Dear Diary...

I was supposed to be clearing up the clutter of my old room at my folks place this weekend and got distracted by reading some of my old journals/diaries (Yea I had many books ha). Kinda cute thoughts I guess. Did not realize that I seemed to talk about boys a lot. I've always thought I did not care too much about them. Though in my defence, my journal was used for only big feelings and thoughts so they just seem concentrated in one place, not reflective of my everyday life back then.

It was weird reading some things and remembering stuff. But what was weirder is my take on things now based on what I wrote then and looking at it from afar.

What I came up with is that some girls are just mean girls. Little things that I said in a "oh, humm it is interesting that they said that" to now "wow, they were just being little bitches".
I wouldn't consider myself the naive type back then by far, in fact thoughtful, sensitive and intuitive though quiet, but there are some things I either just let slide or I am thankful I was oblivious to back then.

Funny how when fb started you just add everyone you know, people from your past that you never really hung out with to begin with. Looking at the mean girls back then and how they are now, I wonder how much they grew out of that childish phase. I wonder what it is they are passing on to their kids. If their kids are just as self centred as they were growing up or if they found some piece of kindness and thoughtfulness that they somehow taught their kids to be. It would be good to know that goodness is being spread into society these days. 

banana chips

Growing up eating those thick sliced, caramel coated, sugary banana chips.... I got pretty sick of them pretty fast.

Thats why when my mom handed me these, just because they said "gluten free", I thought - meh, not again...

But! I must say they are pretty good, salty and not so banana-ey. A good substitute for potato chips. And it says on the package that Plantains are considered a fruit when ripe but a vegetable when not ripe due to their low sugar content.

Yet another good snack I will record on here.

Tumeric tea

When I first heard this, it sounded gross.
But the aches as I age have forced me to try anything.

So here goes this...

Its actually not that bad. And I did not even need any honey with my coffee-house-pre-sweetened coconut milk.

Hopefully I won't spill this tumeric tea on my white couch! (If I say it out loud it will not happen).
That Sh#t stains everything!

public speaking

I was asked if I would be interested in a Public speaking training course.
I did attend one quite a few years back because I know how extremely shy I am. Heck I even get anxious meeting a big group of people, though I know this is different.

I was trying to look up the course and found this article instead.

Here is a snippet:

In his essay “Writing and Speaking” Paul Graham noted something very important that is tangentially related to Berkun’s point, i.e., good writing is rooted in good thinking, while good speaking needn’t necessarily be. [1] A good speaker who is motivating and passionate can often convince people of silly things despite glaring logical inconsistencies, a good writer doesn’t have this luxury. Graham makes this point as follows: “As you decrease the intelligence of the audience, being a good speaker is increasingly a matter of being a good bullshitter.” There is undoubetdly some truth to that claim, I’m just not sure how much.

Such a coincidence that I was texting a friend about the latest political inadequacies surrounding our area at the moment. Question being how so many things can just simply not make any sense... Ah, now I see.

Hooked on Alone

Somehow I got hooked on watching Alone.
Currently behind - only on to season 3.

There was this spacey earthy chick - Callie North.
When we were first introduced to her, she skinny dipped into the lake.
How impractical!
Immediately I thought (as I rolled my eyes) - that she was so flakey, without any substance.
Well was I ever wrong!
A few episodes in she proved to be pretty great and to be honest, inspiring!

Her connection to nature, calm determination, patience and resilience in times of stress....
all qualities I wish to have. It got me questioning what gives us our individual innate disposition - the one we are born with. How much does nature vs. nurture influence us in the end? How much of it can we control.

Pretty cool show over all if you give it a chance, reflects a lot on humanity and survival and brings us back to the basic Hierarchy of needs.
Much appreciated in today's ever growing consumerism.

(and on cue, even before October 31, we will see them jingle bell adverts....wait for it.... ha)

Thems the rules

When a certain rule is changed to centre out or penalize a certain group unjustly, and it doesn't affect you negatively, but them negatively, though they have followed the rules....

To sit by and say - that is ok, because it does not affect me,
it is like saying:
Well I know my date was rude to the cab driver, or the waiter, but he is so sweet to me, so it is ok....

Cause you know one way or another, eventually it will be your turn to be on the receiving end of that rudeness or penalization.

something for nothing

It surprises me when a patient comes into the clinic wanting me to fix what is wrong but refuses to comply to the treatment if it involves a slight change in their lifestyle.

You are injured, REST the area - "NO! I cannot rest it, just fix it"
Its funny she did not even seem to be listening to my explanation of her injury and why she needs to rest it.

Our bodies are amazing in that they are made to heal itself, so long as you allow it to.
Your life style is already affected by this injury, yet you wish to take no down time to heal it, just want it fixed today and carry on with life as if you were never injured to begin with...

Maybe she wanted a bandaid medication to "fix" it?
She bought into this quick "fix" mentality
Maybe she is just frustrated with her own life and needs to express to me how hard up she is and how much this is holding her back from her busy life.
Maybe she is just impatient.

It surprises me how much people take health for granted, and are not willing to put in the effort or costs into staying healthy.

step 1

Don't they say that the first step to fixing a problem is to admit that there is a problem to begin with?
If you say, you can't say there is a problem because you will hurt their feelings or you are being judgmental, then you are not admitting there is a problem. And the person with a problem will not see that there is anything wrong and they will not strive to change or become better.
Ignoring it or allowing it to happen is not admitting there is a problem.
And if the problem is harming that person or others then it means there really is a problem.

SO I am not following the logic when they say do not say that there is a problem, do not judge, do not hurt people's feelings.
Its just the only way people can learn to be better though....

Defies logic.

show me how it works

I need this to be explained to me:

Oh you failed math, ok we will give you another chance.
And then you fail again, and again and again.
More chances and more chances to do the same thing.
But its ok to not study more or go back and see what you did wrong.
Because what is the point when you know there will be another free chance.
This can keep going on forever until you just get tired and never feel the need to pass anyways.
Why even strive to learn? What is the incentive. What is the motivation?

But I wonder if you knew you would not be given another chance.
That the consequence was failure and not passing. And that you need to pass to improve yourself.
To get to the next level of learning and to understand the world around you more and to get a job and to earn money and to .... everything else down the chain.
Would that be motivation? Incentive? The idea that failing is a bad thing and that succeeding is a good thing.

But if you are given chances and not taught what was the mistake or what was wrong. Not able to learn from failure. Not even to be told that failure was a bad thing, that it had consequences. That all our actions had consequences. Even told that failure was ok, it was ok to not learn to not strive to improve yourself, that there was no goal, just to be.

I am not sure what the whole point of it is all.

Someone please explain this system of complacency.

365 of beautiful

http://365grateful.com/

This is wonderfully beautiful.

A couple years ago I posted something that I was thankful for everyday for about 40 days.
I've been wanting to do that again, but this outdated blog medium has been making it difficult for me to instantaneously post right from my phone (hence only the online pics I have been posting).
Well, I should find a way...

Fall is a weird time. End of summer, impending winter. The sun still beaming warmly at the same time the crisp cool air rushes through. It seems to arrive and make it's presence too abruptly. Then theres that fall smell. Hard to describe it - that smell that tells you that everything outside, the ground, the trees, the grass, the air, and in the city - the concrete -  was chilly cold while you were sleeping at night, even though the day turns out to be much warmer. That feeling of school starting up again, which still makes me anxious. Then memories as of late come flooding in, of things that have happened in the past falls/autumns, whether it be romantic or hopeful or despair or loneliness. I read an article on nesting last week; the feeling singletons get in the fall of settling down to bear the winter ahead. And even though I may not be going through those now, its weird how those memories are strong during this season. Who knows, it can also all culminate to the fact I become another year older. Time seems to be zipping by and I'd just like to savor every moment. Maybe fall is here to remind me to slow down and reflect a little more.