This chapter of the book...

"Sorry, it's going to hurt because you loved him. There's no getting around that." -JM

Guess I've been avoiding that part. It catches up though. No hiding from it. 

It's like going to the Dentist to get a tooth pulled out. Except there is no anesthetic. And it doesn't last a few minutes. It's slow, lingers, and lasts months...hopefully not years. And after all that, there is no guarantee that another tooth will grow back in. And it's your front tooth. And you need it to bite into apples. And you love apples. And your tooth kinda symbolizes your heart. 

In other words, welcome to the chapter in your life called: you're F'ed up. 

The old version of me...

He told me a couple times before "I saw the old version Of you"... During his commute on the TTC. Some older Asian lady who looked like me. 

If I were to somehow meet the older version of me, I guess I would have many questions for her, I would like to learn from her and learn about her/me at that age. 

But most of all, I hope to learn that she is happy. So very happy with her life and who she has become. 

It hurts.

Life, the experiences, the events, the people... Are given to you for a limited time. They are given for you to enjoy, to learn from, to love. They are never yours to keep. When you find love, love so hard that it is worth it, that it is worth more than the hurt. 💗

Quote time

Was talking to a friend today about relationships and shit like that. That lead to talking about the affect our parents had on us.. Whether good or bad.

Back in the day kids were basically seen not really heard. 

Some parents have kids for selfish reasons.

It's taken me a long time to decide whether I want to have kids or not (maybe a bit too late to decide anymore ). 

I wanted to make sure it was for good reasons not selfish ones. 

I see so many kids in unfortunate situations, who have parents what are kids themselves, who fight often or who just take out their own life stresses on their kids, some were unwanted accidents and treated that way, some were had to "mend" an already broken marriage. 

Often I would hear "oh that baby is soooooo cute I want to have one... Or I can't wait to get one".

I'd always think .. "Well you do realize that they aren't a toy. That's a human being you are bringing into this world"

A few years ago I decided I did want to have kids if I was ever blessed with the opportunity. I won't get into the whole reason but I was happy that it wasn't a selfish one. 

I'm thankful for my family and how I was raised and the opportunities I was lucky to have been given. There is enough love there that I wanted to have a kid to give them all that I was blessed with. To make a wonderful human being and to bring more love into this world becUse we all know this world needs more good people in it. Sad that I may not have that opportunity... There maybe other kinds of opportunities to do so. 

My friend Janet said tonight " that's what parents are supposed to do, teach you to love yourself and to love others"

Unfortunately that isn't always the case

Jossipedia...

Sometimes, I like to make up words.
Hopefully, for all my Grammar police friends, they understand that I would not use this in formal conversation.

Word of the Day:

SICKATATING.

Sick-a-tating. The over all state of feeling sick to my stomach. Especially in regards to a situation or something that I see. My reaction of not just nausea but accompanied by a gag reflex. This can be stimulated by the event or the situation or the object seen at the present or can also can be stimulated by thinking about the past object, situation or event. It can lead others to look at me and say that Im in a state of SICKATATION.

Funny... Not really...

This is really sweet. 

Was thinking though, this wonderful guy that comes around to save me from my aching heart... Would he of had to break another gals in order to save mine?