Pudding

So for the past holiday weekend, I bought supplies for a last minute, though ever tasty, trifle I wanted to make for the family.
When I found out that there were enough desserts, I did not end up making it.
So hence, lots of berries in the fridge.

Tonight I had the clever idea of mixing a bit of it together for a home made desert.
I always liked the taste of home made raspberry, yogurt ice-cream.
However, from my stocked up supplies, I only had vanilla pudding.

Blended it all together anyways:

• fresh raspberries
• vanilla pudding
• lemon juice

Turned out pretty yummy!
I even decided to pour it into Popsicle trays and pop it in the freezer.

Voila!
Raspberry Pudding Pops!!
Wow, I impressed myself!
But only for an instant....
Until I reflected on the words Pudding pops.....

The words Pudding Pops seem to be forever tainted somehow...
Boo you _ _ _ _ _, boo you...
  

I was offended....

Funny, but so true...

Jimjilbang

I wish that Seoul ZimZilbang would be more like the ones in Korea, many ways they can improve.

Although, yet again, that was awkwardly nice .... at least I got to shed myself of all the dead skin cells and feel super clean and light... heading into the New Year!

Oh darn, belated again...
Lots to be thankful for!
Merry Christmas!!

Scorpio in me is like .....

back off! git yer own sammich!



"....when you got something this good....."

XXL

I've brought the same, untouched container of blueberries to work every day this week.

I guess it is just to make myself feel better....
.... as I have opted to continually stuff my face with all the Christmas chocolates and treats patients have been giving me so far....

Thats all I have to say.

r-e-s-p-e-c-t

According to Merriam-Webster:

Definition of respect

1. 1:  a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation <remarks having respect to an earlier plan>
2. 2:  an act of giving particular attention :  consideration
3. 3a :  high or special regard :  esteemb :  the quality or state of being esteemedc plural :  expressions of high or special regard or deference <paid our respects>
4. 4:  particular, detail <a good plan in some respects>

in respect of

1. chiefly British :  with respect to :  concerning

in respect to

1. :  with respect to :  concerning

with respect to

1. :  with reference to :  in relation to

I find this interesting since the word respect seems to be used a lot. Especially since it is very important when dealing with others whether close or strangers even.

According to these definitions when dealing with others or other view points etc (#2 and #3), it entails some sort of "admiration" or esteem toward the other or even like it says, consideration, careful thought, reflection, or thoughtfulness.

But many times I've seen it used to dismiss this thoughfulness or falsely suggest consideration or reflection, and has no ounce of admiration or esteemed position of the others or view points. 

This is often said as "I respect that/this/you, BUT...."  So, I usually end up hearing after this BUT is:  ".... I dont really."

I think the "thoughtfulness" is not to say you have to agree or that you have thought about it and will now explain why your opinion or view is different or why you disagree. The thoughfulness, I feel is actually being thoughtful towards the other persons feelings about it.  

I guess you can respect something and not agree with it, and I see this more as agreeing that you disagree with something without trying to change the other persons view toward your own, without continuing to try to make them see how wrong they are that their view or opinion is bad, AND especially realizing that your intent from then on is not to make them feel BAD because you dont agree. That is the thoughtfulness, consideration, respect. 

I guess too, because I know I'm not perfect, and I have to be aware of using this word respect. It is so easy to say you respect something just to appease someone but not often easy to say it sincerely. 

Most of the time, the other party sees right through this eventually. 

Anyhow, not sure I explained this all how I wanted to. Just a reminder to myself when I use this word. 

On a lighter note: 

you free?

Ok I get it now.
When someone asks if you are free sometime,
its better to do the reasoning out of the days you arent free in your head,
and then actually say the days you are fee.
Instead of only answering with the days you arent free.

Ha I should be more conscious of this too.

Another retro-ish Christmas song

sing a long to this !

Edit
no wait - there is this ....

Snow!!

Well good morning there Mr. Snow.

It's been a while, kinda missed you a bit last year.
I almost forgot how it was to shovel heaps and piles of you from the driveway.
And that thick blanket you put over my car when it's out all night. Not so fond of the slippery ways you make the roads that remind me I have only all season tires and no all wheel drive.
Gots me a shoveling workout this morning.

But it's really nice to hear the silence you make when you come by.  Like sound is insulated all around the neighborhood.
And in fact you make it a bit warmer as well. Especially when it's just light fluffy you, without your friends Mr. Wind and Mr. Freezing rain.
This morning, you are perfect and you make me want to ski, toboggan, snow shoe, or maybe even finally try cross country!

So welcome back Mr. Snow ! You look mighty fine this morning! If only Miss Sunshine was here to light you up.

..... Oh, btw, you'll only be staying here till after Christmas right? Or just two months only is ok too :)

Christmassy....

So every Christmas season   November, it annoys me to see the jump on Christmas advertisements, decorations and the bombardment of Christmas songs on a couple of the radio stations I listen to. I would prefer to start to listen to these songs just a week before the day and on the day itself - thats it, not  two months ahead.

Its a bit much. I've felt that by the time Christmas is here, that I would already be so sick of it all. I feel it lessens the Christmas season when they over do it. Plus that is not what the season is about right? I've also unfollowed posts from fb friends that have daily count downs to the day because that just makes me anxious.

However, for some strange reason, this year I found myself drawn to listening to Christmassy music so early - in fact - end of November beginning of December.
And I sing along too (In the solitude of my own car and home of course - no one else needs to hear me sing).

So the other day, one of my favorite songs came on the radio. It always makes me feel Christmassy and also reminds me of my childhood, you know, when Christmas was much more exciting, it normally always brings that warm and fuzzy feeling of the season......

Until now. Until I paid closer attention to the words that I was singing along to.
I remember back then people made a little stink about this song but I ignored it and just thought it was from people who just want to complain about anything. Right? Because it sounds so pretty and it was made for a good cause, right?
Its Do they Know its Christmas by Band Aid - circa 1984.
I can no longer look at this song and feel the warm fuzzies and I will not belt out "Well, tonight thank God its them, instead of you!"  (wtf?!)
Yet radio stations go on playing it every year and remakes are happening by Glee and all the like.... (wtf?!)
They seriously should reword this song.

So on to another retro Christmassy song....
This one I was also drawn to and enjoyed singing.
Last Christmas by Wham! 

Anyhoots - I will continue with my private sing a longs to Christmassy songs - Dont think I will get sick of them this time. Actually, it makes me Happy!!

The blanket of sleep

I hate waking up realizing that the feelings of doubt, confusion, loss, are still there, and in fact, they were not a terrible dream. It is still there because nothing was explained, no reason given. It makes you want to go back into the comfort of ignorant sleep to get away from it all.

---
edit
Honest communication is so freakin important yet so tremendously difficult to master.....
But I guess, when it works and things get resolved, such a weight can be lifted off.

Docta Joss

I'm not a doctor by any means.

But I have a patient that likes to call me that.
Even when I corrected her many times - "Oh, I'm not a doctor, just call me by my first name."
So she does.
Except she said, she still always prefers to say "docta" informally in front of my first name.
So its her thing now.
She is a sweet elderly lady and one of the patients that makes me feel happy just to see her come in.

Another thing about her,
a few years ago, she gave me the most perfect Christmas gift, and I still have it and use it in and around the office to this day.
And every once in a while, I am reminded of how thankful I am to her.

Its a 100 ml bottle of "Fruits of the Sun" Room spray by Fruits and Passion.
And thats all I will say about that.

hugs

I love me a great hug.
Especially the bear hug ones that contain you when you are all mushy or falling apart.

But I dont just hug anyone.
Maybe its a personal space kinda thing.
Call me a hug snob but I'm selective.
Especially when it comes to strangers that think they "know" you.

BUT I'm all up for giving free smiles. That you can have. And I like the good, honest, genuine, I want to pass on happiness to you smile. (no point in making fake smiles- cause then you may as well frown).

Cho ko latte

say that in a spanish accent.... how wonderful.



Anyhoots, I'm craving chocolate like no bodys bizness!

Even despite the Christmas chocolate treats from patients.

Nothing seems to be cutting it.

I'm also feeling grumpy.

Don't cut me off! Don't you not listen to what I have to say! Don't dismiss the topic!



I must be......

..... low in magnesium .... apparently.

A mint-ay week so far.....

Maybe mint is a theme this season.....

Had some mint tea for brunch in the west end over the weekend.

Yesterday, a patient gave me a Mint Aero bar.

Today, another patient gave me Lindt Intense mint chocolate....

Heading to the dentist tomorrow.... I bet there will be some Mint involved in the treatment....

The more you whine....

The less people want to hear it.

I wish people would sttttaaaaaaaahhhhp whining because they did not win.
So much effort is going into further division of a family/country and discreditation of a system so meticulously engineered and implemented and promoted and founded on, just because they did not win.

It was not a close call, people. You lost by a lot.

Why not learn or listen to the real why instead of ignorantly assuming that the world itself is going to end and this is the beginning of damnation for all mankind and that all who dont agree with your view must be uneducated, racist, sexist, white or whatever evil you, yourself, painted the opposition to be. Do you honestly have that little faith in your own country?

Why not put more focus into unity and learning from your loss and self reflection and growth instead, and uniting in the fact that you honestly all want the best for your country instead of throwing a tantrum and focusing on the evil you make the opposing view to be.

One of the most strongest, powerful, influential, non suppressed, richest countries and all you can focus on is division.

Grow up, get over your loss and unite to move forward instead of reacting out of spite and embarrassment.

Supermoon.... again?!?

So just saw an announcement of a "cold supermoon" coming in December......

Is it just me, or is this like the 5th freakin supermoon they are talking about this year??

If you call it a supermoon again and again......
..... is it really that super?

Cray cray Dance

Its been a while since I last broke out in the Elaine dance  (or was it the spartan cheerleader SNL dance) with my younger bro in the kitchen while my mom was cooking and had no idea what was happening to us.

Tried it again a few years later while cooking in my own kitchen with my niece and nephew. They stopped dancing immediately and asked me what I was doing. They looked very concerned.

Ah.... only a few kindered spirits would understand....

GO AWAY

lol


Just when you think something has past, you question yourself that maybe you were just ignoring it.
Sometimes I wonder, what is the purpose in engaging in conversation when you know the path leads no where or the no where of the same old horrific cycle of abuse. You know that there is nothing you need or want from that person anymore, the damage has been done. And all that matters in the world right now is yourself, getting better and healing. Would engaging in conversation again lead to healing or draw you back into an illusion of wanting things to be fixed and better, to what you idealized you wanted. The art of self preservation is a tricky one. An olive branch extended may not really be an olive branch especially if you accepted it before many times and know the end result. How deep do I need to go to realize what the lesson is that I need to learn from this all. How do I know I learnt the lesson.
The pattern is evident - the same cycle. The season of fall/winter, the probable fact that whatever was in play was now lost and there is no one for that person, so you are the go to, the one "that will always be there", to use, to pass time to take their loneliness away for a moment. You have hoped before that they would see your goodness, that your compassion will make them a better person, your understanding and your forgiveness. Yet it never does.
In fact you gave it away so much to a person that uses it and throws it away, that in the end you no longer had all those for yourself. There was nothing you gave to yourself. You left no compassion, no forgiveness, no understanding for yourself. You left yourself loathing your own being, feeling unworthy of anything good. Every time you accepted that olive branch, this was the result, worsening with every repeat.