Dance like.....

I get you Elaine.

And Run like........

Phoebe

....I get it. And this year I'd like to do it.
Have to not forget to feed my soul and my spirit.

And btw, I missed saying:

Happy Birthday baby Jesus!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.
I did, those few moments with close ones.
In between though, I must admit, I got drawn into (and still am slightly) the chaos and stress, and lost a bit of that Christmas spirit.

I think it runs deeper than that though, gotta figure whats nagging me and fix it.
Yesterday I was looking back and found an excerpt from my private journal - a year ago, it went like this:
" Like I'm just ebbing on a raft and all I see is where the water horizon meets the sky. Whether I look left or right it looks all the same, and I don't even know which direction the raft is drifting to. No paddle even to at least try to move. Just don't rock the boat and you can continue like this forever as if it is all ok. It doesn't matter that the nostalgia of potential amazing adventures has left and there is no direction anymore."
This bothers me.

A year ahead of trying to be more aware of what is for me and what is not. And changes. Scares me a bit. (actually a lot)
But hopefully instead of the ostrich with its head in the sand, I'll try to face it to see how it is supposed to shape me, and allow it to.

luuuuuurve

love

ləv/

noun

noun: love; plural noun: loves

1. 1.

   an intense feeling of deep affection.

   
   

   "babies fill parents with intense feelings of love"

   
   

   synonyms:

   deep affection, fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment;More

   antonyms:

   hatred

   • a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone.

     
     

     "it was love at first sight"

     
     

     synonyms:

     become infatuated with, give/lose one's heart to; More

   • a personified figure of love, often represented as Cupid.

     noun: Love
   • a great interest and pleasure in something.

     
     

     "his love for football"

     
     

     synonyms:

     liking of/for, enjoyment of, appreciation of/for, taste for, delight for/in, relish of, passion for, zeal for, appetite for, zest for, enthusiasm for, keenness for, fondness for, soft spot for, weakness for, bent for, proclivity for, inclination for, disposition for, partiality for, predilection for, penchant for "her love for fashion"

   • affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one's behalf.

     synonyms:

     best wishes, regards, good wishes, greetings, kind/kindest regards "my mother sends her love"

   • a formula for ending an affectionate letter.

     
     

     "take care, lots of love, Judy"
2. 2.

   a person or thing that one loves.

   
   

   "she was the love of his life"

   
   

   synonyms:

   beloved, loved one, love of one's life, dear, dearest, dear one, darling, sweetheart, sweet, angel, honey; More

   • BRITISHinformal

     a friendly form of address.

     
     

     "it's all right, love"
   • BRITISHinformal

     used to express affectionate approval for someone.

     noun: a love

     
     

     "don't fret, there's a love"
3. 3.

   (in tennis, squash, and some other sports) a score of zero; nil.

   
   

   "love fifteen"

verb

verb: love; 3rd person present: loves; past tense: loved; past participle: loved; gerund or present participle: loving

1. 1.

   feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).

   
   

   "do you love me?"

   
   

   synonyms:

   care very much for, feel deep affection for, hold very dear, adore, think the world of, be devoted to, dote on, idolize, worship; More

   antonyms:

   hate

   • like very much; find pleasure in.

     
     

     "I'd love a cup of tea, thanks"

     
     

     synonyms:

     like very much, delight in, enjoy greatly, have a passion for, take great pleasure in, derive great pleasure from, relish, savor; More

     antonyms:

     hate

Well thats a long definition, wiki.
Still, I doubt it tells me much really.
I feel like everyone has some kind of idea of what they think love is, and it is shaped by their experiences and how their nature is, how they accept and take things in.
I will always blame romantic songs and movies and commercials for putting a false sense of what love is in my head.
And what if it is your nature to be a very emotional person? How can you distinguish what is love or what is infatuation?
And when I say I Love coffee Haagen daas icecream, it simply is not the same as when I say I love my mom and dad. And when I love my mom and dad, it is not the same as when I love a lover.
(haha "lover" reminds me of the Saturday night live skits).

I think that I have felt that "love" for a lover a couple times. But still, looking back I doubt if it was true. Something that creeps up on you and it seems out of your control. Deep feelings and genuine care for another person, a strong draw, like a magnet, despite trying to look away or ignore it or the usual convincing myself it is nothing, it sucks you in and before you know it, there you are, in the thick of it all.

Ed Sheeran - Perfect Symphony (with Andrea Bocelli)

.... Ah how music can just take you away, to feelings you've never felt, places you have never been, and to imagined situations you have never conceived of ... such a beautiful feelings it can create out of no where.



Good or bad thing? I am not sure yet. Same as I blamed all those stupid lovey dovey movies when I was younger into making me delusional about what is really out there...

Pinterest spilleth over......

I think I will post these quotes here than in Pinterest.......




Or if they can't, at least they will offer to help fix them and own up to their responsibility instead of inconveniencing others due to their broken commitment.





Interesting how there is a weird balance of sticking up for yourself or how you feel to prevent things that eat away at you, or "keeping the peace" for the sake of trying to be understanding and empathetic - even when the other is not the same toward you in a particular situation.

A few years back when I was working during university, I went out with a slightly older lady who was a coworker friend for icecream. I ordered, then she ordered second, then quickly insisted that she pay for me. Though it is minor I couldn't help but feel like saying, "Thank you, ok next time I will cover you."
She quickly said "what? Is this how it is? I owe you then you owe me, are we counting? You should not count, I paid for you cause I wanted to treat you, not because I expect anything back, there are no turns, that's how it should be. There shouldn't be any counting"
It kinda made me think about how true that is. Why do we do things for others? Hopefully not because it is for show, or because it is the thing we "should" do. This had somewhat been in the back of my mind since then. So I try not to count things in relationships.

But when someone accuses you of not doing enough for them and proceeds to count all the things they have done for you.... unfortunately the relationship just starts to become about just that, counting. If they accuse you of not being thoughtful or not spending enough time with them or give you a hard time for spending time with others - yet you do not do that to them, I feel they should keep themselves in check. What they expect from others they should instead do for others and what they do for others they should NOT expect from others. If that makes any sense.