candle light

I must try this sometime.
Just Candle light in the darkness.
And talk about our inner lives.....


.... of course, with a beeswax or soy candle though...

it may or may not be possible for me to eat a whole panettone in one sitting...

Elevator convo

A young boy (maybe around 8 or 9) and his dad were on the elevator the other day discussing grandma.

Dad: "so you will see grandma on the weekend."
Kid: " ok, who is coming with us?"
Dad: "your mom, but I won't be there."
Kid: "which grandma?"
Dad: "my mom, not your mom's mom."
Kid: "oh she likes you."
Dad: "I would hope so, she is my mom."
Kid: "why is she coming with us?"
Dad: "You guys will just be keeping her company, you know grandma-sitting"
Kid: "Oh like baby-sitting except for grandmas"
Dad: "yes, you know what baby-sitting is right?
Kid: "Yes, its when we sit on babies..." 

haha..

not sure where to put this interesting article so I will put it here.

click here.

Controversial for sure. This makes sense to me though.

Miserable people are happy when they spread their misery.

This happened to me when I was in high school. Thing is, I've always looked younger than I am.
I remember the house and the old lady that said "don't you think you're too old for this?!"
She shut the door on our faces hugging her bowl of candy and turned off her lights.

What a grumpy old lady.
I felt like egging her house.
But I didn't do that.

Instead, I went home and felt self conscious about dressing up for Halloween the next year. It wasn't as fun anymore.
I'm not sure if I even went out again for Halloween.

Not until I was near my 30s did I start to think again - wow, dressing up is fun! And started dressing up for Halloween parties (not trick or treating of course) and going out with friends for Halloween.

So now, its beyond maddening to hear that my nephew who is still in high school is staying home to hand out candy, especially when he had some real fun costumes before. Just because some old lady told him he was too old.

Makes me mad that all the miserable people in the world want to do is make everyone else around them miserable!

Wish I was there to give my two cents about this when the lady told him that, eggs in hand.

Vote day.

So with all our differences aside I was looking for a quote I saw earlier which I thought was nice:

"I don't have to agree with you to like or respect you" - Anthony Bourdain.

Demonizing someone who does not have the same view as you tells you more about how you are than about how the other person is.

So to make light or not of today these were some of the actual options I had on my ballot card tonight:

Rhinoceros Party

Animal Activist Party 

Independent Party 

Communist Party......



....Aside from the usual green, red, blue and orange parties.

I find it so strange how there does not seem to be anyone wanting to unite the country instead of divide it. When it comes down to it, we want to be good to people. Just different views of how this can happen.

Heavy thoughts on a Friday afternoon

1) with the pending Elections coming on I would like to say that, growing up I never had one ounce of interest in Politics. Only until I started working, then moved out of my parents place, became more independent, paid rent, and started paying a mortgage, took home paycheques, and paid income tax.... did I ever before become more interested in Politics and have started to understand the impact it has on society, every day and in all the minute things we do.....
That being said, I have concluded that I feel the voting age should be increased!

2) I am currently watching Un- natural Selection on Netflix. Wowzers. Scary yet fascinating and also the thought of curing genetic diseases is amazing yet a huge ethical question because with any good intention there  is always some weird freak that wants to tamper with human nature in a horrible way.
My heart went out to the boys in the show with the Eye disease and another with SME. People complain about wanting the government to cover things like public transportation (I had that discussion with one lady last week, who blamed the government for her 20% interest rate on her credit card debit - eye roll right there) , yet this show revealed the need for the government to control the Pharmacy companies that want to gouge people in real need of cures to their diseases. How horrible that there is cure but it is exclusive to only a few. That is what the gov should pay for or at least control the ridiculous robbery that the pharmaceutical companies are doing to people in actual need.
This being said, as I have alluded to before,
There's always a difference between "need" and "want".
And there is a HUGE misunderstanding of what responsibility means. To ourselves and to others.
There are so many people out there who feel that other people should be responsible for them for an issue clearly that the person is responsible for. But really there is a difference to that and us being responsible for those other people where things are actually not even in their control, yet we have the ability to help.

Simple gesture of checking in....

You only realize the support you have around you when you go through some crappy stuff or shitty incident.
Thankful for my coworkers.

NOT my monkeys, not my circus

There is that Bell campaign "Lets talk about mental health".

I've always wondered - ok what does that conversation look like then? What do we talk about?

No shit when they say mental health affects everyone.

We can be more understanding, more helpful.....

But just because we are now talking about it,  I am not going to be forced to think that Mental health makes it OK or is an EXCUSE for treating everyone around you like shit.

That is NOT OK.

And I will not accept that.

The Politician

Ever end up watching something in the background because there really isn’t anything else to watch?

For me, lately it’s this show.

It has some good stuff in it. 

Interesting - the microcosm of high school is really a mini reflection of the society outside of it - in some ways. I read some negative reviews on it and I really think they are reading too much into something that is supposed to be lighter or maybe I just don't need to make this another social justice warrior argument. 

Personally I’m not a fan of Gwenyth Paltrow.

Never really liked her as an actress.

I always thought she had the same puppy dog sad eyes  character in every movie she was in. Then her health claims related to some products from Goop are questionable, adds to my flakey judgement of her as an actress... 

But, I have to humble myself and say that I actually liked her in this series. 

K : “I just saw a man get murdered by a bear”

G: “ I really don’t think that is possible.”

K: “ It was horrible...”

G: “It's impossible for a bear to murder a man. I mean, a bear can kill a man. Yes.  But murder? That would imply there was some malicious intent behind it..”

I thought this was hilarious.

It was vaguely entertaining but I do not think I will dive into season 2.

Ah fall, a beautiful yet disappointed-that-the-summer-is-over kind of season.... in a weird mood lately and blaming it on the season. Or the moon or astrology whichever.... 

bestie parents?

Growing up I had an aunt that I hung out with a lot.
She was so giving and generous.
She was much younger than my mom of course so that equals more cooler in my little mind.
I also thought she was so pretty!
She used to babysit my older bro and I and often took us to the CNE after school.
When she lived downtown we would have a few sleep over nights with her as well.
Looking back I cannot believe my little self at grade 6-7? took the subway and buses all the way downtown to stay with her.

Then I would come home and my mom would be my mom. You know, the strict one. The one who would nag me to clean up my room, clean up after myself, to wash the dishes or to do the chores I had to do.
Then of course this would lead to fights - you know, me not listening or doing things wrong or whatever the case (gez, I'm so old I don't even remember what the menial fights we had were all about, even though at the time, they felt like big fights).

I remember saying "I wish I lived with Auntie! I wish she was my mom!"

And my mother answering "Oh you do? Then go ahead, do it, you think she is better for whatever reason, go do it then!"

Of course I never did live with her. Just retreated back to my room all pissed off and hating on her.

I remember during these fights I would often hear "We do this because we love you".
Whether it be asking us to do chores or expecting more from us or correcting us or being strict and not allowing us to do certain things or buy certain things or have things we wanted.
"We do this because we love you."

To which I always thought "If you love me then you won't be getting mad at me, or won't be asking me to do things like chores, or you will allow me to do things that I think are fun, or allow me to have things that I want. That will show me you love me, obviously."

It all never really made any sense.

-----

Skip to now or at least in my 30s. When I realized, I am thankful that I was given the mom I was given and would not have it any other way.
I started to see then that because they were the way they were with me, it helped shape me into who I am today. And I was soooo appreciative. A lot of the "bad" stuff I felt I could see was for the good and some of the bad stuff I felt was also still, something that helped shape me.

Unfortunately now I can see the results of many whose parents wanted to be best friends with their kids or showered their kids with everything they wanted because they didn't want their kids to ever feel "bad" or disciplined. It certainly does not set them up for real life experiences or even self resiliency or even how to deal with responsibility or even knowing how to be compassionate to another or thoughtful or empathetic - because the focus was always their comfort. I was taught that being cool was nothing to aspire toward (hello, so not cool here, yet I'm ok with it), not the main goal in life. Looking more outwardly instead of egocentrically only. And to learn to depend on myself than to expect things from others.

There is so much more I can say about that. But just to end off by saying I'm thankful for my mom, and the fact she just showed she didn't give a crap about who I liked better at that time, who I thought was more fun or nicer, she didn't care about who was "cooler" - because all she cared about was that  her job was to be my mom and make me the person I am today.

https://psiloveyou.xyz/if-youve-ever-argued-with-your-partner-this-is-for-you-aa419267469c

I was told .....

that I was easy to talk to.


that I have beautiful hair.


that I had nice teeth, so straight and white.


that I was funny.


that I was brave.


that I was thoughtful.


that I was pretty.


that I had a nice smile.


that I explained things well about their condition. (work)


that I had strong views.


that I have a sensitive sense of smell.


that I have a gentle touch.


that I pay attention to detail.


that they liked my voice.


that I was polite.


that they found me very helpful.


that though I was quiet, I had important things to say.


that I parallel park well.


that I know my way around the city well.


that I care about others a lot.


that I make a yummy carbonara.




............................ just leaving these here for now.
Because I often find it hard to accept compliments and sometimes I do not allow them to stick and thus doubt them. But its important to freely accept them and believe in myself and be kinder to myself.

When someone you do not consider a dear friend or a loving family member says:

"you know, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but...."

- they actually want to.

... lessons from elementary school that some adults have not quite grew out of.

you bitch

my patient today:

P"Oh ouch"

(She had an ingrown nail.)

Me "Oh sorry I know that hurts, it has to be removed though"

P" yea I know...owwww! It's ok"

... a few minutes later....

P " ahhh eeeeeee"

... more minutes later.....

P "ouchhhhhheeeeee"

P "ouch!!! you Bitch!"

- pause - 

I stopped and looked at my patient

"Oh that was for my toe not you, I was talking to my toe"

hahahah!

Just as friends

I had a 50+ yr old patient in a couple days ago.
She comes in with a support worker and she lives in a group home.
She has downs syndrome.

Most of the time she falls asleep in the chair.

But this day she was super excited and happy and funny.

She kept telling me that she liked me. Then would tell me again because she forgot or she just likes to repeat it.

Part of the convo went like this:

P: "Heyyy, I like you, you know. "
Me: "Aw how nice, I like you too."
P: "Just as friends, okay?"

Some reason I thought this was funny.

Me: "yes, just as friends."

self confidence 2

Another follow up to the other podcast she did...
She seems to break it down pretty well
https://thelifecoachschool.com/self-confidence-2/

learning a lesson on loving your loved ones....

I had a gf growing up. We were pretty close, maybe calling each other Best Friend.

Today, I do not believe in "Best Friends".

I mean, you can have great friends and wonderful friends and close friends. No one really takes the title of best.
I think when we were younger it was a way of claiming friendship over another. Well if she is your best friend then no one can come close to that and she is more important etc... Silly really.
We are no longer friends, and I really do not know where she is.
Sometimes I get anxiety over seeing her or meeting her again or bumping into her. Nightmares really.

I learned something about myself and about friendship or even love due to her. It was one of those hard life lessons. No one person is really at fault. Both have faults.

I used to ask my sister in law - your friend is doing this or that life mistake, how can you stand around and say nothing ?? She said "you just do, you are there to support, not agree with everything, but just there to support and be there for her, a friend. "

Thing is growing up, and maybe still now a bit (I am learning though), I am and was pretty solidly protective of all my friends and family. Hello, Scorpio here. I'm small in stature and relatively quiet but I'd be ready to fight, to say something that cuts, to call it out, and put all my effort into it to protect them.

My over protectiveness ranges from "Oh no they d'int! Hold my purse." rolling up my sleeves, tying up my hair to pounce on any attacker/disrespector etc.
to
Smacking my loved ones up side the head saying "wtf were you thinking?!?"

...Even to the point of getting mad at them for the choices they made for their lives.
In fact, they knew this, and hid things from me.

Sleeping with a married man? Do not tell Joss.
Cheating on your bf? Do not confide in Joss.
Allowing a man to boss you around? Do not tell Joss.
Going after one of our mutual friend's love interest? Do not tell Joss
Taking back someone who abused you? Do not tell Joss
Dropping out of school? Do not tell Joss
Running away from home? Do not tell Joss
Making the same mistakes over and over again? Do not tell Joss
Yep I was pretty hard on my friends/ family. Having high standards and aspirations made it worse. I felt it was my way of also protecting them from getting hurt.

I look back now and say that everything I have judged people for doing, I too was tested with some of the similar situations (not all of them). And when you actually live the experience yourself or faced with the same situation/ choice, you gain a little more compassion and understanding toward the other person. How difficult the decisions may have been and how things are not so cut and dry.


So to show love, acceptance and support without judgement is some of what I am learning in this process.

-----------------------------------

So what happens when someone you love and care about is with someone you do not exactly agree with? When this person actually treats your loved one with disrespect, belittling, controlling, domineering or manipulative, deceitful, or even in a bullying way?
I mean, that is practically verbal abuse, which is just as harmful as physical abuse right?
Yet your loved one appears happyish. They are not reaching out for help. They are living life fine.
You do not see any fights or disagreements there is no apparent tourmoil they show they are having. They are not living in fear or danger. They are just there, together and doing fine. That is just their dynamic, as dysfunctional as it may seem.

What can you do?

I have learned, nothing but love. Love your loved ones, and this means also accepting the one they have accepted in life. And do not fake accept either. Fakeness can always be seen and felt.
This takes a lot of strength and self control, it also takes a lot of digging deep to see the positives and just accept the other for the positives. Sometimes when you focus on the positives and express this, that part of the character grows, and the rest may or may not fade.

Unfortunately, it is not your place to correct this wrong. This is something they have accepted and allowed. And something that they have to deal with. Not you.

I was tested when this behavior I do not agree with spilled out onto another friend or family member. I was livid. But I learned that that this other friend/family member will handle it on their own and allow what they will allow for the sake of the good. Meaning they will stand their own ground on what it is they are willing to receive or not receive from this person. It is still not my place.

What will hurt your loved ones more is your non acceptance of this person they chose, rather than your loved ones being hurt by the person they chose. No matter how much it bothers you that your loved ones will continue to be disrespected and mistreated. 


wow - super duper difficult.

Self-esteem is Not the Answer | Heidi Landes | TEDxDayton

Interesting talk. I would not agree on some of her broad assumptions about people's lives.
But I think the main point is people owning and taking responsibility for their actions.

So much external blaming going around on why people are in a place where they are or why people do what they do that it has gone to the extreme of having absolutely ZERO responsibility for themselves... As adults.
Taking responsibility for your life actually adds to your own self esteem.
What you gain from your own achievements, whether small or large, show you that you are capable of living your life and getting through obstacles.
People seem to be focused on protecting people from harm or bad feelings when they should be focused more on teaching them how to deal with it.
I do agree on the past methods of boosting self esteem can even lead to narcissism. Of course there is a middle ground here but we are seeing the results of things going too far.

Anyhow so much to say but I will leave it here.

Butterfly 7/30/16

I feel as though I find myself in some garden. And I found myself a beautiful butterfly.
It flies around me fluttering back and forth as if to play with me. It lands on my finger and shows me its beautiful wings. As if to smile at me and grace me with its beauty. It picks up its wings to flutter again and lands in my hair. As if to compliment me on how beautiful it thinks I am too. How wonderful it is to find such a beautiful friend, one you make happy and they make you happy too. If Im lost in the garden I can trust this butterfly to lead the way. If the butterfly is stuck anywhere, it can trust I can help it out of that bind.
Then one day I touch its wing, because it is so pretty, but instead this hurts it. Almost injures it. And it looks at me as to say Why are you hurting me? And I say I am not. I see it struggle to get proper footing because it is hurt, so I try to hold it to help. Again it is injured. I didnt mean to hurt it. It looks at me as if I have become an enemy and tries to fly away but stumbles. I try to help it up and it feels I am trying to trap it. Every move I make makes things worse. I no longer know what to do. I cannot change its mind on how it views me.
And all I did was want to care for it, enjoy its friendship and make it happy, share our happiness.

ha. ha. h.....

Growing up, in my late elementary school years, I remember a particular Uncle and aunt who I thought were so funny!
So funny that, one time I was standing in their kitchen drinking a glass of water when my aunt, who sat in front of me holding her little one said something hilarious and I did not have time to drink. I ended up showering both her and my little baby cousin in her lap with my diluted saliva!
I thought they were a pretty cool couple.
Sometimes I even wished my folks were that cool and funny.
I thought that they had a fun relationship. I assumed it was filled with laughter and this must have bonded them. In comparison my folks who seemed pretty boring.

I remember a particular incident as they were leaving our house after a visit. They were at the foyer and my aunt made a comment, actually a few about my uncle that made me crack up.
She said something about his character, making fun of him, like he always does this or that. Eye roll. etc.
Hahaha !

--------

In my early 20s I remember visiting family in the states.
My cousin was married with kids.
Her husband is driving the car and we were heading back home after a day out and picking up some food along the way.
My cousin can be sarcastically funny. I find her a bit intimidating actually.
I remember her jokingly berating her husband about this or that - his driving or whatever it was at the time, for us to all hear, almost explaining to us, this is how he is. We had our laughs about it and he laughed a bit too, kinda giving up saying "ugh oh 'honey'" (honey in replacement of her name here, for discretion sake).
I thought they were a great fun couple - wow they can just say whatever to each other they are that comfortable and joke around. I remember also thinking he was so kind. He did everything for her.

---------------------
These instances of observation when I was young has led me to distinguish a key slight difference in the jokes or comments or perceived comrade-re/ affection I witnessed.

In fact, these jokes are made as put downs. Jokes or sarcastic comments that make everyone around laugh. And yes these are often made with an audience present.

There are jokes that bring to light a situation where we can all laugh and enjoy and it uplifts everyone around, not at the expense of another. There are other jokes that actually are slight jabs, demeaning, or disrespecting the other person for the sake of a cheap laugh.

"Making-fun" of someone is only fun for the person doing it and maybe spectators but not for the one being made fun of. People can look at the other person who felt hurt or slighly demeaned and say "oH you don't have a sense of humor! It was just a joke!" Or even, sometimes the person being made fun of does not really notice it at first. All they realize is that it was something they laughed at too but were made to feel uncomfortable, it was not uplifting and they do not feel closer to the person who made the joke.

I've learned that when people joke, there is a slight percentage of truth to it. Or at least truth in what the joker feels about it.

I find that kids do not notice these differences.Its just simply funny. And as we can see from above they never really learn that difference as they grow older, unless they are taught or have developed their empathetic awareness.

These jokes do not bring people together but make people compete. Separate. They breakdown a team or prevent one from forming. They drive a very fine divide and disconnect to the other person, and just like that Chinese water droplet torture method - It, as benign as it may seem, can reveal an underlying divide which simply gets fed more with these jokes. It can reveal an utter disregard or insensitivity to another person's feelings.


Well... unfortunately a couple years after each incident, the couples were no longer together.

feed your soul

Grounded.
I have heard this before but in the literal sense.
It sounded Hokey at first. But it made sense.

With technology and stresses surrounding us, and us being magnetic beings, it is easy for us to get caught up in a feeling of chaos, confusion or simply just getting off track.
So it has been suggested that grounding is - actual grounding ourselves to this earth.
Take a few minutes, find a patch of earth, get closer to nature, (dare I say) go barefoot and feel the grass between your toes and earth below your sole, feel the texture, the temperature, the smell of the air, breathe deep....take it all in. Literally, ground yourself.

I visited my folks in the burbs this weekend, and it was a wonderful day out. 26C with no humidity.
I sat in the backyard in the shade with my feet on another chair, looking up at the blue sky peeking between the lime and yellow green leaves under the dwarf pear tree. I listened to the relaxing rustling sound of the leaves from the wind blowing through the branches. The air I could take in deeply since any air than the one downtown is fresh to me. I could feel the warmth of the sun on my feet and the warm breeze almost hugging me. It made me sleepy.

Ever have that feeling that you lost yourself?
Ever have that feeling that you have lost your mojo?

I feel like I am constantly wanting to find something. Maybe it is looking for my purpose in life. Where is it that I belong?
And as of late I have felt I have lost my mojo. Looking and feeling tired. Neglecting myself and people around me who I care about.
I've always heard the saying - how can you love someone if you do not love yourself?
I've heard it so often that I find it almost becoming a cliche.
However, if I stop to think about it, which I have been thinking about lately.... in all my years on this earth, I feel like I do not love myself enough. 

I've had my ebbs of ups and downs on this subject matter. I feel like it was the highest when I was in my professional school, after university.
I'm sure my young self would have a different opinion.
But through difficult times and major curves along the path, I may have hardened toward myself.
Lost a bit of that confidence. Reverted back to the feeling that I do not deserve things.

I also think it is a constant battle in life. I do not believe you just come to a place of self confidence and self love and the world opens up and you remain in that state. It always gets tested along the way. Once you pass, another obstacle comes up. Once you think you have figured it out, you realize that you did not have the answer.

I do not know the path to self love, self confidence, or finding ones purpose on this earth.
But I think that it is good to have a few moments to think about what it is that I feel about things. What is it that fuels my soul? What areas am I drawn to? Where is it that I want to go?
How does it look like to truely love myself?

This weekend I wanted to hang out with a couple gfs of mine and I realized they were busy, rightfully so because I have not been hanging out with them for a long while. I was thinking of going to a Fringe play by myself even, but the ones I wanted to see were sold out. And I've been so tired lately as well, maybe lingerings of jet lag.
I got to hang with family a bit. I hung out with my niece who I am so proud of and was reminded of my own coming of age years and wondered how I even handled that time. Most of the time though, I spent on my own. I realized it maybe a good thing every now and then to find myself during those times to see what feeds my soul.
One thing I know, I definitely need to love myself more.

Random website on feeding souls lol.

black and white, right and left....

Again, since my patient this morning took about an hour to see instead of a half hour, due to our conversation.... I will continue the conversation here ....

My 70+ yr old patient went on to talk about how she had a meeting in her apartment with management and a few other members that represent the apartment residents.
Their issue is that they raised rent almost 50% when the Landlord and Tenant Board said it should only be 1.8%. (I guess it only applies to residential buildings that are under the Residential act but that's besides the point of this story).

She went on to explain that there was an asian man sitting to her right and a black man sitting to her left. Both fellow apartment residents, talking to the apartment management lady.

The asian man explained the situation quite eloquently and captured exactly what my patient was thinking about the rental increase.
Thus my patient said, "I agree with what the Chinese man said"
All but the manager were OK with her statement.
However the manager practically brought the meeting to a halt saying:
"what did you just say?!"
"I said I agree with what this Chinese man said"
"You can't call him that."
"Why not, he is Chinese."
"Well, that's not right to say that, its offensive"
The asian man chimed in "Hey whats wrong with it, I am Chinese."
"Well its not nice to say it that way, you should be offended."
"But I am not, why should I be?"
"Well, (addressing the man to my patient's left) how would you like it if someone called you a black man?"
The man answered, glancing at his backhand, "Well, I have no problems with that, I am black."
"Well its not right."
"Listen, I don't understand what I said wrong",  continued my patient.
"Well, how would you like it if someone called you a White lady??"
"I have no issues with that, I am a white lady"
...... My patient paused  and then continued.....
"But if someone said, that white lady rolling their eyes or spitting after in disgust, yes, I would have a problem with it. But otherwise no, I have to problem with someone saying I am a white lady, because I am one. It's HOW they say it that matters, the context and the attitude that goes with it, not the description itself. And no, I don't think there is anything wrong with me saying that this man is Chinese."

I laughed at this situation in agreement.
This apparently sums up a lot of what is happening these days.
Correction of words over correction of attitude. The focus is misdirected, though it means well.
It reminds me of the Munk Debates on Political Correctness, when Stephen Fry (a lefty) was sitting on the Righty side and explained why.

"I believe that one of the greatest human failings to prefer to be right than to be effective....... I don't care what you call me, it's how we are treated that matters....It's nothing to do with Political correctness, it's to do with human decency, it's that simple."

Stand your ground

This morning I ran late with my patient's schedules because of my first patient.
We got carried away in an interesting conversation.
She came in a bit frazzled.

She is a 70 something yr old lady with grey long braids, one on each side, dressed in a plain long neutral shirt and slacks, usually in black or grey. She appears to be one of those people that does not like to listen to conventional talk, questions what she is told, head strong, somewhat stubborn and has this underlying dry humor - that if you only focus on her seriousness, you will miss it.

She calmly explained how she tried to park just past College street this morning.
She was adjusting her car to park along the street and had to reverse to drive through and align up to the curb.
Suddenly a porche pulls up in front of her, puts the nose of his car in and tries to reverse to push her back, essentially taking the parking spot she was just adjusting to get into.
The man then comes out of his car, hands on his hips and yells at her to move her car back.
She did not budge.
Move. Move your car. Back your car up. Can you just move! Move it!
She explained she regretted rolling her car window down to listen to what he had to say.
She was trying to explain that she was just moving into that spot but he did not hear her.
He said things like "are you stupid, just move back you have space to move back"
She was still calm, responding "No, I am not stupid. Are you deaf? Did you hear what I just said?"
Anyhow, this apparently went on for a few minutes with the man getting into his car, trying to squeeze into the spot, then finally leaving.

Listening to this I became anxious as to what she was going to do, and when I heard she calmly stood her ground I clapped. Yes!!

Having just a few weeks ago, got caught up in some serious expletive road rage myself, feeling shaken and wanting to cry because of the shock of it all... I admire how she handled this.

She explained to me that this, was probably more than she usually engages in road rage.
Normally if she is in a parking lot and people are fighting to get a spot she was taking, instead of getting upset, she stated that she sees it as a challenge of the universe/God etc. She handles it calmly, believing that if she does not get the spot, there will ALWAYS be another one soon after. And she said she has always found one instantly after that.
I know myself, that I have left parking lots having spent a good 20 minutes looking for one and resolving to do shopping later, resenting the fact I wasted a good chunk of my precious time for nothing.

I admire her attitude. The Peace she strives for. It made me think twice. I can be very reactive in situations and have been trying to work at that. It also made me think - why do we force things we think we want? Is it because we think there will be nothing like it? We won't find anything else? That we will miss out? Is it about pride and not "backing down"? Is it about the idea of winning instead of losing ? Is it that we feel we are more deserving of this than someone else? Is it that we fear the feeling of regret of what we let go of, or a chance we felt we missed? Is it the idea of right-ing a wrong?
That feeling of truly believing that there will ALWAYS be another chance, another better option, and that the universe is working for you and that things happen for a reason is really easier than it sounds.

But I guess I realize I should trust in that more, than forcing things and becoming upset over nothing really.... My patient today said that in those situations her sense of Peace within, is more important than the external situation of winning/losing/ being right or wrong.

And randomly here is Corey Hart. Cause he was touring and I missed it. But heard good stuff about the concert and this is one of those songs where it plays and somehow I just knew the lyrics to.

Sometimes a song can substitute for a warm hug. Only sometimes

new words new words!

I believe I have heard these words before but did not really pay attention to what they mean.

I found them used in a funny and odd way by a patient of mine today.

She talked about her feet as if they were separate beings on their own, not anything she can control or have any influence over, and they basically had a mind of their own:

" I find that my feet can get pretty cantakerous"

"Pardon, what does that mean?" I asked chuckling

"It means Obstinate"

("ok, thanks, that clears it all up" - I thought sarcastically)

Yes, I am exposing my limited range of vocabulary.

But hey, there is room for 2 more words!

Cantakerous :
bad tempered; uncooperative; argumentative

Obstinate:
Stubbornly refusing to change one's opinion or chosen course of action, despite attempts to persuade one to do so.

haha - those are some aggressive feet then...glad to have helped.

I have a friend who always used big words like that in everyday conversation. I told him it sounded pretentious, especially if people do not usually use those words commonly and not everyone knows the meaning. It actually can make a person feel like they are lacking. He said he didnt mean to make people feel that way, it was just a way of trying to enhance the description of something. I told him it would help to also pay attention to who he is talking to when describing things. Know your audience.
Yup and I am a simple.word.audience haha

I was going to write more but ..

I was going to write about an article about DAD Shaming that a friend posted on fb today. But I am pretty tired lol.
All I wanted to say was that respect is important especially if you are a team.
Even if you think you can do things better or if you have a different view on something. Discuss later but show consistency, then alter a method together.
Why would you need to correct or demean the other persons decision.
Why would you say something horrible about a kids parent in front of a kid??
Unless the parent was being abusive and hurtful to the kid then call it out, but otherwise keep your own personal issues to yourselves.
Just makes the kid learn the same actions of disrespect and they learn not to listen/learn... anyhow yada yada yada.
What do I know?!

Emotional Intelligence and Maturity...

someone posted this old article on FB.
Interesting.
I will just post it here for my reference.

Miss Manners

I have a patient that is 104 yrs old. I feel like it would be so interesting to sit down and chat about her life, the experiences she has had, places she has been, things she has learned.

I just see her every 10 wks, she is frail and nearly blind. However she gets about around her house, owns her own house and it is kept immaculately clean and she is lucid and alert and has a good sense of humor.

We were talking the other day about things that used to be taught but really are not taught anymore.

Manners.

Sometimes it is really just common sense. But since common sense is not common we can break it down to just awareness and attentiveness outside of yourself, for those around you, empathy.

I think we are becoming aware of how this is being lost these days.  In a world of devices and social media when it is becoming all about the "look at me" generation society.
Yet, this is still not being taught, and then we look around wondering why people are treating each other that way.

This simple topic can open so many doors to friendship, connection, kindness, in relationships, even in work areas and business interactions and networking....

Anyhow, in searching for info about this topic I came across this website ....

Interesting.

We may not need these classes if more realize that Manners start at home...

My Right to....

I over heard an argument in the waiting room today.

A lot of talk about "my rights!" and "this country"

And the lady who was arguing against this stating "you don't know about rights", was basically saying its not a "right" to fart and snore where ever you want....

Ha.

Well I guess it could be a right? Kinda.

But I believe there was a mix up of what is deemed a "human right" and just common courtesy, politeness, common sense, simple manners.

I think that is the bigger issue here.
Human rights is a big topic at the moment. And because of this, everything is looked at or argued on those basis and maybe some smaller issues as above are just being blown out of proportion.

When people argue about human rights they tend to argue about being heard and non constricted in what they can or cannot do, and now they are arguing on how they are "made" to feel and that it is their right to feel happy all the time....

However, when it gets blown out of proportion, it is often argued from a self-ish, egocentric stand point. MY rights, and who cares about how it affects YOU.

We obviously do not live in separate silos so.... I guess you have a right to be rude to someone or say what you like, but when someone slaps you upside the head, calls you out, and says you are being an idiot then... I'm not so sure who will back you up on your so called "rights".

- - - - - - - - - -
Anyways..... on a side note: GOT should have ended at Season 8 episode 3.

Just that feeling you get when you get ghosted and are left dumb founded.... Not that that ever happened to me lol..

I'll get over it.

Phenomenal Woman

BY MAYA ANGELOU

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

"I don't shout or jump about or have to talk real loud"- ha

It is interesting how men can view women differently - even "friendly" while other women just know. They know when there are particular other women around that just are simply seeking attention. Loudly. Obnoxiously. Competitively.

Whenever there is a couple, I go out of my way to talk to the woman first or even include her first, I do not "seek the attention" of the man they are with. It's common sense and respect.
These particular other women will only talk to the guy, trying to grab their attention, to  prove to themselves that "they still have it" when they leave their husband at home with the kids or they are out mid-life partying with their girlfriends. Women know this because who better knows women than women. It is a shame when we compare or when people feel like they need to fight for attention - loudly.

We all know what a sincerely friendly person is and how they make others feel around them.

With more hype about International Women's day, it is wonderful to see more people talking about women supporting women. As it should be.
Simply put, humans supporting other humans, instead of always seeing other people as competition.
It comes down to respect.

Another quote to end this post:

Instead of saying "she's beautiful, how do I measure up to her?" we said "she's beautiful, but so am I" (beautiful, wonderful, smart - whatever word you want to put)

All things Celery

Well who knows if this is a stupid trend with not much foundation to it...
but I still think that CELERY has more nutrition than eating chips and chocolate all day...
No matter what IDIOT says that there is no nutritional value in CELERY.

or what IDIOT would even make a simple comment about celery into a HUGE ARGUMENT.

just sayin...

check out the celery juice trend here.

Relationship stuff

Choose Love.
Even if its more for yourself than anyone else.

Choose love here. 

Imagine if we all choose love and took 100% of the responsibility, instead of expecting it from others?


I like this lady, how she talks, very honestly, instead of the usual Hokey-dokey like coachy insincere things I have heard before....

She did a podcast on self - confidence that I posted a while back.

Verklempt

I saw Come from Away the other day.
Going into it, I knew what it was about.
How a small town of Gander, Nfld took in about 7000 passengers into their town of about 9000 ppl and gave them all shelter and food and shared their hospitality during such a horrific time in history.

I still remember exactly where I was when I heard about the towers being attacked.
It was my first year of working in my profession in a small town of Paris, ON and my 10:00am patient came in and sat down and said "so we are in for another war, they have attacked the states."
I thought he was joking because of the nonchalant way in which this patient said it. He told me it was on the news and it just happened not long ago.
After I was finished the appointment I went out to the common room of the Palliative care Hospital where some staff were gathering just in a daze of shock. There was a tv there with images of the burning towers.....
I was living alone in Brantford, and my close friends and family were in Toronto. All I could think of was calling everyone of them to make sure they were ok and tell them that I loved them. Of course they were ok but I just had the need to hear their voices. It was sooooo eerie driving back to Toronto Thursday night, like I always did, except the night sky was clear of any planes... not a single spot of one.

Right from the beginning of this play, even though it was mixed with the lightheartedness of the Nfld folk characters, I was getting pretty Verklempt. And my eyes welled up a few times, even though the scenes were predicable. Just to see it and imagine how it was back then for everyone.
The thought of the capacity of humanity to work together to comfort each other and care for each other regardless of religion, and nationality and communicating regardless of language differences and finding a common connection....
This capacity is there, in our nature, I'm in wonder why we don't just express this all the time to everyone, not just in times of tragedy and crisis.

Yep, this was me during most of that play....

Mike Meyers, Coffee Lady. SNL

Happy New Year!

Gez this life goes by too fast.
Blink and you may miss soooo much of it's beauty!

I have not been writing here much, some days because I just have too much to say, and other days because I have not much to say at all.

I'll start off by saying I wish everyone a wonderful amazing year and that I am soooooo thankful for those around me and thankful for all that I have been given.
Like I have always said, if I can just bottle up the present to keep everyone happy and loved and safe and healthy.

Anyways - nuff of that sappy stuff.....

On to the fact that I need to spend my time more wisely and productively this year....
(rather than watching all this stuff--->)

I have been watching all these "conspiracy" type of videos / documentaries about things that are happening, whether to do with our food, our health, our politics, our society - certain things that are proven or discovered that should open the doors to more investigation or to alert us into making this wonderful world we were given a much better place to live in .... but instead has been covered up in exchange for monetary reasons or securing power or to feed certain individual's greed or anything else unethical which then has dire consequences for everyone else.

I have seen a bit on aluminum foil, garlic, our salmon, what has been going on with our first nations, and I am currently watching UNACKNOWLEDGE on Netflix at the moment.

crazy stuff.

Begs the question. How can a human do these things to another human?
I can boil it down to the word:  manipulation.

What a horrible, insidious thing humans are capable of.

And it apparently seems to be the theme of extraneous events on a personal level that I have seen and been through, in the last couple days and also a few yrs ago.

From my experience a few years ago, something that I would not wish on even my worst enemy, I came across a term that I will define, to finish off this post.

Gaslightling: (via Wiki..)

"a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contraction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the victim and legitimize the victim's belief.  "