Dont you wanna Stay?

I hate sappy songs, sappy movies, hate romantic comedies, romantic movies.
Ack , barf, gouge my eyes out with a fork.
And country music... (other than Johnny Reid)....whats up with all the whiney, love songs, of longing and broken heartedness (ya thats a word. brokenheartedness)
Its gross, makes me want to vomit and pull out all my hair.
Ya, like romance is really like that huh?
Ne Yo even said it . (Love him. But his lips scare me.)
Lovey crappatolla all made up from dreamyland which is on the planet dreamyworld with fairies and crap.... that is what I say!
Sickening.
What? Shut up. Im not bitter.
Its disgusting.
sickos....

Anyways. I like this song. Whatever.

Fringey

So this weekend was filled with a few fringe fest plays.
I think they are kinda neat! (who says neat anymore?! I do!).

Small off beat plays, in tiny theatres in downtown T.O. Only 10$. Some make ya think, some are simply entertaining. Was introduced to it a while ago by a friend whose ex was doing a one-woman-play at the fringe  in '08. Strange but fun to watch. This year I saw a couple plays about relationships - Swoon!, about online dating - Love, Virtually. And a fringe kids one with my neice and nephew - Mr. Brightside.

Till next year!

One piece of chocolate cake

Kinda miss his company and talking to him already...

Ahhhhnyways......not really related but: This song by Johnny Reid is upbeat! Johnny is like my substitute for chocolate cake.... Oh the Ibarra chocolate cake at Milestones!

Borrowed....

... from my sister in laws Pinnerest page:

And this next one..... "in a while crocodile" - heard that first from my childhood friend Amy, when I was 5? Just before taking a road trip with my family all the way to Jasper Alberta. I still answer this way, when people say "See you later alligator"  :-)

Which one was it again?

Me: So great, looks like the treatment at the dermatologist is working. The lesion is finally getting smaller and healing

Patient: yes, yes, She was using the medication, you know, the one in the can?

Me: Yes, we dont have that medication here, that is why I referred you there. We used all the medication that we could here and none of them worked. We dont have that medication here.

Patient: Yes, its that one that goes Psshhhh Pshhhhh, it has a spray?

Me: Right, and we dont have that spray here

Patient: Its in a can.

Me: I know, we dont have it here

Patient: Its about ummm.... that big (points to a bottle on the counter behind me)

Me: Oh yea, (as I glance at it) we dont have that one here

Patient: Its ummmm..... blue, yes its a blue can like the one there (points again to the bottle)

Me: YES, I know. And.... that ..... is ..... why .... I referred you to the dermatologist. We ....dont.... have ..... that .... medication.... here.

Patient: Oh I see.

The Calm

I hear that in the centre of a tornado there is nothing but calmness. Things are still. Pshhhhh! Wonder who the heck found that out?!?!
Anyhow. I imagine its a false sense of calm obviously. Things around you flying around, being wiped around, thrown, destroyed. I imagine its hard to get a handle of the bigger picture around you. You may think you are ok but you dont feel it. Many things can hint at it - sense of anxiety, uneasiness, unhappiness.

Sometimes there are people in my life who are like pillars. They ground me. I know they bring a sense of real calm to me.  Make things clear again. When I feel everything is out of control and I lose my sense of self.
A dear friend does this for me today and  then he also tells me of his hero who he met today :Alvin Law. Apparently he was born with no hands yet can do anything. Married, a motivational speaker, can play awesome drums (my friend loves the drums).
I told him of mine. Not really my hero. But amazing non the less. I found her blog from someone elses. I saw links to earlier posts. She is gorgeous. Pretty creative, positive, picture perfect family, kind person..... so I decided to see the updated posts of the present time. I was shocked. Apparently she has survived a near fatal plane crash that has burned more than 80% of her body. And yet.... she carries on even more so! I cannot believe her strength.
Here is her blog.

Complacent

(The Free dictionary)
com·pla·cent (km-plsnt)

adj.

1. Contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned: He had become complacent after years of success.

2. Eager to please; complaisant.

Not sure if I am using the right word... I feel like there is another one to describe it.....

So not to be all Buddha and all-knowing and crap... cause I am full aware of how much I have yet to learn....

But today, I was just thinking how easy it is to become pretty complacent with my life.

I mean, Im so thankful for what I have today.

But, when it comes to other things that havent happened, I start to think... meh... I can do without this or that. And things that I would have felt that I'm NOT ok with, become blurred as I second guess myself and think that maybe Im just nit-picking, impatient or just plainly on a simple ghost hunt. So I convince myself that I AM ok with it.

Heres the thing....when I do this often enough.... somehow something ends up happening that kicks me in the pants... a wake up call - hopefully not something tragic or devestating.... but enough to make me wake up and realize.... DUDE, just accept it, you are NOT ok with it, now get back on track!

Also, I guess everything in life is in constant motion or changing (hopefully improving) and I guess complacency can be looked at also as something more stagnant. And usually things that are stagnant are dead/ lifeless.
Hummmm?
Head hurts.
I think I will put on a dress, go out into the sun and look at the blue sky now....ahhhhh

Anyways, yada yada yada. Complacency. Not a good thing.

XS

Variety people. Variety. We come in all shapes and sizes and heights.....
Im swimming in these "extra small" scrubs. These are apparently the smallest.
This is even with the hems folded and the waist area rolled ....
It feels like when I used to roll the top of my highschool kilt up to make it shorter (then roll it down when I got home)...except it was never as short as the kids have it now.....

Sugar Beach

(borrowed this pic from yelp by daniel s)
I am a worry wart. I gotta work on that.
Its already July and Im thinking that the summer is going to fly right by without doing/ seeing the things I want to see.
I have to add this to the list.
Sugar Beach.
Im not one to lay out in the sun and bake... but check out this pic.... so nice to just be by the water, in the warm summer sun, under some shade of course. I'll have to check it out. T.O should really do more so people can enjoy the waterfront... its enough that they covered it all up with the condo wall.
Its nice to be by the water while in the big city...some how it briefly takes you away from all the hussle and bussle. I like the contrast.
The only thing with this man made beach is that you cannot dip your feet into the lake water to cool off. ....Unless you have really long legs or if you dont mind falling off the railing edge.

Summa dis and Summa dat....

Those who've known me for years, know that I usually HIDE from the sun. Maybe it stemms back to the old 90's fashion of pale skin and red lips, pale always being better...even if you look less healthy ugh.
Or maybe its from the very bad sunburn I got at Canada's Wonderland in grade school, standing on the bridge watching that log ride come down and drench the heck out of you.... that is when I learned that sun and water make for a horrible burn! Maybe it comes from the fact that I dont like being uneven ie...tan lines. (solution nakkie beach! yet to try haha). Maybe it also comes from the fact that I do suffer from sunstroke - it has happened a few times... I really cannot sit in the sun for too long or else I feel nauseous and extremely exhausted.
Regardless .... I do like summer :) I've grown to slowly come out into the sunshine.
And dis is what I like:

• Smooothe sailing on the DVP going home.... the kids are off school and its like half the population on the road has disappeared! AHHHHH love it!
• The smell of BBQ and eating bbq.... though Im not much of a red meat eater.....
• Justified Ice cream trips! (yea, icecream is good all year round)
• I go to work in the day time - ie. the sun is out when I wake
• I go home in the day time - ie. the sun is out when I drive home
• Wearing dresses! (though I really dont have that many... shopping time!)
• Biking
• Blading by the beach
• Sitting outside to have dinner on the patio/ backyard.....(as long as I'm under the shade)
• Warm summer nights
• Swimming outdoors viewing the stars on warm summer nights (did that only once)
• Staying out late on warm summer nights
• Justified Ice Cap from Timmys (yes, also good all year round)
• Food fests all round the city
• No traffic on the hwys..... wait.... said that already...... but I reallllllly love this!

Ah there are more Im sure.......looking forward to the rest of this summer...... hope it stays with us for a long time this year!

A time less complicated.......

Ahh. Maybe its odd but sometimes I like to go back to places I've been years ago that remind me of innocent times. Especially when things in life right now feel overwhelming and complicated and when dreams that I had as a child did not come true...its kinda nice to go back to a time when I was filled with so much hope and less disappointments.

This swing, I believe is the same one, in exactly the same spot, 30 somewhat years ago. Its by the house that I was born in...well not actually born IN, but the one my parents took me home to after I was born in the hospital. I was here until age 6.
I could not believe it was still here. Down the ways further behind the school yard is the more updated jungle gym. Meh..kids these days are spoiled :-p

How simple things were then. I did not realize how my old neighbourhood smelt so floral... but it did.... as the same floral sents brought me back as I toured my old block. I remember the raspberries in the backyard that the neighbour would steal. Odd how I just noticed some more raspberry bushes poking out of someone elses backyard down the road...  I remember having a branch that I tied fishing wire to and a rock at the end of the wire and sat at the curb after a big rain and "fished" for leaves in the puddle along the same curb. There is a giagntic tree taking up most of that area now.
I remember my babysitter Tia Maria who used to make liptons-cup-a-soup and she added more of her own noodles to it. And how I craved her italian cookies she made, so much so that I could not wait for them to cool off on top of the stove after she took them out of the oven. I remember eating a couple of them trying not to burn my hands and mouth as if she wouldnt notice. I remember being in LOVE with Hercules (the handsome dark haired muscular man in the cartoon) and how I dreamt that he would rescue ME instead of that dainty blonde chick and the sidekick kid with the horse body. I remember how I would compete to watch this cartoon with my babysitters son Tony who was much older than us "Tony baloney the big fat poney"  I would call out with my bro when we were safely in our own backyard.  I remember having a neighbourhood and classmate friend, an indian boy named Philip. That was only until my older brother teased me about having a "boyfriend" and I immediately refused to go to his bday party and any other play date at his house.... maybe that is where my demise with relationships with men started ..... hummmmm. Hahaha.
Oh how simple it was then. How I wish it would be as simple now. I guess when it is right then the simplier and easier it will seem.....