attention to, and whatever we put our attention to will grow, and whatever we dont will not.

Same storm

From my perspective, I truely utterly hate this. The distance from loved ones and those that are dear to me and my family, those vulnerable people that are having a difficult time right now.
This shit ass fucken virus is taking alot from us. I feel for those at risk in the front lines and those that are physically vulnerable.
To those that say it is all B.S I would like to punch them in the face. Anyways. I have to keep a better perspective.

A colleague posted this in respects to opening up clinics vs closing clinics argument. I guess it says the same for everything that is going on right now.

WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT ...
I heard that we are all in the same boat, but it's not like that. We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat. Your ship could be shipwrecked and mine might not be. Or vice versa.

For some, quarantine is optimal. A moment of reflection, of re-connection, easy in flip flops, with a cocktail or coffee. For others, this is a desperate financial & family crisis.

For some that live alone they're facing endless loneliness. While for others it is peace, rest & time with their mother, father, sons & daughters.

With some getting an increase in unemployment, or CERB, some are bringing in more money to their households than they were when they were working. Others are working many more hours for less money due to pay cuts or loss in sales.

Some families of 4 have received several thousands of dollars while other families of 4 saw $0.

Some were concerned about getting a certain candy for Easter while others were concerned if there would be enough bread, milk and eggs for the weekend.

Some want to go back to work because they don't qualify for unemployment or other wage replacement funds and are running out of money. Others are angry and want to lynch those who break the quarantine- even if following physical distancing rules.

Some are home spending 2-3 hours/day helping their child with online schooling while others are spending 2-3 hours/day to educate their children on top of a 10-12 hour workday.

Some have experienced the near death of the virus, some have already lost someone from it and some are not sure if their loved ones are going to make it. Others don't believe this is a big deal.

Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2020. Others say the worst is yet to come.

So, friends, we are not in the same boat. We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.

Each of us will emerge, in our own way, from this storm. It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance. Not just looking, actually seeing.

We are all on different ships during this storm experiencing a very different journey.

Realize that and be kind to each other. Appreciate that others may not be getting through this as well as you may be.

Unknown author

SHARE THIS POST IF YOU WANT. IT'S A GOOD REMINDER ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.

Stay well, stay strong, stay kind.

Happy Easter Monday

So strange.
Yet wow, a lot of time to contemplate this situation and hopefully look at the over all picture of things.

I happened to watch the Live stream of the Good Friday Mass at St. Peters of the Passion of Christ mass.

It was on in the background while I was sewing.

This Homily stood out to me. It connected to our present state and had a good attempt at explaining the meaning behind it all.

Click on the transcript here, it is long but I do like it! I think many can relate to at least some of it and hopefully be a bit comforted.

"While he was painting frescoes in St. Paul’s Cathedral in London, the artist James Thornhill became so excited at a certain point about his fresco that he stepped back to see it better and was unaware he was about to fall over the edge of the scaffolding. A horrified assistant understood that crying out to him would have only hastened the disaster. Without thinking twice, he dipped a brush in paint and hurled it at the middle of the fresco. The master, appalled, sprang forward. His work was damaged, but he was saved."

Another thing that was Beautiful yesterday was Andrea Boccelli's Easter Concert for Hope.
It may not be everyone's thing but skip to minute 19:25 and on.....
Just seeing the drone shots of many big Italian cities ...then all the shots of the cities around the world.
This has really brought the world to a halt. Watching this part brought me to tears once again (as I do occasionally when I succumb to feeling overwhelmed by this) at the thought of the whole world stopping for this, together, and imagining how it would have sounded in Milan if they broadcast this concert loud into the empty streets.




-------------------

On another beautiful note:

Saturday I had the privilege once again to visit Positano, Italy!

(Btw my parents are from Philippines, but I feel like my soul is Italian! But even though my savory taste buds are Italian, my sweet taste buds are French).

I did a walking tour of Positano and it was amazing! Practically retracing my exact steps, I could feel the fresh sea air, the beaming sun on my skin, and it didn't kill my legs this time!
I did this all while folding laundry of course.






2011


2015


So lucky to have travelled here, twice. And I'm pretty thankful for all the places I have had the chance to experience. It was fun revisiting places I have been and sharing this with the bf. We revisited Costa Rica, and he took me to Spain, and I took him to Guatemala. ha !

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter and is keeping safe and Healthy!

WFH

For a while now I wondered what Working from Home would look like for me. Especially since I see patients, there really is no 'work from home' technically with what I do, unless I take patients to my house.

I partially envied people I know that were able to do this.
Only because I thought of it as a nice break from the routine and getting to work in a chill environment and not having to commute, not that I have a long commute.
I say only partially envy because I wondered how they could even get up in the morning and motivate themselves when they work from home. I felt I had no self discipline to even get up on time or focus and not taking a billion food and maybe tv or internet breaks as well.

Now with what is going on in the world more than ever we are all faced, if we can, to work from home.
I've had vacay when this all started but I'm back in clinic getting things done!
I finished a whole list of how working from home looks like for my coworker and I and ..... I am excited!

In fact, it helps to ease the anxiety, frustration and agitation of the question "how long will we have to do and live like this?!" to thinking "wow! I have more time to do all the other things that I could not finish because I was seeing all these patients a day, but now I can focus! And I hope to have all our projects done when this is over..... in fact, I think .... I hope I have enough time to get all this done!"

Well I am excited at the prospect of things coming together for my department. It is funny how a lot of people are forced to change their perspective on things due to the catastrophic pandemic, but we can still find a way to see that the future still kinda looks bright!

I hope everyone is safe at home. I also figured that if anyone were to be back at work its best it should be me. I do not have anyone to pass on infection if I get it. Hopefully we will all get through this stronger and more blessed.

new normal.....

I left my place to go grocery shopping today at 11 am.

Took me a bit to prep, clothing without too many layers, ski scarf , minimal side pouch for cash and a cheque (to deposit), light washable coat, card holder with minimal cards, hand sanitizer spray, nitrile gloves, mask , hair in a bun, phone in ziplock (hey, it still works through the plastic!).

Arrived at the grocery store to see a separated line up out the door! Should I turn back?
Actually it was pretty good. This organic store was systematic in making sure people kept separated. It was the best grocery shopping event I went to since this all started. I wasn't freaked out and anxious about those around me and I could find everything I wanted.... except Kohlrabi (?!) which is my mom's new fav for salads.

Dropped these off at the door of my folks place.

Then set out to deposit moola. Apparently cash can be deposited via atm but not cheques?! Another separated line up. Yes.... I may move to just get the bank app, I do not like having too much personal information in my phone but these times may force me to do it.

Then to Home Depot for my furnace/hvac filter. And a hepa filter possibly for the face masks I have been sewing since some hospitals are asking for them... (crazy how unprotected front line is).

Then my own grocery shopping.

Then stop at concierge to pick up my package.

Then home by 4:00 pm.

Stripped off everything at the door and placed clothes in the wash.

Then washed all my groceries.

Then showered.

Then looking at the pile of plastic bags from the groceries in one corner on the floor.... what do I do with them? Washing all these Covid plastic bags really will take forever for them to dry, if at all. Or if in doubt throw it out? Or do I just quarantine these bags for 14 days and monitor their symptoms?

After all this washing and sanitizing I looked down at my manicure. Ugh. (not gel)

Already Peeling and cracking and chipping off.

I decided to make another manicure appointment at my usual place:

Me: So what time do you have available for a manicure?

Also me: Maybe tomorrow after 12? Today was just too exhausting and I have yet to wash all my floors.

Self confidence part 3.?

I like mentioning this topic because we all struggle with it to some degree and I have noticed how this has changed for me throughout the years.

The wonderful podcast from The Life Coach School outlines it clearly, not going to link it here since I have mentioned it many times.

More than ever, I realize that self confidence comes from within. Apart from what is happening around you. True self confidence comes from not comparing yourself to others but in knowing how you want to be and striving for it, knowing what you like to do and being able to do it, no matter what external judgments are made by others. People get this from many things, doing things they enjoy, different ways of feeling better about themselves, setting personal goals, our desires of what we want and do not want in our lives.

Anyhow, random sort of.


This.....click here


And this....

We are in this together...

Have you ever been in a line up that was not moving?
You can see everyone around you and how they cope with this.
Ahh so you have?
Well then I bet you recognize that one person in the lineup that always manages to let out a big
*SIGH*
in their huffy puffy breath.
Because they are frustrated and getting angry of course.
...
Just like the rest of us..... in the same. freakin. non-moving. line up.

They manage to do this, however, every couple of minutes.
Interrupting my own struggle with my zen.
And this annoyance spreads throughout the line up.
A once quiet internal dealing and patience testing line up is broken every couple minutes by this large big ass ...

*SIGH* huff huff


*SIGH*


*SIGH*


*SI..... *


DUDE!!! STFU!!!
Muther F**ER  !!!
You are not making this any easier on the rest of the line up!
Pull your big-kid pants on and learn to STFU!!!
Cause this line-up is not only about YOU!

........

Yes so these times are tough and I know its not easy to self isolate/quarantine/ or stay in lockdown. It's ok to be overwhelmed and to express this, and to break down a bit at the thought of it all, I have thats for sure.
But I also try to focus on the positive - wow - social media! Thank goodness! And more time to reflect. Time to do all those hobbies (indoor) that we did not have time to do before. To do our taxes, to start home exercising, to cook, to connect virtually with people, to connect more with family, friends, to check up on everyone, pray for those that are putting their own lives at risk for us. Find ways to help others, help others cope. Its a time to forget the conflicts and to realize what is more important.
So the cliche that is going around right now is that "we are all in this together". It is said so often that is has been overlooked as a cliche. But really, if we look very closely at this, we really are all in this together.
So yes, check up on each other or reach out to those close when we feel depressed or overwhelmed.

But huffing and puffing about the situation which is just the new normal right now to randoms and for all to hear and see, without doing something about it - does not help others around you who are trying to cope along with everyone else.....

I greeted and called my first patient to come into the clinic this morning.
She is 88 yrs old and has a strong European accent.

While she got settled into the treatment chair, I realized I misplaced the autoclave identification tape I had the day before.

She sat in the chair a few minutes in silence,
while I was searching my desk, the side counter, the cupboards, my desk again, the window sill, the treatment cart, the side counter again, the cupboards again....

"Are you looking for me?" She finally asked from the large treatment chair in the middle of the room.

hahaha !

Love yourself

"Love yourself" - it is said so often its become a cliche.

I stumbled upon this video of this lady on instagram. 

I thought it was so cute and I just got what she said....

Surround yourself by all that is good.

There is internal list I have been carrying of people that bring good energy into my life, people I admire, where you just feel great, even for that instant of meeting them or spending time with them...

but wow,

- how nice it would be to look at and be with your new best friend, every single day!

Elementary school friend

Her name was Stephanie. She was a friend from elementary school, I think I met her in grade 4 to be exact. She was new to my elementary school when I was new as well. She was fun and positive. She was friends with a lot of people.
She was the youngest of 3. She had an older brother and sister.
In high school she was in band and had a bunch of different groups of friends she hung out with.
And sadly after grade 10 she had to move away to the wonderful sunny California state.

We wrote letters back then via postal mail.

How nice it is to get a hard copy kinda mail, in handwriting and cute stationary ... we just had to be patient with it.

Of course I missed her and would often ask when she was coming to visit (I think her older brother and sister stayed in Canada).

She would also talk often about visiting as well.

It so happened that when she visited a few times she never had the chance to meet with me. Yet I would hear in high school of her meeting with a few of her other friends when she was in town.

I felt hurt and started to get annoyed and mad, to the point that one Christmas I saw her at Mass, not being told that she was even in town. And I said to myself with great confirmation after seeing a glimpse of her "Whatever, I don't care anymore. I wish I never ever see her again!" 

A few days later, a mutual friend of ours called in shock and crying "Joss, Stephanie has died!"
I too was in shock, I thought it could not be true! So horrible! I immediately felt sad at the same time remorse for what I said so strongly a few days before.

Also in that instant I felt that any bit of hurt, anger, annoyance that I had towards her before was gone. I realized then how much it did not mean a thing. How many annoyances, hurts, grievances of this world are simply so trivial?
Especially with those you love, loved, and care about.

We carry on these hurts, without communication, and we carry them as if they are true, the story we made of it we feel is true, we carry on the hurt as if to someday tell them and show them or teach them or even to simply just be a victim of them. We use it to justify our distance, or our anger, we use it to justify how we are more righteous and they are to blame, they are in the wrong, they are the ones causing us this pain, they are the ones doing it to us, maybe they will see and realize their wrong, maybe they will be taught a lesson --- so many things we carry with this.

Yet, when it comes to death or passing of anyone on this earth, that is it.
There is nothing after.
No changing anything, no teaching them a lesson, no showing them their wrong, no proving we are right.
However, there also is no showing them you love them or care about them, no laughter again, no connection, no re connection, no enjoying their company, no reconciliation, no sharing of good and bad news, now growth together, no exploring more about that person, no great conversations, no supportive talks.
No telling them that you hurt me, and it hurt because I care about you being in my life.
No telling them You mattered to me, that is why I felt this from you: hurt or pain or love or joy.
It is all gone.
Time is up.
That is all you had to show and express it all with them.
What you gave them is all you are leaving them with and vice versa.

I realized all that I thought about, and all that mattered after her passing, was the parts of our friendship that touched me, the laughter we shared, the reason why we were friends in the first place is all that mattered.

Somehow I think this holds true for many that pass. What we think about is the good. What we miss is the good. The bad, was in fact, very unimportant.
 
When we are in this world and all alive, how hard is it to remove ourselves of this hurt from others that we carry around us with so much pride? And how easy it is for this to not carry so much power over us when there is a death, a passing of someone we love? It shouldn't take the passing of someone to realize this.

How will your pride react when a person in your life passes?

-------------------

Loss

Weird how FB connects people even though in a distant way.
I found out that an old friend of mine's mom passed away recently.
He was pretty close to his mom. Both him and his sister.
Actually they all were pretty close.

I cannot imagine the loss of a parent.
I love my folks and cannot imagine this world without them.
Yet even then, I do not think I am even as close as he was to his mom.

I'm reflecting back and I think that is something I may not have always understood (the closeness he had) but it is something I did admire.
The respect and love he had for her as well says a lot about a person.
I think for the most part his mom raised them both and I did not hear much about his dad.

Though I have never met her, I think we both knew of each other, that is how close he was to his mom.
She seemed to be loved by many as well.
The affect she had on others seemed great.

The older I get I have been wondering ..... what is the purpose of the grind?
And whoooop 10 yrs has gone by...... what have I done?
More and more I am realizing it comes down to the affect you had on those around you.
That is what is left behind, that is your mark in this world.
Not what you gained, nothing materialistic, not the places you have traveled, not the career you chose, not the car you drive, not the awards you have won, not the arguments you have won, not the proving that you are right and others are wrong.....

Its the affect you have on other peoples lives.

mud.

Did you know that when you mix red and green = brown?
A yucky Mud like colour.
Bleh
yay. 
berry spinach smoothie.

High- rise

From a person with a short torso...
I cannot wait until this ulra - high rise jean/pant thing will end.
May as well be just a head on legs.... clothes- pin like

 High Waist GIF 

Kobe

Shock and Saddness.
When anyone passes it is tragic.
I must admit, I only knew of Kobe Bryant only because his name was out there already and also because my family and friends are into basketball...
Unfortunately I am only learning more about him now.

With all the amazing things I am hearing about him, not just as a basketball star, but as a person, this clip stood out to me:

- the 37:00 minute mark.

What does love feel like to you?

"I don't think I would describe love as Happiness. I think I would describe it as a beautiful journey. Love has it's ups and downs... things are never perfect. But with love, you will continue to persevere, you move through, you move through. And through that storm, a beautiful sun emerges. Inevitably, another storm comes, and guess what, you ride that one out too. I think love is a certain determination, a persistence, you go through the good times and the bad times, with someone or something that you truly love."




As it is with all people who we miss from this world, it is a huge loss, especially to those we are close to. It is huge loss to the friends and families of his young daughter as well and those with them in the helicopter crash. And what a loss we have with Kobe himself as well, someone so seemingly positive and inspirational.
But at the same time - wow - how blessed was this world to have such a positive, inspirational person influence and touch so many people and I do not doubt that his legacy (if that is the right term to use) will continue to do so.
RIP.


"To be affected by the death of someone you don't know. is to realize that our reach, our impact, our energy extends beyond the circle we perceive to be our own. A reminder to be careful with words, to love and accept. Share, inspire and live an authentic life. After all, life is fleeting & you are powerful." Keri Schreiter.

End of an Era..... Haagen Dazs ....

So quite a few months ago, as I have always done, I purchased my favorite, the best since the dawn of time, ice cream:

Haagen Dazs, coffee ice cream.

I have been buying this for years.
This ice cream Brand, to be exact.
Sure, I could have probably bought a new car by now instead of lugging around my 18 yr old rusty clunker. But no.... I was ok with paying the chunk of change for this quality brand ice cream.

It has been there for me since professional school when I was counting every penny that went into my shopping cart at the grocery store, being ever so careful how I spent my OSAP because folks, I knew I had to pay it back (that's how it worked back then people, but I will not go into that topic right now). But even with my limited funds, I could find a way to fund this necessity. (By the way, stocking up on 3 tubs when they are on sale doesn't save you money when you just end up eating all those tubs in that week - there is NO WAY you can "stock up" on this to save it for later, it's just that good).

I was first introduced to this by my roommate Cecille. All I knew was that it was expensive, so I never tried it. We shared a kitchenette and she asked if I wanted some. WOW! Her mistake was saying to help myself if ever I wanted some. It was Vanilla Chocolate Almond flavour.

Since then I was hooked. Its been there through lifes ups and downs. Throughout the years, I've struggled with my relationship with Haagen Dazs especially when it uncannily related to me not fitting into my jeans or that slinky dress I wanted to wear when I was younger. I also felt it related to the Cystic acne I would ever so rarely get but when I got it, it was volcanic. I also felt it related to me huffing and puffing climbing up the stairs just to get to my office on the second floor of the centre.

But it still made happy! It was something I could count on when shopping my woes away after a break up or an argument or a stressful work day. It was one of those things as well when I would think hey life is awesome, but oh yea! Haagen Dazs makes it awesomer to celebrate! I would let everyone know and have everyone try it - just to see what I was talking about. Because if you went through life thinking ice cream was just ice cream, you wouldn't think that after trying this!
I've even tried to get myself off of this expensive treat - I would try many, many other "coffee ice creams" - from other brands to local shops .... it got to the point that I was so disappointed in the other "coffee ice cream" brands that I would just avoid that flavour in any other Brand. Nevermind - nothing comes even close to my Haagen Dazs coffee ice cream! I can't quit you!

Well, a few months ago when I bought my usual amazing ice cream, it seemed off!
Hmmmm...
I can easily spoon a scoop out. Soft? was it left out?
It wasn't it's usual dense, bend my spoon, consistency.
In fact it was airy and fluffy soft.
Then the taste.... too sweet, that sugar tasting kind of cheap sweet, not the punch of coffee flavor that usually hits me.
It tasted like every other mediocre brand I tried before.
Whats going on?
Maybe a bad batch...
Well then, I have to get another tub of course, from another store, a week later right?
... Still the same.....
I did not want to give up. I tried another tub and then another of my fav flavours, vanilla chocolate almond.... same soft, fluffy and sugary.
I wasn't the only one who noticed this. My bf, who I got hooked on Caramel cone Explosion, noticed it too.

My ice cream world was imploding! What is happening here?!?!?

I quickly DMed them on Insta about this serious matter.

A few weeks later they responded. (well actually I had to put pressure on them by commenting in public on their latest post about the recipe and over all ice cream change).
They DMed me back:
"We are always looking to deliver the highest quality ice cream based on evolving consumer tastes, however ensuring that these changes will only further enhance your experience with our product is of utmost importance. After a recent change in our Coffee Ice Cream, many of you reached out to us to express your love for the old recipe. We are happy to let you know that we have decided to reintroduce the original recipe to honour your preference, Thank you. "

This was over a year ago....

It still has not changed.

I went into research mode trying to figure out when exactly and why this all changed for the worse.
I called General Mills. Then Nestle USA, then Nestle Canada.
All in denial of any ice cream recipe change. All in denial of the many online reviews of long time followers that have noticed this change. All in denial of the terrible and worsening reviews online for Haagen Dazs. It is a shame that yet again, another company has sacrificed high quality for a cheap quick bottom line - maybe for a while they will have the same earnings for cheaper costs. I do not see it lasting long. Why buy regular icecream for an expensive price. Then to be dishonest about it?? That's the worst of it. If you changed it for good. Let us know so we can move on.
It is a shame what they have managed to do to this quality creation by Reuben and Rose Mattus of Brooklyn heights, NY in 1961. Did you know Coffee was one of its few original flavours?

Nestle Canada has yet to contact me back by email or respond to my latest questions on their social media.

Its sad how integrity and quality is sacrificed for greed yet again. With all the large, important world events happening at the moment, although small in comparison, this removal of small shots of happiness,  is definitely not needed in this world at all. . .
A lesson in the art of letting things go....
(but I'm calling them out on this scam!)

Biking!

Here is an article send by one of the managers at work.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-50583274.

Seems pretty simple but I think it is great!
I remember the fear I had of riding my bike on the streets of T.O.
After one white knuckling ride on main streets to get to a bike path from where I live, that was it!
Just getting over that first hurdle of fear and I just felt so free, yes, like I was flying!

Awesome these ladies are getting to experience that, and more so because of their background.

I think that a lot of able-bodied people should get this opportunity, no matter what gender, or situation. Such a great feeling!

2020

Whoa
2020.
Cray-zee.....

Christmas is always a busy time and its easy to forget the reason for the season.
I'm always thankful for family and friends and I feel that I just seem to take it for granted.
I'd like to find a way to get closer to those that fuel my soul and to connect to those with whom I meet.

The other day Google photos sent me a pic collage of 9 years ago (well just about 10 yrs).
End of December 2010 to beginning of January 2011.
I sent the pic to my gf......awwwwwwe.
It was our first trip we took together out of the country and it was in Costa Rica!
What a great friend, she still is today, except unfortunately we haven't been hanging out as much as we used to.

This made me reflect a bit on what was happening around that time with me, how I felt about myself, what I hoped for, things I have learned about myself, the places I have been to, the experiences I have had, and lessons I have learned along the way.
That year was just around the time of a huge transition in my life... where I realized how important it is to surround yourself by those that fuel your soul, who inspire you.
I realized that it was important than just filling your time and space with people who fill the gap. The lonely gap. It's not about what people think about you but more importantly it is how you think about yourself. I realized a person that had been in my life for years had become more of a weight than uplifting in my life. Despite the deep belly laughs and inside jokes that we used to share, our time had become filled with many issue transference and blame and simply, dissatisfaction about life in general and they needed an outlet for. I learned that I cannot take on that responsibility of fixing others or helping them if they cannot take responsibility for their life. I learned that is is ok to let go and not dwell on a time where we once connected and accept that we no longer did.

The moto I learned so deeply was:

"Ruin is a gift, it is a road to transformation."

I have to be willing to go through that ruin, or pain or place that I so would like to avoid, to find truer happiness, to find something real. 
Its been a transformation decade, and I'm sure it will continue to be.

Not sure why 2020 seems to be just a bigger deal than 2010. All I know is I cannot wait to surround myself more with those that I love!


sunset Costa Rica, Espadilla beach January 3, 2011