Gaslighting

This is a pretty new term for me but I think maybe I understand it this way:

When someone you care about a lot suggests or extrapolates something most hideous of you whether it be your character or something you deeply believe in, something you value and find most important to you - and thus calls you the opposite of what you value, whether it be you are ignorant or untrustworthy, and this upsets you. Then they turn around and say, well if you arent those or if you value those and know you are not the opposite then the suggestion shouldnt make you feel bad or upset about it..... why are you being so sensitive.... unless it is true....
That reverse way of hurting you or even the mere suggestion or mind manipulation - just to make a point or who knows, make you doubt yourself or even attempt to make you feel bad - is gaslighting.

I think lol.

My question is, if this person cares about you at all, why would they want you to feel that way in the first place. Why would they want to manipulate you that way.  It upsets you because of the very fact that it is an important value you hold dear to who you are.

I feel like people can go years ignoring little drops of hurt or disrespect and to simply think about why you like each other does not eliminate how the person is making you feel in the present, and you remember being left to feel that way. If it is not dealt with it adds up, to one day there is more of this awful feeling than the good stuff. Then they turn around and realize, they do not like this person in front of them at all.

I despise ignoring the elephant in the room. Its a time bomb waiting to happen. Or rather bigger and bigger bombs every time the elephant is ignored until its just one big ol'nuke bomb and everything, every soul, right down to the goodness in each is obliterated.

Crunchie chocolate bar

... from my patient today makes my Monday morning awesome!

good side bad side.

I shouldn't let it bug me that some people just send me the wrong vibe.

 

I mean, its just a "feeling" I get from them. 

But if given the chance, I just would rather not tolerate their presence. 

However, I guess in some cases, I gotta face what I gotta face and deal with it than avoid it right - thats how people grow, learn and become better. 

I should learn to get along with these folk that give me this bad "feeling". 

Ugh. To deal or not to deal.... that is the question. 

 

A friend of mine summarized this bad "feeling" I get from certain folk. 

The old saying :

"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him."

- Malcolm S. Forbes.

That air of type-A "confidence" that cannot stand anyone "meeker" than them, is actually, not anything close to confidence at all, but shows their deepest insecurities. They are however, able to fool and gain the admiration of many others (the ones they choose to be nice to), with their outgoing, centre of attention personality..... 

I will not be duped. And hopefully I will be more self aware not to be that way either. 

Listen to your.....

Elders..... Youngers?

Cause if you don't believe someone specialized in this,
I'll find it hard not to say "I told you so"
when what I warned you about
ends up happening....
for the second time.

Sometimes I wonder if I come across as too passive, or if it is just because I am a gal or if it is because I only seem young.

Im old, dammit, listen to me! I know my Sh$#!

ha.

Really....why so shhhh?

People who make amazing food and keep their good recipes a secret,
are not good people at all.....

Bahhahahahah!


Gah, so annoying when you compliment them on their amazing cookery skillz, only to have them be all weird, quiet, overly smiley and shifty eyed when you ask for the recipe.

Heck, even when I adjust recipes and give them out, I pass on the adjustments I made.

#selfishpeople
#shareit
#geedy
#takeittothegrave
#spotlighthoggers
#attentionseekers

know you

Onions have too many layers
and icebergs have a huge unseen base.
Try as I may,
talk as we do,
it is still hard to
get to know you.

Everyone's Upstairs Neighbors

exactly. exactly. wtf.

........

....you find your worth in yourself - when you decide to walk away

and understand you will be ok because you know

that this is not all the world has to offer.

The coffee is gone, the song's over, the sun has set

but this is not the end.

- c.f // "there's more, there's always more"

posted by flannelandthecoffeebar (<- full post)

espaniol

te extrano mucho.

Wish I knew how to speak another language, other than English.
... just to sound more exotic.....

narcissus

Ahhh, prologue from my fav book, The Alchemist.
Soooooo many different meanings to this.

Was thinking about this recently.
How do you know someone is interested in you, because of you and who you are, or if they are only interested as a reflection of themselves or how they can benefit from you, their own selfishness....

Reminds me of when I was younger. I accompanied my family to Washington, DC since my younger bro was in the PHB. I think it was July 4 celebrations. In the large band of varying ages there was a very handsome flip guy who was about my age. I remember he gave me a "double take" look as he got on the group bus. I remember how empty it was. Immediately I realized, he wasn't looking back to check me out, but rather more to make sure that I was checking him out. If that makes any sense...

Again, for me this is always good as a self reflection or even reflecting on others around us. Not always so easy to learn. My own attempt at striving to keep it all genuine and sincere.

Oh my tummy....you bastardo...

Tummy ache since Saturday night.
Its a wonder how I even managed a huge dim sum brunch and High tea evening on Sunday.
Still here Monday.
It just secretly waits till I feel well enough for a meal, then bahahaha back again.

Tummy ache, tummy ache, go away, 
come again another - never ever day!

pillow day

I really like my new Gluckstein Home synthetic down like pillows.

All the more reason to justify staying in bed and wasting my life away......

Squashing....

Excited to be squashing in a league this winter... again. Feels like forever !!

Older, so my dear Squash, even though I have liked you for a long time, and you are the one thing I will keep going back to, please don't hurt me this time. My muscles and joints feel it now.

I was talking tonight with my gf : One thing I have to remember is to bring my A game (however that may look like for an eternal rookie like me) to every game. To my self demise, I tend to feel too much for the person I am playing against if they are truely a beginner. Just cause I know how it feels like to be killed in less than 8 minutes on the court by aggressive, non friendly, competitive, non laughing nor smiling jerks. Sucks the fun out if it! If I played many like that, I would have never loved this sport. And I want everyone to love this sport just like I do! So, unfortunately, to compensate for these jerks I end up dumbing down my game for the sake of the beginner, giving them points to boost their ego. But then eventually, what ends up happening is that I end up dumbing down my whole entire game for the league and games in the future! (hence, eternal rookie). Gotta learn how to balance being sensitive to the beginner's feelings, and kicking their asses. At least I laugh at my self the whole time on the court so maybe that will make up for it.

Red eye.

My left eye has been burning, slightly red, and worrisome blurry all day today.


Is it:

a) pink eye
b) I've been crying through one eye all night
c) I only had 4 hours of sleep
d) I woke up, rubbed my eye and accidentally smeared my zit cream into it.




(Yes, I use both zit cream and "anti-aging" cream at this point. Go figure.)

Chocolate is egg, dairy and gluten free right??

Happy New Year!

2016 brought a lot of internal turn over and fighting to heal.
But it also brought some really good unexpected stuff.
Going into 2016, I never thought I would end it here.
Still, so much I'm thankful for!

Quiet night with the folks, watching the history of the band Chicago on CNN, with my Bengel Spice tea...
Wishes of many blessings to all!!